Chapter 2: Almost Crazy Enough to be Home

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Zel: Just when I think I've seen everything ... Ifni zaps us with yet another fruitcake.

Rezo: Now, now Zel-chan, let's be polite.

Zel: I'd sooner be polite to the purple nutbag, you rotten --

Just then Steph chooses to emerge from the computer room, every line literally streaming anger. Little puddles of it form on the floor (Hey, this is the Temple of Ifni here, people, watcha expect?!).

Steph: Okay! Who's the suicidal nutjob who made that Slimy Perverted Abomination that dared to poke it's Nappy Perverted Little Eyestalks where it didn't belong!!??

Four fingers point to the be-aproned dress wearing suicidal nutjob in question: Xel. Steph proceeds to beat Xel against various hard sharp objects, screaming about the perverted slimy thing, elucidating exactly what she'd do if she ever found one of 'em again, and then going into gruesome detail about what she'd do to the one who dared to cook up the nappy little perverted slimeballs. The newcomers watch this with big round eyes while sweatdropping. The MIB Wannabes make bets on who'll eventually win this encounter and how many pieces the loser will be in (all bets are on Steph, Xel's gonna be a messy little splat when she's done, just one big gooey fruity piece sticking to the floor, joining the other messy little splats that where, emphasis on the where here, his attempts at cooking). Then Steph punts Xel into the kitchen, yelling after him to clean up the slime, snaps her fingers, fixing the Temple immediately, greets the newcomers calmly and with obvious enthusiasm ...

Steph: Hey guys! Make yourselves at home.

... before leaving in a righteous huff. Zel's the first to have the gumption to break the silence.

Zel: That was definitely Came, Saw, and Conquered.

Duo: I think it was more like Came, Screamed, and Squished Like A Bug.

Zel: True ...

Val: ::yelling:: What're ya talkin' about?!

Suboshi: They're making some obscure reference to Caesar.

Val: Did I ask you, Yo-Yo Boy?

Just before this little dialogue can turn into a full fledged harem fight, however, Nosedive interrupts.

Nosedive: So what do we do?

The harem just stares at him for a few seconds, then at the MIB agents and Rezo. Val sums it up in two words.

Val: Oh boy.

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Later ... the visitors have, at the obvious welcome of Steph, made themselves at home. Duo and Suboshi have finally settled down to a relatively calm conflictless game of optional two player Mighty Max, though they still make plenty in the way of noise.

Duo: If you could push that piece over my way ...

Suboshi: I'm a little busy here ... Hah! Die you annoying little bat! Eat ping pong balls!

Val is sitting on the couch, sucking on a mug of coffee (the same mug he's been sucking on all day) watching the two and waiting for Zel to come back from his refill mission. Nosedive lounges (sprawled, depending on your point of view) on the chair, reading a comic book and occasionally making a helpful comment in the way of the videogame.

Nosedive: You gotta push the piece onto the bouncer and then throw it over while walking on the moving floor.

Suboshi: Thank you.

Nosedive: My pleasure.

Agent J and Agent K wander through the TV room on the way to the big center room, where the Twins have set up house. Zed and Agent L look over their shoulders as Rezo hooks up the clone machine to both the major power source of the Temple and the Twins computers, before cranking it. Xel watches all this, just kinda floating in the air, knowing somehow this will prove interesting if not downright amusing. In the kitchen Zel has gotten into a fight with the coffee aliens over, what else, the coffee machine. He might all well be yelling at a wall. It'd be more productive.

Zel: Will you guys just give me the @#)(::$ coffee and stop dodging the subject!!

CA#1: Thppttbbbsss!

Zel: You little @#)(*$ better watch it before I --

CA#2: Cappuccino?

Zel takes the coffee.

Zel: ::belatedly:: -- kick your butts. Thanks.

CA#3: No problem, coffee brother.

Zel: I guess you're not all bad.

CA#1: You should drink more decaf.

Zel: We can't all be perfect.

CA#2: True.

Having joined there little cliche, Zel has no more fights with the coffee aliens.

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Later ... SD clones overrun the Temple. Not pretty. They're almost worse than the Slimy Multiplying Semi-Intelligent Legions of Death Cooked by Xel. Almost. Nothing could be worse than that. Well ... nevermind. SD Xel's all over band together to bring some serious annoying action into play. In their squeaky-cute little voices.

SD Xels: Ba-ka's!! ^_^

Suboshi pulls out flyswatter from no where and smacks yet another down. They, of course, are resilient and bounce back.

Suboshi: Darn it! Stay down!

Zel: ::to Rezo:: This is all your fault!

Xel: Come, my little clone brothers, let's go bug the Twins. ^_^

SD Xels ^_^ all over their cute lil' faces. Xel has discovered an endless amusement in bugging the MIB, especially the Twins. Press a few buttons, let a few aliens loose, crack a few security codes, steal some of the good stuff (coffee) from Zed, some other specifically Xel-like escapades, and voila, instant fun. The potential for mischief is enormous, irresistible, and they go to it with a will. A few laser and sonic boom scored, screeching moments later ... Suboshi pulls out MIB communicator from no where and pops it open.

Suboshi: Clean up van at the Temple of Ifni ... and bring some spatulas.

Spatulas needed to pry the SD Xel's off the walls, the floor, the ceiling, the light fixtures ... once pried, though, they'll be as good as new. Joy. The other SD's are not so, ahem, prone to death. The Duo and Suboshi SD's are either fighting over the Sega or watching the two originals play. Zel has a Val clone and Val has a Zel clone. The other Val and Zel clones are wreaking violence and mayhem on all the Xel clones they can track down. The Zel clones are also taking special care to goosh all the Rezo clones they come in contact with. Steph has a complete set, of course, and the MIB clones just kinda do what the regular MIB do. Be cool, protect the Earth from the scum of the SD universe (mainly Xel), etc. Nosedive's SD clones have clustered over his comic book collection and made themselves at home. With the clones, however, dinner takes on a whole new meaning.

Val: ::to all Duos and Suboshis:: Quite hogging the food!

Duo & Suboshi: ::in unison:: We are not hogging the food!

Val: What do ya call eating five pots in three seconds?!

Duo & Suboshi: ::in unison:: Eating healthy!!

Val: Healthy this!

Zel: ::to SD Xels:: Get away from my bowl, you little hentais! Die!

Zel stabs them with his fork.

SD Xel: Arigatou! ^_^

Zel: Suboshi, pass me a flyswatter.

Xel: Hey! Watch where you're throwing that!

Duo and Suboshi wage a two to one fork fight with Val with one hand while shoveling food into their mouths with the other. SD Duos and Suboshis mob Val, SD Vals smack 'em into orbit.

Val: ::to SD Vals:: You guys aren't so bad after all.

SD Vals flip Val the "V" for victory sign, before mobbing a pot of soup. Three seconds later it's empty. Fast little buggers.

Rezo: Why look, my spoon just dissolved in my soup.

Zel: ::blandly, a little too blandly:: Well, what do you know.

Nosedive swats a few annoying SD Xels with a rolled up comic book. SD Xels pop back, of course. Rezo pours his soup on the floor and uses that special physic third eye of his to watch it eat a hole through the floor. He pours himself another bowl. This stuff eats through the bowl, the table, and then the floor.

Rezo: Maybe I'm not hungry.

Zel: Maybe you should leave.

Xel: Maybe you two should get a life. ^_^

Zel: ::points:: Maybe you should consider moving.

SD Zels mob Xel and try to do what all Zels try to do to Xel. Kill him, throttle him, injure him, etc. Xel dematerializes, dropping the Zels all over. He grabs one and pokes it.

SD Zel: Hentai!

Xel: Hehe. ^_^

Zel: Leave it alone!

Smack Xel's in his usual temporary orbit, and Zel rescues the SD Zel from his evil clutches.

SD Zel: Zel!

Zel: Zel!

Both: ::in unison:: Come to my arms! (1)

Hugs all around.

Rezo: Pathetic.

Both Zels: Shut up.

The Temple is now just crazy enough to live up to it's name sake. Sigh Home Sweet Home.

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Notes: (1) From Asterix & Caesar's Laurel Wreath.

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