Part 3: Four Funerals and a Wedding


Prince Phil laid his head in his hands. 'two weeks!" he cried, "I only have two weeks to get Amelia married!" In two weeks Amelia would be nineteen, and by law she had to be wed. But she had rebuked every suitor that came near her.

"this is the young man's fault, you know." Mallik states, "she'll refuse to even consider marrying anyone while he's around."

"And now it's to late." Prince Phil states glumly. 'this is not going to go over well with the people."

"Yes, well, it doesn't look like there's much that we can do about it now, sir. We may as well just wait and see. Perhaps she'll come to her senses and..." Mallik is cut off as Amelia burst into the throne room.

"Daddy! Daddy!" screams Amelia, throwing herself into her father's arms.

Prince Phil looks at his daughter, severely confused, "What is it Amelia"! Is something wrong"!"

To answer Amelia left hand to show her father the most exquisite diamond ring any of them had ever seen. Prince Phil and Mallik stare at the ring for several minutes.

Finally Phil whispers, 'that's...an engagement ring!"

Mallik claps his hands together. 'this is perfect! So who's the lucky prince?"

Amelia stares at him long and hard. "I"m not marrying a prince."

"then who could you...oh god no!" Mallik screams. At this Amelia shoots him a look that in all rights should have caused physical damage. "But why, Princess" He has nothing. No fortune, and no land!"

"Because I love him, that's why." Amelia states with a smile.

Mallik looks to Phil, "Prince Philionel! Will you actually give that PEASANT your blessing to marry the princess?"

Phil laughs, "Of course I will, Mallik! Why shouldn't I?"

"Because he has no title! He's little more than a common peasant!" Mallik shouts.

"Now, Mallik, if my daughter want's to marry the man she loves who am I to stop her?" Phil asks.

"You are the crowned Prince of Sairune!" cries Mallik.

"I'll hear no more of this, Mallik." Phil turns to Amelia, "Daughter, would you be kind enough to send for Mr. Zelgadis?"

Amelia beams, 'sure, Daddy!" and runs from the throne room.


Zelgadis shifts uncomfortably before the smile of Prince Phil and the loathsome glare of Mallik. Prince Phil laughs, 'so you want to marry my daughter, do you"!"

"Yes." Zelgadis replies flatly.

"But only a few months ago you had no intention of marrying my daughter!" says Phil, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yes, well, allot has changed since then." says Zelgadis.

"Do you love her?" Phil asks.

"Yes." Zelgadis replies.

Prince Phil beams at him, 'then you have my permission to marry my daughter!" Phil pauses, "You do realize how much responsibility comes with a royal wedding, don't you" When I pass away, both you and Amelia will rule in my stead. You will rule as crowned prince of Sairune. Do you accept that?"

"I do." Zelgadis remarks flatly.

"Worthless piece of filth." Mallik mutters under his breathe.

Phil roars in laughter, "In that case, welcome to the family, Zelgadis Greyword!"


"Wow! You really asked her to marry you"!" cries Gourry. He and Lina had just returned from chasing down treasure, and so hadn't heard the announcement.

"Yes, yes I did." Zelgadis replies, trying to keep the smile off his face.

"Well, congratulations Zel. I never thought you would do it." Lina says, slapping him on the back.

"I don't think she did, either. She almost fainted when I proposed." says Zelgadis with a smile.

"so when's the wedding" Anytime soon?" asks Gourry.

"Well, the law says that she has to be married by her nineteenth birthday. So obviously they're going to have it before then, idiot!" Lina smacks Gourry.

"Actually, we're going to have the wedding on her birthday." Zelgadis replies.

"Wow, imagine all those guests!" says Lina. An evil gleam comes to her eyes, "Imagine all the food!!!"

"Are we even invited?" ask Gourry. The question is promptly met by Lina's fist slamming into his mouth.

"Of coarse we're invited, you pudding brain!" Lina screams. Gourry changes to SD Gourry and removes the top of his skull, "Want some?"

"Yes, your invited Gourry. In fact, I need a best man. Since your my only actual male friend how would you like the job?" Zelgadis says, smiling.

"Uhhhhhh, sure!" he leans over to Lina and whispers, "Hey Lina, what's a best man do?"


Four men sit around a campfire. They look around with suspicious glances at their fellows. One of the men, a lean man dressed in a sorcerers outfit, finally demands, "You going to tell us why you called us here or are we just going to stare at each other all night" I got people to rob, you know!"

The man he addressed, a small man unseen within his cloak, says, "Fine, let's get down to business. I have someone that I need eliminated before the upcoming birthday of Princess Amelia."

"I'm no assassin." a third man in regal clothing states dryly.

"Perhaps not normally. But do you remember one Zelgadis Greyword" As I remember he humiliated you some months past. How would you like to have your revenge against him?" the cloaked man asks.

The third man smiles evilly. "You want me to kill Zelgadis Greyword?"

"Yes." states the cloaked man.

"And you will make sure I'm not caught?"

"Yes." the man states.

"then I agree." the third man laughs.

"What do we get out of it?" asks the sorcerer, gesturing at his partner who is hidden in the shadows.

"Zelgadis Greyword killed your partner in crime, did he not?" asks the cloaked man.

"He did. But I'm not stupid enough to attack the Sairune palace for something as stupid as revenge. What else do you have?" the sorcerer sneers.

"Oh, very well." the man draws a pouch out from beneath his robes and tosses it to the sorcerer. 'that will be my down payment. Once the job is done I'll pay you ten times that amount.

"A single pouch of coins" Do you think me mad"!" the sorcerer cries.

"Open the pouch." the cloaked man orders.

The sorcerer does as instructed. "Oh...my...god!" he cries. Inside the pouch were not coins, but diamonds. "Diamonds! You're paying me in diamonds"!" he shouts excitedly.

"If you wish." replies the cloaked man, growing bored. "Do you accept the offer or not?"

"Certainly! But I warn you, don't try to double cross me. Because if you do my companion here will rip out your intestines and..."

"Well that's enough of that. Now, here's the plan..."


"ms. Lina, stop squirming!" cries Amelia.

"Amelia, if you don't untie me right now I'll..." Lina begins.

"If you would sit still I wouldn't have to tie you down." Amelia sighs, "You really should put makeup on more often Ms. Lina."

"Why" Are you saying there's something wrong with my face"!" Lina demands.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh, no. I'm just saying that this will make you look even better." says Amelia. "I can't believe I actually said that!" she thinks to herself.

"Yeah, if you say so. Hey, Amelia how did Zel actually pop the question?" Lina pries. Amelia blushes deep crimson.

"He didn't really do anything special." Amelia insists.

"Oh, come on! If I know Zel he was to shy to even speak to you when he proposed. How"d he do it?" demands Lina.

Amelia blushes even brighter red. "Well, one night, right before I went to bed, Zelgadis slipped into my room. He left the ring on my pillow with a note that read, "Amelia, will you marry me. Zelgadis Greyword."

"that's it?" Lina asks.

"that's it." Amelia responds.

"that's actually really sweet." says Lina, "I can't believe I actually said that!" she thought to herself.

"I thought so." says Amelia with a smile. "Done! Now all we have left is to find you a dress."

"You know, I heard somewhere that the maid of honor was suppose to help the bride, not the other way around." comments Lina. Amelia only laughs. "Who else is coming to your wedding, Amelia?"

"You remember Martina and Zangulus, right?" Amelia asks.

"You didn't!!!" Lina screams.

"Uhhhh, I did." Amelia replies.

"I can't believe you invited that conceited trollop!" Lina screams at the top of her lungs, making Amelia rather glad that she hadn't untied her yet.

"I had to, Ms. Lina. Every royal family on the continent was invited! I also invited Syphiel. They both wanted to be brides maids." Amelia shrinks away from the raging Lina. "Please calm down, Ms. Lina. We still have to pick out your dress for tomorrow!"


"Getting nervous, Zel?" Gourry asks. Zelgadis shakes his head. "really" I'd be terrified if I were in your shoes." says Gourry.

"thanks, Gourry." Zelgadis mutters.

"Any time!" Gourry pauses, "Uhhhh, what time am I suppose to get you to the temple" Cause I really don't want to bring you late, Lina would kill me!"

Zelgadis smiles, "Noon, Gourry, we need to get there at noon."

"so, your actually getting married." comes a familiar voice. Gourry and Zelgadis turn quickly to face the newcomer.

"Zangulus!" cries Gourry, "I didn't know you were coming."

"martina made me come." Zangulus mutters under his breathe.

"speaking of Martina, how's every thing going?" asks Zelgadis.

Zangulus looks up at both of them and checks around them. When he is sure that they're alone he grabs Gourry by his new tux and buries his head in Gourry's chest, "I hate it!!! My life's hardly worth living anymore!!! She controls everything I do!!! I haven't

[Webmaster's Note: There is an unexplained break here. Sorry for the inconveniance.]

en, coming from the, uhhhh, broom closet (yeah, that's the ticket)

"Prince Torl?" Prince Phil stares in disbelief.

"Flare Arrow!" comes a scream from the rafters. The bolt of fire streaks forth, slamming into Zel's chest and sending him flying into the altar. Most of the guests have, by this time, fled the sanctuary.

Lina, Gourry, Martina, Zangulus, Sylphiel, and Prince Phil run up to where Amelia kneel by Zelgadis, who is just starting to pull himself from the ground. "Oh, good!" cries Xellos, "I thought this was going to be boring. Oh, you might want these." swords materialize in Gourry and Zangulus's hands.

"Ha Ha! We meet again, Zelgadis! I'm sure you remember who I am!" cries the sorcerer, drifting down next to his allies.

"Uhhhhh, actually I have no idea who you are." Zelgadis scratches the back of his head.

The sorcerer's mouth drops open, "I can't believe you don't remember me! I mean, it's only been a year sinne I stabbed your girl! It's me, Frank!"

"Frank"!" all of the, uhhhhhh, good guys (yeah, that's the ticket), shout at once.

"Yes! I am Frank! I am the super evil really powerful jack ass sorcerer dude!" Every one in the room sweatdrops

He gestures to the swordsman who is NOT Prince Torl, "And this is my comrade, Copy Jo-Jo the Butterfly!"

"You have got to be kidding me!!!" screams Zelgadis.

"But he's not a butterfly." says Gourry dryly.

"A technicality. Now, let us get this fight over quickly so that the author doesn't have to drag this #%@& story on any longer than it's already gone."

"Attack!!!" Mallik demands as he draws his dagger.

Needless to say, they get trounced really, really bad. But don't worry! Nobody dies in this fic. They just get really big ouchies.

"Owwwwww!" shout Mallik, Prince Torl, Frank, and Copy Jo-Jo the butterfly.

See!

"Where were we" Oh yes!" cries Xellos, "Do you, Amelia Wil Tesla de Sairune, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?"

"I do!" she cries as she takes her position across from Zelgadis.

"And you, Zelgadis Greyword, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?"

"Yes." he replies.

"Great! Now kiss the bride so we can go eat." says Xellos, throwing the bible over his shoulder.

"I love you." whispers Zelgadis as he lifts her veil. He tilts his head and kisses Amelia lovingly. The remaining seven (I think") people smile fondly upon the two. At least they do for the first couple minutes.

"Would you two save some of that for tonight?" Xellos smacks Zelgadis upside the head with his staff.

"I'll get you. When the kingdom collapses out from under the two of you, just remember who warned you it was going to happen!" Mallik cries from the floor of the pretty much completely trashed temple.

"Joyful Reunion Bearhug!" screams Prince Phil.


Part 4   |   Fanfiction