Casting
At Casa de Greywords, Lina comes in from checking the mail.
Lina: Junk, junk, bill, junk, Hey Zel! Here's another note from Kalis. She wants us to do another play.
Zelgadis: I'm not going. Last time she named me Pig-meister.
Lina: You are coming with me .. Pig-meister. I like that. Anyway, there is no way I'm stepping foot in that apartment without you.
That evening back at the apartment, people slowly started to gather.
Kalis: Looks like we are about ready to start.
Kieran: Only six people have shown up.
Kalis: I know, I only invited the ones actually in the play. Are all of you ready?! Here's the list.
Goldylocks and the Three Bears
Goldylocks -- Lina Inverse
Papa Bear -- Xellos Metallium
Mama Bear -- Zelas Metallium
Baby Bear -- Phibrizo
Prosecuting attorney -- Filia Ul Copt
Defense attorney -- Zelgadis Greywords
Judge -- Special Guest
Filia: Who's the special guest?
Kalis: Sore wa himitsu desu.
Xellos: You learn well Kali-chan.
Kalis: Thank you.
Filia: Namagomi!!!!
Phibrizo: But, who's the special guest.
Zelas: I don't think she's going to tell us. She can be very stubborn.
Kalis: I'm hurt Zelas. I can't believe you would say something like that about me.
Zelas: It's true.
Kalis: I know. Anyways shall we all get started ..
Phibrizo: No! I'm not playing the baby. I'm older than all of you.
Kalis: Aww, Phibby-kun. You're so cute when you throw your little tantrums. Well everyone to the bus. Let us go!
A few minutes later on the Broken Bedtime Stories Bus.
Zelgadis: I've been meaning to ask you, since when is there a courtroom scene in Goldylocks?
Kalis: Since I put one in. Now, no talking to the driver. You wouldn't want me crash into a carload of children, now would you?
Let's Begin
Scene One: The Cottage
Kieran: It is a beautiful autumn day in the Fairyland Woods. In a little cottage in a small glen, there lived three bears. A mama bear, a papa bear, and a little baby bear. It was Baby Bear's birthday so Mama Bear made a cake. After setting the pieces out on the table the Bear family decided to go for a walk in the woods to admire the beautiful foliage.
Zelgadis: That's not how the story goes.
Kalis: It is when I write it. Have you ever had porraige? Yuck.
Phibrizo: I don't want to go for a walk in the woods. I don't want to be the baby!
Zelas: There, there, Baby-chan. You are going to have fun.
Kalis: Come on Kieran, "While the three bears were gone..."
Kieran: While the three bears were gone, a young red-head by the name of Goldylocks -- that doesn't make any sense -- came skipping through the Fairyland Woods toward the bear's glen. Upon reaching the house, she decided to see if anyone was home.
Lina: Hey, anybody in there!
Kieran: When nobody answered the door, Goldy used Unlock to open the door and let herself in. After entering, she notices the table with the cake placed on it.
Lina: Hm, the door is open. Might as well go in. Ooh, cake! I'm sure nobody would mind if I helped myself to a piece.
Kieran: Goldylocks inhaled the entire cake in speeds exceeding mach3. What happened to the whole 'too hot, too cold' thing?
Kalis: That wouldn't make much sense, the pieces all came off the same cake. Besides, do you really think that Lina would've noticed. I don't see how she would even be able to taste the food when she eats that fast.
Lina: Hey, I tasted everything just fine. Anybody have some milk that cake was a little dry.
Kalis: Don't blame me, Xellos is the one who made the cake. He wouldn't even let me in the kitchen while he was baking.
Lina: You mean, I just ate something that Xellos cooked. I think I'm going to be sick.
Kieran: Goldylocks runs to throw up the cake she ate, and was feeling very weak afterwards. As she was walking across the room, she stumbled and broke a small wooden chair. She finally made it to a little bedroom decorated with Teletubbies posters on the wall and Barney sheets on the bed. (shudders) She half crawls to the bed and lays down and immediately falls asleep.
Kalis: Phibby-kun must be evil to have a room decorated like that. Scary.
Scene Two: The Bears Return
Phibrizo: I am not a BABY!
Zelas: Hush now Baby-chan, or no cake for you.
Kalis: You're really enjoying this aren't you?
Zelas: Of course. (to Phibrizo) Now lets all go have some cake before it gets too cold.
Phibrizo: (mutters) Who would want to eat something that Fruitcake made. Even I'm not that insane.
Kieran: The bears return to their house and notice that the door was unlocked. As they walked in, Baby was the first to notice that the cake was gone.
Phibrizo: Yay, the cake is gone! Now I don't have to eat any of that toxic waste.
Xellos: Don't worry Baby-chan, I made an extra just in case.
Kieran: Baby Bear ran screaming from the room and he didn't even notice that his chair was broken as he dashes into his bedroom. After locking his door several times over, he turns around and finds the redheaded Goldylocks sleeping on his bed.
Phibrizo: Now is the perfect time to get my revenge on Lina for killing me.
Kalis: Oh, no you don't Phibby-kun. (to Lina) Time to wake up Lina. Lina? (to Xellos) Did your cake kill her?
Lina: I'm up, I'm up. (looks around) Oh, God, I'm in hell.
Xellos: Close, this is Baby-chan's bedroom.
Kieran: Seeing all the pure evil on the walls for the first time, Goldylocks runs screaming from the house.
Scene Three: Goldylocks' House
Kieran: A few days later, Goldylocks is checking the mail.
Lina: Junk, junk, bill, junk, what's this?
Kieran: She opens the last piece of mail that reads: "You, Goldylocks, are hereby summoned to appear in court on the day of May 12, 2002 at the time of 4:15 pm, by the request of the Bear family."
Scene Four: The Courtroom
Zelgadis: You do know that the story was supposed to end after Goldylocks ran from the Bear's house, don't you?
Kalis: Not until I get my big courtroom scene. I have my special guest lined up and everything. Besides, this isn't nearly long enough yet.
Filia: But who is the special guest?
Kalis: Sore wa himitsu desu.
Filia: I should have known. You are just as bad as that namagomi.
Kieran: Can we get this over with?
Kalis: NO! ... Oh, okay, let us go.
Scene Five: The Real Courtroom Scene
Kieran: It is now May 12, 2002 and Goldylocks got ready for her trial. People slowly start to gather into the courtroom as the time nears 4:15. She sits down at her table with her lawyer next to her and looks across the room to see Baby Bear all bandaged from head to toe.
Amelia: All rise for the honorable judge.
Kalis: How do you keep finding us?! What are you doing here this time?
Amelia: I noticed that you didn't cast a bailiff and you need one if you want to have a courtroom scene. I, being a champion of justice, decided that I will help you to create a perfect replica of this country's wonderful justice system.
Kalis: Okay, you had your line. Now you can leave.
Amelia: No, there is more stuff for the bailiff to do.
Amelia is picked up by Kalis' new security team and carried out of the room.
Kalis: I finally got a decent security team. But, I need to remember to dock their pay for letting her in in the first place.
A young blond girl in a judge's robe walks into the room and sits in her big chair. After seeing her, everybody gasps and the room grows quiet.
Kalis: What's wrong with everybody? You all have lines you know.
Kieran: You didn't tell me that you got her as your special guest.
Xellos: Yeah, Kali-chan, how did you manage this one?
Kalis: What are you guys talking about? All I did was ask her and she agreed to come as my special guest. The only condition she had was that I didn't tell anybody who she was before she came out. I think she wanted to surprise everybody.
Phibrizo: But th-that's m-m-Mother!
LoN: I know that those bandages aren't real. You weren't planning on lying in court, were you?
Phribrizo: N-n-no. Of course not. I was just, uh, going to, uh, protect my skin from the harsh sun. That's all.
LoN: Sure.
Kalis: Well Mr. Narrator. Do you want to keep your job?
Kieran: You don't pay me. You know I'm only here to keep you under control.
Xellos: Kali-chan's got me to do that. I'll keep her under control.
Lina: Yeah right Xellos. Kalis has got you whipped.
Kalis: Uh uh. I do not. I'll do anything for my Xellos-sama.
Zelgadis: Can we please get back to the story so we can finish this?
Kalis: Okay, okay. Where were we again?
Minna: The Courtroom!!!
Kalis: Oh~h. Lets try this one again.
Scene Six: The real, real Courtroom Scene, honto!
Kieran: After the judge had taken her seat, the trial could begin. The prosecuting attorney stood to give her opening statement.
Filia: On the day of May 2, 2002, the Bear family had taken a walk in the woods to admire the scenery. While they were on their outing, that girl there (points to Lina) broke into their house. Upon entering she ate the little baby's birthday cake, broke his favorite chair, and violated his bedroom. When the family came home, they were expecting to have a small family party for their son's birthday, but what they found was, crumbs where the cake should have been, and the perpetrater still within their home. Fearing for their child's safety, they were only relieved when the girl ran from their house. Today I would like the court to put an end to this girl's crime spree and have her compensate for this family's property and emotional damage.
Kalis: Wow, she's actually cooperating.
Kieran: Why do you say that?
Kalis: Here she is pleading the case for a few mazoku. I could have sworn she would be chasing Xellos with her mace by now.
Xellos: (dissapointed) I know. I think she just wants to get this over with so she can go home to that dumb egg of hers.
Filia: "Dumb egg." How dare you call Val-chan a "dumb egg," you -- you NAMAGOMI!!!
Kalis: There she goes. I guess it was only a matter of time. However, I want to finish this before next week so, FILIA! get back here and sit down. Xellos, sit. You will all behave and we will now finish this play without any further interruptions. Do you understand? (everyone nodds) Good. Kieran?
Kieran: After the attorney was finished beating her client into a bloody pulp, the defense gave their statement.
Zelgadis: (after a long pause) I really can't think of anything. She really did do all that stuff. However, I'm sure there wasn't any emotional damage, I know those people. It would take a lot more than that to cause psychological problems.
Lina: (muttering) Other than the ones they already have. (out loud) Damn you Zel, you're supposed to be defending me. You do realize that this looks bad for my case; my own husband believes I'm guilty.
LoN: Well, do to the defense not having any case, I find the defendent guilty of breaking and entering. Goldylocks will have to replace the chair and the cake. Since I also know the Bear family, I rule that Goldylocks did not cause any psychological damage and does not owe anything to compensate said damage. Court dismissed.
Kalis: Yay! I finally finished the courtroom scene!
Kieran: Only after three tries. The judge made her ruling and everybody went home. Goldylocks replaced the chair and made a cake for the Bear family. However, she felt that since the original was so bad, she would replace it with another cake just as bad. The Bear family took her to court once again on account of poisoning and they won.
The End
Phibrizo: (singing) It's over, it's over, it's finally over.
Zelas: Awe, did Baby-chan not like this little play?
Phibrizo: I am not a baby! I'm older than you are, damn it!
Xellos: Children should not use such language.
Phibrizo: Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!! (runs away screaming)
Kalis: Think we overdid the baby thing.
Zelas: Naw. He's just cranky; he hasn't had his nap yet.
Yet more screaming could be heard from the distance.
LoN: I'll go take care of widdle Phibby-chan.
Kalis: See ya, thanks for coming.
LoN: It was no problem. This was actually kinda fun. Let me know when you do another one.
Kalis: Sure thing.
L-sama leaves. After getting a few more beatings in on Xellos, Filia leaves as well.
Lina: Wow, Kalis, I'm amazed.
Kalis: About what?
Zelgadis: You went through the entire thing without mentioning anything between you and Xellos.
Xellos: He's right. I'm a little freaked out about this one.
Kalis: Yeah, I know. Things just don't feel right now that they mentioned it.
Kieran: Almost as though things aren't quite complete.
Kalis: Well, .. there's always next time.
Minna: Next time!
Kalis: Of course. You didn't think this was going to be the last one, did you? I have fun with these stories.
Lina: These are just excuses not to work on your real stories.
Kieran: I know. When are you going to finish Untitled?
Kalis: Why do you care? I don't think there is very much about you in the rest of it. But since all of you are so concerned with me finishing my other stories. Maybe you should all go home.
Lina and Zelgadis go back to their house. Lina made Zelgadis sit in the back seat on the way home; she's still a little angry with the way he defended her in the play. Zelas and Xellos phaze out and Kieran goes to his room. Kalis is finally left alone.
Kalis: It really is wierd about not having all that stuff with me and Xellos throughout the play. This ending just doesn't feel right.
Fade to black.
Kalis: Hey, now I can't see damn it.