"There are three things extremely hard: Steel, a diamond, and to know one's self." - Benjamin Franklin
"This is absolutely...I don't know what to say. How did you figure all this out? And by yourself?" Jarix asked Gourry. The two of them were standing in the Temple of Light and Shadow and Gourry had just demonstrated to Jarix his control over Graeswandyr. Amelia, Zel and Lina sat nearby, all of them in awe over the display they'd just witnessed.
For some reason, Jarix's words struck a wrong chord with him. "I'm not as stupid as people make me out to be," he said in a hard voice.
"Gourry, I didn't mean it that way. I have the greatest respect for you, as a swordsman and as a person. I just meant you have learned to do what no one else has ever done, what no one has ever suspected Graeswandyr was even capable of and you did it while fighting an enemy that wanted you dead - a Mazoku, no less. How did you do it?"
The swordsman shrugged, a little embarrassed by both his outburst and the situation. "I just..." He thought about what had happened. "When Xellos hit me on the head, Graeswandyr talked to me."
"It - it spoke to you?"
Gourry went over to the wall and sat down next to Lina. Laying the white metal sword across his knees he nodded. "Yes. And it looked like me. Only a me dressed all in white. He told me that he was Graeswandyr and he was me, and that I was him and I was Graeswandyr at the same time."
"How?" Jarix looked as confused as Gourry had felt at the time.
The tall man closed his eyes and fought to remember. "He said I was 'the Sword and the Man.'" Jarix could hear the capitalization in the words. "That is the true nature of Graeswandyr: Man and Sword are one. Graeswandyr doesn't have a soul of its own that wishes to dominate whoever claims it. The part of me that I killed in the Temple of Light - that part of my soul - became part of Graeswandyr. It is an extension of myself." Gourry's voice had taken on an unfamiliar edge, as if he were reciting something that another person was telling him to say.
"Wait a minute," Lina said, sitting forward and looking at Gourry. "You killed what in this Temple of Light?"
Wincing, Gourry explained. "I had to kill the Guardian of the Sword. The Guardian was a part of me, a part of everything that is good inside me."
Her eyes were horrified. "How could you do that, Gourry? How could you put your life in danger like that? Not just your life, but your soul!"
"I had to," he said, taking her hand in his. "To get you back."
She shook her head angrily. "You should have found another way. And you - " She rounded on Amelia and Zelgadis. "How could you let him do this? I'm surprised - "
Before she could say anything she would regret, Gourry pulled her down and around. "Lina, they couldn't have stopped me if they had tried. We'd already spent a month trying to get here; we - I felt I didn't have much choice."
But she wasn't going to be appeased that easily. "So instead, you sacrificed part of what makes you who you are?" she shouted.
"We should be able to change that," Jarix said. He pointed to the moonstone that floated above the moon symbol on the floor. The thin crescent of light that showed on the moonsymbol was only about a week from the new moon. "Put Graeswandyr in the groove on the white half of the stone, and it will return to the Temple of Light. That should release your soul from the sword - "
"How can you be certain?" Lina demanded, jumping to her feet and facing down Jarix. She'd had enough of this Priest's double-talk and hedging. He fell back before her as flames appeared around her diminutive form. She kept advancing on him until he was backed up against the wall. "Just a few minutes ago you didn't even know the truth about this damned sword!" She pointed angrily at the sword lying sheathed across Gourry's knees. "Now you're trying and say you do know something about it? This is Gourry's soul you're playing with!" She grabbed the front of his robes and pulled him down, looking all the world as if she wanted to fireball him right then and there. "Look what you've already done to him!" she screeched.
Gourry put the sword on the floor and scrambled to his feet. He took Lina's shoulders and pulled her away, forcing her to let go of Jarix. Turning her around, he said, "Lina, don't. He didn't do anything!"
"He did, too! He - he - " How did she explain that this bastard had put shadows in her lover's innocent eyes and now he had to pay - She looked from Gourry to Jarix, who had sidled away and was looking at the toes of his boots. She glared at him and he seemed to feel her eyes on him. Lifting his head, he met her eyes briefly before they filled up with pain and he had to look away.
"No, Lina." His voice was hard as granite - and just as immovable. "Let him be." She glared up at him, flames igniting in her ruby eyes before she spun away from him.
"Fine. Listen to him. Destroy your soul; see if I care!" Her voice was a little to strident for that to have any meaning, however.
Sighing, Gourry put his hand on her shoulder. She jerked away from him and went to stand off a ways from all of them. He let his hand fall to his side. "Go ahead, Jarix," he said with a touch of sadness in his voice. His eyes were shadowed as he looked from Lina's taut back to Jarix's green eyes.
Jarix had enough decency to look pained. "I'm sorry, Gourry, Lina - " he began. Lina growled at the mention of her name and he stopped and turned away sadly. Amelia and Zelgadis stood nearby, Amelia obviously wanting to go to Lina and comfort her and just as obviously knowing that it would do no good at the moment. Zelgadis, too, looked pained and helpless.
Sighing, Jarix started again. "I wish I knew more, that I could tell you for certain that it would work, but I can't. So many of the things I thought I knew about the sword have just been proven to be incorrect; I don't know what may be true and what isn't any more." He looked at Gourry, drawing himself up and planting his staff on the floor decisively. "All I can do is tell you what I do know: The sword is sent back to the Temple when you place it in the moonstone. I've seen it happen. Whether or not it will release your soul from the sword is anybody's guess."
"Do I have a choice?" Gourry asked, not expecting an answer. Jarix shook his head, his silver-streaked black hair glistening in the moonlight.
"You could keep the sword - "
"No way. You can forget about that right now, Gourry," Lina said as she whirled and stepped forward. "You're not keeping that thing. It's creepy."
"It's not really a choice anyway," Jarix said, cringing away from her. "No one has kept the sword longer than a year." He paused and rubbed his chin in thought. "Although, with Gourry's mastery of the sword, perhaps - "
Gourry shook his head. "Graeswandyr doesn't belong to anyone. It's too powerful. And I don't want it, anyway." He turned and walked over to where the sword lay on the floor and picked it up. Holding it firmly, he crossed the room to the moonsymbol and stood in front of the white face of the stone. The others formed a semi-circle around him to watch.
He looked at the sword and took a deep breath. Quickly, he untied the maroon scarf from around the hilt and shoved it into his pocket before Lina could say anything. Then, stretching upwards, he placed the sword into the cross-shaped groove.
It jumped out of his hand and clung to the stone. The stone flared, causing him to wince against the glare. Several gasps behind him made him turn and stare at the apparition that had appeared behind him: It was the same phantom from his vision during the fight with Xellos. His soul as Graeswandyr.
"I am Graeswandyr," he said. This time the voice was more than just in his head. "What do you wish of me?"
Dumbfounded, Gourry stared at himself a moment. When he found his voice again, he said, "I'd like my soul back please. I want to be myself again."
The golden-haired image inclined his head. "It is within your rights to wish that, but I cannot accomplish it alone. I am but part of the Balance; to restore the Balance within yourself, you must Balance the Stone." He gestured towards the moonstone. "You see, Light and Shadow are but two sides to the same coin and you exist on the circle's edge."
"What do you mean? How do I 'balance the stone?'" Gourry asked, although he feared he already knew the answer.
"You have defeated the Light. Now you must defeat the Shadow. Bring the Black Blade here and place it opposite the White Blade and you will restore the Balance." The figure bowed his leonine head and faded away. The glow in the stone faded and he barely had enough time to turn and catch the sword as it came loose from the stone.
"Damn," he muttered, gripping the scabbard until his knuckles turned white.
Lina rushed forward. "What was all that about?" she demanded. "Who was that?" She looked from Gourry to Amelia, Zel then finally Jarix. Amelia and Zel both wore shocked expressions while Jarix looked sorrowful.
"I'm sorry," he said, looking at Gourry. "I didn't know - "
"You say that a lot," the swordsman spat. Lina took a step back at the venom in his voice. Without looking up, he continued, "For being the Temple Priest here, you sure don't know much about these things." He brushed past both Lina and the others, leaving Jarix looking pained. Gourry stormed down the stairs and was gone.
Startled by this sudden swing in moods, Lina glanced from Amelia and Zel to Jarix. "What just happened here?" she demanded furiously.
"Lina-san," Amelia said quietly as she stepped forward, cutting off Jarix's reply. She met his eyes and gave him an imperceptible shake of her head as if to say she would take care of this. It was obvious that Lina had had a little too much of Jarix's explanations at the moment. He shut his eyes and nodded, stepping backwards and ceding to her wishes. "Gourry-san won Graeswandyr by fighting and killing its Guardian," she explained patiently.
"Yeah, I know that. He said it was a part of him - " Lina huffed and turned her back on Amelia and the others.
The Princess grabbed Lina's arm and pulled her around, forcing the other girl to look at her. "That's not all. It looked like him." Amelia waited for those words to sink in.
"I know that!" Lina shouted. "I can't believe you two let him do that, too! What were you thinking?"
"Lina-san!" Amelia snapped, her voice and eyes hard. "That's past; it can't be changed. Think about what I said, Lina-san: Gourry-san had to kill himself! Not just a shapeless, formless part of himself, but a being that looked and acted and thought like he did!" Lina's eyes went round as she started to comprehend what had happened. Amelia nodded and continued. "He nearly went mad after that; we thought we might actually lose him. After all that he'd been through, everything he'd survived to get here and find a way to get you back, doing this nearly broke his mind." She took a deep breath and glanced quickly at Jarix then back. "And if I understand what just happened, he's going to have to go through the same ordeal again. This time for the other sword. Another sword; another Guardian."
Lina's mouth and eyes were large 'O' shapes as Amelia's words battered down the last of her anger. "Gourry!" she said softly. Without hesitating, she pulled away from Amelia and flew down the stairs and into Jarix's home. She found Gourry in the room they shared, sitting on the pallet with his back against the wall staring into space. Graeswandyr was lying askew across the pallet.
"Gourry?" she whispered as she crawled onto pallet next to him.
"It wasn't supposed to be like this, Lina," he said in a strained voice. "Once I got you back, everything was supposed to be okay again." He shook his head, his blue eyes still staring into space and not seeing the wall opposite. "I can't do that again, Lina," he whispered the quaver that heralded unshed tears stronger now. "I can't..."
Lina's heart twisted; she'd never seen Gourry like this before and it hurt, actually physcially hurt her. With her foot, Lina pushed the sword off the pallet and sat down next to him, insinuating herself across his lap and into his arms. Wrapping her arms around his chest, she laid her head against him and listened to his wild heartbeat. "You can do it, Gourry," she whispered. "You did it once. If it means getting back what you sacrificed, you can do it again. You can do anything, anything. And you know why?"
"Why?" he asked, voice still frayed and hoarse.
"Because I believe in you." She lifted her head and looked up at him. Putting her small hand on his face, she forced him to turn his head and look down at her.
His sapphire eyes, shadowed with pain and doubt, looked into her ruby ones. The shadows lifted a bit and a smile played across his shapely lips. Tightening his arms around her, he laid his cheek against her head and sighed, but didn't say anything. And they sat that way for a long, long time.