"And that's all?"
"That's all."
"Hmm." Xellas stared at her favorite minion. He was so delightfully unpredictable...he always filled out her orders, but did so while also furthering his own plans. (Author's note: Pla-annnns! I said plans! Not anything else!!) He amused her no end. She sat up and looked down to where he was kneeling. "And Lina inverse will no longer let you near them?"
"Truth, milady."
"Hm." Xellas sighed. "I did tell you not to be caught. You should have made certain you were not within hearing distance. And he would have been too embarrassed to let Lina know what you had done. "
"With all due respect, milady, I wasn't within hearing distance." (Xellos' note: Of course it wouldn't be. I wouldn't want anyone to hear me screaming. ^_^)
(Author's note: EEEEW! Xellos! You are so perverted!!)
(Zel's note: You're the one writing a lemon.)
(Author's note: Didn't we already go over this?)
She chuckled. "Oh, come now, Xellos. How did she hear him then?"
"...I don't know."
She looked at him again. "You're serious."
"I checked thoroughly that it was not within hearing distance. There was not physical way she could have heard him scream from the camp." Xellos opened his eyes slightly. "I don't know what happened, but it wasn't my fault."
"Well, then." Xellas grinned. She sighed again and took a long drag on her cigarette. "She's becoming all together too powerful, anyway." She smiled at her minion. "What do YOU want, Xellos? Her, or the chimera?"
Xellos bowed his head low, but she could still see his smile. "I want to play with them both."
Xellas laughed out loud. "Fine by me. Forget about the idiot swordsman. He couldn't find her even if you left her in his world. And the justice freak isn't going to do us any harm, not with such clumsiness. But you WILL have to do something about the chimera if you take Lina Inverse."
Xellos smiled nastily. "My pleasure, milady." He closed his eyes.
Xellas chuckled. "I'm sure it is." She stopped. "But one more thing."
"My Lady?"
"You only have a half an hour." She sighed, and continued in a bored, mocking tone, As if saying lines that she didn't particularly like. Xellos cocked his head (Author's note:WRONG head! You perverts! My god! What is with you people???) and looked at her oddly.
"And...why might that be?" He asked slowly.
Zellas sighed yet again. "Because the author can't think of a good plotline to get rid of you and doesn't really want to kill you." She said.
"Oh." Xellos sprouted a rather large sweatdrop. "Ummmm....I guess I don't want to die..."
"But she hasn't specified anything you have to do in those 30 minutes, so you can rape whoever you want, or whatever." She smiled and waved. "Bye bye boys! Have fun storming the castle!"
"You have seen Libby-chan's movies waaaaaay too much."
"What can I say, I'm addicted." Zellas sighed, glared at he cigarette, and rolled her eyes. "That and the fact that she keeps saying, oh, Zellas chan! You have to watch this! Every other day...ugh."
"Ummm...the fic?"
"Right, right. Weird star things? Around now?"
Lina looked up from where she was trying to occupy her time waiting until Zel felt like seeing people again. "Gourry? What are you doing here?"
"Zel asked where you were and - "
"You left him alone?" She hit him into a nearby tree. "What were you thinking?" She screamed in his face.
Gourry blanched. "B-but Lina, you said Xellos wouldn't be back for a while, and..."
"It's not that Xellos could...oh, forget it. Just...stay here, okay?"
Gourry smiled happily, glad to be given something easy to do. "Okay, Lina!"
Lina sighed and cast raywing.
"Zel?"
Zelgadis looked up from his torrent of misery to see Lina. Her usual anger and cockiness were gone, her face a mask of concern.
"Zel? Do you...want to talk?"
She was careful not to get too close to him. Zel appreciated that. The last thing he wanted was for anyone to hold him, male or female, friend or no. But she wasn't far enough to discourage comfort, either.
"Not really."
Lina wasn't really sure what to do. She could blow things up, that was what she was really good at, but it wouldn't really help at all.
"Lina? Why weren't you here when I woke up?"
Lina turned to look at him. "Well, I just thought you'd want to be with a guy friend, you know, one that could understand you better." She frowned. "I guess leaving Gourry wasn't a great idea...but..."
"You were disgusted by me, weren't you?"
"What?" She stared at him, shocked. "Where did you get THAT idea from? Why would I be disgusted by YOU?"
"You are, aren't you. Repulsed by the fact that Xellos used me like that. That he..." Zel ran out of words. Hell, he was disgusted at HIMSELF for being that. Why wouldn't Lina be?
"Zel, What are you talking about? How would you have repulsed me? It wasn't like it's your fault. If there's anyone to be repulsed by it's Xellos for doing that to you..."
"Don't lie, to me, Lina. I had enough of that with Rezo." He turned away. "It's expected. I don't blame you."
"Zel, I'm not!" Lina stood up and glared down at the chimera. "Dammit, I'm no good at this! I can't get the words out right! But I'm not disgusted! I hate Xellos for this, not you! Whatever he did to you, it wasn't your fault, dammit! Get that through your thick skull! I care about you, and how could anything that fruitcake do to you possibly alter my feelings about anything but him?"
"You're lying again. No one cares about me, Lina. No one but that damn mazoku, and HE only cares about me as a thing, a toy. Don't try to fool me."
Lina seriously thought about slapping him, but it wasn't like it would do any good. "Zelgadis Greywyrds, if I hear you say one more time that no one cares about you, I will personally dump you in the nearest muckpit. I care about you, you great blue fool, and I wouldn't be saying this if I didn't. You know I don't say these things lightly!" She swung his head around to face her. "Dammit, Zel! You can always count on me. I will be there for you when no one else is, I swear it. I will always...always..."She paused. Suddenly she jumped up, threw her hands in the air, and spun around so her back was facing him. "I am not good at this!!! AAAARGH!" She jumped up and down a few times and turned back to Zelgadis, who was currently bestowing her with the look that was normally reserved for those unique individuals who have recently developed antlers. She grinned.
"Now that that's out of my system, let's continue, shall we? For those of us just joining us, I shall recap." Lina ticked off on her fingers. "One. Xellos committed an extremely, cruel, heartless, mentally and physically abusive act upon you. Two, you, in some diluted and subconscious place way the hell in the back of your mind, think that it was somehow your fault. Three, you seem to have the unbelievably misplaced delusion that in some way, shape or form, I, as your friend, am in some way, disgusted with you for the fact that Xellos has committed such a devious and twisted crime. Am I right?"
Zelgadis frowned a bit. "Well, yes..."
Lina cut him off. "Now, look at this logically, Hell, that's what you're good at. Does this in any way, shape or form make any sense to you?"
"Well...no...."
Lina grinned. "Well then! And don't forget this, never forget this! I will be there. When no one else is. When your own mother has disowned you and your father has thrown you out, I will be there for you. When your lawyer has given up and the country is against you, I will find a way out for you. I will be there. And you don't have to worry." She stretched. "And I, for one, am feeling particularly in need of a bath after all that spell casting. You gonna be okay?" She looked at him worriedly.
"I'll...be fine. I think I need to sit a while."
(Author's note: ugh, this is getting waaaaay too sappy....I am getting sick of it, so you guys must be absolutely disgusted...)
Lina smiled, wanting to hug him but knowing it would hurt him. "Okay then. Don't worry, I'll be ready to come in a heartbeat if you call, okay?"
Zel managed a weak smile. "Okay."
Lina flashed a victory sign (author's note: Yes, a victory sign! She does not flash him!! Jeez, you're all a bunch of perverts!!) and headed off.
Zel stared at his hands. Will she really? Really be there?
He was still debating this when he heard Lina's scream.
Zelgadis raced through the trees at light speed, ignoring the blanched that whipped across his face like barbed knives. It wasn't as if they'd actually cut or hurt him, really. He spun around a corner.
Xellos had Lina held by her neck. She was obviously extremely pissed off, the surrounding area has been fireballed within an inch of it's life. She managed to shriek obscenities You wouldn't hear at an AD&D game through an extremely tightly clenched throat, and was currently trying to gnaw Xellos' arm off, as her feet and arms were pinned.
"You %*^*& )*&^& (**(&*)_%$^(*+N &%^!!!!! I'll (&^(*&%%^*) you so hard your &^^% will fall off!!!" She shrieked, biting at his hand. "Let me go, you (&%%(&*&^$%()(*&^%%#(*(^&!!!"
Zelgadis froze. I...I don't know...if I can face him yet...after...Pause. What the hell is fucking wrong with me, goddammit!? I can't let him do that to Lina!!!
Zelgadis leapt at Xellos. Xellos, not really expecting it, got a full foot in the face and a fist in his stomach. Xellos dropped Lina and looked at him. "Wha...wha...what the hell?" He managed, slowly standing up. "I'm SURE I was out of hearing range! Even for you! What the fuck is wrong with you two!??" Xellos glared. "You aren't right."
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Xellos," Lina said, standing up, "But I'm really not in the mood for swearing contests, which, I believe, I won?" She looked at Zel, who nodded hesitantly.
"Is this a good time to be gloating?" He asked her.
Lina scoffed. "As if you even know what )&&%*(&% means."
"To be a product of a general species of amphibious nature and a sheep, I believe." Lina stared at him. "In much less polite terms, of course." He said defensively. "What?"
"Never mind." She mumbled, turning back to a extremely weirded out Xellos. "Anyway! You're gonna be sorry you messed with the one and only LINA INVERSE!!" She grinned. "I just LOVE that phrase, don't you?" She asked Zel. Zel merely sweatdropped and ignored her.
And Xellos' time ran out. Xellas called him back and everybody lived happily ever after. The end.
(Zel's note: Well, that was rather stupid.)
(Author's note: Shut up! I wanted to get the damn thing over with!)
(Xellos' note: I didn't get to rape anyone! That is just not fair. All I got to do was feel up stone boy over there.)
(Zel's Note: Yeah, and next time I won't be scared stiff because Libby-chan needed a plot. I'll beat you face into the mud, Mazoku.)
(Xellos' note: ....Care to try it?)
(Zel's note: Any time, you damn - )
(Author's note: Give me back the damn keyboard, you idiots! AAAAUGH!!! And no killing eachother, OR raping, okay?)
(Xellos' note: ....)
(Zel's note: .....)
(Author's note: OKAY????)
(Xellos' note: Yes ma'am.)
(Zel's note: Yes ma'am.)
(Lina's note: Damn Zel, where are your balls? Yell back at her!)
(Zel's note: Lina, she has the ability to hook me up with anyone she wants.)
(Lina's note:....)
(Zel's note: Exactly.)
(Author's note: Ummm....can I finish the fic now???)
(All note: Go for it.)
THE END!! (Yaaaay!!)