his tragic forces are heaven sent
in sweet things, in a lover's breath
in knowing this was meant to be the last
Where boys fear to tread
The Smashing Pumpkins
Tseng watched the sleeping form next to him twist under the sheets. He lay completely still, afraid to wake him up, to disturb the calm of the morning where he could linger between waken dream and reality.
The calm of the morning, he mused. What was that? Wasn't the mornings the time you usually spent worrying about what kind of cruel surprises the day had in store?
A low humming sound suddenly accompanied his thoughts as the air-conditioning was automatically turned on. He slipped further in under the thin sheets. It was too cold for air-conditioning, too cold for thin sheets. But the body next to him was warm. And inviting.
He moved closer, stealing that warmth.
It was almost six o'clock, and it was Sunday. It was his day off for once. It was a miracle.
The apartment wasn't his. He'd been awake for over an hour now and he was starting to get that feeling. The feeling of not being home. Of having the chance to leave now, letting that last tender, needing kiss exchanged in the heat of passion and night really be the last. Of not having to deal with it.
He sighed. He could leave, but he wouldn't. I don't want to, he thought, not quite sure if that surprised him or not.
Sooner or later he would wake up. He wanted to be there, wanted to catch a glimpse of that fleeting moment when the genuine and pure soul appeared, not yet ready to be thrown into the Masquerade known as life.
He wanted to see Rufus Shinra with ruffled hair and sleep in his eyes. He wanted to know that their last kiss really wasn't the last.
What if he knew I was with Reno less than a week ago? That I went over to his place, practically begging him to fuck me.
He reached out to brush strands of blond hair out of Rufus' face. His hand trailed down the back, resting there.
When had it all changed? From the day Shinra had picked him up from the streets and put him in SOLDIER, then later made him the head of the Turks, he'd thought nothing more of Rufus than him being the President's spoiled son.
Never before had he looked at him and felt wanting, lust, desire. Too him Rufus had never been a sexual being, just a little brat who was used to get whatever he pointed at. The kid Tseng had to spend endless hours training with.
It all changed the day I kissed him, Tseng thought. The day three years ago when Rufus had called him into his office.
Tseng had to admit that it had surprised him when he suddenly found the young vice-president's lips pressed against his own. And it had surprised him even more that he himself had kissed back, more to regain control over the situation if anything. Sure he'd heard the rumors about Rufus and his many conquests and there was no way he was going to be one of them. Apperantly the message had gone through to Rufus since he'd stayed away from him from there on.
Then there was that incident in the gym's showers. He'd seen the way Rufus had looked at him, on more occassions than that training session. But that day he'd felt his own needs; feelings only the blond man could lure from deep within him.
It was only meant to be sex, nothing more, nothing less. He'd show Rufus once and for all that he would never be his personal toy, that Tseng would always be the one in control.
He'd never expected to see any innocence in Rufus Shinra though, he'd expected him to fight, not give in so willingly. And he was definitely not prepared to feel such a need to show a hint of tenderness and caring. If only he hadn't stayed for one last kiss as the water was still pouring down on them. If only he'd just turned and walked away. Then he wouldn't have been in this situation. Then he didn't have to wake up everyday and feel. He could have gone back to being numb, to let Reno use his body in anyway he desired and he wouldn't have cared. He wouldn't have to worry about Rufus being hurt. Or Reno.
Damnit Tseng, you think too much.
Rufus hand suddenly fell on his chest. Tseng looked over at the young man and found him still asleep. Tseng smiled as he remebered the events of last night.
It was almost nine when Rufus had come into his office, asking with a tiny smirk on his lips if he was working late or just lingering in the Tower for some other reason. And if he'd been avoiding him.
Tseng just smiled even though he'd really been avoiding the other man for the whole week. He couldn't have explained the marks Reno had left on his body. He couldn't quite look Rufus in the eye and say Nothing when the blond asked him what he'd been up to the last couple of days.
Tseng remembered standing close to Rufus, no longer in his office but in Rufus' bedroom. Fingers working on shirt buttons. Hands reaching out to touch, to explore and claim every new unknown area of warm body. Tongues tasting when hands were no longer enough. Their kisses had not been gentle nor tender.
Rufus sapphire eyes were filled with wanting as he lay on the bed, Tseng towering above him. That was when he'd realized what a different situation it must have been for Rufus, being the one normally in control, never letting anyone touch him as he was now being touched.
He claimed the soft lips for a light kiss. Rufus cried out against Tseng's shoulder as he entered him, clinging onto him before finally meeting up with his thrusts.
Afterwards he'd sagged over the body beneath him, almost falling asleep like that, with Rufus arms wrapped around him.
I love you.
It hadn't even been a whisper, just air taking on the form of words. He must have thought he was asleep. So Tseng had pretended that he was.
Tseng's hand skimmed over Rufus shoulder and down his arm, taking the hand that rested on his chest in his own hand and brought it to his lips to place a soft kiss in the palm.
Why did those words scare him so much? He knew it wasn't just sex. They had something more, something different from what he'd ever had before.
"I love you too, Rufus," he mumbled into the sleeping man's ear.
Although that knowledge only made it all even more difficult. There was no going back to living in a vaccum anymore. If he decided to stay he'd have to open his soul to Rufus. Make himself vulnerable. And never see Reno again.
Something was poking into his side, making him slide out of his dream which was quickly becoming a blur.
Rufus Shinra was usually cranky in the mornings, especially if someone woke him up. But this morning his temper was soothed as he saw Tseng smile at him as he opened his eyes.
"You like sleeping long in the mornings I take it."
Rufus peered over at the watch. "Long?" he asked. "It's eight o'clock." His voice was a bit hoarse, sleepy, but he smiled as he saw his hand on Tseng's chest, fingers interwined with the other man's
Tseng rolled over to his side, softly brushing his thumb over Rufus' cheek before tasting his lips with his. Rufus slid his arm around him, pressing himself close. He pushed the dark hair away just before he brought his mouth to Tseng's neck to trail kisses over the pale skin.
Tseng let out a small moan against Rufus' earlobe, then pushed him down on the bed and placed himself on top of him. The other man's hands ran up and down his back, sometimes straying even further down.
"Mm...," Rufus broke away from their kissing. "Shit, I have a meeting at nine."
Tseng grunted. "Tell me your kidding," he pleaded.
"Sorry...mmgh," Rufus lips were claimed for another kiss. "I really have to get dressed."
"No, not dressed," Tseng bowed his head again and let his swift kisses fall on Rufus' chest. "I like you much better without clothes."
"Oh, I see," Rufus chuckled, "you're just using me for sex."
Tseng looked up at him with a mischievous glimt in his eyes. "Why? Do you mind?"
"Not at all... mphf," Tseng's tongue found it's way into his mouth again. "Although," Rufus pushed Tseng off of him and rolled out of the bed, "I really should get ready for the meeting now, otherwise I'll have the President on my case again."
Tseng propped himself up on his elbow. "Fine, if that's all I mean to you."
"What do you say about staying here until I get back, it shouldn't be that long."
Tseng glanced up at Rufus, not allowing himself to come up with a reason to leave. "Ok," he said, "I'll stay."
Rufus smiled, then disappeared into the bathroom. It didn't take long before Tseng followed, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed, watching Rufus.
"Nice shower," he commented with a smirk playing over his lips.
"Actually," Rufus casually strolled over to him and snaked his arms around the Turk's waist, "I was just going to ask you if you would like to join me?"
"Mm-hm," the blond nodded, "I've recently come to discover that showering with you can be quite interesting."
6 | Fanfiction