Moonlight filtered through the leaves and danced playfully about the clearing, rippling pale flames across the sorceress' hair. Her fair skin was graced by the silver luminescence, and she seemed to radiate a kind of peace that was a far cry from her usual violent temper. Her delicate features captured the light at precisely the right angle; the beams spread cautious fingers across her pale skin, caressed the girl's slightly parted lips. Peaceful and innocent she lay, basking in the moon's watchful gaze.
The scene was captivating, enchanting... And it was all Zelgadis Greywers could do to look away. With supreme effort, he forced the crystal pools of his eyes from her face, leading them instead to search the grass in vain for an object with which to anchor heavy thoughts. The path of his musings remained set firmly on the fiery young woman that slept just beyond his range of vision, however, and no amount of effort could drive his attention elsewhere.
Even sleep, Zel knew, could not free him from thoughts of Lina... She called to him in dreams as well, and in dreams he could share with her the feelings he hid so diligently. Waking, though, to find that her words of returned love had been only a fantasy was a kind of torture in itself. And so he shied from sleep, opting instead to struggle in the realm of the wakeful.
Was he still awake? At this hour? She swore she had heard him moving, though he'd gone to bed early with the claim of exhaustion. He had even skipped his usual cup of coffee at mealtime.
Could it be Amelia then, or Gourry? No... The Champion of Justice would sleep the whole night through to be fresh for the battle against evil the next day. Jellyfish-for-brains wouldn't even stir until noon.
Lina shifted subtly, attempting to make the motion seem the workings of a sleeping body... A tense second passed, two... But no noise indicated that interest had been taken and so she peered cautiously through a half-open eye.
Zelgadis was indeed awake, leaning impassively against the trunk of a tree that helped to form the ring around the clearing. Where the moonlight stroked his hair, it shone like strands of silver in the dusky night, and the sight of his sapphire eyes was enough to catch the sorceress' breath in her throat. His arms were crossed, his posture slightly guarded, but his stoic mask, usually so rigid, had been coaxed away by the seeming cover of night.
The ease with which she read the feelings from his face was startling. Seldom had she seen him so expressive, so lost in thought that even his impassive front was forgotten. Lina was immediately certain that it was the cure he pondered; nothing else could leave him looking so depressed and helpless, so lonely.
It's best not to even hope, Zel told himself, eyes purposefully fixed away from the tiny sorceress. If you don't think about it at all, it won't matter when she finally tells you to your face how hideous you are.
She never said that, a small part of his mind tried to argue weakly. She never said...
But she thinks it. She thinks it and you know she does. How could she not? You're a monster...
His gaze flickered back to Lina again, almost involuntarily, tracing her features from a distance. She had moved during sleep, leaving her at an angle to face him more completely. Zel watched her fondly, if with a touch of sadness, and wished to all the gods that he could have deserved someone like her.
Her hair held its luster even in the paleness of the moon... Her small shoulders moved with the steady rise and fall of her breath... Her eyes were - open?!
Was he...? It was so hard to tell in the dark, but she was almost positive that...
"Lina...?" She heard his voice, soft and uncertain, lacking the volume to wake her if she was indeed asleep.
Yes... He had seen her. She felt a slow blush creep up her cheeks and was glad it was hidden by the darkness.
Hesitantly, she pushed herself into a sitting position, careful not to rustle her bedroll too loudly with the action. "Yeah, I'm up..."
A long pause came from the direction of the chimera. "What were you doing?" he ventured at length.
Watching you, she thought. The words she spoke were, "I couldn't sleep."
"...Oh." His tone held a slight inflection, a hint of emotion...... But it could mean so many things...
"What're you doing awake so late?" She watched him carefully, but the mask had slid back into place, hiding his thoughts once more. "You were so tired..."
Zelgadis faltered a moment before he spoke, and Lina thought she could detect a note in his response that rang untrue. "I... couldn't sleep either."
The girl paused for a long moment. "...Oh." It seemed the only thing she could manage.
The sorceress' reply brought with it an awkward silence, deep and uneasy, that settled upon her like the weight of the thousand doubts crowding her mind.
It's your cure, isn't it? That's what's kept you awake... Fiery eyes found his face once more; he was strangely beautiful in the moonlight, peaceful in a way that was almost sad. His attention remained fixed purposefully upon the ground, sparing her not a single glance...
Why can't you understand that you don't need a cure, Zel? You're so afraid of people calling you a monster that you can't see the people who care for you the way you are... Her fair brow creased in a slight frown of worry. Why do you push us all away...? Again she was grateful for the cover of darkness as a flush accompanied the next thought. Why do you push me away?
Zelgadis could feel her eyes on him, watching him, staring... Her gaze seemed to bore into his thoughts, into his soul, and he wanted nothing more than to hide from the sorceress' penetrating gaze.
Am I that... that repulsive, that she can't help but stare? I know... that I'm hideous... but why does she have to...?
Who wouldn't stare? he asked himself. Who could stop themselves? Look at you. You're monstrous. Their own personal freak show.
No, I... I...... She doesn't care about that...... She said.........
But the denial wouldn't even come, so sure he was that it was a lie. She couldn't feel for him, not as long as he was... like this. Not as long as he was a chimera.
He stood with startling speed, ending Lina's musings as his gentle tenor shattered the silence.
"Are you intending to stay awake?" His voice was once again devoid of emotion, though the girl sensed a slight strain. Was he struggling to control some feeling that was becoming too close to the surface? No... More likely wishful thinking on her part...
"Only if you are." A blush crept up her cheeks again; somehow the reply hadn't sounded the way she had meant it.
Zelgadis didn't notice the too-quick response, though, or at least didn't give any sign that he had. His graceful steps brought him to stand above the bedroll that he called his own, regarding her with a strange expression. "Goodnight, then," were the words he returned, much to Lina's disappointment.
"Ah..." she managed. "G'night, Zel."
He didn't respond, opting instead to lower himself to the ground and attempt sleep.
He felt the tiny sorceress' gaze long after she had turned away and settled down to sleep; it burned into his back, demanded that he cease to entertain such foolish notions. He could almost hear Lina's voice, usually so bright, as it became cruelly mocking. 'You have a heart of stone, Zel... How can you love anyone?'
But the answer to that question didn't matter, he knew; he did love her, and that was enough. The simple truth was that he loved everything about her, try as he might to hide the feelings he knew could only cause him pain. He loved the way she laughed... The way her eyes lit up when something made her happy... The way her cheeks flushed when she was having fun... And he loved the way she made him feel... even though he knew that, secretly, she was disgusted by him.
Zelgadis fought desperately against the tears that threatened to spill, telling himself quietly that someone might be watching, that Lina might be watching. She could be observing his torment, mentally laughing as the freak chimera struggled with a half-shattered heart. Despite this new fear, however, his greatest efforts were in vain. A single droplet rolled down the hard skin of his cheek, tracing the stone's edges before trickling down to soak into the softness of his cloak.
He let his eyes slide shut, then, hiding their crystal depths as the lids forced the last trace of tears away.
It's better not to think, he told himself. Better not to think of her... He concentrated on that endeavor, bade himself focus on it in hopes that sleep would fail to bring the usual mockeries of his pain.
Unconsciousness settled upon him quickly; previous nights of contemplation had left him easy prey for sleep's seduction. Dreams can be enchanting though, wanted or not, and Lina passed through the nighttime visions that lived inside his mind. A radiant illusion, more hopeful than waking thoughts had dared... but only fleeting. And in the morning, the chimera was left to endure the dreadful promise of a new day: the discovery that the lies of fantasy had taunted him with embraces never truly shared, and words that yet remained unspoken.