When I Need You

Why don't you ever come when I need you?
Why don't you call when I feel bad?
Why don't you put your arms around me when my mind is screaming out for help?
Why don't you see my tears?
Why don't you know I'm faking?
Why don't you see every time I hit you its to hide my true feelings?
Why don't you know it's just that I'm afraid of getting hurt?
Of being betrayed?
Of having my heart break again?
Why can't you see through my falsities like you see through everybody else's?
Why don't you realize that I'm living a lie?
Why don't you come when I need you?
Why don't you know that I need you?
Why don't you know that I'm faking everything single freakin' thing and that I love you more than life itself?!
...Why can't you read my mind?

(Poem by the wonderful Anji-san, my latest muse) [1]

Filia collapsed sobbing against a tree and prayed that no one would come looking for her for a few minutes at least.

"Why?" she sobbed, "Why oh why oh WHY?!" She buried her head in her hands and wondered what cruel trickster god had...

No. No, don't think about him, don't let yourself, you CAN'T let this happen. the rational part of her mind informed her sternly.

You think I have any control over it? her emotional side countered, No Ryuuzoku [2] does!

You could have stopped it. Rationality criticized, When you felt it starting you should have, you should have left the group, put yourself out of reach.

But my duty...

Your duty was to maintain your vows as a priestess.

"Wonderful." Filia muttered, "Now I'm arguing with myself."

She was so lost in thought that she never noticed when Lina appeared. She was startled, therefore, when Lina sat down next to her and put an arm around her shoulder.

"What's wrong?" Lina asked.

"Everything." Filia said dejectedly.

"Care to get it off your chest? I'm a really good listener." [3] Lina offered, "And I promise I won't tell a soul."

"No one?"

"No one."

Filia sighed. "I suppose I should tell someone. How much do you know about the mating of Ryuuzoku?"

Lina blushed. "Virtually nothing...I mean, I know it must happen, but beyond that..."

"Alright then, do you know what an Isshou no Aikizuna [4] is?"

"A Lifebond? Yes, I know all about them...and Soulbonds." Lina confirmed, a sad note in her voice.

"Well, for humans, Isshou no Aikizuna are rare, but for Ryuuzoku, they are the only way. Tamashii no Aikizuna [5] are still as rare as for humans though." [6] she added, "Every female Ryuuzoku goes through a stage in her life when she's respective to bond. If no bond takes place, it can be decades before she enters receptiveness again. Now for a priestess like myself, who is dedicated to the God, Isshou no Aikizuna are simply not an option. Generally, the priestess would isolate herself from males for a month or two. If no bond has started to form the urge to do so will disappear. The other option for a priestess during this time is to go on a quest which would take her far from the areas settled by Ryuuzoku..."

"And you chose the second option." Lina cut in.

"Yes I did. However, it seems that all my struggle was in vain." Filia started to weep again.

"You've Lifebonded?" Lina said, a note of awe in her voice, "But who to? The only Dragon around here is..."

"Tamashii no Aikizuna, and it's not to another Ryuuzoku...it's an impossible match...doubly, triply, infinitely impossible...and it HURTS!" she wailed.

"Impossible you say?" Lina pondered her words. "It's Xellos, isn't it?" she concluded.

Filia only nodded and wept harder on Lina's shoulder.

Xellos lay on a branch in another part of the forest, and if any of his companions had seen him, they would have been shocked to the core...the "cold-hearted" Mazoku was crying.

"Oh my angel, my redemption, why do you have to hate me?" he pleaded, "Oh Filia, why?" He sighed miserably, "However this happened it's a hopeless situation. She'll never love me, not after knowing my history. This is some kind of sick joke L-sama is playing on me, I just know it."

This was a different kind on hurt, one he wasn't accustomed to , and one he didn't enjoy. It was also changing pack dynamics, and this bothered him at a deep level. He was Alpha of this odd pack, he ought to be the one controlling the pack dynamic.

He felt the bond start to ache again, and fresh tears rolled down his cheeks as he bit his hand hard to subdue the urge to howl aloud. It wasn't any good. Not even the pleasure brought by physical pain was enough to subdue his inner Wolf and he gave in, howling his sorrow out for all to hear.

Back at the camp, everyone turned their heads at the haunting sound of a lone Wolf's mournful cry.

"How sad." Filia said, "The poor creature sounds so lonely." [7]

Over the next few days, Lina kept a close eye on Filia. She knew firsthand how painful and dangerous incomplete Soulbonds [7] could be, and she wanted to gauge how well Filia was dealing with it.

During the days she seemed fine, quite her normal self, but when she was asleep she seemed to be having nightmares which grew steadily worse night by night. She couldn't be wakened out of them, and nothing seemed to make them go away. By the second week after she had confided in Lina, the nightmares were beginning to wake everyone else up.

Every night of that fortnight that passed made Xellos more worried. At first he had assumed that Filia could sense him nearby as she slept and was reacting to his aura of darkness, but when he moved further away it didn't seem to help. He could feel pain radiating off her in waves, but it was in no way sustaining to him, in fact, it was making him feel sick.

Unlike the rest of the group, he could tell she was just as badly-off during the days, she was just very good at hiding it. Watching Filia, he also noticed Lina's sidelong glances at her and surmised that Lina knew something was wrong too.

Once Xellos had determined that HE was not the cause of Filia's nightmares he began to move closer to her night after night. His bond hurt less the closer he was to her, and she was such a beautiful sight to fall asleep watching...

The nightmares still bothered him, though, and the incomplete Tamashii no Aikizuna obscured the majority of her emotions from him. He could only try to guess the nightmares' subject from her muttered speech.

One night, in the throes of her worst nightmare yet, he heard her say something which stopped his heart.

"No, not my fault..." she muttered, "Shouldn't have happened...impossible, should have been impossible..." she sobbed.

Ah, finally she's saying something Xellos thought to himself. He leaned over his branch to hear her better, almost hanging upside down.

"Didn't mean to bond, how can you think..." she flung her arms wide as she tossed, her blankets becoming an impossible tangle about her, "Namagomi[9]...can't love anyway." she said brokenly.

Instantly he was at her side.

"Filia-chan, Filia, my heart, that's not true!" he whispered breathlessly, "I do love you, you're my tamashii[10]!"

He knelt beside her and smoothed her hair back from her sweat-dampened face. The action seemed to calm her somehow, she even started making a high-pitched trilling sound, almost like a purr. Xell could feel it reverberating through his head, and it seemed to vibrate astrally along the Tamashii no Aikizuna. For the first time in over 1000 years, Xellos felt pleasure unadulterated by pain, and he was amazed at how powerful a feeling it was. [11]

He could feel eyes on him, and he growled low in his throat, warning off any potential threat, then turned around to see that Lina was watching them. She was about to say something when Xellos shook his head and motioned her to be silent. He settled Filia in a more comfortable position and lightly brushed his fingers over her lips, then stood up and motioned for Lina to follow him.

When they were out of earshot, Lina immediately spoke up. "What the hell were you doing Xellos?" she demanded to know.

"Simply soothing my Tamashii." he replied calmly.

"Your soul? But Mazoku don't HAVE souls!"

"Well, I do." he stated.

Lina stared at him. The look he was giving her, open-eyed and earnest, convinced her. "The Soulbond is two-way, isn't it."

Xell nodded.

"Well then, for the Gods' sake go back over there and wake her up and tell her!"

He shook his head. "I can't." he said sadly, "She'd never accept it intellectually; it would drive her mad. All I can do for now is comfort her in her sleep."

Lina shook her head. "I suppose, but it'll have to be on my watch only, unless you want to explain your actions to Amelia, Gourry or Zelgadis." Xell sighed. "I suppose so." he conceded.

(Musical interlude: Fast as I Can)

From the first "Hello" you gave to me, I've done nothing else but smile,
And I know you're in a hurry...Ah, but it's gonna take awhile,
So forgive me if we go slow,
But there's something I think you should know:

So don't push me in too deep, I've always been the fool who rushes in.
I know you've got to take the pieces one by one, 'fore you've got everything.
So forgive me if we take time,
But there's something that's been on my mind:

Oh, there'll be times when we're mistaken,
And there'll be times when we're gonna fight.
Ah, but you needn't doubt,
We can work it out,
And in time we'll get it right,

Oh!

Oh, so forgive me if we go slow,
But there's something I think you should know:

I'm going fast as I can, please don't make me rush.
This feeling's coming on way too fast.
I'll tell you all of the things that you'll never forget,
But I'm not ready to say "I Love You" yet...
Going fast as I can, please don't make me rush.
This feeling's coming on way too fast.
I'll tell you all of the things that you'll never forget,
But I'm not ready to say "I Love You" yet,
I'm not ready to say "I Love You" yet.

From the first "Hello"...

(Great Big Sea) [12]

Every night from then on, Xellos spent Lina's watch sitting next to Filia, sending as much of his strength and love as he could along their bond. It seemed to be helping too, Filia's nightmares diminished greatly while he was there, and she regained some of the colour she had lost.

Everything was not as good as it seemed, however. When Xell wasn't feeding her energy, her nightmares only got worse, so he worked out a way to send energy along the Tamashii no Aikizuna without them actually touching. As good as this idea might have seemed at first, it was literally draining him dry, since he was leaving the channel open all the time.

Filia sighed deeply. At least she was managing to keep herself together long enough to complete her quest. After that it wouldn't matter if she just faded out. It would be better really, at least she wouldn't have to face life with the pain of this impossible bond, she wouldn't have to return home to shame.

"It wouldn't matter if he loved me." she said softly, "With him I could be strong and face them down, but like this... No, it will be better to just let go."

Lina overheard this, soft though it was, and looked over at Filia, then at Xellos. It really wasn't her place to say anything, but...

"Gods, they both look exhausted." she muttered, "Alright, this is getting ridiculous. Tonight I talk to Xellos, and he's not weaselling out of this anymore. This is killing both of them." She sighed heavily. "Must be because the bond is two-way and unacknowledged...either that, or something to do with Ryuuzoku being different from humans."

Lina shifted her gaze to look at her own bonded, striding along purposefully[13], and felt once again the now-familiar ache of the incomplete Soulbond she'd lived with for almost three years now. She knew that eventually she too would fade the way Filia and Xellos were. For now, though, she had too much to finish.

Lina was so preoccupied that she almost didn't notice the scroll which dropped on her head. [14]

"Hey! What the...!"

She picked it up and looked at it, and her hands started to shake. "Neechan? Oh L-sama what did I do now?"

Lina unrolled and read the letter to herself.

No, it's nothing that you did, this is about Filia. I recently uncovered a plot among the Ryuuzoku elders. It seems that they've known for some time that Filia would be susceptible to bond with Xellos...It's one of their prophesies.

Obviously they never mentioned it to her, and made all efforts to keep that scrap of precognition from her. They thought this was their foreordained way to have revenge on him, so they programmed nightmares into her subconscious which would interrupt the bond. They saw her as a necessary sacrifice to take down the one who almost destroyed their people. This was NOT Cepheid's [15] reason for this bond, and they will be punished accordingly, but I need you to get Filia and Xellos together, since I'll be busy dealing with the fools.

Lina nodded to herself. "That was my plan anyway." she said.

"What was your plan?" Amelia asked.

"Oh nothing, you'll find out eventually" Lina waved off the question.

Oh, and Lina, all this talk of Soulbonds reminds me...GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!! I do not want to have to come out there and settle your bond myself because you're pining away, so you have ONE WEEK to tell him yourself, or your dear Love gets a letter of his own, explaining the whole situation to him.

Love always,
Your dear Neechan, Luna Inverse.

Lina blanched and dropped the scroll out of violently shaking hands.

"Is something wrong Lina?" Zelgadis asked, picking up the scroll. Lina snatched it back. "No, nothing, just a letter from my sister." she said with a faked laugh.

Zel gave her a sidelong glance which spoke volumes, then shrugged and continued down the road, everyone else snapping out of their reverie and following him.

Gourry was to have first watch that night, but Lina talked him into letting her take over, saying she had things to think about. As soon as she was sure everyone else was asleep, she nodded her usual signal to Xellos. When he sat down next to Filia, Lina went over and sat there too.

"We have to talk." she said.

"I assume this has something to do with the letter you received today?"

"It does. It also involves Filia's nightmares. For probably a very good reason, the Ryuuzoku Elders have a grudge against you. [16] There was some sort of prophesy that Filia would bond with you, so they sent her as a sacrifice to bring you down. The nightmares are generated by them."

Xellos started to growl low in his throat...a truly chilling sound. "Damned Ryuuzoku. Always think they're right, even when they're dead wrong."

"In any case, you're going to have to enter her dreams, it's the only place this can be reversed. I'll keep watch." Lina assured him.

Xellos nodded, already separating from the bit of himself that was his body-form and would serve as an anchor while he searched the dream-plane.

The inside of Filia's dream was a wasteland...and one Xellos recognized. The great home of the Golds had looked just like this after he left, even down to the dead and mutilated bodies of Ryuuzoku in both forms littering the ground. Filia was collapsed in the centre of what had been the grand square with her head in her hands, and it seemed as though every dead Ryuuzoku there was speaking to her at once.

LOOK AT WHAT HE DID TO US! they said, CAN YOU NOT SEE THE GREAT EVIL? WOULD IT NOT BE A NOBLE SACRIFICE TO USE THIS UNHOLY BOND TO PULL HIM WITH YOU INTO DEATH?

Filia looked up at this. Her eyes were streaming tears, and they looked absolutely hopeless. "I don't WANT to!" she wailed, "I love him, I don't want him to die, but I can't HELP this! Oh Gods, Xellos, please...I don't want you to die...please?"

She began to sob, and Xellos felt something break inside him. He ran toward her, not daring to use any of his Mazoku powers, even teleporting, while on her dreamplane for fear of hurting her. He could only get to within ten feet of her, however, when he ran into what seemed to be an invisible wall.

"Filia!" he called, "Filia, can you hear me?"

LOOK AROUND YOU! the Ryuuzoku voices commanded, YOU SEE BEFORE YOU THE TRUE EVIL WHICH LIES WITHIN THE HEART OF THE ONE YOU CLAIM TO LOVE. HE WILL ONLY KILL YOU AS WELL!

"No he won't, somehow I know he won't. Even if he doesn't love me, he would never kill me, I just know he wouldn't."

"Of course I wouldn't you hidebound idiots, not even if Juuou-sama ordered me to." Xellos growled. "Filia..." he looked over at her, and she had collapsed on the ground and was beginning to flicker. "Filia! Ore no kokoro! Filia wa ore no tamashii ga motsu! Shinu na! Filiaaaaa!" [17] Xellos screamed, desperately trying to pierce the barrier she had set in a vain attempt to block the Ryuuzoku spirits from getting too close to her. Filia looked up, and as their eyes met, a silver band of energy streamed between them, shattering the barrier. Xellos ran to her and held her tightly.

"Xellos, Kizunabito[18], you came! But how...?"

"How did I know? You have Lina to thank for that, she was the one who told me about the dreams and what was causing them."

"Speaking of dreams, let's get out of here." Filia said, looking around and shuddering.

Xell nodded. "Good idea." he agreed.

Lina watched the couple who were both shimmering with a silver light as they woke up. Filia gazed lovingly at Xellos and smiled, and he bent forward and placed a kiss on her forehead, then one over each eye, then finally on her lips. Filia began to trill with pleasure as the upside-down kiss deepened, and Lina blushed.

"I take it everything is all right?" Lina asked.

"Mmmhmm." Xell mumbled.

"I'll go back to sitting watch then."

Lina was feeling the ache of her Soulbond more strongly than usual, and, quite frankly, watching the newly Bonded couple was making her tired not only in body, but in spirit, so she woke Gourry up to take his shift at watch a little early.

"What's with those two?" Gourry asked.

"They're Soulbonded." Lina explained, dreading the inevitable blank look she knew would come.

"Oh! I see; they've just acknowledged. Alright, I'll let them be then."

Lina just stared at Gourry, how could this be the one thing of all things that he understood...most people had never even heard of Lifebonds, let alone Soulbonds! [19]

"Well, I'm going to get some sleep." Lina said, going over to where her bedroll had been set by the fire.

"Alright, see you in the morning."

Lina wrapped herself up in her bedroll and promptly fell right asleep. Gourry leaned his back against a tree facing away from the camp to wait out his part of the night watch.

A couple of hours of cuddling and bonding later, Filia was snuggled comfortably in Xell's arms. She looked over at Lina and sighed.

"I owe her so much. I wish there was something I could do to repay her. I know she, like us, has a Tamashii no Aikizuna, and that it's unacknowledged, but as to who that bond is with..."

"That's where I come in handy, Koibito[20]. I could feel the pain both of them had since I first started shadowing this pack. She doesn't think he cares about anything, and he doesn't think he's worth caring about..."

"Zelgadis? Of course! I can see it now!...but how can we get them together?" Filia wondered.

"Zel-kun's specialty is Shamanist Magick, so he should be able to see the distress her soul is in if we get him to check it himself."

"Alright, that's what we'll do." Filia agreed. "I was wondering something Kizunabito."

"Yes?"

"This bond...how was it possible? I didn't think Mazoku were capable of love." she looked quizzically up at Xellos.

"Most aren't." he admitted, "I'm an exception for a couple of reasons. First of all, I used to be human...actually, 3/4 human, 1/4 Ancient Dragon," [21]

Filia looked surprised. "I'd never have guessed!"

"Not even Zelas knows about the Ryuuzoku part of me."

Filia raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Well, I don't think she knows about it. She would have likely done some things differently if she had. There's one thing I'm SURE she doesn't know, though. When she made me Mazoku, there were elements of the Wolf which she worked into my consciousness in order to make me more obedient to her. What she doesn't know...and never will if I can help it, is that instead of the Mazoku aspects settling in my heart, the Wolf ones did. Needless to say if she ever found out she'd do her best to destroy me..."

Filia's eyes flashed fierce. "She'd better not try." she menaced.

Xellos grinned. "Have you ever wondered why you never see me take my other form?"

"Once or twice."

"That's because it's not like any other Mazoku."

Xellos motioned they should move away from the camp a little way. "You know, I do believe you're the first person who's ever seen this." he said as his form changed. Where he had been there was now a large wolf the size of a pony, with deep purple fur interspersed with flecks of gold on his ruff, and glossy, iridescent purple wings.

"Sugoi!" Filia whispered, "Can you fly?"

"Yup!" Xellos wolf-grinned, his tongue lolling. He crouched down , then sprang into the air, extending and flapping his wings, sending debris spinning away from the powerful downdrafts. Once he was airborne, he swooped and wheeled through and above the trees, making a couple of passes over Filia's head before backwinging to land almost as lightly as a single one of his feathers directly in front of her, panting slightly.

Filia had a big grin on her face and was clapping. "Wai, wai!" she giggled and hugged him.

Xellos licked her face mischievously, then shifted back into his usual form. "Zel's on watch now, shall we go?"

They walked back to camp, and as they arrived Zelgadis glared at Xellos.

"Fruitcake, what were you doing?" he asked distrustfully.

"Just spending time with my Itooshii[22]." Xell grinned.

"Your WHAT?"

Filia latched onto Xell's arm. "His Kizunabito...we have a Tamashii no Aikizuna you see."

A flash of sadness passed across Zel's face. "Really. How remarkable."

"We owe a favour to Lina, she helped save us and get us to bond, and we intend to repay her." Filia told Zel.

"What does that have to do with me?"

"I know you don't like me much, but trust me on this." Xell said, "Look at Lina with Astral Sight and tell me what you see."

Zelgadis slitted his eyes and looked over at the sleeping Lina. "I see that she is on the last reserves of her astral strength, I see a thin silver cord coming from her belly..." [23]

"Where does the cord go?"

"It leads to...me?" Zel's eyes snapped open and he turned to Xellos. "How long?" he asked, aghast.

"Since before I met up with you."

"Oh Gods! Oh Lina! For me? And I never saw? I'm so sorry..."

"So get over there and tell her." Filia motioned to him, "We'll take your watch for you."

"Thank you." Zel nodded to Filia.

Zelgadis went over to Lina and laid down beside her, wrapping his arms around her. She began to stir and wake up, then turned, saw that it was Zel that was holding her and sighed.

"Mmmm...'nother dream..." she mumbled and snuggled up to him, then fell asleep again.

Zel blushed bright red, but he had a happy grin on his face. "How to wake her up?" he wondered

"Dowanna wake up..." Lina muttered into his chest, "Happy here...'wake sad, no Zel..."

Zel hugged her tight, miserable that he had caused her so much unhappiness.

"Ah...dreams better...stay 'sleep...always 'sleep, never sad again..."

Zelgadis decided this wouldn't do at all. He bent his head slightly to whisper in one ear.

"Lina, wake up, I have a surprise for you."

"Dowan' s'prise, want Zel." she said firmly.

"Okay, if that's what you want." Zel got a wicked little grin on his face and kissed her ear, it being the most conveniently close thing to his lips, then started down her jawline.

Lina unconsciously turned her face toward his, and he kissed her tantalizingly around the lips before finally capturing them. A jolt almost like electricity flowed between the two of them, and Lina's eyes snapped open. As she realized what was going on she began to kiss him back, and the couple was surrounded by a silvery glow.

After a couple of minutes, the kiss broke off.

Damned need to breathe. Zel thought to himself.

"Zel...? Is this real?" Lina asked hesitantly.

"Yes, it's real. This is no dream." Zelgadis confirmed.

"Finally..." Lina started to weep, "Finally the pain is gone...I'm whole."

Zel rubbed her back in soothing circles and held her tight. "I'm sorry Lina. I'm so, so sorry. You have every right to be furious with me, but I promise, from now on I'll never leave your side ever again."

"But what about your cure?"

"With you, I'm whole, I don't need a cure." Zel said

"So, you finally see how handsome you are." Lina grinned

Zel blushed, but the smile on his face told the truth. [24]

Xellos and Filia looked over at the other couple as the silver light appeared.

"Well, it looks as though one of my best energy sources just disappeared." Xell sighed, then smiled, "Oh well, it's for the good of the pack, after all."

"The pack?" Filia wondered, "You've said something about that before." Xellos gestured at the group bundled in their bedrolls. "The pack." he explained, "Humans and Wolves are not all that different in some ways."

"Or Ryuuzoku and Wolves." Filia added, "When I was very young, I ran away from home...I don't remember quite why. In any case, I ended up living in the forest for a few months, [25] and was adopted by one of the packs living there." Filia screwed up her face in concentration for a minute, then smiled. [How is one's mate this night?] she asked in Wolf. [26]

"Well well, so you know the language!" Xellos was inexplicably pleased by this bit of information. [One is well. One wonders if perhaps one's mate is feeling frisky?] Xell grinned.

"Xellos!" Filia blushed bright red. She looked down at the ground, trying not to blush any brighter.

Xellos lifted her chin with one hand and gave her a quick kiss. [Well?]

"Um...well I..."

"Now now, no changing languages in the middle of a conversation!"

[No fair] Filia complained. She knew perfectly well it was impossible to lie in Wolf.

She looked at Xellos...really looked at him, and thought, Oh, why deny it any longer. We are bonded, after all, and I'd be lying through my teeth if I said he wasn't incredibly handsome. She smiled.

[Does this answer?] she asked as she latched her arms around him and kissed him all over his face, [catch me if you can!] she grinned, then ran off into the forest where she knew there was a clearing, shifting forms as she did so, then taking off into the air.

Xellos wasn't far behind her, and he was soon winging after her, having expanded his body until it was just a little larger than Filia's dragon form.

They dipped and wheeled across the night sky, first Xellos chasing Filia, then Filia chasing Xellos. As he flew along above her, Xellos marvelled at the way the moon made her appear silver, like a small cloud scudding below him...then he saw his target. Folding his wings in close to his body, he dove toward her, catching the trailing end of her bow in his jaws so that it pulled off her tail as he passed. He landed and shifted back, then got out of the way as Filia came tearing in.

She shifted back and threw her cloths back on [27] before running after him. "You! Give that back!" she yelled.

Xellos teleported behind her and wrapped his arms about her. "Caught you." he grinned.

Filia turned so she could look at him. "I surrender." she said very seriously.

"I love you too Koibito." Xellos said and kissed her.

Filia wound her fingers in his hair, pulling his head down and deepening the kiss. Xellos ran his hands down her body, gripping her tight. He moved his kisses to her neck and Filia slid her hand down the back of his shirt and started trilling again.

"Hmmm..." Xellos sighed, "I've been meaning to ask you, what is that trilling you make? I've never felt anything like it before."

"Oh, all female dragons trill," she said, "it's how we reinforce bonds." [28]

"Mmmm..."Xellos mumbled, "Don't stop, won't you."

A little while later, Xell lay beside Filia. He wrapped his arms around her and she snuggled close.

"Anata no zutto[29], Koibito." He whispered in her ear, then drifted off into sleep.

"Anata no zutto." Filia echoed.

She sighed happily and looked up at the sky. The stars flickering there reminded her of the flecks of gold in Xellos' ruff in Wolf form. She looked over at him then, and smiled. I wonder if I should tell him, or let him figure it out on his own? she thought. A wicked little grin almost worthy of Xellos himself crossed her face then, No, let him figure it out for himself. she decided.

She snuggled in closer to her Kizunabito and smiled blissfully as she meditated on the new spark of life within her, then slipped off into sleep in the warm night. [30]

Notes

[1] - Anji probably never guessed just how inspiring this poem was, but true genius is never recognized by its originator. ^_~

[2] - Ryuuzoku are dragons, in case you weren't sure...but I'm sure you all knew that.

[3] - Okay, so Lina's really OOC, so sue me, I needed someone to be the voice of experience, and it just turned out to be her.

[4] - I made this one up, so it might be grammatically incorrect, but "Isshou no" means "lifelong", "Ai" is "love", and "Kizuna" is "bond of affection", thus, Lifebond.

[5] - "Tamashii no" is "Of the soul", thus, a Soulbond.

[6] - I figured that for a race of almost eternal beings who value morality highly, Lifebonding would only make sense. After all, how moral is the way things generally work when we just play by hit and miss? Besides, if there wasn't some kind of strong reason to stay with your partner, boredom might set in, and the results of that would almost DEFINITELY not be moral! ^_~

[7] - There was no real reason I put this little interlude in, except because I thought it was cute...so there, it doesn't have any hidden meanings :P

[8] - If you've been wondering why I use two different terms for these bonds, it's because I figured that the Ryuuzoku and Mazoku still use the "old language" (otherwise known as Japanese) whereas the humans have progressed forward and all but abandoned it in favour of the less formal "new language" (otherwise known as English)

[9] - "Namagomi" literally means "Raw Garbage". It's the usual name Filia gives Xellos, but as you and I know, the more one uses a name as an insult, the more it can begin to sound like an endearment...not that garbage is all that endearing...>P

[10] - soul...if you hadn't guessed.

[11] - Yeah, I know, Xellos was always a Mazoku, but I didn't like that for the way I wanted to work this fic, so I simply ignored it in favour of another option. ;p

[12] - A wonderful band out of Newfoundland, who actually inspired me to look into University out here on the east coast.

[13] - knowing me, I wonder who this could possibly be? ^_~

[14] - Enter the "Deus ex Machina" ^_~

[15] - Interesting tidbit...Cepheid is the main star in the constellation Cepheus...just thought you might all like to know that.

[16] - Yes, you could say that!

[17] - Um, okay, I admit it, unless you speak Japanese, this probably makes little or no sense to you. I put it in Japanese for two reasons. First because of the idea of new and old languages I've already mentioned, and second because it just sounds so much more dramatic in Japanese than English. The translation is "Filia! My Heart! You hold my Soul! Don't die! Filiaaaaa!"

[18] - "Kizunabito" is Filia's new name she uses for Xellos. It means "My bonded one"

[19] - I figure Elves would work the same way as Ryuuzoku as far as bonding being necessary for those with such long lives

[20] - "Koibito" means "My loved one"

[21] - This is what allowed them to bond, actually.

[22] - "Itooshii" is "darling"

[23] - When discussing Soulmates, the bond is usually described as being a thick silver cord linking between the bellybuttons of the two halves.

[24] - Okay, enough of that, I said this fic was Xell/Filia, and it's staying that way!

[25] - No, I don't know how she managed to avoid her parents for that long, she just did, okay? :P

[26] - At this time I wish to acknowledge the incredible influence of the writings of David and Leigh Eddings on this fic. The Wolf language is entirely their understanding of it, as well as my interpretation of the ways of wolves.

[27] - yes, I know, she's just going to take them right back off in a couple of minutes, but hey, there's no thrill if they're already gone, taking them off is so much more fun, ne? ||^_^||

[28] - The trilling is my own invention. It reinforces the bonds because it vibrates not only physically but astrally as well, and its frequency augments that of the bond...also its frequency just happens to be the right tone to make all the small bones in the face vibrate, making anyone close enough feel quite lightheaded.

[29] - "Anata no zutto" means "Yours forever.", or I think it does, anyway...that's what I mean it to mean.

[30] - Do we sense the possibility of a sequel here? ^_~

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