To die one's self is a thing that must be easy, and light of consequence; but to lose a part of one's self - well, we know how deep that pang goes, we who have suffered that disaster, received that wound which cannot heal. - Letter to Will Bowen, 11/4/1888, Mark Twain
The blonde swordsman leaned forward and tried to catch his breath. "I can't believe it," he said, staring at the sword in his hands.
There was a hand on his shoulder and he looked up. "We knew you could do it," Zelgadis said softly. "You look beat."
Gourry nodded. "I haven't fought like that since I left home," he said. Gods, he was tired. The muscles in his arms protested as he moved them.
"Gourry-san!" He looked up to find Amelia kneeling by him. "You're hurt!" She was staring at the rapidly darkening bloodstains on his trousers.
He put a hand on her shoulder and shook his head. "It's not mine - " He stopped as he realized that was only partially true. His mouth twisted and he dropped his hand from the Princess' shoulder, shrugging her off and standing up. "I'm not hurt; you don't have to get all excited over a little bit of blood," he said brusquely. He didn't see the confusion and hurt in her eyes as he turned away.
Zelgadis did see it, however, and stared at the older man in shock. Even when Amelia was at her most annoying, Gourry never treated her with anything less than kindness. Never anything like this. Amelia stood and stared at her friend. Zelgadis reached out and took her hand and pulled her close.
"What happened up there?" he asked the swordsman.
Gourry was staring at the sword in his hands. Gripping the hilt, he drew it, this time letting it slide all the way out of its scabbard. Without looking at the others, he grated out, "I don't want to talk about it." He stared at the blade, holding it up and turning it this way and that, and watching the light dance off the edge.
"What do you mean you don't want to talk about it?" Zelgadis demanded. This was quite unlike Gourry and he found it exasperating. "You were up there for hours!" What had happened?
Snapping the sword back into its scabbard with a loud, vicious click, he turned to Zelgadis and looked him straight in the eye. "There are some things a man shouldn't have to do. I just did one of them and I don't want to discuss it. Now or ever. Don't ask me again, Zelgadis Greywers." His eyes and his voice were both cold and sharp as steel. He held Zel's eyes a few moments then he turned, dismissing the Chimera, and found Jarix standing to the side. "I'm hungry; do you have anything to eat?" Without waiting for an answer, he left them standing there and descended the stairs out of the Temple.
Amelia and Zel were too stunned to say anything. They stared after their friend for several seconds. It was only after Jarix moved his staff, setting the rings hooked through the crescent to jingling, that they found themselves able to move.
"That's not Gourry-san," Amelia said firmly. "I don't know what's going on here, but that is not Gourry-san! It's an imposter!"
"No," Jarix said quietly. Both Zel and Amelia turned. He was also looking at the stairs where the other man had disappeared.
"It can't be! Gourry-san would never speak that way to his friends!" Amelia insisted.
Jarix shook his head. "No, it's Gabriev, all right; trust me."
"What reason do we have to trust you?" Zelgadis said in a low voice.
"I know I've not given you much reason, but please remember that I am the Temple Priest here. I should know, shouldn't I?" His green eyes fixed Zelgadis' blue ones steadily.
"Just how do you know?"
"This isn't the first time someone has come to claim Graeswandyr, you know," Jarix said with mild annoyance.
Zel drew back. "What? Then why is it still here?"
"Because no one can keep the sword. Somehow, it always makes its way back here; it never stays with one person very long. That is part of Graeswandyr's price." The priest turned and walked to the top of the stairs. "I only hope he doesn't find the price too high in the long run," he said cryptically as he disappeared down the stairs before the other two could say anything.
"What was that supposed to mean?" Zelgadis demanded of the empty air. Gourry's abrupt change in behavior had left him feeling off-balance, something he was not accustomed to. There were some things that were supposed to remain constant and Gourry's good-naturedness was one of them. It was as if the universe had moved and hadn't taken him with it.
Amelia shook her head and looked up at him sadly. "I hope we've done the right thing by coming here," she whispered.
Zel couldn't find anything to add to that. Sadly, they descended the stairs after the Priest and their friend.
The meal they shared was a silent, uncomfortable affair. Gourry ate more than he had in days, but he did not look up from his bowl and as soon as he had finished, stood and left the table without so much as a by your leave. He gripped his new sword tightly in his hand and disappeared into the little room where he'd spent the previous night and pointedly shut the door. His friends stared down at their food with little appetite. Had winning Graeswandyr been worth this, they wondered. After a few minutes, Jarix pushed away from the table and followed Gourry.
In his room, Gourry dropped onto the pallet and let the iron-tight control he'd kept on himself slip. He huddled against the wall in the dark, knees drawn up and arms folded on them, and rested his head against his arms. He couldn't get the image of the dying Guardian out of his mind's eye. It was like seeing himself lying there dead, something that could very well have been reality not too long ago. And his whole life was slowly dissolving around him...He missed Lina so much it hurt. Why had he been so rude to his friends? He shook his head and shivered; he was not cut out for this. He was a simple swordsman, that was all. "I just want Lina back," he whispered into the darkness.
A sound made him look up. The door opened and a candle flame pushed back the curtain of darkness. Gourry quickly wiped his face as he sat up straighter then picked up Graeswandyr to lay it across his lap. "What do you want, Jarix?" he asked.
The Priest moved into the room and set his candle on the table. Pulling the room's only chair around, he sat down by the table and laid his arms on it. He was dressed in his trapper's clothes and there was nothing about his appearance that said holy man. He was just another man.
"I thought you might want to talk," Jarix said quietly.
For some inexplicable reason, that put Gourry on the defensive. He shifted and crossed his legs and picked up his old sword. "I don't want to," he said flatly as he carefully untied the maroon scarf from around the hilt of his sword. Laying the sword aside, he quickly and deftly tied the scarf around Graeswandyr's hilt just above the pommel so that it fluttered among the pristine white ribbons that already adorned the hilt. "What makes you think I need to talk?"
"Because you look like you need it. I might be able to help, you know."
Gourry shook his head. "I don't need your help."
"You are the most stubborn people I've met. I keep offering my help and you keep refusing it. You do need it. Only I can instruct you in Graeswandyr's properties." Jarix watched the other man play with the deep red scarf, running it through his fingers over and over until Jarix thought he would scream. "Look, I know what happened up there was hard - "
"How can you?" the blonde swordsman demanded. "How can you possibly know what's happened to me? Have you ever been up there? Had to go through that?"
"No, I haven't, but I've seen others who have. My duties here require me to know the lore - "
"Does your lore say anything about having to face and kill yourself?" Gourry snarled.
Jarix paled and his eyes went wide with shock. "Yourself?" he managed to get out.
"Myself. The Guardian told me he was a part of me, and when I killed him I - I - killed a part of myself - " He broke off and looked Jarix square in the eye. "Do you know what that's like? To see yourself lying dead at your own feet?" His voice sounded strained and cracked, and his eyes held a terrible, wild light.
Horrified, Jarix shook his head. "No, I can't." He looked into those cold, sapphire eyes and found he couldn't face the other man, not like this. He dropped his eyes to his hands and noticed they were clenched tightly into fists. Forcing himself to be calm, he opened his hands and laid them on the table in front of him. "Look, Gab - Gourry, I won't even pretend that I know what it's like, except that it's been hard and will get harder still for you. But that's why I'm here: To help you. I can help you master the sword's magic. If you don't master it, Graeswandyr will master you."
"What does that mean?" Gourry asked.
"Graeswandyr isn't just a magic sword; it has a soul, a will of its own. I said that few ever managed to win Graeswandyr and that's true. What's also true is that out of those few, the number of men who have been able to master the sword and its abilities can be counted on the fingers of one hand. Its power will destroy you if you do not let me help you." He paused and stared down at his hands on the table.
Gourry put the sword down and ran his hands through his hair, grimacing in confusion. "What you're saying doesn't make any sense! I don't understand! I'm a swordsman, not a sorcerer. I know swords and fighting and defending myself against my enemies. I don't know anything about magic!"
"It has nothing to do with magic or being a sorcerer, and everything to do with being true to yourself." Jarix sighed. "You're strong, Gourry. You've come this far; don't let your fears defeat you now. Right now, the first step is to get some sleep. You'll be no good to anyone if you're too exhausted to fight." He picked up the pitcher that sat on the table in front of him and poured some wine into a goblet. Handing it to Gourry, he said, "Drink this."
The other man stared at the goblet a moment without registering it. Just as Jarix was about to move forward to press it into the other man's hands, Gourry took the goblet in a shaking hand, raised it to his lips and drained it in one long gulp. He held it out for Jarix to refill, then did the same with the second dose. "Thanks," he muttered, wiping his mouth with the back of one hand as he handed the goblet back to Jarix.
The priest nodded and set it on the table. "Get some sleep. We'll talk more when you're rested." He waited for an acknowledgement from the other man, then quietly left the room, leaving the candle behind.
Still distraught from shock and confusion, Gourry remained sitting where he was for a few more minutes. When his eyelids began to droop, he shook himself and stripped off his armor and boots. That done, he crawled under the blanket on the pallet and pulled it close around him. His eyes fell on Graeswandyr on the pallet beside him. He reached out and touched the maroon-colored scarf, stroking it, remembering the flame-bright hair it had once bound. Gourry took a deep breath and closed his eyes, fingers curled tenderly around the scarf as he crossed the border into Sleep.
Zelgadis and Amelia looked up as Jarix rejoined them at the table. His face was bleak and tired looking. As he watched the Priest, Zelgadis thought the other man looked years older than he'd first guessed just two days ago.
"Gourry-san?" Amelia made a question out of their friend's name.
"Sleeping. I put a potion in some wine to help him sleep. He'll need the rest."
Unable to hold back his curiosity, Zel asked, "Did he say what happened up there?"
Jarix nodded, his silver-bright hair gleaming in the candlelight. "He...Apparently Graeswandyr's Guardian is a manifestation of the person who goes to claim it. He had to face and kill part of himself." His voice was shaking.
Both the Princess and the Chimera drew back in horror. "What? How is that possible?" Zelgadis demanded. "Why didn't you warn him?"
Jarix shook his head desperately. "I didn't know! I knew he would have to make a great sacrifice, but I had no idea it would take that form! If I'd known, don't you think I would have said something?"
"You're the Priest here! Why didn't you know?" Zelgadis shot back.
"You've got to understand, in all the years I've been here, of all the men and women that have gone up there to claim the sword, only six have returned with it. Of those, one was mortally wounded and did not live long after returning, two left without Graeswandyr saying they wanted nothing to do with it, and one took the sword with him. The sword was gone only a year, however, before it returned to the Temple of Light. None of them said anything about this!"
"How do you know when the sword returned?" Zelgadis asked.
"The Temple doesn't appear unless Graeswandyr is inside it. Each night on the full moon, it's my duty to witness the appearance of the Temple and record it."
"And just how does the sword get there if no one takes it?"
"It's part of the sword's properties," Jarix replied. "When it's new owner dies, it returns to the Temple. Or it can be returned by placing the sword in the moonstone in the Temple of Light and Shadow."
"What of the other two?" Amelia asked quietly when he'd finished speaking. "You said there were six who returned. That was only five."
Jarix looked at her. "One...returned from the Temple on the brink of madness when he returned." He closed his eyes and looked away. "A few days later, I found him dead. He ran himself through with the very sword he'd come to claim."
"And the sixth?" Zelgadis asked.
"He is sleeping in that room over there."
A terrible silence descended over the room. "Why didn't you tell us this before Gourry went up there?" Zelgadis demanded quietly.
"I couldn't," Jarix said miserably. "It's part of my duties. I can't actively interfere with a person's decision to enter either of the Temples." He leaned his head in his hands. "I had no idea this is what the price was, though. If I'd known, I would have tried harder to dissuade him from going."
The Princess of Seyruun shut her large blue eyes and clasped her hands together in front of her face as tears leaked out from between her lashes. Zelgadis put his hand on her arm as she whispered, "First Lina-san is gone and now Gourry-san is..." She shook her head and her face hardened with anger. "Damn Xellos. Damn him..."
Zelgadis fixed Jarix with his deep blue eyes. "What do we do now?"
"He needs to learn to master the sword. That's where I can help him; it's part of my duties for those who will listen to me." The priest looked from Zelgadis to the princess and back. "The others came alone and none stayed to learn about Graeswandyr's properties. Maybe you can help Gourry from being ruled by the sword. If he has a particular goal to work towards, it may keep him from going mad. He's close, very close, though."
"We'll help him," Zelgadis said, as he nodded. "We'll also need to work on the spell to locate Lina at the same time."
"Spell?" Jarix looked at them curiously. "Don't you know where she is?"
"In a sense," Zel replied. "She's being held in subspace pocket by Xellos. We've been able to find her; now it's just a matter of breaking through the dimensions to actually get to her."
"Xellos. This is the Mazoku that took Lina?"
They nodded. "Xellos Metallium, Zelas Metallium's General-Priest."
Jarix's eyes went wide. "When he told me a Mazoku had taken his wife, I had no idea it was that particular Mazoku! No wonder he's been so driven to get Graeswandyr." He shook his head. "Gourry said he'd wounded him. Is that true?"
Amelia nodded. "The night he took Lina-san away, Gourry-san fought Xellos with an ordinary sword and managed to slash him. But that only enraged him; he nearly killed Gourry-san."
"We've got our work cut out for us, then." He pushed away from the table and stood. "We should get some rest as well. It's been a long, emotional night for all of us, and the fun's only begun. If you'd like anything before you go, make yourselves at home." He dipped his head in first Amelia's then Zelgadis' direction and went off to his own sleeping quarters.
The room was quiet for several minutes as neither Amelia or Zelgadis moved from their seats. The things Jarix had revealed were just too unsettling. Then, quietly, Amelia said, "I wonder what Lina-san's doing right now."
Startled out of his own reverie, Zelgadis sat up straight and looked at her. He took a deep breath and put his arm around her shoulders. "Lina is probably giving Xellos what for, if I know Lina."
"Zelgadis-san," Amelia said quietly. "If she is, why hasn't she come back on her own?" She drew in close to Zelgadis. "I'm afraid of what Xellos has done to her. It's been so long."
He sighed. "She'll be all right, Amelia." He shook his head in wonderment at this role reversal; usually she was the one reassuring him, not the other way 'round. They both felt so helpless, having had one friend snatched away and watching another slowly sliding down the path to madness. "You'll see. Both Lina and Gourry will be back together and driving us crazy before we know it."
Amelia didn't reply; she simply stared into the fire without seeing it, wondering if that were true or not, and how they were going to live with themselves if it turned out otherwise.