Lina hefted the bucket of water by the well. Birds were chirping happily, the breeze was wafting gently in the breeze, and when the bucket hit the water it echoed. For some strange reason she got the feeling she should be singing.
"Shaddup, ya stupid canaries, I'm trying to work here!" She yelled at the warbling fowl. They cut off their melodies immediately and went to sulk.
"That's better." Lina grumbled. Cranking up the bucket, she heard something in the well.
"Poor little princess, all alone. Your sister is sitting upon your throne."
"Who the hell are you? And isn't it supposed to be a talking horse?"
"You think I have a choice here? This isn't the little goose girl, honey, it's snow...uh, I guess it's rose red with her persona reversed. I'm just here for moral support."
"Riiiight. Who are you, anyway?"
"You don't remember my voice, do you?"
"Huh? I know you?"
"...uh, yeah..."
"Do I really?"
"I'm your elven godperson, you idiot!"
"Zelgadis?? What the hell are you doing down there?" Lina attempted to Climb into the well to pummel him within an inch of his life, she was so happy to see him.
"Don't jump in here, you idiot! Yeah, it's me. Do you have any idea how damp it is down here? Gah, I hate water." Lina had the distinct feeling he twitched his ears in disgust, even though she couldn't see him.
She shrugged. "Whatever. Get your furry ass up here so I can punch you and say hi before I leap in there after you."
"Alright, alright."
"And stop speaking in italics."
"Fine."
"YIKES!" Lina leapt about a foot in the air and turned to face a dripping cat demon. He shook water from his hair in annoyance.
"I really, really hate water."
"Don't sneak up on me like that!" She shrieked, whacking him in the head. "I don't have nine lives like you seem to, and if you scare me to death I'm pretty sure you're gonna be in big trouble!!"
Zelgadis rolled his eyes in a very catlike manner. "Fine, fine. Anyway, we got a new thing for ya. You have to go do the cooking and cleaning for 7 guys in return for room and board - "
Lina whacked him in the head. "I'm not doing that! I thought I was supposed to be a princess, not a low-life like that!! No prince is worth doing all that work for room and board!!" She snorted and turned. "If you think I'm gonna work my delicate lil' hands to the bone for some Dipsticks in a cottage, you have another thing coming to you! I'm not about to - "
"The prince has lots of cash." Zelgadis said quietly. You could see the money signs cachinking in her eyes, until she shook her head and told herself that all that work could BUY her a kingdom, WITHOUT the idiot prince to ruin her youth.
"I absolutely refuse!!! No no no no no!" Lina crossed her arms and stuck out her tongue. "You fairy people all seem to think I'm some sweet blonde broad, who'll fall in love with the prince and live life happily!! Well, I doubt it, cat-boy."
Zelgadis twitched. "Don't call me - "
"What, cat boy? Cat boy! Cat boy!! CAT BOY!!!" Lina taunted, grinning. "I ain't being married off to some idiot with cash, buddy. I'm gonna find a different way to get enough money so's I can buy this curse offa me, and then I'm leaving!!"
"No one said you had to stay with the prince after you get the curse off."
Lina paused. "Oh? What about holy matrimony, eh, buddy? I'll have still been married to him."
"Ever hear of divorce?"
"Look, Cat boy,"
Zelgadis twitched. "Don't call me - "
"Naga darling has already decided my curse takes too much energy to maintain while she's working her charms on her rich and lovely braindead bo. All I have to do is get Martina and my mom to marry off, and I'll be off this permanent period. Then I'll just blow em' all to kingdom come, and I can continue with my normal life."
Zel shrugged. "It would be easier to simply get the prince. Why don't you give it a try. I'll do all the work, okay? If you don't get this guy, I loose my job." He finally gave in to begging. "Please, Lina, I have been sacked way too many times to count. At least try, okay?"
"Puppy dog eyes don't work, Zel."
He frowned. "Okay, The how about I promise to pay for you next meal?"
Lina grinned. "I accept!!"
Zelgadis led Lina to a rather tumbledown cottage deeper in the woods than Lina would have cared to go in normal circumstances. Lina walked into the miniature hovel without even ducking under the sloping doorframe; Zelgadis had no such luck.
"OW!!" Zelgadis recoiled and landed on his rear after smacking his head firmly against the plaster. He glared up at the hysterical Lina and stood up in the 'I meant to do that, dammit' that housecats usually use when they screw up. Unfortunately, he stood up right under said plaster.
"OW!!" Again, Zelgadis ended in the undignified position of sitting on his bruised rear and holding his equally bruised head with one hand.
Lina couldn't help herself. She nearly fell over with laughter.
"You...(laugh) absolute...(giggle) idiot!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..."
Zelgadis glared up at her and twitched his ears in annoyance. "Well, Lina, I'm sorry I'm not the right height to walk into a dwarf's hovel as you, obviously, are." He glared at her as she stuck out her tongue at him.
"If I happened to be a little bit taller, I'd duck. So, the seven obvious bachelors," She looked around the sty with obvious distaste. "Are dwarfs? Hmph. I shouldn't have to worry about them getting too uppity if I'm bigger'n em." Lina grinned. Zel felt a bit of weariness at her obvious glee at being taller than someone for once in her entire life, but he guessed, at her stature, she had a right to be.
He conveniently overlooked the fact that she was only about half a head shorter than him.
Lina glared at him after surveying the area for a moment.
"You're joking, aren't you?" She asked wearily.
"...huh?"
"I am NOT going to clean this up!! Look at this!!" She offered a hand to emphasize the pit. It was covered with dirty dishes, old food, discarded garbage and unwashed clothes. It was literally up to her waist in some of the piles. She turned a berating look upon Zelgadis.
"You have a better place, don't you?"
Zelgadis felt himself quickly losing control. "But Snow White liked cleaning," He said weakly. He was fighting a losing argument, and he knew it.
Lina walked up to him and put her face in his. She pointed to her hair. "Does this look black?"
"no..."
She pointed to her thin mouth, which was compressed with annoyance. "Are these red as cherries?"
"no..."
She pointed to her arm, the skin tanned and roughened by spending time in places other than a dark room for her entire life. "Does this look lily white?"
"no..."
She threw her arms wide, snorting. "Do I look delicate and exotic?"
He paused.
"What?"
"I was just thinking you certainly too wiry and snappy to be much of a lady. You sure you aren't male?"
After he recovered from the severe beating he got for that comment, Zelgadis tapped Lina on the shoulder where she was sulking in a shoulder.
"Look. I said I'd do the work, okay? Leave it to me. Snow white's supposed to be helped by her animal friends, right?"
She snorted. "Her housecat?"
Zelgadis twitched. Grin and bear it, grin and bear t, grin and bear it... "I said I'll get you a free ticket to the palace, okay? I'm going to work my butt off so that you can sit around eating bonbons all day, so you can just shut up and cut the goddamned sarcasm and let me do my job!!!" Zelgadis ended with bit more of the frustration of his life added into the end of it, but it shut her up. He spun around, nearly braining himself on the ceiling, and started cleaning the room.
Zelgadis collapsed, exhausted, on the miniature chair. The cottage was completely clean. He was certain his back would never be the same, and he knew his head was one big collection of bruises from repeatedly hitting it on lamps and chandeliers. And it wasn't even as if he could stretch out; everything was too short for Lina, he was hopelessly huge for the tiny hovel. He sighed. The things he did for employment.
On the other hand, it was better than having to starve on the streets or... He shuddered, offer himself up for... urrgh...
Zelgadis felt sick.
Lina looked around. The place was hardly recognizable.
"Niiiiice... hey, you okay?"
No. I'm tired, my back hurts from hunching over for hours, my head is a collection of lumps from hitting it, and my hands are all worn from washing every damn thing in here.
"I'm fine."
Lina snorted, then repeated the mantra he was saying in his mind almost word for word.
"In short, I'm willing to bet you feel miserable. Here, I'll shove all those lil' trundle beds together and you can lie on 'em lengthwise, okay?" Without waiting for a response, she grabbed his arm and dragged him up the stairs.
True to her word, she shoved every bed together until it would work for him. He flopped down gratefully.
I'll just rest a little while...
Zel woke up in the dark. He cursed himself for sleeping so long and looked around the corner.
Lina was talking to the seven dwarves. She acted like someone who could only remember her lines slightly, if at all. He flicked his ears forward to hear what she was saying.
"And so, Then I woke up and I - nononono don't go upstairs I'm not done!!! realized I was dancing with an utter buffoon and - "
Zelgadis smiled slightly. She was buying time for him to rest, of all things. What a sweethea - Zelgadis shook his head.
She should be smart enough to realize hey couldn't see him. Oh well. He pushed all the beds back in place and signaled to Lina it was okay.
"And then she - the end. I'm all done." Lina smiled blandly. Anyway, I was hoping you'd let me stay if I clean up all the time for you? You certainly need it," You short little pigs, She added mentally.
They took a long time agreeing to it, considering the mess it was before Zel got to work on it. But eventually, they all said it would be fine.
Lina tried to smile, Zel have to give her that.
"How...wonderful."