Ugly was the one eyed demon so aptly named "envy". She suffered silently through its vicious pull, her cascading emotion slowly turning to a deep held dislike. Her brooding gaze was centered on the plate of food set before her face, regarding it with placid interest. For awhile her odd mood was unnoticed but then, "she" happened to comment on it. "Are you okay?"
Instead of giving her an outright reply, she muttered something about eating too much and stumbled from the room drawing many shocked stares from her friends. All she could do was inwardly rage, tormented by an image from the day before. His laughing face, and...her friend...she forcibly pushed her thoughts away. Curled into a tiny ball in the bed, sheets tucked tightly around her quivering form she gave into the tears that had so threatened to fall earlier.
As always she had fallen upon bravado, and feigned ignorance of ever seeing the special moment in the field that caused her such pain now. Yet, she only had herself to blame...she had waited far too long to blurt out her feelings and now it was too late. A part of her realized, resulting in a wry grin, that had she made her crush more obvious her friend would have immediately backed away. She would not be in such agony now. On the other hand, would she? A mocking voice taunted her, tickling the back of her brain with its malicious words.
Finally pure exhaustion caught up to her, and slowly she slid into a fuzzy sleep. Though as she drifted away, she could have sworn, she heard someone sigh woefully as her covers were adjusted about her still shaking body with all the affection of an upset mother. Still, the dreams of a hope crushed plagued her...
"I'm worried for her..." A voice whispered quietly to the imp snuggled into his embrace with a shocking trust. "She wasn't acting right." Ever so lightly, he pressed his lips to her forehead, his gaze troubled and concerned.
"Me too, I wonder what's wrong."
Endlessly it repeated through her brain, each time passing with greater clarity. She remembered as her that friend had accidentally tripped then fallen. Then there was the amusement her beloved had shone at the bumbled step. That in itself was not what bothered her so much now...what came later was the real killer. For one of the first times she could recall, the pair had gotten into a real fight. She had been truly concerned when he stalked off, dragging the ticked off girl with him. Being the good person that she was, she followed behind them attempting to monitor the new 'debate' in case it became too heated.
Instead, what happened next totally took the mage by surprise. She could see the sudden flash of pain on the chimera's face, but his voice was too low to hear what he whispered. Apparently it was good, what ever it was, because the argument was suddenly over as she threw herself into his arms. Unable to bear looking anymore, the young woman had fled, biting her lower lip hard enough to cause it to bleed. Dumb idiot She mentally cursed as Gourry had the balls to ask her what was wrong. Ignoring his commentary, her normally bright gaze dulled by knowing too much.
Morning hit her with a rush, and when her eyes cracked open she noted her friend cuddled against her. When it all came down to it, she could not hate her...no matter what happened. Smiling she gently shook her away, brushing away the vestiges of sadness as if it were nothing. Teasingly, her voice rang out...carefree to the very end.
"Come on...if you don't get up we'll miss breakfast. You know how Gourry eats."
"Yeah [yawn]...well then off we go!"
[Crunch, crunch] Her leather boots hit the ground with a hollow thud. Jaw set into a grim line, further annoyed by the droplets of moisture that dampened her tunic she kept in perfect pace with the group. The fact that it was raining did nothing to lighten her mood, if anything it only soured it. Xellos oddly enough made no comments, disturbing her by his solemn expression and pitying glances. Well damn him too. The fact that she was trying to deal with the "truth" didn't help her much either...
Unable to help herself she stole glances to the man who strode so purposefully close at her side, his beige cloak billowing in the wind. -How could he possibly choose that little runt over me? - A very bitter, and snide comment that was barely repressed from being snarled aloud. Hold on one minute! Wild desperation clawed at her nerve endings, as an idea crystallized in her mind. If he liked her so much, why was he blatantly disregarding her usual advances? Maybe she still had a chance, a second opportunity to garner his affections for her own!
Snickering to herself, she set her plan in motion. Waiting for the perfect chance, she was a woman driven by determination, as well as the fear she lost what her heart so yearned for. Night fell, surrounding her with a crushing sense of claustrophobia, never the less she pressed on. He was alone when she approached him his attention devoted to the stars that blanketed the broad expanse above their heads. Hesitantly her fingertips circled his arm, emboldened when his arm snaked out to rest on her shoulders. Okay, score one. He was not pulling away or disgusted, that was a good sign.
"Zelgadiss..." She started in a wobbling tone, trying to force herself to say what her soul so cried out. His head craned down so he could gaze upon her features (her cheeks covered by a blush), with a semblance of affection.
"Yes?" The murmur was dry the cynic was in his usually pessimistic mood.
"I've got something important to tell you..." She continued, no less nervous, her confidence a front for the nagging sense of unease that bothered her.
"Go on..."
With a shrug, she threw her mental speech to the wind, acting on pure instinct. Her lips found his pressed against stone tiers with all the passion she had hidden within herself, what she failed to gather was that he returned none of this lusty embrace and carefully detached himself. "I love you!" She declared rashly, willing him to return every ounce of her love.
"I'm sorry, but I can't say I feel the same." The statement was flat, but his features held a trace of genuine regret. He understood he was crushing her, and wished to do so as carefully as possible.
"It's her...isn't it?" She growled harshly, unfettered hatred burning in her core. She had been too late...that brat had ruined everything.
"Does it really matter? If you want to know the truth, I have been fascinated by her the instant we chanced to meet. I'm truly...sorry."
His hard mouth brushed across hers, and part of her ranted she should at least enjoy it, but how could she? The kiss was chaste, a very simple "good bye". His words would be forever imprinted in her shattering heart...the sentence vibrating against her flesh with impact only equaled by the Grim Reaper's skeletal touch.
"Maybe once I found myself intrigued by your fire...but, I can only admit to it being a passing crush. Quite simply Lina, we never were meant to be."
Never to be...never to be...could she truly accept that? Her grandmother had told her she was the type to only fall in love once. Therefore, she had cautioned, it would be smart to choose wisely. The poor young sorcerer had failed miserably, but then again who could honestly say they picked whom they were going to fall head over heels for. Okay, this was one facet of her life, a disappointment she would eventually learn to cope with. Ironically, she kept around her old comrades, possibly a glutton for rejection...although when it came down to it she would always remember his last words.
"Quite simply Lina...we were never meant to be."