Only When I Loose Myself belongs to Depeche Mode
It's only when I loose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself
He sighed. He didn't know her name...they never spoke in the dreams, their gazes and gestures and bodies spoke for them. Even so, what had begun as a seeming accident had become so much more to him.
It's only when I loose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself
Every time they touched, he felt something stirring deep inside himself. Something primal he hadn't known he possessed. He didn't even know whether to call them feelings or not, they were so fundamentally basic.
Something beautiful is happening inside for me
He felt himself smile as he imagined trailing his fingers down her face. She had almost been taken from him, and that scare had only intensified the strange sense of...something...which fluttered inside him every time he saw her, felt her, had her.
Something sensual it's full of fire and mystery
She was so marvelous to him, passionate yet caring, and when she touched him, it was always as though it was the very first time they had touched, even though she loved him with the skill of long acquaintance with his body and needs.
I feel hypnotized
I feel paralyzed
I have found heaven
He looked up. He had obviously fallen asleep earlier than she tonight, but now, finally, here she was. She was wearing a long dress which looked as though it had been spun from crystal. And he stood frozen as he watched her. She was so perfect!
There's a thousand reasons
Why I shouldn't spend my time with you
He had found lately that he was actually manufacturing reasons to sleep, and every time he was asked to do some chore or favour he was faintly resentful of the possible time with her he was loosing.
For every reason not to be here
I can think of two
To keep me hanging on
Even if he got in trouble though, he would never give her up. She was far too important to him and too wonderful. Not to mention the bond he had with her. She had fought to stay with him, he could do no less.
Feeling nothing's wrong
Inside your heaven
She embraced him and he shook himself out of his reverie. Now was all that mattered, nothing else should intrude on them. He kissed her and loved her, loosing and remaking himself within her. When they were together, somehow, everything was right.
It's only when I loose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself
They loved each other with joyful abandon, and he found himself wondering what she was like when she was awake. He knew so little about her, but he did know he was very different in these dreams, much more caring and loving.
It's only when I loose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself
He lay beside her as they drifted out of their mutual dream, trying to hold onto her for as long as he could. He swore to himself silently that someday, no matter what his orders, he would find her in the waking world.
I can feel the emptiness inside me
Fade and disappear
He found himself strangely despondent upon waking, missing her warmth beside him. Ruthlessly he steeled his heart again, burying his feelings deep within him. It would do neither of them any good if he were found out; he didn't want to have to hurt her.
There's a feeling of contentment
Now that you are here
Still, he could not force himself to feel contented, so he affected an air of boredom until he was free of his duties and could sleep again, where he found that contentment he had been missing all day. She was swift becoming everything to him.
I feel satisfied
I belong inside
Your velvet heaven
Nothing else had ever felt so right to him as having her in his arms and burying himself, body and soul, within her. As they dreamed in tandem he showed her in the only way these allowed the true nature of his love.
Did I need to sell my soul for pleasure like this
He took her with all the soul he had thought he didn't possess, the soul she had somehow given him with herself, which he freely gave back to her for renewal each time they were together. She knew not what she had done.
Did I have to loose control to treasure your kiss
He kissed her hard and possessively, inwardly thanking whatever power had linked their dreams. Being with her had shown him truths he had never known existed, and beauties he had never anticipated in his cold, calculating existence.
Did I need to place my heart in the palm of your hand
In some mysterious way, in his taking of this pure innocent dreamer he had surrendered himself to her as well. His old self would have been appalled by such a thing, but once it had been done he had found it remarkably freeing.
Before I could even start to understand
Now he was unable to look within himself and see not only the depth of the darkness he harbored inside his heart, but also the sparks of light as well. Nothing, he realized, was wholly evil or good, everything had balance.
It's only when I loose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself
He smiled to himself. In a way, they embodied that balance. Especially now, as she quivered and sighed beneath him. He would find her in the waking world. Come Hell or high water he would find her and make her his completely.
It's only when I loose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself
Only when he had done that would he again feel complete. He had been given new orders, and he both relished and resented them. Resented because they would keep him busy, but relished because they would bring him out into the world.
It's only when I loose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself
He had his suspicions where he might find her, and, conveniently, that was where his orders sent him. He would, of course, be careful not to be obvious in circumventing any direct commands, but no one could control what he did in his spare time.
It's only when I loose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself
Yes, he would complete his mission to the best of his abilities, but this time he would serve himself as well. He would search for his other half, and he WOULD find her. Beyond that...time would tell.