It's bad enough I have to get in a dress. It's even worse I have to wear lipstick. But damnit! Did he have to look that good as a girl?!?
Gourry was sitting at the campfire, trying to ponder this over. After their rather embarrassing fiasco in Femille, everybody had retired early. He had taken watch because he wasn't ready to share a tent with Zel so soon.
Hips! No guys should have hips like that! And Lina was so right... Hell, and Amelia said she only padded the front. Those were his hips! I know he hated it, but he did look good... Damn... too good...
Gourry sat and stared at the fire. His thoughts kept returning to Femille in general and Zel in particular. So absorbed was he that he didn't notice the chimera sitting down next to him until Zel spoke.
"Gourry."
The swordsman jumped. "H-hi, Zel..."
He only nodded and sat looking at the fire. The silence stretches between them, both comforting and awkward at once. Gourry polished his sword nervously, chancing side glances at the man he found so alluring. Zel's gaze never left the flames, the light reflecting in his blue slit eyes. The effect was hypnotic, and Gourry had to tear his eyes away more than once. Finally, he had enough and cleared his throat to talk, but Zel beat him to it.
"Gourry, can I admit something to you and you not tell anyone? Not even Lina?" With my luck, you'll forget anyway.
Gourry blinked. Zel hardly spoke to him at all unless it was in battle. One-on-one conversation was... it just didn't happen.
"Yeah, sure. What's up, Zel?"
"What would you say if I told you I was jealous?"
Jealous? "Of who?"
"Lina."
WHAT?!?!? "Why would you be jealous of her?"
"I should think that would be obvious..." He paused as if remembering something. "Oh, right, my mistake." With a sigh that said more than Zel ever has in his life, the chimera looked at the sky and spoke. "She has everything, Gourry. Looks, friends, notoriety, respect, wealth, power... Does she even know how much power she has? She boasts about it enough, but sometimes I wonder. If you have enough strength to pull the dark lord into your body, what else can you do? And she has everyone ready to jump if... when she yells. I... I know, this is being petty. You're probably thinking I have all of you as friends as well..."
You do! You have me! "We are your friends, Zel..."
"Perhaps... but sometimes I don't feel like one. I feel like a.. a toy. A novelty. A tool. I rarely feel like a person. I... I just don't feel like I'm wanted as a friend just for being me, you know?"
Oh, Zel... "I... I thought Amelia..."
"I think Amelia considers me her personal crusade sometimes. Even then, she tends to go along with Lina. I was surprised she didn't just eat with you ad Lina back when we had that argument over which restaurant to go to."
Gourry bit his lip nervously. "Why was that so important to you? I thought you liked roast beef."
"I do, but I just didn't want it then. And I didn't want to follow her again. I have a mind of my own and I like to use it sometimes. And I was angry. It was only a restaurant. I would have had roast beef later. But you saw how she insisted we all have roast beef. I thought I would be eating alone until Amelia sided with me. It was the only time I've seen her stand up to Lina."
Unlike me... "So it wasn't so much that you wanted hot pot, just... you didn't want to follow Lina?"
"At first, I just didn't want the roast beef. But then it was principle, yes." He sighs and looks back at the fire. "But I'm getting off track. The fact remains that I am jealous, I don't want to be jealous, but I don't know what to do about it... or my other problem."
Gourry blinked. "Other problem?"
Zel looked around, making sure no one is around, then leaned a little closer to Gourry. "You cannot tell this to anyone, got it?"
Curious, Gourry only nodded his agreement.
"Well, there is one person who seems to like me. And more than a friend. But... I'm not sure if I should or not. Yet, I know their feelings are genuine and sincere. Which makes it stranger coming from them. So far, it's just between us so I can figure out how I feel in all this. It... would be nice having someone who wants me for me."
Gourry didn't say anything. He was sure he could hear his heart shattering. Your fault... should have told him... "Wh - who?"
Gourry couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Zel blushing. The chimera ducked his head a little and began playing with the edge of his cape.
"He's not the one I thought I'd be with, but that person... I don't think they would ever want me." He looked up as Gourry was just comprehending the fact that Zel said "he." "But he wants me now, so..."
"Zel, who?"
Zel closes his eyes. I wish it were you, but... "It's Xelloss."
Life is like a shooting star
It don't matter who you are
If you only run for cover
(It's just a waste of time)
Xelloss! No way! It can't be!
Gourry only stared. He didn't move. He didn't speak. He didn't breathe or blink an eye. Zelgadis... His Zelgadis... and Xelloss... No... no...
"NO!"
Zelgadis jumped, staring at Gourry as if he'd taken leave of his senses. "Gourry...?"
"No, Zel, you can't! He's... he's evil and manipulative and a total... bastard! You can't be serious...!"
Zel narrowed his eyes. "I can, and I am. And I'll tell you this. Xelloss is the only one who has come back and treated me like a person. More than that, he treated me like I mattered, like he cared. Considering how long I've been traveling with this group, that means a lot to me. And he doesn't use me as an anchor or a shield or anything like that. So why shouldn't I consider it? Because he's Mazoku? Because he's evil? Funny, that's what Lina said about me when we first met. So we're made for each other." Zel got up and started to walk away to the forest to think. Gourry blink, then chased after him..
We are lost 'til we are found
This Phoenix rise up from the ground
And all these wars are over
"Zel, wait!"
"Go away, Gourry. I've made up my mind."
Gourry had been chasing Zel all through the forest. Zel could just run off if he wanted to. He had a demon's speed after all. But a small part of him was worried that Gourry would lose his way. A smaller part just liked the fact that Gourry was following him. He was busy trying to shut that part up.
"Zel, please! I just want to talk to you!"
Zel didn't know why this both pleased and irked him. Well, he knew why it irked but not why it pleased him. He decided to just stick with being annoyed. It was safer and he was use to it. "Talk? Why, Gourry? You never wanted to talk to me before? Why now?"
Gourry almost stopped, tears burning his eyes. Okay, I deserved that... no, for once, do it right. Say what you're feeling before it's too late! "I deserved that, Zel."
This stopped the chimera where he stood. "What?"
"I said I deserved that. You're right. I haven't talked to you before. But your wrong. I did want to... but..."
Zel turned, not sure what to expect now. From the moment he decided to sit down and confess to someone what he felt, his entire world just flipped. Why did I tell him? Did I just need to have someone know? Did I want to see if anyone else would care what I felt? I would have just talked to Xelloss, but he's not here. Am I that needy that I'd talk to someone who barely speaks two words to me?
Or is it because I still wanted it to be Gourry?
The swordsman in question caught up to Zel. He lowered his eyes, unable to meet the shaman's. You don't trust me to care. You have every right not to, but I do. "I did want to talk to you before, but I was so busy trying to..." He sighs and tries again. "Zel, I am your friend. I know I didn't act like one, and maybe I should have said something sooner, but you have to believe that I am your friend."
Zelgadis paused, still puzzled by Gourry's reactions. "Okay, let's say I believe you, simply because you have nothing to gain by lying about this. That still doesn't change the fact that Xelloss..."
Gourry cut him off with an angry motion. "He's not the one! He's no good for you! How do you know he's not just trying to use you in some plot or something?! You don't. And he uses everybody. How could you even think about getting involved with him."
The tone, the words, everything. It galled Zel that Gourry could say anything about who he picked as a romantic interest in his own life. Worse, some of it just hit too close to the very things he worried about. having it thrown back at him did not help.
"And why not? Why can't I have just one person, Gourry! Is that too much to ask? What? The freak can't have even a demon like him? Am I that ugly Gourry?"
"No! No, Zel, it's not like that..."
"Then what? What is it? Why are you so against me being with Xelloss? No one else really gives a damn about me, why should this be any different? As long as they can still use me, why should my personal life matter?"
"It matters because... because he can't have you!"
"Why not?! Give me one good reason why I should not go with Xelloss?"
"Because I want you!"
Love will lead us alright
Love will lead us, she will lead us
Can you hear the dolphin's cry?
See the road rise up to meet us
Gourry hung his head. It's been four days and Zel was still silent, keeping his eyes down. Ever since that night, Zel hadn't said one word to anybody. He nodded or shook his head, but no sound.
The last thing he said was "Let's return to camp." Will that be the last thing I'll ever hear from him?
He didn't speak one since. Gourry was torn. He just didn't know what to do. He wanted to help, but how could he when he was the cause of the problem?
Ahead of them, Lina stopped the group in front of a restaurant. "This looks good! Alright, let's eat here!"
Zel lifted his head. That movement alone was enough to catch Gourry's attention. He thought his heart would burst when he heard that all too familiar voice speak smoothly.
"Actually, Lina, I was going to go to the cafe down the way."
"What? Why would you want to go there? This is the place for pot roast. The only thing at the cafe are sandwiches and coffee. That's sure not going to fill me up."
"Be that as it may, I'm going to the cafe. I'm not that hungry, and I like coffee."
The diminutive sorceress shrugged. "I guess you're on your own. Come on guys, let's go!"
Gourry turned. He was going to follow Lina. But something made him stop. he turned, and found deep blue eyes looking at him. Or looking in him. There was something there, something swirling in those dark blue eyes. Something...
He... he wants me... to choose. He wants to see if I meant it. He... he wants me to go with him...
He wants me to care.
Gourry smiled, then turned to Lina, shaking his head. "Sorry, Lina. you and Amelia go ahead. I'm in the mood for a few sandwiches myself."
"What?! Gourry, are you crazy? You're passing up pot roast for sandwiches?! I've never heard of anything so stupid..."
The blond didn't hear one word of her rant. The only thing in his world was a pair of ocean blue eyes that looked at him with gratitude so deep his heart ached seeing it. Gourry smiled, waved to Amelia, and left Lina standing there still ranting as he and Zel walked on. Along the way, Zel couldn't help teasing him.
"But Gourry, I thought you liked pot roast?"
Gourry grinned sheepishly. "I do, but I just didn't want it then. Besides, I think I like the company at the cafe better."
The smile Gourry received stayed with him all day as the two made their way to the cafe.
It's in the air we breathe tonight
Love will lead us, she will lead us.
In the restaurant, Lina wolfed down her food as she hid a smile.
Took him long enough.