Lina was in her room at the inn. They had had a long day of traveling and they were all tired. Suddenly there was a light outside. Lina got up to investigate it, and the light went away. She frowned slightly and went back to sit on her bed and the light flashed again. She turned around quickly to try and see the source of it, and it was gone. Getting really pissed off by this point, she turned around again, only to have the light appear again. She was about to scream in frustration when there was a knock at her door. She opened the door to see Gourry, Amelia and Zel.
All in pajamas.
Well, we'll just call them pajamas.
Zel was wearing the bottom half of your classic, run-of-the-mill pinstripe pajamas. Note - bottom half, no shirt. Amelia was almost giddy.
Gourry had light blue pajamas on that his mother had made for him, with yellow duckies all over them.
Amelia was wearing a little nightgown that was the taddest see through. If Lina didn't know better, she would have sworn that she had put it on JUST for Zel.
All three were looking at her questioningly. Lina wondered why, then realized that she was just wearing a oversized pajama shirt that showed off QUITE a bit of leg. A little embarrased at that, but it could be worse, she could be dressed like Amelia.
"Uh...hi guys...what's up?"
Zel crossed his arms, "Well, in case you haven't noticed, there is a bright light that continues to flash. Kind of hard to sleep with an oversized Night light outside your window."
"Yeah, I noticed it."
"We should go investigate Ms. Lina!" Amelia said cheerfully.
"Well, I'm sure that it will go away soon..."Lina trailed off.
Outside, the light decided to prove that it WOULDN'T go away, and began to blink continously.
"ok ok, we'll go check it out."
The group, now fully dressed, were in the woods now, trying to follow the light. But it seemed to not stay in the same place, in fact it just continued to move, leading them deeper and deeper into the woods.
Finally they came to a cave that had the light coming from within it. Walking up to the entrance, they could hear odd music coming from inside.
"Should we go in Ms. Lina?" Amelia asked.
"Well, it doesn't LOOK dangerous..."
"Yeah, but looks can be decieving," Zel threw in.
"Well, aren't you just the fortune cookie reader." Lina said sarcastically.
"Fortune cookie? Come to think of it, I am hungry." Gourry said.
"We'll eat later Gourry," Lina said, "Come on, lets go in."
So the four entered the cave and saw.......................................
Nothing.
Except for a little box on a stand, in front of a chair. Next to the chair was a bowl of popcorn. The light came from the box, but inside the cave, it did not seem as bright as before.
Gourry, of course, headed directly to the popcorn and stood there, munching on the popcorn. "Need salt."
Zel walked up closer to the box. "What IS that?"
Suddenly a voice was heard out of nowhere "That...is a secret"
The light got brighter and blanketed the cave. And in a flash, they were gone. Xellos appeared in the chair and caught the bowl of popcorn that Gourry had dropped. He picked up a small rectangular thing and pointed it at the tv, all the time giggling maniacally.
Music plays, the audience prepares for the show. As the camera zooms in on the little living room set, a very confused Lina and Gourry stand by the couch.
"Uh, Lina...why are we all black and white? And why do I have this funny accent?" Gourry asked Lina in a thick cuban accent.
A voice is heard "5..4..3..2..1..Welcome to the 'I Love Lina' show starring Lina Inverse and Gourry Gabriev!" the audience claps enthuisastically.
Lina and Gourry share horrified glances.
"With special appearances by.... Zelgadiss Greywords and Amelia Wil Tessa Sailoon as those Wacky neighbors, Fred and Ethel!"
Theres a knock on the door and Gourry goes to answer it. On the other side is Amelia in a fluffy plaid dress, smiling away and Zel, arms crossed in a suit with a slightly annoyed look on his face.
"Um...hi guys" Gourry says. The audience laughs. "What the..." Gourry looks around. The audience laughs some more.
"Ok....so, why are we here?" Lina asked.
"And where IS here?" Zel added.
The audience laughs furiously.
"Um, why do they keep laughing at us?" Amelia asked no one in particular.
"Cause we're funny?" Gourry questionably replied.
The audience snickers.
"Ok, this really bites. I DO NOT like being black white and gray! I miss my red hair! Waaahhhh........" Lina sat down on the couch and cried. The rest look on with astonished faces. Lina catches herself. "Why did I just do that?"
"Now Lina, quit your crying. You know I have to go down to the club and - what the?" Gourry stopped and scratched his head, "What did I just say? What's a club?"
"Hmm, it seems the longer that we're here, where ever HERE is, we get brainwashed..."Zel commented.
"Oh Zel!" Amelia smacked Zel in the chest, only hurting herself. "Ow!"
The audience is roaring by this point.
"Ok, I don't care WHERE the HELL we are, we just need to get the *&@#$ out of here!" Lina yelled.
The audience gasps in absolute horror.
"Um, I don't think that was ok, Ms. Lina..."
The audience begins to boo them.
"I don't think they like us anymore...." Gourry said.
"Waaah!" Lina cried.
"We need to get out of here, she's begining to scare me," Zel said.
The audience begins to get out of their seats and are approaching the stage.
"Oh &*#%$!"Lina, "What is there - Ahhhhhhhhh!"
Somewhere in between her violent swearing and the audience charging them, they had been 'transported' to a forest.
"I am wearing leather!" Lina yelled in shock.
"Same here" Zel said
"uh...me too." Gourry said looking down.
"Whoa, I'm lucky! No leather for me!" Amelia said cheerfully.
"Yeah, you just look like a peasant hooker." Lina said.
"Ms. Lina!"
"Where are - ?" Gourry began.
This is a story of a time long ago, a time of myth and legend - a booming voice said - where the ancient gods were petty and cruel, and plagued mankind with pain and suffering. Only one man dared to challenge their power..........HERCULES! The voice continued rambling, but by then no one was listening.
"Hercules?" they all asked, with stupified expressions on their faces.
"So, who's who?" Gourry asked.
A man in a really REALLY bad outfit came strolling up, wearing some sort of pail thing on his head and a pie tin on his chest.
"Oh, THERE you guys are!" the guy said.
All four looked at him questioningly.
"And who are you?" Zel asked him.
"Don't tell me you forgot me already Iosles!" The guy said to him, "Me! Jauxer!"
"Ok, so that means YOUR Hercules" Zel said, pointing at Gourry and laughing, "Have fun challenging the gods!"
"Well at least I"M the main character!"
Lina turned to Jauxer, "Ok, so who am I?"
"Oh come one Xena! I know you couldn't forget me already!" Jauxer laughed, then walked over to Amelia, "How are you Gabrielle?"
"Um, who's Xena?" Lina asked.
"Oh come on! Xena, are you having another memory loss thing?"
Jauxer sighed, "Alright, you are Xena, Warrior Princess! Greatest Warrioress in the world. Or, well, you and Callisto are up there together but...."
"Warrior....Princess?" Lina asked.
"Not fair! I'm the princess!" Amelia whined.
"Oh, did they get you all or what?" Jauxer exclaimed, "Did Ares or Hera or someone put another spell on you?"
"Um, yeah....so, fill us in, ok?" Lina said.
"Ok, Hercules here is the son of Zeus, King of the Gods, Iosles is his sidekick, they go around the country and right wrongs and such."
"I'm HIS sidekick?" Zel asked in a horrified voice.
"Anyways.....Xena, you me and Gabrielle go around and do the same thing."
"Wouldn't it be just easier to travel together?"
"Oh, but then how could we have these fun crossovers?"
"What?" Lina asked him.
"Oh, a cross over is when you - "
Suddenly they weren't there any more. They also weren't together anymore. Amelia and Zel were now in dark suits in the woods. A bright light was shining down on them from above.
"Somehow I think this is NOT a good thing" Zel said to Amelia.
"What makes you say that Mr. Zelgadiss?"
"Well, because we're floating up to that ship there and I don't remember casting levitation, do you?"
"Uh oh...."
"My thoughts exactly."
Meanwhile, Lina and Gourry were sitting at a table in a lovely dining room. There was a centerpiece and everything. Some women with short blonde hair hustled around the kitchen, all the while talking to a big black thing that some guy was holding and following around with.
"Ok, now we are going to baste the turkey," She said, way too cheerfully. "Make sure that you spread it evenly throughout the turkey, or else some will get dryed out."
"Now, this is what it will look like when your finished," she said, carrying the turkey to the table, "now just add you favorite touches to the table and you dinner is - hey!"
Lina and Gourry, who were HUNGRY ignored her yell and began to tear into the turkey.
"Who are you people! Get away from that turkey!" she yelled.
When they ignored further, she left the dining room for the kitchen. Coming back with a giant meat cleaver, she screamed at them, "NOBODY MESSES WITH MARTHA STEWARTS DINNER AND GETS AWAY WITH IT! AHHHHHHHHHH!" she charged at them, swinging the cleaver.
Gourry and Lina, now slightly scared, ran, still munching on the turkey, around the dining table, Martha following.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" Amelia screamed as she was strapped to a table.
"Be quit human......"the alien said to her "YOUR VOICE IS INFURIATING!"
The alien, large green headed with little slits for eyes, walked towards her and Zel, both strapped to the table.
"It is time for the probe," the alien continued, waving the tool dangerously.
"Ah, this can't be good..."Zel observed.
"What are we going to do, Mr. Zelgadiss," Amelia squealed, "Before we get, uh, probed I need to tell you something very important..."
"What Amelia?"
"I............."
Now that she had finished off her part of the turkey, Lina whirled around to face Martha.
"FIREBALL!" she yelled and pointed and........nothing happened.
"What!"
"What happened Lina?" Gourry asked.
"I don't know, But keep running until I figure it out!"
Martha climbed up on the table and began to kick dishes and the centerpiece at them as the ran by, "I'm gonna KILL you! DIE! DIE!" she then jumped at Lina, who, being a little scared by the fact that her magic wouldn't work AND a deranged psycho was throwing and kicking stuff at her and telling her to die, did not move out of the way right away. Martha came screaming towards her.........
Suddenly there was no Martha and no aliens (although some would say the two go hand in hand). Just the four of them, running. On the beach. In swimsuits. In slow motion.
"Some people stand in the darkness, afraid to step into the light. Some people need to help somebody......." the music trailed off.
"What the HELL is going on!!" Lina screamed, as they all continued to run in slow motion.
"I don't know Ms. Lina, but I'm......" Amelia started.
Suddenly they weren't on the beach anymore, they were in a living room, a fancy one at that, and were both wearing elegant dresses, and LOTS of jewerly.
"...scared?" Amelia finished.
"Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Days Of Our Lives"
"Where are we now?" Lina whined as Gourry burst through the door.
"Lina my Love! I must warn you! Your evil sister is plotting your demise!" he pointed at Amelia, "Stay away from her you fiend!"
Both just blinked for a second at him, sweat-drops appearing above their heads. Then Amelia burst out crying.
"I am NOT a fiend!"
Zel then walked through the door and attacked Gourry, "How DARE you try to seduce my wife!"
"What? I would not touch that snake of a wife of yours if you paid me, which brings me to.....Where's my money? I took care of the 'problem' of yours! Compensation!" Gourry yelled back.
"Snake? At least MY wife has a chest!"
At this point both girls face fault, look down at their chests, then at each other, "oh........Oh!"
"Well at least my wife isn't the most annoying creature on the face of the planet!"
Amelia understand that one rather quickly, and something took hold of her.
"I...AM...NOT....ANNOYING!" she screamed as she jumped on Gourry's back and began to pull his hair.
The same thing that took hold of Amelia now took hold of Lina. She grabbed Amelia by the hair, tugging her off of Gourry, "Keep your slutty hands off of him!"
"Make me, B**ch!"
As the two girls began to fight, Gourry and Zel stopped to enjoy the cat fight, but looking pensive.
And then, of course, they weren't there. They were in a large stadium. With thousands upon thousands of screaming fans, some holding up signs that said, "Chimera Man!" and others that said "Pretty Boy!" Some hip-hoppy music began to play, and Gourry began to walk down to the arena in a light blue pair of shorts, Lina following him in a blue evening gown, white gloves up past her elbows, white high heels and hair all swept up. The Announcer said over the loud speaker, " .......PRETTY BOY GOURRY!" the crowd went wild, "ACCOMPANIED BY LINA THE LOVELY LADY!"
"What the - " Gourry said as he climbed into the ring, then looked back at Lina, "Wow Lina, you look pretty."
Lina blushed and was about to reply when the announcer, well announced his opponent "........THE CHIMERA MAN ZELGADISS!" the crowd once again went nuts as Zel approached in a pair jeans, "ACCOMPANIED BY.....MS. JUSTICE!"
Amelia followed Zel down the ramp to the ring. Zel climbed in and for the first time actually SAW Amelia's outfit. "Oh dear lord!"
"What Mr. Zelgadiss?" Amelia asked then looked down and screamed. She was wearing a leather body suit and big leather boots. Around her belt was a pair of handcuffs and a whip.
"I wouldn't mind some of HER justice!" The announcer said over the loudspeaker.
Amelia just blushed badly, then embarassment took over and she fainted.
"Um......Amelia?" Zel asked her.
"Uh Guys? You need to start fighting now......"the announcer said.
Gourry, Lina and Zel were now all standing over Amelia.
Except that Amelia now had on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt on. And long red hair.
"Buffy! There you are!" an older guy with an english accent said, walking over to Lina. "I've been going over the books about possession and...what's wrong with Willow?"
Lina looked around and realized that he was talking to her.
"Wow Lina, you look WEIRD with blonde hair," Gourry said.
"Ah, you look kind of odd with short brown hair," she shot back.
"What! ah....!" Gourry yelled, then ran to a mirror, "My Hair!"
A tall, dark, brooding man walked into the library. He walked over to Lina and kissed her, "Sorry I'm late. Giles, I brought the book you wanted."
Lina, in shock, just stood there, dazed and confused. Gourry had turned around and saw the exchange and his jaw dropped.
"Ah Angel.....I was just doing some research on possesions," Giles said to Angel, who walked over to him.
Amelia began to recover at this time.
"Where are we NOW?" then took a double take at Zel. "You have orange hair."
Zel patted his head and looked over to the mirror. Yup, orange hair with his blue chimera skin still. He shuddered. And he thought the purple was bad.
Just then a couple of men burst into the library. Amelia screamed as they headed over to them to attack them.
"What are they!"
Angel looked at Amelia, "There vampires Willow."
"Well, what are we supposed to do?" Lina cried.
"Your the slayer, Buffy, SLAY them," Giles said to her.
"How can she do THAT?" Gourry asked him.
"Oh come on, Xander, point, stake, dust," Giles explained.
"Are vampires like Mazouko's, Mr. Zelgadiss?" Amelia asked Zel.
"Ah, kind of, except they don't just kill the people, they suck their blood."
"EWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Amelia made a face, then stood up and pointed at them, "In the name of Truth and Justice, I will punnish you!" The vampires then started towards her. Realizing this, she yelled, "Eeek!" and began to run around the library, vampires chasing her.
Suddenly she was running onto a stage. The audience was yelling.
"JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!"
A man walked through the audience with a set of notecards and a black box thingy that he spoke into.
"Today's show is 'Secret Feelings Revealed'. My first guest is a princess from the city of Sairoon, please welcome Amelia Wil Tessa Sailoon!"
Amelia sits down in a chair.
"Welcome to the show Amelia."
"Thank you, Mr.......Um....."
"Springer"
At this the whole audience jumps up and again begins to chant "Jerry! Jerry!"
After the quieted down, Jerry walks up on to the stage and sits down next to Amelia. "Well, Amelia, earlier you told us you had a secret you wanted to reveal to someone...who is that, Amelia?"
"Um......I have no idea what your talking about."
"Come on now, Amelia. Did you or did you not say that you wanted to tell Zelgadiss something?"
"Mr. Zelgadiss? Well, yes, but....."
"Lets bring him out!"
Jerry gets up and Zelgadiss is sent out of the back room. Amelia manages a small "eek". The crowd goes wild. Again.
"Welcome to the show, Zelgadiss!"
"Um..... thanks?"
"Do you know why your here today, Zelgadiss?"
"No, I don't know where I've been anytime today."
"Well, Zel, Amelia's got a secret she needs to share with you."
And the crowd goes nuts.
Zel looks at Amelia, Amelia looks away, beet red.
"Come on Amelia, you need to tell him. You've been hiding your feelings long enough."
Zel looked at her harder, "Amelia, just tell me!"
"Well, I...um..." Amelia stuttered, "Well, remember what I was trying to tell you before we almost got probed?"
Audience makes a lot of "woooo" and "ohhHHHhhhhh"s. Then begin to chant again.
"Yeah.....?"
"Well, I was going to say that.....I like you. A lot. In more than a friendly way."
Once again, the crowd makes a lot of "wooo" and "oohhhHHHHhhhh" sounds, and some obscene gestures, and chants.
Zel stands up at this point, "Oh would you just SHUT UP!"
The crowd chants some more, with even more obscene gestures. One member of the audience, a little moodier than the rest gets up and charges the stage. Steve, the security guy, stops him just in time, though.
And without letting Zel deal with what Amelia had just told him, Jerry went right on with the show, " Lets move on to our next guest, shall we?"
"He's a swordsman from some where or other, give it up for Gourry Gabriev!"
The audience once again claps and chants.
Gourry stumbles on to the stage, eyes wide like a deer's in headlights. He sits down next to Zel.
"Welcome to the show, Gourry!"
"Um, ok?"
"So, why don't you tell us why your here Gourry."
"Um, well we were following this light and - "
"No, no, why are you on this show?"
"I dunno......just appeared here."
"Back in the green room, you told us that you had a secret you had to reveal to someone. What was that, Gourry?"
"What was....what? Green room?"
"Come on Gourry, don't act dumb-"
"Its not an act," Zel said sarcastically.
"Mr. Zelgadiss!" Amelia said stunned.
"You said you had to reveal something to Lina. Isn't that right?"
"Um, I guess......"
"Lets bring her out!"
Lina, being kind of pissed off by this point because she's been stuck in back in a little green room for awhile now, "What the HELL is going on?"
The crowd began to chant again.
"Welcome to the show Lina"
"Like hell its a welcome. I've been stuck in that little green room for a half hour!"
The crowd cheered again.
"There really IS a green room?" Gourry asked her.
"Ok, Lina, Gourry has something he has to tell you. Gourry?"
"I do..?"
"YES!"
"What is it? I don't remember..."
"Ok Gourry, how do you feel about Lina?"
"Oh, well, she's nice. She can be mean and hit me sometimes, but other-"
"No, don't tell me, tell her."
"Ok," turns to Lina, "Well, Lina, we've been traveling together for some time now, and, um..."
Lina, getting a little impatient now, "Yess....?"
"Well, I guess...I, um....."
"Spit it out!" smacks him in the back of the head.
Crowd starts to yell "wooooohoooooo!" and chant.
"Well, I guess I've fallen in love with you!"
Crowd goes "oooohhhhhhhhhhh!"
Lina, Zel and Amelia all look at him shocked.
"Your....what? With me...?"
"So Lina, what do you feel about Gourry?" Jerry asked her as he continued to walk about the audience.
"What? Well....I um....I guess...well. I like him a lot."
Jerry walks up to a girl who has her hand raised.
"Yes?" Jerry points the microphone at her.
"This questions for the blonde over there. How can you Love her? She treats you like &*#$!"
Crowd chants again.
Jerry walks over to a guy. "This questions for Amelia. Why bother with him, I can show you what a REAL mans like!"
Crowd chants yet again.
Up on stage Amelia blushes furiously and Lina looks like she's about to kill someone.
"Hey!" Zel yells to the guy, "Just shut up! I'm more a man than you'll ever be!!"
Crowd is going out of control.
Another audience member has control of the mircrophone, "I think that the blonde guy, Gourry, DESERVES that chic, cause, like if he's stupid enough to travel with someone who abuses him, he's just a dumba@#!"
The Audience is now on their feet chanting.
Gourry blushes, and Lina yells at the girl, "Hey, leave him alone, you bi@#$! He's not stupi - er he's not a dumba#%!"
"Why don't you make me, you hooker!" the audience member yelled.
By now, all hell has broken loose in the audience. People are out of their seats and charging the stage. Steve and his security friends are trying to keep them off. One of the guys sneaks by them and punches Zel in the face, which has no effect on Zel, of course, but breaks the guys hand. As he runs screaming off the stage, Zel, Amelia, Lina and Gourry sneak off the stage.
"And now my final thought," Jerry says into the camera, admist the chaos, "On today's show we revealed secret feelings that our guests had for each other. We all must remember that, although it may hurt us, we should always tell each other what we feel. We may not know how to deal with it, but its never good to keep things bottled up. I'm Jerry Springer, Good Night."
Lina, Gourry, Zel and Amelia are now back stage. A bright light emerges from the ceiling of the green room and then..................
............................... they were back in the cave. And in the chair, with a now empty bowl and laughing uncontrollably is Xellos.
"Xellos, you A@#!" Lina yelled at him, "What's the big idea?"
"Oh, I thought it might be fun to watch you guys....and it was!"
"Funny? I'll show you funny...."then turned to Zel, "my magics back, right?"
Xellos stopped laughing. Zel smirked, "oh yeah."
Lina got a little smirk on her face as well, "Well now Xellos, what do you have to say for yourself?"
"Um, well, you guys were really funny..."smiling at them.
"Yeah, but WHY!" Zel asked him angrily.
"That," Xellos said to him, "Is a secret!" and then teleported away, which is a good thing because if he had stayed he would have been hit with two ra-tilts and a fireball.
THE END......or is it?
No wait, it is ^_^