Chapter 7: Augsburg Acquisitions

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Steph: Let's go shopping.

Val: Dream on. I am not going shopping.

Xel: Yeah, we're supposed to go swimming. ^_^

Steph: It's cold and it looks rainy, perfect day for shopping, not swimming.

Zel: Not swimming, huh. I can deal with that, let's go.

Duo and Suboshi: Hey! ... Traitor.

Zel: ^_^

Val: ::gets hysterical:: Oh, the horror. Not that smile. Not on you. You can't do this to me! ::screams::

Steph: Val ...

Val: Yes?

Steph: Shut up.

Val: ::pouts::

Steph: Anyway ... we're going shopping. The End.

Duo and Suboshi: But ...

Steph: Cope.

Xel: ::muttering:: Woman thinks she owns the world. ^_^

Steph: What was that?

Xel: Nothing. ^_^

Zel: Yeah right.

Xel: Shut up. ^_^

Zel: Touchy.

Later ... en route to Augsburg, the city of the many stores, thirty miles from Meitingen, riding a modern two level train, the harem sit. Duo and Suboshi have glued their faces to the window, transfixed by the scenery.

Duo: Another graffited wall.

Suboshi: Another grain field.

Duo and Suboshi: Boring.

Maybe transfixed is too strong a word. Bored with nothing better to do might fit it better. Steph reads the signs she can actually see when going over 100 km an hour and stares out the window. Xel polishes his staff, bored with the whole train deal. Zel and Val, a seat behind them, consider finding Xel someone to hook up with.

Val: Someone, preferably a guy ...

Zel: ... who he can hit on ...

Val: ... besides us.

Zel: Definitely.

Val: Okay. This guy ... ::points::

Zel: That's a girl.

Val doubletakes.

Val: Geez, how can ya tell?

Zel: My connection with the force.

Val: Yeah right, tell me another one.

Zel: Actually, I can tell 'cause Xel's not drooling.

Xel pokes his head over the seat at the sound of his name.

Xel: Do I hear my good name being taken in vain? ^_^

Val: What good name?

Xel: I'm hurt. Insulted. I think I'll leave. ^_^

Zel: You do that.

Val: We can insult you behind your back.

Xel: I'm cut to the quick. ^_^

Val: I'll cut ya ...

Xel: Injured. ^_^

Zel: ::skeptical:: Uh huh.

Xel: You wound me. I may never love again. ::sob:: ^_^

Zel and Val: Drama King.

Xel: ^_^ Thank you. ^_^

Zel and Val: Fruitcake.

Steph: We're here.

A few minutes later, outside the train station, walking towards the first store.

Duo: ::to Steph:: I thought you hated clothes shopping.

Steph: I do.

Val: ::exasperated:: Then why are we here?

Steph: It's tradition. You always have to go to Augsburg at least once.

Sproing They're all stunned. Well, that explains everything, don't it.

Zel: This whole trip reeks of tradition..

Steph: Be nice.

Zel: I am.

Steph lets that one pass as they enter an odds and ends store. Steph flips through the postcard racks.

Duo: Why are we here?

Steph: I need postcards for Ruaki and Boa.

Duo: Oh.

Xel: Good idea. I should send one to the Xellos no Miko. ^_^

Val: Suck it up, hairball. Suck it up.

Zel: Maybe Zel-chan would like one.

Duo: Heero may like one too.

Suboshi: Heero, huh. Heero this!

Suboshi pulls out a flyswatter from nowhere and proceeds to smack Duo with it.

Duo: Suboshi ... Ow! ... Hey! Put that ... ow ... down ... Su-chan ... ow ... dang it ... watch where you're ... ow ... hitting!

Val: Someone here is jealous.

Suboshi: Oh yeah?!

Suboshi smacks Val. Val grabs the flyswatter and beans Suboshi with it.

Val: Geez! You guys are crazy! Why can't you just admit you like each other?

Xel: ::snidely:: Like you and Zel-chan? ^_~

Val: ::a little too vehement:: What are you talking about?

Zel: Someone's living in delusions.

Duo: Besides, we don't like each other ...

Steph: Suboshi's just very jealous and possessive of friends and stuff.

Suboshi: Yeah! Thanks! ... Uh, I think.

Zel, Xel, and Val: ::in unison:: ::skeptical:: Uh huh ...

Suboshi and Duo roll their eyes. Steph goes in and pays for the postcards before heading to the next store. A clothes store. The C&A. Oh boy.

Suboshi and Duo: Busy.

Steph: Could be worse.

Zel: How?

Steph: could be Thursday [1].

Val: So now what?

Xel: ::hand in air:: We go shopping! ^_^

Val: Okay ...

A little later ... Xel tries on various outfits, usually dresses, Val mutters about the unfairness of it all, Duo and Suboshi are actually getting into it as they help Xel choose clothes (after all, if the cross-dressing Mazoku's gonna wear dresses, he might as well be tasteful about it) and look for some themselves, Zel just watches all this with a bemused expression, and Steph looks around vaguely as if wondering how she got here and is there anything she might actually want. Xel tries on a tight green mini-dress.

Xel: ::posing:: Watcha think? ^_^

Duo: I don't know.

Suboshi: The design is okay if --

Duo: -- you wear hose, but --

Suboshi: -- I don't think green's your color.

Duo: Maybe a dark blue.

Suboshi: Or a cream yellow.

Duo: Purple would be nice.

Suboshi: So would red.

Xel: ::pouting:: Fine. ^_^

Xel suddenly decides on another victim. He spies Steph. ^_^ He suddenly comes to a good (and evil) idea.

Xel: Would it look good on Steph? ^_^

Duo and Suboshi catch on to his game.

Duo: Don't know. ^_^

Suboshi: Maybe if she tried it on ... ^_^

Steph suddenly realizes they're talking about her.

Steph: What?

Xel hands Steph the dress.

Xel: Try this on. ^_^

Steph: ::blinkblink:: What the --

Xel pushes her toward the dressing room.

Xel: ::mothering:: Go on now. Don't be shy. You have to have something to wear besides those boring shorts and t-shirts. Ala Heero is not you. ^_^

Steph: But --

Xel pushes her all the way in and locks the door, declaring she wasn't coming out until she tried it on. Steph yields to fate and tries on the nappy thing. Then steps out real reluctant like.

Xel: Hmmm ... maybe the wrong size. ^_^

Duo: Stupid. You're taller than her, of course it's the wrong size.

Suboshi: Wrong color, too.

Val: Too green.

Xel: ::snidely:: And you know green, don't you? ^_^

Val: Shut up.

Zel: Too wide, too.

Xel pushes her back into the dressing room.

Xel: Change. We'll be back. ^_^

Steph: You're a bunch of fruit baskets! That's what you are!

Steph changes at warp speed (something she learned at PE), vaults the door, and leans against the wall to wait for their return. They come back, all right, bearing several dresses.

Xel: Awwww ... ^_^

Steph: Yeah, too bad. I am not wearing those.

Xel: But ... ^_^

Steph: Not gonna do it.

Xel: Fine. Then we'll just have to theorize. ^_^

Steph: What?

Xel: ::to others, points:: How about that one? ^_^

Duo: I think the hips are too wide.

Suboshi: Yeah. You'd have to have childbearing hips for that.

Val: And it's dark blue. Not her color.

Xel: In short, it's perfect for Zel. ^_~

Zel: ::flatly:: I do not have childbearing hips!!!!

Duo: I beg to differ but --

Suboshi: -- you do.

Zel: Hentais! I'm surrounded by hentais led by the cross-dressing fruit! Weirdoes! Alla ya!

Xel: Okay. That one. ^_^

Duo: Nice design, but --

Suboshi: -- not her color at all.

Val: ::getting into it:: More like something Xel should wear, red's his color.

Zel: ::also discovering the game potential here:: Perhaps that slinky one.

Xel: Too wide at the top. ^_^

Duo: The arms are too long.

Suboshi: Maybe in a dark pink.

Steph: ::flatly:: I am not wearing pink.

Xel: ::falling into the mothering act:: You don't have a choice, dearie. ^_^

Steph: I hate you.

Xel: ^_^

Steph: ::muttering:: Mothering-clothes-lovin'-bishounen.

Duo: What we need --

Suboshi: -- is something in a subtle design.

Xel: That shows some leg. ^_^

Val: In a cool, light, summer color.

Zel: It should show off her traits to advantage.

Xel: Also her figure. ^_^

Zel: Hentai.

Xel: No, I simply wish those around me to be dressed as elegantly as I. ^_^

Zel: Fat chance. She'll never wear anything except stuff she's comfortable in.

Xel: Okay. How about that lilac one. ^_^

Duo: Still too big.

Suboshi: And too short.

Val: Hangs wrong.

Zel: See through.

They walk out the door and down the street.

Xel: Man, we need something and there is nothing.

Steph: ::muttering:: Could've told ya that.

Duo: Maybe if it were pale green with a darker green leaf pattern --

Suboshi: -- that shifts designs when she moves.

Xel: Sleeveless. ^_^

Steph: ::flatly:: I'll wear what I want to wear when I want to wear it!

Xel: ::condescending, absently, motheringly:: Of course, dear. ^_^

Steph rolls eyes.

Zel: Cut in a Chinese design.

Val: Slender and flowing.

Xel: With a slit up the leg. ^_^

Steph: Why pick on me? Don't you guys have any girls in your lives?

Xel: Girls? Who needs girls? We have those two. ::points at Duo and Suboshi:: ^_^

Steph: I take that as a no.

Duo and Suboshi: Come here fruit, we have something to tell you.

Xel: About clothes? ^_^

This causes the two to pause before they beat the stuffing out of him and resume their conversation almost exactly where they left off.

Duo: Or maybe something black with silver shifting rune edging and counterpoint.

Suboshi: Flowing, loose, robe-like, long sleeves, to the floor.

Steph sweatdrops as Xel just picks up from there.

Xel: With silver medieval belt sash. ^_^

Steph: ::muttering:: They should go into the clothing business. Maybe make and design 'em.

Val: Designed like the Tayledres bird mimicking mage costumes with blue and silver edging.

Zel: With matching silver, blue, and black hair pieces and jewelry.

They walk past a fast food joint [2]. Steph sees an opportunity to change the subject.

Steph: ::with no inflection or emotion:: Oh look, a McDonalds.

Duo: ::swiveling like dog on scent:: Food?

Suboshi: Food?

Val: Hey, aren't we talking here?

Duo: But its ... its ... -- ::at loss for words::

Suboshi: ... Food!

Xel: ::exasperated:: You two! ^_^

Duo and Suboshi get down on their knees, turn puppy eyes to the other bishounen and Steph, and beg.

Duo and Suboshi: ::in unison:: Please?!?!?!?!

Steph: Fine. Let's go.

A typical meal and usual fight later, they leave the McDonalds.

Xel: ::to Steph:: That was sneaky. ^_^

Steph: ::smugly:: I learned from the best. ^_^

Xel: Downright evil in fact. ^_^

Steph: ::still smug:: ^_^

Xel: I'm so proud of you! ^_^

Xel gets Steph in a big hug.

Steph: Ack! Get it away!

Zel and Val pry Xel away from Steph after she attaches herself to the traffic light, yelling. Steph lets go, brushes self off, and then perks up.

Steph: What's that?

Suboshi: What's what?

Steph: ::pointing:: That!

She takes off down a side road and skids to a halt in front of a band playing Mediterranean type music. Very nice and very tow tapping. Steph smiles suddenly as she comes up with an adequate revenge.

Steph: Let's dance!

All: What?!?!

Steph grabs Xel and spins him around in a dance only she seems to know. Xellos is downright perturbed by this and makes his displeasure known. Loudly.

Xel: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! ::_::

Val grins an evil grin before grabbing Zel and copying Steph's dance. Duo and Suboshi to join the general mayhamic fun and team up. Steph drives Xel to distraction by the fact that she sure isn't following any dance he knows and isn't moving in any pattern either (hah! The fruit gets a taste of his own medicine!). Suboshi gets bored of dancing after a few rounds and pulls out their instruments from no where. Suboshi and Duo play counterpoint to the band and are soon joined by Val and Zel. Steph decides Xel's had enough and also joins in. Xel tries to sing, but Val beans him with Zel's guitar.

Val: No you're not gonna sing, so shut up!

After that he decides to play flute instead. Many songs and requests later ...

Val: ::plaintively:: Can we go home now?

Zel: Such as it is.

Steph: Yes, we can leave.

Val: Thank you, thank you, thank you ...

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Notes:

[1] Stores only stay open past 6 pm on Thursdays.

[2] Very rare

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