(Chibi-Gourry walks onto a small stage. He coughs once and blinks his kawaii little pin point eyes.)
CHIBI-GOURRY: Hi! I'm Gourry Gabriev. I'm the star of Bishonen Senshi-
(Gourry falls flat on his face as a Chibi-Lina comes on stage and hits him on the back of his head.)
CHIBI-LINA: You're the star of Bishonen Senshi?! Hmph. The author didn't give me enough line and screen time. And I'm suppose to be the star of 'Slayers' too!
CHIBI-GOURRY: Ano... This fic is about soldiers who wear short skirts and yell out tacky lines then twirl around and shout out tacky attack phrases. What's so great about that?
(Chibi-Lina's eyes suddenly become big and wobbily as they fill with tears.)
CHIBI-LINA: But there's a reason why they call themselves 'Bish'!
CHIBI-GOURRY: You want to be a pretty boy?
(Chibi-Lina loses her teary look for a more viscious one.)
CHIBI-LINA: Iie...
(Chibi-Gourry points to Lina's chest.)
CHIBI-GOURRY: Well -
(Chibi-Lina made sure Chibi-Gourry won't be able to finish that last part.)
CHIBI-LINA: Now! On to the story! Be sure to catch the Buffy reference, or else...
CHIBI-GOURRY: Itai...
Somewhere dark and creepy where the enemy base is. No, not Fox Studios. Heh, heh... Well, this was where Queen - err, King - Rezo commanded his more or less loyal minions.
"You still haven't found the Goru Nova?" demanded Rezo angrily.
"No, my Queen, forgive me," replied Vrumagun passively. He bowed.
"Stop calling me that!" Rezo yelled, slightly irratated. "Why must you keep calling me Queen?!"
"Ano, it's in the script," Vrumagun replied, idly tossing said script at Rezo. He caught it deftly in his right hand, despite - well, you know.
"Indeed, your right. It is in the script. sigh Anyway," he looks down at the script and begins reading. "The great and powerful leader we serve is getting restless."
"Shabranigdo-sama?"
"That's not your line."
"I know, I was wondering if you were talking about Shabrangigdo."
"Who else do you think I'm talking about?!"
"Perhaps the author?"
"Nani yo?"
"Never mind..."
"Gather energy and find the Goru Nova at - hell, just go find the Goru Nova and waste less energy," Rezo finished, waving his hand dismisively.
"This is a kids show."
"This is the manga version."
"It's still not poliet."
"Do I care?"
"I don't know, do you?"
"GO!"
"Hai, Queen Rezo... Sama... Dono... Whatever..."
"Kaasan! Tadami!" Gourry called as he walked into the hall and kicked off his shoes. Amelia crinkled her nose distainfully as she followed her charge inside the house. It sucked being casted as a cat sometime.
When had been the last time Gourry had washed his socks?! So he's the Bishounen Senshi of Justice, Sailor Moon. He's still human.
Gourry's mother peeked her head from the kitchen. She almost tripped over some luggage that she was taking with her on her long trip to Austrailia that she might or might not have her returning home. It'll all depend on the situation if our hero/ine needs parental guidance. Of course, the parents will blissfully be unaware that her darling son turns into a darling daughter now... erm, onward. Sorta reminds me of another anime I know...
"Hello, Gourry. Hello bald kitty."
"Ano, Kaasan? I told you not to call her that..."
"Get her off! Get her off! Get her off! Itai!"
Gourry sighed as he felt his stomach rumble. He had ran after detatching Amelia from his mother's face, forgetting in the proccess to grab a snak from the kitchen.
"I'm so hungry..." he whimpered, feeling another rumble.
Amelia entered the room, carefully nudging the door open with her head. Gourry sat up and sulked at Amelia.
"You know, it's your fault that go me into this mess," said Gourry.
"I know," sighed Amelia. "You don't really want to be Sailor Moon. But it's your destiny!" Then in a more quieter voice. "Or until I at least find someone more competent."
Gourry didn't appear to hear that last part.
"Oh, that too. I meant that if you hadn't of scratched mom up, I would of been able to grab something to eat in the kitchen," said Gourry. "I already forgave you for changing my life so I'm not a regular teenager anymore, putting my friends in danger and then making me fight in a skirt that even my mother wouldn't let me wear if I was a girl."
"Heh, heh. Gomen. But it can't be helped. No one will suspect a guy that turns into a Sailor Suited Girl who defends justice. Besides, the skirts are practically short for movement and fashion trendy."
"I don't care if it's fashion trendy!" Gourry cried. "A skirt is a skirt is a short skirt with high heel boots!"
"Heh, heh. Anyway, your new powers will help lead the fight against the enemy - "
"Who is the enemy anyway?" Gourry asked, rummaging around for something - anything - edible in his - sock drawer?
"Well... I don't know!" Amelia said keeping her grin in place.
"How can you say that so cheerfully?!" Gourry yelled, demon head appearing out of the drawer. It's desire for intimidation was pathetic if you notice the sock sticking in his hair. Which you did. How could you miss socks sticking in Gourry's long blond hair?
"Gomen, Gourry-san. What I do know is, we must find the Goru Nova and the prince who will be able to wield it. We must also try to find the rest of the Senshi."
"Hey! What if the prince is that Lina Inamask guy!"
"Ano, that's just Lina Inverse in a mask. She's a girl. You know? You saved her from a gang of bullies? Any of this ring a bell?"
Clueless look ensues.
"Never mind..."
"Oh, well," Gourry sighed, leaning against the wall, a distantly serious tone in his voice. "If I really have to dress up in a skirt to fight then I guess I - well, I'll fight in a skirt... Any hope of getting a better costume?"
"NO!"
Amelia made her way to the crown arcade after Gourry fell asleep. That was five minutes ago. She slipped inside via an open window in the basement. Which was closed moments before she broke in.
She hopped onto one of the stools and pressed a button under one of the game consuls. The moniter immediately went from black to fuzzy and glowing. Amelia batted the game controls. Her claws hooked onto the edge of the secret compartment, causing the control table to filp over, this revealled a different control panal with a lot more funky looking do-dads.
She began typing.
"Hmm. Zelgadiss Greyweirs... He's just so handsome. The perfect Bishounen." Amelia sighed. Silent tears streamed down her face.
"It sucks being a cat."
"Did you see that guy take an arrow to the head in gym?"
"Yeah! 'Think his name's Zelgadiss Greyweirs."
"I hear he even managed to get the top score in the exams just after. I think he has an IQ of 300."
"He just isn't human. No one's that smart."
"Huh? Nani?" Gourry wondered, looking around at everyone.
"Hello, Gourry-chan. You're not late today," Sylphiel stated.
"Nope," he said proudly. After much cajoling, Amelia had managed to get him dressed and fed on time to go to school. His mother was now calling her the 'miracle cat'. Amelia prefered that title to 'bald kitty' any day.
"Hey, did you hear about that new computer teacher? I hear a lot of kids are going their after school just for her."
"I think they've got a demon inside the computer and she's a big praying mantis lesser mazoku who feed on male virgins."
"..."
"Never mind."
"Also heard that guy, Zelgadiss spends most of his free time in there."
"That's 'cause he doesn't have any friends. All he does is bemoan the fact that he's some hidious monster when he's got most of the school's female population after him. There was also something about being cursed..."
Gourry sighed as he looked over his test score that he was finally present to take. Let's just say it was less than stellar.
"My mom will kill me..." he whimpered. He looked up to see the new guy at his school walking just infront of him. Just in time to see a familiar looking black cat jump from the wall to their right and land on his head.
"Yeowch!" Amelia yelped when she landed on his needle like hair. She fell off and landed with an audible thump.
"Nani?" Zelgadiss said in surprise. He turned to see Amelia trying to stand despite the stabbing pain in her paws.
He bent down and carefully picked up the cat.
"Hey, are you okay?" he asked. Little hearts filled Amelia's eyes, making Zelgadiss sweatdrop.
He's so cute... she inwardly sighed, the cat in her starting to purr with abandon.
Ano, what's Amelia doing? Gourry wondered.
"Hmph," Zelgadiss snorted, "at least you don't seem afraid of me."
"Amelia!" Gourry called, coming up to the pair. He held out his hand but she just shook her head. "I think she likes you."
Zel shrugged.
"For a moment there, I though she was some sort of obsessive otaku trying to glomp me," he said and was met with two very curious gazes.
"Never mind."
"My name's Gourry Gabriev," said person said. "That's my cat, Amelia. You must be Greygadiss Zelweirs."
Two heads sweat dropped.
"That's Zelgadiss Greyweirs," he corrected.
"Sorry, Zeldigler Greymongimon," Gourry tried again.
"Is he really this stupid?" Zelgadiss muttered to Amelia, gently scratching behind her ear.
"Yup," she said, momentarialy forgetting herself. It just felt so nice!
"Did that cat just talk?!" Zelgadiss cried, look at the black cat in horror. Amelia donned her most plushi look.
"Meow," she corrected.
"Ano, Zach? I think you're imagining things."
"My name is Zelgadiss!"
"Gourry," Amelia hissed in the blonds ear. "Invite him to play a video game at the Crown Game Center."
Zelgadiss looked around, his sensitive ears picking up that same voice but he just couldn't seem to find it. He wanted to rule out the cat just for his sanities sake. He checked his forehead just in case. Perhaps all those times he spent infront of the computer was making him hear things.
"Oi, Zel. You want to play a few video games?" Gourry asked, indicating with his head at the game center. In doing this, he extracted Amelia who was sitting on his's head. Only in Tokyo, people.
"I don't have time for video games," Zelgadiss replied with a frown. "I have to find a cure for my chimeraness."
"Your what? Why? I think it looks cool!"
"I DON'T! I want my old body back and to do that, I have to look for a cure!" he said in mild irritation.
"One game won't kill you," Gourry reasoned, pulling the reluctant chimera into the arcade.
Gourry sat his new friend down at a the new Sailor V game, putting a quarter in the slot.
"One game," Zelgadiss said grumpily as he placed his hands over the controls.
Ten minutes later, an admirable crowd had gathered around the consul to watch chimera boy play his way through the hardest game the Sailor V game manufacturers had put out. He, however, was too engrossed with the game to notice the crowd that would usually make him nervous if he had notice but he didn't so it didn't make him nervous yet since he had yet to notice the crowd he didn't feel nervous.
Then he looked up and got nervous.
"Wow!" cried one person in the crowd. "Ten thousand points!"
"Is that even possible?"
"Is he even human?" one person joked. That managed to strike a nerve in Zelgadiss' mind. He let the little Sailor V character die as he stood up and began to walk away. The crowd sighed in disappointment as the video game prodegy abandoned ship.
Suddenly two somethings popped out of the machine where the coin return slot was located.
"Sugoi!" Gourry cried, picking up the two packages. "Hey, Zel! You got a prize."
"You can keep it!" Zel called from behind him as he broke into a run. "I have to get to the computer lab before all the computers are taken."
"Oi! Gourry, we have to follow Zelgadiss back to the school," Amelia said, hopping up onto his shoulder and drapping herself across it.
"Why do I have to school now?" he whined, clearly having enough of the regular hours much less having to go after them.
"DO IT!" she hissed, extracting her claws.
sigh Gourry sighed, shoulders slumping as he started to trudge back to Tenth Street.
One of the care staff in the game center scratched his head in bewilderment.
"Wow... I didn't know you could get prizes from the coin return. I didn't even know that cats could come in here, not to mention talking cats... Oh, well. You learn something new everyday."
And that was the end of that.
"And I thought computers were suppose to help people," Zelgadiss muttered as he searched through some files. "Damn. Not this one either." He suddenly straightened up and flipped to the files he was suppose to be looking at instead of hacking into top secret science files that the government didn't want people to know about. The teacher turned her attention on his swearing.
"Greyweirs," the teacher said in an annoyed tone of voice. "How many times do I have tell you not to swear when you get frustrated? Say 'darn' if you want to vent your anger."
"Yes, ma'am," Zelgadiss answered. As soon as the teacher was out of sight, he got up and headed towards the door.
"I much prefer swearing in the library anyway."
"Tell me why I have to go to school again," Gourry asked, looking up at the building with a large foreboding.
"We have to give Zelgadiss his transforming watch," Amelia answered back, pointing to the blue coloured watch in Gourry's hand.
"You know, it's not polite to point," Gourry commented. She would of collapsed if Gourry hadn't been so tall and the ground so far away.
Just then, a blue haired girl walked up to them and handed them a flyer.
"Join the cram school," she said, walking on to another passer byer.
"Hmm," Amelia said thoughtfully. "I've noticed your grades are less then admirable these days. Why don't you - "
"Noooo!!!" Gourry howled, crumpling the paper up and throwing it away like it had contracted the ebola virus.
"You jelly-fish for brains! Watch where you you're throwing your junk!" the extreamly pissed off red head cried. She snatched the paper ball off her head with an angry glare directed towards the blond.
"Hey little girl!" Gourry said cheerfully. Lina steamed. Then blinked.
"Do you know that you're bald cat can talk?" she asked, pointing to Amelia.
"T-talks?" Gourry sputtered, actually catching on. Amelia's face bagan to turn an interesting shade of blue. "You must be hearing things!"
"Are you calling me a liar?!" she cried in indignation.
Gourry began to panic as he looked around for an escape route. One option was to face the wrath of Lina. The second was the school. Lina. School. Lina. School. Lina. School. This was a tough decision. He bolted into the school entrance. Unfortunately, if he had eyes in the back of his head, he could off ran off down the street. Then again, where would the story go if he did that?
Lina... sweat dropped.
"Was it that hard a question?" she wondered.
"Gah! That was a close one..." Amelia sighed. "We'll have to be more careful around her."
"'We'?"
"Fine! I will have to be more careful around her."
Gourry tiptoed up to the window at the door and looked out. He ducked back down again when he saw Lina starting to come up the path to the school.
"What do I do?! What do I do?!" he cried scrambling around and finally slipping on the tile floor. One of packages from the Sailor V game slid out of his school uniform pocket.
"Gourry-san! Pick up the pen!" Amelia ordered. He did as he was told.
"Hurry! Raise the pen in the air and say 'Disguise Pen, change me into a teacher'!"
Where does she come up with this stuff? Gourry wondered, taking this stressful moment to do a major sweat drop. He shrugged in resignation.
"Disguise Pen, change me into a teacher!" Gourry yelled blandly, winching as he imagined what horrors he was going to turn into now.
Bright light shone from the pen, envelopping Gourry in it's light. When if finally receaded, he had another reason to lay a guilt trip on Amelia.
He - Well, Gourry was a she now, was in a grey suit with a grey mini-skirt. Her long blond hair was pulled into her Sailor meatballs and she had grown shorter and more bustier.
"I hate this..." Gourry whimpered as tears streamed down her cheeks.
"Hey, you!"
Gourry straightened up in fear.
"Have you seen a tall blond guy in a dark grey Tenth Street High School uniform?" Lina asked, scanning the hall way.
"N-no! I haven't seen anyone like that here," Gourry lied, her nervous laugh echoing through the hallway.
"Er, thanks anyway," Lina said with a sweat drop, she started down the hallway.
"Oh, my poor heart," Gourry whimpered, tightly clutching her chest. She looked around in search of Amelia only to see her gone.
"How could she leave me alone?!" Gourry cried in anger.
"Are you sure you don't know where he went?" Lina asked again as she popped up from almost out of no where.
"Aauugghhh!" Gourry screamed like a girl. "Don't do that!"
"Ya know," Lina said, her eyes becoming almost feline. "You sure do look familiar."
Gourry facevaulted and started to back away.
"It's the hair. It's becoming the new style. If you'll excuse me - I have... a... class to teach! Yeah, gotta go. 'Bye!" Gourry ran, nearly tripping over her high heels in the process.
Amelia silently crept down the hall in search of Zelgadiss, the blue transformation watch kept firmly in her mouth.
"To think that I'd be resort to sniffing out his sent like some sort of... of... dog!" she grumbled in indignation. She briefly wondered about Gourry for a moment before deciding he was a big boy and could probably take care of himself.
She finally found Zelgadiss sitting in a chair in the library. She hopped gracefully onto the table.
"Hello, Amelia," he said, making her almost swoon.
Oh, he's so cute... NO! Stop it Amelia. Are you the gardian of the soldier of justice or some poor, pathetic, love sick cat?
Amelia shook her head and dropped the watch on the table top. Nothing would detear her from recruiting the new Bishounen Sailor!
"What's this?" Zelgadiss wondered as he picked it up and carefully strapped it on.
Amelia opened her mouth to explain when she felt something evil in the air. That and a loud explosion that rocked the building.
"What the hell was that?!" Zel cried, jumping up and running out the library. Amelia ran out after him, cursing all the luck.
Gourry ran around the corner and yanked open the sliding door to the computer room. Once, safely inside, she slammed it closed again.
"Safe," she murmered. She looked at the zombied eye'd students that use to be staring at the computer screens but now focused on her. "Damn."
"Don't swear!" the teacher turned giant-praying-mantis-lesser-mazoku said, throwing one of the computer keyboards at Gourry.
"Wahh! What do I do?" Gourry cried as she dodged flying keyboards.
"Fireball!"
The door behind Gourry exploded inwards as a masked red head came barging inside. Having found a more decent broom closet to change in, Lina's costume had a bit more flourish than the last time. In saving much description, she was wearing what she usually wears in 'Slayers'.
"Who are you?" both the mazoku and Gourry asked.
"None of your damn buisness!" she yelled, reading a fireball.
"How many times do I have to say this?!" the mazoku yelled as she reached out with giant pinchers and shoved Lina away and into a wall. "Do not swear in the class room!!!"
"Sailor Moon!" Lina yelled to Gourry as she picked herself up.
"What?" Gourry called back.
"TRANSFORM ALREADY!"
"In front of you?!" Gourry cried, covering herself up and feeling very dirty. "I never thought you'd be into that sorta stuff, Lina Inamask."
Everyone in the room sweat dropped.
"What are you talking about? We're all girls here, anyway!"
Gourry looked down at herself as if just realizing it right now.
"Oh, yeah."
More sweat drops.
"Moon Star Prism Power, TRANSFORM!"
Bright light, lotsa twirling, elevator music, yaddy, yaddy, yadda.
"I am - " Gourry started as she was striking a pose. There was a long pause. She grinned sheepishly as she tore off her glove, causing everyone to colapse, zombie students includent.
"Opps, it got smudged a bit. Hold on... lift left arm." She did. "I'm Saibe Moo. Champain of Just this - "
"That doesn't sound right," the mazoku said, sidling up next to Sailor Moon and pointing at her arm.
"I'm pretty sure this says, 'Sailor Moon'," she said.
Gourry squinted at the writting then grinned goofily.
"So it does, domo arigato! How'dja know?"
"I've marked two hundred papers this week, I just know."
"Oh, that's - "
Lina tapped her foot impatiently as she glared at the digressing good and bad - girls.
"The Goru Nova doesn't wait for anyone," she muttered as she left via the window. Sailor Moon was a big girl, she could handle herself just fine.
Amelia and Zelgadiss peeked their heads around the door and sweat dropped.
"Psst!" Amelia hissed at Zel, deciding it was now or never to give Zel his trasforming watch.
Zelgadiss did a double take, his eyes bulging out of his head.
"You just talked!" he accused,
"Very preceptive!" she said, gesturing as well as a cat could to the watch he had put on in the library.
"Raise you arm into the air and say 'Mercury Star Power, Transform'!" she ordered.
Zelgadiss, not use to hearing a cat talk, numbly picked up the watch. Shooting her a dubious look, he did as he was told.
"Mercury Star Power, Transform!" he yelled.
(Insert flashy 45 second transformation scene.)
There, in Zelgadiss' place stood a very lovely looking girl with blue skin decorated with the occasional rocks. Her short purple hair sparkled from the departing transformation sequence. Her outfit was just like Sailor Moon's only blue.
Zelgadiss looked at herself. She looked at Amelia.
Then promtly fainted.
"I think that's an 'o'."
"I think it looks like an 'e'."
"Perhaps it's an 'a'."
"Hmm..."
"Zelgadiss! Wake up," Amelia said, shaking the unconcious chimera girl with all her cat might. Which goes without saying that it wasn't all that great, even though I did say it and - I digress...
"SAILOR MERCURY-SAN! WAKE UP AND GO HELP SAILOR MOON-SAN!" Amelia yelled through a megaphone she had produced from hammer space.
"Yeowch! Stop yelling at... me?" Sailor Mercury looked down at herself, confused. She blinked a bit then looked at Amelia. Then back again.
With slow and careful diliberateness, she poked herself in the chest... Then again... Once more just to be sure.
Don't tell me he's a secret henti Amelia prayed. He can't be a henti. PLEASE DON'T LET HIM BE A HENTI!
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?!" Mercury screamed, deamon head flaring up. Amelia shrunk back in fright.
The door to the computer lab opened, Sailor Moon and the lesser Mazoku stuck their heads outside the door.
"DON'T SWEAR!" they both yelled in unison before slamming the door closed again. Amelia and Mercury's eyes became pin drops.
"Sailor Mercury!" Amelia commanded as she shook herself out of her stuppor. "Go in there and defeat that evil Mazoku, then I'll explain everything to you after got that?"
"Fine, fine," Mercury muttered, getting up and dusting herself off. Story of my life - first I get changed into a chimera and now a girl. This is so humiliating...
Mercury slid the door open and went inside.
"Yare, yare," Amelia muttered. "Just how am I gonna explain this to him?" She started when Mercury poked her head out into the hallway.
"The Mazoku's the blond, right?"
"So, ya got that?"
"Hai! Domo arigato gozaimasu!" Sailor Moon said happily as she put her glove back on. She jumped onto a nearby computer desk all ready to start the speach she and the Mazoku worked so hard on to decifer.
"I - "
"Stop right there!" Sailor Mercury cried, barging into the room.
"Hey!" Moon whined, eyes becoming huge watery saucers. "No fair, I finally know what my lines are and now you come in and ruin it."
Big, resounding, sweat drop
The new Sailor ducked back out into the hall then ducked back in again looking a bit more pissed off then he did before.
"I'm here to stop... whatever you're doing," Mercury said, pointing at the offending mazoku.
Pause.
She ducked into the hall.
She ducked back inside but with a sheet of paper in hand.
"cough Representing the planet of ice and beauty - I am Sailor Mercury. I'll punish you..."
Pause.
"Is that it?" the mazoku asked. Mercury nodded, a bright red blush on her cheeks.
"Oh..."
"..."
"Now what?"
Shrug.
"..."
"Hey, Sailor Moon - shouldn't you throw some sort of attack at me that takes up twenty seconds of air time? Since you're the leader and all..." the mazoku suggested. She pointed to Mercury who just stood there with her arms crossed over her chest. "Shouldn't you creat a distraction or something?"
Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury looked at each other and shrugged. Pushing her long bangs out of her face, Sailor Moon reach for her tiara. Mercury went back out into the hall and came back in again.
I can't help shake some sort of feeling that I'm copyrighting something when I do this... they both thought. Mercury sent out some puffy looking clouds while looking like she was going to choak in embarrasment.
"Er... Now Sailor Moon."
"Moon Tiara Action!" she yelled, sending the glowing disk at the mazoku. Or at least where it should be anyway. It was just too darned cloudy.
Scream. Shower of dust. Blah, blah, biddie-blah...
Amelia walked into the room as the clouds disappeared.
"Hi, Zelgadiss," Sailor Moon said, waving at said chimera and detransforming back to his old Gourry self. He grinned. "It great that I finally have someone else to share the work with."
Mercury followed suit and detransformed. He smiled wanly at the other's enthusiasm, still being a bit startled that he could recognize him dispite the outfit.
"Well done girls... or should I say boys?" Amelia said cattily as she walked into the room.
"Would you mind telling me now why I transform into a girl?" Zelgadiss asked in a threatening tone of voice. First his race, now his manhood. Sigh Fates are so cruel.
"That's all very simple..." Amelia started, leaping up onto a table.
"And that is...?"
"That everything will be answered in the next fic."
"NANI?"
(Funky sounding, lighthearted, end of episode music come over the P.A. that's suppose to portray some carefree mood but it just ain't working.)
"This stupid fic has gone on long enough, ne?"
"H-hai..."
"Ano, where'd all the zombie-eyed students go?"
"Oh, them? They fell in a plot hole."
Act 3 | Fanfiction