Xelloss, wearing a suit seated in an easy chair, legs crossed. A fire burns merrily in the backround as an electric guitar version of the Masterpiece theater theme plays softly.
Xel: Hello, I'm Xelloss Mettalium. You may know me from episodes of the Slayers, and the Xelloss show. But tonight, I want to talk to all you women warriors out there. Do you wear leather? Is it low cut? Sure, you all do. But are low cut halters, spikes, fearsome reputations and long capes enough?
Xelloss gets up and starts walking, stopping at a table piled high with cans of polish.
Xel: A survey of bandits showed that nine out of ten gangs, when confronted by women warriors all experienced the same sensation. Why, because those women warriors had something extra. What was that?
He pauses and smiles.
Xel: They had shine. Yes, a well polished set of breasts can mean the difference between mere intimidation, and outright terror. And four out of five Alchemists agree that nothing gets better results then...
He holds out one of the cans towards the camera.
Xel: Shiney Boob! Specially formulated from select oysters, Shiney Boob is the polish of choice for the discriminating women warrior. Take it from our spokesperson,
Xel moves to the other side of the table, where Nahga is standing.
Xel: Nothing is better then Shiney Boob. Right, Nahga?
Nagha: OH HO! HO! HO! HO!
Announcer: To order Shiney Boob, please send 3 gold coins or one point five ounces of precious gems per can to; Shiney Boob, 3 goat lane, Sailoon, Northern Mountains. Sorry, no C.O.D.'s and delivery is not garunteed in the event of attack by Mazoku, bandits or Lina Inverse.
Xel: Order Shiney Boob today!