A recap. Lina and Zel were walking through the woods I think I can't really remember actually and they stumbles onto a killer mini-lop named bun-bun no wait was that a panda hitting some girl with a wooden sign no wait I remember it was a cabin yeah it was a cabin and they went inside and it got really cold and they only had one blanket to keep warm and they were being all cool and romantic sort of about it and there was gonna be a touching kiss scene and stuff but NOW I'M PISSED OFF cuz they found out I was writing this I gotta stop writing my name on this stuff and they wouldn't go through with it so now I'm gonna show them I'm the author goddammit and now just for that it's gonna be a lemon scene NYAHAHAHAHA see how they like that bloody little...
Yes I've had chocolate why do you ask?
So anyway now they're in the cabin cursing my name. Nyehehehehe... I love power.
"Zel, if you 'accidentally' touch my but again I'm going to kill you." Lina said in a tired voice, as if this had happened waaay too many times to count.
Zel yanked back his hand and glared at it. "Sorry," He muttered, shaking it a couple times and ramming it into his pocket. "It's this stupid fanfic, I think Libby-chan is mad at us..."
Lina rolled her eyes. "She really should try to grow up and - AAAAUGH!!!"
"SORRY! SORRY!! I DIDN'T MEAN TO!!"
"You DIE, stone boy!!"
Ensuing dust-cloud fight.
"I am sorry..."
"Shut up, I don't wanna hear it." Lina shivered and Zel gulped. She turned and glared at him.
"Why are you getting horny while I'M perfectly fine?"
"Gee, way to go for the subtlety, Lina. And I have no idea. I think she likes to see me squirm." Zel shrugged.
"Hey, my job description has no word 'subtle.' And you should thank me, I beat you every time you almost do something you'll regret later."
"Can I get back in the blanket now? It's friggin' cold out here!!" Zel whined, smacked himself upside the head, and slumped against the wall. "Ugh, I am so SICK of being out of character..."
"No kidding. How long are we staying here?"
Ohhh, wouldn't you like to know...?
"I wouldn't know, Lina, but AAAUGH!!"
"OOPS!! Sorry Zel! I swear I didn't mean that! EEK! SORRY!!!
"Oh, yeah, you didn't mean that, just like you didn't mean to goose me just now!!"
"Look, I'm sorry, okay? My hand moved on it's own!!"
Libby sits and plays with her voodoo dolls...heeheehee...
"Okay...okay, look. I don't know WHY our clothes dissapeared, and I don't know why the blanket has somehow morphed into a skintight covering holding us together, and I don't know why we can't get out. Okay? Okay? How am I supposed to know these things??"
"I can think of an answer."
"And what's that?"
"Libby-chan is really pissed off at us."
Screw up MY mushy blanket fic, will you? Want to totally destroy MY hard earned sappy romance, do you? Well well well well well, aren't WE in for a little treat...
"I'm officially scared now."
"Zel, If you get a hard on I'm gonna kill you."
"Oh, like I'm going to try and rape you? What kind of an asshole do you think I am?"
"Libby's the author, remember? And she's pissed. I'm not putting anything past you."
"Oh, great, just compliment my self con SORRY! SORRY!!"
"ZELGADIS GREYWYRDS I'M GONNA KILL YOU if I could move my hands..."
"Oh, great, now the blankets getting tighter NONONONONO I DON'T WANT MY HAND PUSHED THERE!!!"
"ZEL YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!!"
"...I'm waiting. When am I gonna die?"
"AS SOON AS I CAN MOVE!!!"
"Ah, I see."
"Heh heh heh heh heh..." Libby grinned and typed on her evil computer named NATSUMI!! Actually, it's a very nice computer. It's not evil at all, merely USED by an evil PERSON!! I shan't give names, but it starts with an 'L' and ends with an 'ibby-chan' !!!!
She didn't name the computer, by the way, her father did. Don't ask me. She's corrupted her father with anime. Poor man. Well, she always was -
Libby-chan fires the narrator and goes back to torturing our heroes.
Lina felt the blankets tightening again and...
"ZEL!! Zel, HELP the blankets are pushing me down Zel I don't wanna GO there make it STOP DO something!!!"
"Hold on, Lina, I got you!" Zel held her tight around her waist.
"Nyahahaha!! THAT little plan failed, Libby-chan! NYA NYA!!"
Silence.
"Actually, I think she tricked us."
"DAMMIT!!"
"You two are sooo obtuse."
"I HEARD THAT!!"
"I care?"
"Zel..."
WHAK!!
"Thanks, Zel, I needed that."
"You're welcome."
They sat...er...laid there in silence for a while.
"Um...Lina, would you mind if I - "
WHAK!!
"Do and die, stone-boy."
"Right, thanx, I needed that."
"You're welcome."
Silence.
"Lets try to get some sleep, shall we?"
"Good idea."
Nhehehehehehe...time to up it a notch....
Lina woke slightly to something...really bizarre happening to her shoulder...Not,...bad, per se, but...
"ZELGADIS GREYWYRDS WHAT IN HELL'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?"
"Mmm...good morning, LinOW!!"
"It's not even 3 AM yet, you horny bastard, what are you doing??"
"I was trying to OW! Owowowowow!!"
"I did not say 'keep it up'! I said stop it!"
"Lina, my OW!!!"
"You back yet, Zel?"
"I...think so, Lina."
"Good. Now let me go to sleep, and keep your tongue in your mouth."
"I'll do my best."
"See that your best succeeds, or your best will be in a morgue!"
"Yes Lina."
Hehehehehe...fools, the both of you. Nyeh hehehehehee...
"Zelgaaaaadiiiiiissssss..."
"Wha - LINA! Pleasedon'tdothat!"
"Ohhhhh, don't you waaaaaant meeeeee?"
"LinaPLEASEstopandDON'TTOUCHTHATomigodomigodomigod...."
"mmmmm....Zel...It's true, you're always ha - "
WHAKWHAKWHAKWHAKWHAKWHAKWHAK!!!
"OOOOWWWW!!! Isn't that overdoing it a bit?"
"NO!! GET YOU HAND AWAY FROM THERE!!!"
"Why, Zel, I do believe you're panicking!"
"I'm NOT panicking, I'm Fine - WHATTHEHELLAREYOUDOINGDOIHAVETOHITYOUAGAIN???"
"Awww, Zel is panicking!!!"
"I am NOT!! STOPITLINANOW!!!"
"Aww, but you're soooo cuuuute when - "
WHAKWHAKWHAKWHAK!!!!
"Okay, Okay!! I stopped!!"
"GOOD!! STAY STOPPED!!"
"OW! Zel, you're hurting my ears!"
"I DON'T CARE I'M FRAZZLED!!"
Ohhhh, you're going to be a lot more than frazzled Zel. Soon, soon, SOON!! NYAHAHAHAHA - *trip* THUMP Ow....
"Zel? Zel, what are you AAAAARGH!!!"
"Awww, Lina, screaming has a time...later..."
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!"
WHAKWHAKWHAKWHAKWHAKWHAK!!!
"OW!! Okay, Lina, okay!! I'm back!!"
"Ohhh, but I liked you the wayOWOWOWOWOW!!!"
"Lina, you're scaring me. I didn't hit you that time."
"Your damn hair!! Wear a helmet, dammit!!"
"Riiiiiight..."
"Zeeeeellll...how are you right now?"
"Well, I'm feeling veeeeery..."
Pause.
"O-KAY!!! We need to get out of here!!"
"Oh yes! We definitely do! Do you think my hair could possibly rip a hole in this blanket?"
Ohhhh, no you don't...
"DAMMIT! SHE MADE IT OUT OF umm...that weird chewy potato stuff Goemon can't cut through..."
"What?"
"You, know, goemon, that guy from Lupin the Third, the guy with the big ol' straw hat and the sword and - "
"What the hell are you talking about, Zel?"
"Um...never mind."
Hehehehehe...and now...lemon....
"Lina...why don't we..."
"giggle Of course..."
Lina and Zel looked at eachother and...
"GET US OUT OF HEEEEERE!!!"
You're dead!!! MWAHAHAHAHAA!!!
(Content censored because Libby-chan knows nothing about this sort of pastime and would be too embarrassed to write it even if she did cuz she's a WIMP and -
"XELLOS GET AWAY FROM MY COMPUTER!!")
Lina woke up to sunlight hitting her in the face.
"Ow! OW! Bloody sunlight, that HURT!"
She stretched and hit something hard.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Ow, OW!! Dammit, My head hurts anyway, I need caffine - "
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Lina screamed.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Zel yelled, startled.
They looked down.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"AAAAAA-OW!"
"Enough with the screaming!! The joke died!!"
"Eek."
"Okay. Okay, look, we have to be calm about - "
"CALM? CALM? You fucking BOFFED me, and I'm supposed to be CALM??"
"Look, it wasn't like we were even in our right minds at the time, and - "
"YOU SCREWED ME!! HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO BE LOGICAL RIGHT NOW!!??"
Zel covered his ears and winced. "Lina, please, I - "
"YOU PERVERT!!"
"Now hold on!! I seem to remember YOU doing half of it!!"
"I wasn't in my right mind!"
"THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID!!"
"You seduced me!"
"I did WHAT???"
"You heard me!!"
Both of them were still in the blanket. However, neither really wanted to get out and let the other one see them. Ahhh, modesty. Makes you do the darndest things.
"Lina, I did NOT seduce you."
"Then why the hell would I do that??"
"Ummm...hello? Libby-chan?"
"Like she would make us do that?? She can't even READ it, much less write it!!"
"It was censored out."
"AAAARGH!!!"
"At least we didn't do anything disgustingly perverted or something like in a lot of Lemons."
"If it was censored, how would you KNOW??"
"Ummm..."
"Right."
"So...uh...Now what?"
"How am I supposed to know? Dammit, Zel! Shut up!"
"Oh, so you want to just sit here and wait to starve to death?" Zelgadis crossed his arms and glared at her. Lina also crossed her arms, but for a slightly different reason. Namely, she wasn't ENTIRELY flat-chested, and she didn't want to give him the view.
"Well, no, but I don't have any idea what to do!" She snapped. "What do people usually do in this situation?"
"Ummm, I think I run off and leave you with the kid." He was immediately cut off by an elbow in the face.
"YOU JERK!"
"I'm not GOING to! I was just saying that's what usually happens! Damn, Lina!"
"Oh. Okay."
Silence.
"Hey, Zel?"
"Yeah?"
"How was I?"
"ERK!" Zel froze up and stuttered something that sounded sort of like "okay..."
"Really?"
Zel managed something sounding like yes.
"Oh."
Zel Desperately tried to get the pink hue from his face.
"Wanna try again?"
"WHAT???" Zel screamed, jumping as far away as possible. Unfortunately, this only succeeded in tangling them up even more in the blanket."
"I was joking!! Geez, panic much?"
Zel replied to that only with a strangled sort of scared moan.
"Zel? Zel, are you okay? What.."
"Hand...please...."
"AAAUGH!! SORRY!! SORRY!"
And so it starts again...nyehehehe...
(You are really twisted, you know that?)
Why, thank you Xellos! And...
(What?)
GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY COMPUTER!!