It was a dark and stormy night..isn't it always in Disney movies and cheesy novels? A certain old crone ( :: Rezo AHEM!s:: -_-;; Ok, ok..) A certain ol..... Red Priest hobbled along on his staff, seeking shelter away from the aforementioned dark and stormy night...After about four hours of wandering around in this already twice-referred-to-dark-and-stormy-night, he reached a castle. A big castle. I mean, a BIIIIG castle..Way way bigger than was neccessary; but, since this is a cheesy parody of a Disney movie, of course it had to be way too big. Anywayy...back to the subject.
The aforementioned blind priest wandered up to the castle, lifting his staff and banging it on the door peevishly. Before long, (since that banging was rather annoying) someone came, and opened the door. This someone was the incredibly handsome prince who just happened to be the owner of this lovely castle. Weird how a servant didn't answer for him..
Now, the blind Red Priest had been wandering around for quite some time, and he was hungry and crotchety and generally all riled up. He asked the prince person, while complaining the whole time, " Hey prince dude guy person, I'm not happy. I need somewhere to get away from the cold and rain and various bad weather out here...Sooo..if you let me spend the night..I'll give you a...um.." He thought as hard as he could, wondering if he had anything. Then he remembered. Oh yes, he had that purty lil rose Eris gave him! He pulled it out and said, waving it around to show off its nice perfection and beauty and..stuff.., " I'll give you this purty lil' rose if you let me stay the night!" Now that was certainly enough incentive..I mean, it was a purty little rose!
But this incredibly handsome prince, whose name just happened to be Zelgadis, looked at the rose and snidely said, " That rose sucks! All I want is more power! POWER POWER POWER! MWAHAHAHAHA!!" And he continued to laugh his patented Evil Laugh. (TM)
The old crone ahem I mean Red Priest looked peeved. " Hmph. You want power? I'll give you some damn power!" He drew himself up, pointy hair almost poking Zel's sapphire blue eyes out, and chanted some weirdo nonsensical stuff, obviously rather angry that the guy wouldn't value Eris' rose. It was a purty rose after all..or at least he assumed it was; Eris wouldn't give him something UGLY, even if he couldn't see it.
Suddenly, a big loud bang and a foop! of smoke..uh..happened, to say the least. When this lovely purple foop had gone, Zelgadis...was a chimera. His skin was blue and hard as stone, and some parts of it actually WERE stone. His lovely violet hair had turned stiff and wire-like, and had close to the same style as the old cro-I mean Red Priest's. Zelgadis, stunned, stared down at his hands. The Red Priest laughed maniacally and tossed the rose in what he assumed was his general direction, and he caught it without even noticing. Continuing his odd laughter, the priest said, " That rose IS special, you ingrate! It's all enchanted and stuff. It'll bloom til you're twenty one and that's how long you have to find a cure. And the cure is..someone has to love you and you have to love them back! Oh, and here's a magic mirror, which I have to give you because the script says so, although I don't know why..." He pushed a magic mirror into the other hand of the chimera.
Zelgadis...blinked. " Uh..okaaay.." He thought this was all some whacked-out dream..maybe he'd been hitting the booze too much or something..though he didn't remember drinking at all..but alcohol can do that to you.
The Red Priest smirked. " Good luckkkk.." He laughed and boom! he was gone in a foop of red smoke, leaving the prince newly turned chimera staring at himself,the rose, and the mirror....Maybe it wasn't a dream?
Lina wandered through the town, skipping happily, looking bright and cheerful, as all the birds sang at the approach of the delicate lovely maiden adored by all for her good looks and general niceness......ah, who are we kidding?
Lina stormed through the town like the red-haired force of nature she was, occassionally lightening up to wave to someone or another, but mostly- she just stormed. Stormed all the way to the magic store, which doubled as a lending library for the mages in town.. Almost breaking the door down, she stomped in. Muttering under her breath, she said, " Here's your damn spellbook back, and I never even got a chance to finish it.."
The storekeeper trembled at Lina's angry presence. Hoping against hope that she wouldn't Dragu Slave his store to kingdom come, he thought quickly of a way to calm her down.
" Well?!" she cried. " Take it already.."
Light bulb..the storekeeper said tentatively, " Uh..you can keep it..I guess.."
And a good light bulb it was too, for with this announcement Lina was suddenly all smiles and bubbliness. " Why thaaank you!" she cried, skipping out merrily. The storekeeper let out a relieved sigh. "What a pretty girl that crazy Lina is..now if she wasn't so bad-tempered and flat-chested.."
Lina cried, " I HEARD THAT!" and " FIREBALL!" the four words that made everyone in the village cringe as the magic store went bye bye in a ball of fire.
Now smiling again, she skipped away, her nose buried in the spellbook as the villagers looked after her with a resigned sigh, wondering what was wrong with that girl..but of course not out loud; they learned not to do that a long time ago. Too bad the storekeeper never did..
Lina continued her journey home, while reading the book with all her concentration. And so, she didn't notice a certain purple haired Mazoku come up to her and snatch the book away. Until she noticed that she was reading her hands. And then she stopped and looked up. Xelloss stood there, grinning, holding her spellbook. " Well well, my fair Lina," he said. " You know it's not right for a pretty little delicate girl like you to use magic.."
Lina steamed. " Give it back, Xelloss!" He tsktsked. " You know what, Lina-chan?"
She blinked at the use of the friendly suffix. " ...what?"
He smiled sunnily and winked. " It's a waste to leave such a pretty girl all by herself..Indeed, you're the prettiest girl in all town, Lina-chan; so I've chosen you to be my wife. Aren't you so lucky?"
Lina blinked. And then blinked again. " Uh..what?"
He laughed. " You heard me, Lina-chan. You're the only one worthy enough in this town to be MY wife."
As Lina stood there stupefied, Xelloss' little flunky LePhew ( who looked suspiciously like a Martina who had duct-taped her chest) skipped up. A rather feminine young man, if I do say so myself.
Seeming to growl faintly at Xelloss saying Lina was the only one worthy enough, LePhew said snidely, " But her father's that damn fool crazy inventor.."
Lina growled. " At least MY father wasn't a.." Before Lina could finish this intriguing sentence, however, something happened. A big something. Or more precisely, a BIG BOOM.
Lina sweatdropped. " Uh, see you later." And she was off and running to her dad's house.
Due to the anime law that states it never takes the heroine or hero long to reach their destination in an emergency, no matter how far they're going, Lina reached her house - or what remained of it - VERY quickly. Blasting down the door with no regard to its already lamentable state, she barreled into the house and then down into the basement, where poor Papa Gourry was sitting, Light Sword in his hand, the walls blasted down around him, with a look of confusion upon his face.
" Duh, Lina...was it supposed to do that?" Lina hit her forehead and then, as an afterthought, hit his. He blinked with large blue puppy eyes, and she sighed. " No, Papa Gourry.."
Gourry said, " Oh. Oopsies." ^^ Gourry made a nice little stupid face.
Part 1 | Fanfiction