Slipping


He never should have given up the Sword of Light. No matter how needy the purpose... Even I would have denied it for myself, had I known. But I had no way to know... He had no way to know... None of us could have known. I'm sure even Xelloss wouldn't have seen it coming, for all that he pretends he knows things that will happen - he just thinks he knows, and only because he plans them.

I thought that after Rezo and Shabby, Gaarv, Hellmaster, Darkstar... what else could possibly ruin our travels? How could anything top a Dark Lord from another world? I thought that the loss of the Sword of Light would be no big deal. Well, actually, a hell of a big deal (to me at least), but managable. I had always given it back, right?

In the end, it wasnt a Dark Lord, or an alien, or even a single, stupid black dragon. Not even a mozaku.... Trolls. By L-Sama, I hadn't even seen a troll since that incident with Rezo. But they had ambushed us, Gourry and I, and even seeing the ambush ahead of time, as unexpected as it was...

I had thought, "Simple. Piece of cake. The whole damn cake, even. (for me at least) We've taken care of this type before, Gourry and I".

I....had...forgotten.

Back to back we had been, started that way when it began - my attention turned to my share of the bad guys. The spell on my lips, the power gathering in my hand...my half down in one firey shout. Duty done, I turned to see how Gourry fared - to egg him on a little, to tease him for not being done yet, to cheer him on. Seeing him parrry and duck, slash and swerve....so expertly... It still didn't occur to me. Not even as a just-slashed troll reached out with a hand I was sure had just been wasted... (sure they heal fast...but still....) He stretched his fingers out grasping for Gourry's head in the same moment Gourry sliced another. Gourry had the reflexes of a professional swordsman, that is certian, for he could have only barely glimpsed the threat when he reacted - ducking low and away swiftly. The troll's hand passed silently through the air... Silently through long blonde hair.

The Dragonslave didn't touch him - I had shielded him, for once. The trolls weren't so lucky. He had no reason to whine and ask me if I cared about his well-being...

he couldn't.

Any healing I could have done for him would have been useless, even Sylphiel would not have been powerful enough, and we all know what kind of healing she can do. There isn't much any kind of magic can do for someone who's lost his head.

Sylphiel wasn't with us anyway. None of the others were - Amelia was home, most likley serving some kind of menial punishment for destruction to the harbor town, for killing and otherwise harming the ambassador fleet that had been leaving for the outside world, for running away from home without a minute notice. I'm sure her father trusted that she would be safe, no matter where she went, as long as it was with me. Nevermind that the afore mentioned things were all my fault. Right now I'm sure she's cheerfully performing whatever service she's taken on as penance, but I also know exactly what the scene looked like at her return home. shudder But, still, you have to love Prince Phil, if from a distance.

A long distance.

Amelia most likely even volunteered her own penance - glowing with the thought of serving justice (even if briefly from the other side of it). I wonder if such things as the Star of Justice or the Pure Noble Heart parade through her dreams at night. Amelia, I'm sure, is sleeping well.

Zelgadiss sleeps, I've seen him do it, believe it or not. And fortunatly or not, no puns can be made. You know...dreams...nighttime disturbances...inner thoughts... and I'm sure a sword makes an uncomfortable bed partner even to someone who can't be hurt by it. Zel isn't sleeping well, or much, or at all...

I really don't know what he hopes to find in the outside world anyway, but he seemed to think that the desert was a good place to start. Oh, I know he's searching for a reversal spell, an ancient artifact or location of mysterious ability, a way to increase anyone's power enough to undo his condition. But how can he go out there on nearly nothing? Even I prefer to know where I'm going, and what is making me go there. Tell me its more reasonable to trek all the way, alone, into a strange, inhospitable land on a mere hope, than it is to make a 2 day detour to a nearby village known for good cuisine.

Well, we never really did argue much, and hardly at all on out last trip. And when we did argue, it was always one sided - him yelling at me, or me yelling at him...and he would ignore me, and I wouldn't offer any apologies. I hope he finds what he's looking for, and, if possible, brings something back for me. Some archaic book. I can never have enough talismans (even if DemonBloods are hard to compete with). A magical sword ...

Well, maybe not that.

I wonder if he'll go to Saillune, when he finds it. Oh...Saillune is the only logical place to go if one wanted to get in touch with us all. I think he would want to. But..what would be his real purpose? I wonder if Amelia intends to wait for him. She's so young...would he be forgettable for her? It could be a long time. I don't think she should. He's never shown any special feeling for her. At least...Gourry...spoke to me of the rest of his life, even if it is still impossible to know what exactly was in his head. Besides jellyfish. His head...

Oh, don't get me wrong. I know Zel cares about her. At first it was respect and duty to a stranger, a younger girl, a weaker noble. She suprised him though - but not as much as I think I did. Well, even Gourry suprised him a few times too. But really, he's been upset when any of us were down, and he's been a little mean to her sometimes, even recently. If you can count more than a year ago recent. But maybe that means something. I don't know.

I can't imagine him staying sane between the daughter and the father. Providing he could even hold it togther always being around Amelia alone. A fate I'm glad could be his, and never my own.... But, what do I know?

Maybe what he's looking for would change him. I mean, beyond the physical. I think I'd have to seriously reconsider my affection for him if he develops the Royal Saillune Laugh. Or another laugh, for that matter. With the exception of his own.

Amelia should love someone who loves what she does- some young idealistic kid who'll love high places, demonstrate a talent for theatratical speeches (with special effects), and won't mind a peaceful if violent competition with the father for the daughter's heart. Hell, life with Amelia would have to be like being her brother.

sigh Its not much fun making jokes without someone to share them with.

Zel would need...um....I'm not really sure. Whatever he wanted, I'm sure he could have, but he really doesn't get it. I guess he really doesn't care right now. He will, after, I think. Zel's a hard guy to read sometimes, with stuff like that. With anything important. Well, Gourry is too...was...but obviously for different reasons. Aw hell. All guys are jellyfish. That's why I'm just gonna go back to plan #1 - Just because one prince is hideous doesn't mean they all have to be. That way at least the jellyfish comes with lots of money, comfort, gold, food, silver, good looks...ect ect. Oh, and don't forget, impeccable manners, and easily impressionable. Impressed by me, that is.

I really wonder what I was thinking, back then. Between Auntie Aqua and Martina, I was pretty confused. I mean, sure, Gourry was my (lifelong) protector. Sure he had the Sword of Light. Sure we had similar dining habits. Well, ok, so he also had good looks, and decent manners to a girl. Which he displayed....once...or twice.

But he was so irritating at first! Little girl this...no bust that.... I barely managed. And then...I acutally needed his protection. Lotta good that did me. Zel would have had to leave me hanging around for a good day or 2 before I could have helped myself. How dissapointed I was that my mysterious captor-turned-savior was in it only for the Orihalcyon statue. But, despite my situation, I was still pretty happy those few days. Then Gourry finally showed up again, proving his real worth. (the right tool for the right job. the right tool for the right girl...cough) I'm not yet sure which means more to me - that Gourry thought I needed to be protected all of the time, or that Zel trusted me enough to know I could handle it myself, when I said I could.

How might we all have been different, if he had come with us to Atlas City.

But time can change a lot of things.

Gourry and I were pretty comfortable, it seemed like things would never change from exactly like they were. Everyone else would come and go, but always following me would be my huge lulking, blonde jellyfish shadow...as different from me as that other Lina, long ago, had been.

I'd never really lost anyone before. I escaped my first partner, and later pretty much everyone I cared about was always ok. Close calls every now and then....but still. Even those I didn't entirely care about stayed well. I think...of all of us, only Sylphiel and Zel might know what I'm feeling. But Sylphiel....she was always so soft. It was as if stepping on a single blossom would crush her heart. But she did show steel...

I think, I almost ....fear....she loved Gourry in a way I hadn't. Hadn't known how, hadn't thought to. I can't see him ever really settled down - he was a mercenary, a sword for hire. I guess he could have, and I know she would have made him happy with her cooking.....maybe I should marry her. Granted she's not a prince....not handsome or rich...or a guy... Sheesh. This isn't my sort of humor...perhaps I'm slipping a little. Not that I'd tell anyone that fear.... I wonder if this is anything like what Zel feels- I wonder, if, when we run into each other again, I'll have slipped enough to ask him. I wonder if running into him again will be any softer.

Sylphiel will take it hard. I don't want to tell her. Amelia....can send her a royal message, or something. Maybe. Well, damn. Amelia will know how to comfort her, I hope. I guess a message would be cruel. Filia would know too...I wonder if Filia would come.

He's getting sort of inconvient. Maybe I really should get a horse. But I had read somewhere that horses get spooked by corpses. He's wrapped up of course, as best I could with my cape and some sheets I borrowed from in inn a ways back. I just didn't think dragging a travois would be so tiring, I thought I could go faster with fewer problems. I should be used to this by now.

The trolls have been following me. I've thought I've lost them a few times, but I can always tell when they've caught back up. They haven't tried anything since, and neither have I. I've pretended ignorance of them. They just watch, on the days they are brave enough to approach behind the screen of trees. That, and follow. I wish I knew who sent them, and why they are interested in me.

Hopefully I won't have to bother with a horse. I'll just try to hire a cart in the next town, Saillune's not that far now.

I wish I were already in the next town.
I wish I had a full belly, laying in a soft bed.
I wish Amelia and her father would just grow up already.
I wish Zel would come back.
I wish....
I wish....
I wish I didn't feel the need to unwrap the head every night.
I wish I could pretend that his stare was one of protection, instead one of accusation.


Fanfiction