Well, I'm here.
Took you long enough.
Hey, I'm sorry. I had to do my chemistry or my grandfather wouldn't have let me come at all!
Whatever.
Would you rather I didn't come?
Yeah! Then I wouldn't be stuck with a depressed, heartless chemist for DM.
You could try letting Gourry DM again.
Are you nuts? He'd eat the dice!
Huh?
I rest my case.
If you think we're so bad, why don't you DM?
Are you nuts? She'd send those 15th level demons at us again while we were still first level with 3 experience!
Hey! That was only once!
Yeah, and then you fireballed us when we were three by a future-seeing mage!! What kind of stupid is that??
Stop complaining and get your DMing stuff together, okay? Jeez.
Fine. What are all your characters?
My name is Cassandra, Human mage -
Miss Lina, you're always a human mage!
So are you!
Sometimes I'm a paladin!
Whatever. And I gave her greed and bad temper for a total of 20 extra bonus points -
No fair, miss lina! You have greed and a bad temper anyways!
Hello? Whose character is this? Uhh?? Shut up and listen! So, she's got herbalism, detect magic, enhances hit points, enhanced spell knowledge, ability to wear armor while casting, enhanced sight, hearing, and movement, enhanced -
How'd you get all that from 20 points?
Nurr!! Gourry, I had 70 to begin with!! I have 90 points!
Oh.
Will you please hurry up, Lina?
If idiots would stop interrupting me, I would! Okay. I have a specialization in fireball, and all my stats are 18.
18??
Miss Lina, have you been cheating at rolling again??
....No!!!
Roll again.
H-hey! What are the odds of me getting those stats again??
Seeing as you get them every game, I'm guessing pretty high.
Damn freaking...okay, fine. They're 18, 17, 15 12, two 13's and an 11. You happy??
Lemme guess. The 11 goes into charisma, hmm?
Damn straight! My characters chaotic/neutral and her trait is she's lucky.
MY character is a good/good paladin, white magic and the stats are 11 intelligence -
You would...
18 charisma, and 13 everything else.
DAMN!! You have a really sucky character!!
Just because I don't cheat, miss Lina -
I don't cheat! My characters commit suicide untill they're worth something!
That's cheating! The point is to have fun and role-play with your character!
Only for idiots like you!
Miss Lina, I think those are sour grapes!!
You wanna make something of it? I'll blow your stupid little paladin away with one fireball!!
You can't cast fireball at first level!!
My heirloom is a wish from Alimister! I can do whatever I want!
Lina, if you don't stop making such powerful characters I'm going to be extra mean to you.
What? You've had all your monsters target me from the start and ignore the others every single game we've played! How do you get meaner???
Do you really want to know?
Yeah! ...I just did something really stupid, didn't I.
You bet. Saving throw on all your items from the fire that burned down your home.
Wha - We haven't even started playing yet!!
I'm DM. Sorry.
Why you...fine. Saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, SHIT!!
What did you lose?
My goddamned clothes!! I'm running around in a god-forsaken cloak!!
You idiot!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
That's it! I say we kick you out as DM!!
And who will play DM, then?
...Xellos!!
Xellos? Miss Lina, are you insane??
Nope!
Only cuz he has a crush on you and is comparatively nice to you!!
You betcha!
Are we late?
Pretty damn!! Xellos, you're DM. Zangulus, what's your cha - oh no, you brought your girlfriend??
She has a name, you know.
Yeah, Little -
MISS LINA!!!
What??
Val is still awake! You don't want him hearing you, do you?
Amelia, he's 14 months old. What's it gonna do??
Miss Lina...
Fine, fine. Zel, your character? ...Thankz. Jeez, the magic-using swordsman again?? And your loss is fanaticism....whatever.
My, my, Zelly. You are, as always, predictable.
And right now it's predictable that I'm going to shove your DMing book right up your fruitcake a -
MR. ZELGADIS!!
- , you flaming bas -
Zel! Jeez, get over your hatred for Xellos and play already!
What are Gourry and Zangulus' characters?
They always use the old ones over again cuz it took them each a week straight to do the first ones. Okay, zang, is your girlfriend gonna play or are you two gonna continue this stain and neck all evening?
You're just jealous cuz you're sexually repressed. Sex-phobe!
What?
Zangy -
Don't call me Zangy!!!!!
Either stop it or get a room. You're making even ME lose my apetite.
And that takes some work.
Shut up, Zel!
Are we playing or not?
We're playing. Okay, we're all in calliste -
Don't forget, you have no clothes.
WHAT???
They were destroyed when your house burned down, remember?
But you're not DMing!
But I was. Sorry. You have a cloak.
Man, I take back everything I said about you being a sexaphobe -
SHUT UP!!!
Fine! I rip up the cloak and make a loincloth and a brassiere out of it, okay?
Do you have a proficiency in ripping cloth?
Xellos, don't get fruity on me or I'm gonna beat your -
MISS LINA!!
Anyway, someone wake up Gourry and lets start. We're already a group and we're heading down the road to calliste okay?
And Lina's cloak disappears.
WHAT?? Why??
Cuz I said so!
Look, ya little pervert, do you want me to get angry??
Okay, okay, I'll behave.
See that you do.
Damn, Lina, you have him whipped!!!
OHOHOHO!!! Lina, dearest, do are you two finally going out?
EW!! Martina, the day I go out with Xellos is the day Zel is chipper.
Was that an insult?
To both of us, I believe.
PMSing little bi -
You wanna die, Zel?
- utiful young lady.
Good.
Zelgadis, what's your thaco?
Zero, why?
Take fifteen points of damage.
WHAT???
You saw Lina in the buff. Your nose starts bleeding and loss of blood combined with the rush of blood to your -
XELLOS!! We don't need to be talking about that in front of Amelia!
Anyway, it's a total loss of oxygen to the brain and you pass out, hit your head on a rock and...lemme roll...sprained your ankle. Sorry, that's seventeen HP damage.
Xellos, we're gonna fight.
Not while I'm DMmmmm......^_^
Grumble mumble Fruitcake mutter...
OKAY!! So!! What'shappening?
Two years ago Zelgadis, Lina, and Gourry -
Huh?
Gourry, stay awake for once, okay?
- were framed for the murder of Lord Barsos' daughter. You've been having problems with wanted posters and such ever since.
Why???
I dunno. You'll have to find the guy who framed you.
Who's he?
You don't know. But you keep seeing him just before you get into more trouble somewhere else.
Okay, Okay....
You hear the town crier yelling something. It hurts Cassandra's ears. Oversensitive hearing and all.
I fireba -
LINA!!! What's he saying?
He's yelling something about a missing child.
Alright, a chance to get our reps back up. Where's the kid from?
Dunno. Ask the crier.
Friggin...okay, I ask the crier.
Ask the crier what?
XELLOOOOOOS!!!!
Fine, fine, it's down lake street. Fifth house from john's lane. The kid runs away.
Where's Lake street?
That's a problem, isn't it?
DM or not, I'm gonna rip you limb from li -
Zel!! Okay, I have a map, and I'll look for it. Where is it?
Intelligence check.
Xellos, I have 18 intelligence.
So?
FINE! ...I passed. Where is it?
It's not on the -
XELLOS!!!
Okay, you found it, you're there. A little old lady come to the door.
Hello miss. We came to ask about your boy?
"Ohhh, my poor little Jonathan!! He was taken by those evil men who have been robbing the city lately!!" She cries. "They've been attacking the travelers on the road between...
My character is dirty, out of five different sets of clothes, what IS it with you and burning off my clothes, Xellos? Stop grinning.
She's down from 37 HP to 15 and she's hungry. On top of it we have no money because while we were arguing over taking the reward or not, just cuz it's her life savings -
We can't take the little old lady's life savings, Lina san!
- some stupid litle street urchin stole all our money -
But you're never stupid enough to keep all your money in one spot, Lina. You only lost 30 percen -
SH SH SH SHH SHHHHH!!!
Lina!!! You made me pay for the inn because I thought you had no money!! I sold my defensive armor for that cash!!
I never said I had none. You assumed cuz my pouch was stolen.
Okay, how much money do you still have?
...290 gold...
WHAT????
Hey!! I always need money!
No you don't! You mooch off of me! You little -
Uhhn!! Shut up!
Anyway, you return the little boy, yes?
Yeah. Of course! We...oh shit, he's grinning again! RUN!! I'm running! We run!
You lose experience for breaking character. You'll go down a level. You just got the fireball.
...dammmmiiiiiiiitttt...
We take the kid to his granny.
Three armed guards open the door. The little old lady and her husband, John -
WHAT?? That's John??? How the hell did THEY have a 3'11" kid?
Aren't genetics amazing? The ogre blood must skip a generation.
He's friggin' HUGE!!!
Anyway, the guards tell you to put down your weapons and raise your hands in the air as kidnappers of the chi -
A trap!! You walked us right into a goddamned trap!! Why you friggin' little pri -
Miss Lina!!
The old lady's magic aura pulses as she reaches into her handbag, the little boy gets an evil grin on his face and John hefts his
Giant Axe of Death -
FIREBALL!! I friggin' fireball their god-forsaken a -
Miss Lina, you can't kill guards!
I can too!! 24 hp damage to each of them!!
They're dead.
Hah! See? I -
The townspeople yell for the police.
Shit. Okay, we run.....through the house and smash through the back wall.
Into a brewery.
Oh, shit -
Which, fortunately, is empty.
Hallalluijah! I cast change self. I'm now elven and I head out in my cloak and get the hell outta this city. The others had better follow me.
I follow.
I follow.
ZANGALUS!! Stop necking and play!
You're just jealous.
Of that? Zel, what are you doing??
sigh Adding this town to the list of ones we can't show our faces in anymore. I cast change self. Elf.
But I can't change my self!
Oh well. They kill you.
Miss Lina!
Okay, okay, borrow my cloak. Wait, shit, you can't. I'm wearing it.
So?
No, I mean, that's what I ripped up so I wouldn't run around in my birthday suit.
You can use mine, Amelia.
Thank you, Mr. Zelgadis!!
Ugh. Next you two are going to be necking in the corner like the walking hormones over there.
Don't even joke like that, Lina.
Too bad. Someone wake up Gourry!
Why? It's 5 AM anyway -
IT'S WHAT?? Oh my god, I wake UP at this time!
It's a good thing we're all spending the night, isn't it, Miss Lina?
Xellos, if you sneak into Felia's room again, nothing I say as her landloaner's daughter is gonna do anything.
Okay! ^_^
That doesn't change any of your plans, does it?
That is a se -
I don't care. Alright, we have a giant, couch with room for two, three if it's Zangy and Martina, -
How is there room for three?
Duh! It's twice as long as a normal couch and has to curve at a right angle so it fits in the room. We have my waterbed, which fits two people, and -
Miss Lina, it's a four person waterbed.
Lina!! What have you been doing that requires a -
Shut UP, fruitcake! I just like plenty of room. Anyway, and we have two futons.
I call futon!!
When did you wake up?
I call couch!
We call couch!
I call futon.
I call my waterbed. Who's left?
^____^ Zel. He's dozing off, but I'm sure he'll wake up when he finds out he's sleeping with you.
WHAT?? Amelia, Zel's getting the couch.
Noooo way, Miss Lina. Last time you broke my arm.
Don't look at me!! I'm not sleping in the same bed as you! You'll kill me! Besides, I wanna be with my dearest...
Oh, sweetheart...
Oh, loverkins...
Oh, you're making me sick. I'm going to bed.
Great. I guess I get the floor.
You bet.
sigh
Ugh, I feel like I was run over by a semi truck...
Quit complaining. We all got three hours of sleep but Zangy and Martina...and Amelia...
I...am never...sleeping in the same room...as those two...ever again...
I warned you.
EVIL SHALL BE DEFEATED!! Cower before the star of justice!!!
Okay! What idiot gave Amelia caffeine??