navy = document to be MSTed
(scene opens in the middle of a coniferous forest in late spring with a few freestanding objects here and there, e.g. couch, loveseat, couch, armchair, projector, and screen)
RAYA: Welcome to the MST of Untitled!
XAXRES: Written by me.
RAYA: ^_^ Roll call! (hands Xaxres a scroll)
XAXRES: (sighs) General Beast-Priest Xellos Metallium!
XELLOS: (matierializes) Cornflakes, anyone? (waves a box of Cornflakes around)
RAYA: Mmm! Yummy! (dives in)
XAXRES: Juu-o Xellas Metallium!
XELLAS: (materializes) (takes a drag on her cigarette)
RAYA: No smoking.
XELLAS: (sigh) (switches cigarette for whiskey) (takes a swig)
XAXRES: Zelgadis Greywers!
ZEL: (fades in) MST, right?
RAYA: Hai.
ZEL: Typos, right?
XAXRES: Daemon-Dragon Valgaav!
VAL: (falls from sky, lands on couch) (mutter mutter mutter)
RAYA: Stop whining, at least you had a soft landing.
XAXRES: Filia ul Copt!
FILIA: (appears) (bats at Xellos, misses, bashes Zel)
ZEL: (goes flying, falls, lands on Val)
VAL & ZEL: ...itai...
FILIA: (to Val and Zel) Gomen! Gomen nasai! (to Xellos) Namagomi no baka!
XELLOS: ^_^
XAXRES: Milgazia!
MILGAZIA: (flies in) (transforms into human form) (sighs) Because I need a life, right?
RAYA: (applauds sarcastically) Hey look, he's catching on.
MILGAZIA: (mutter mutter mutter)
XAXRES: And, looks like that's it -- oh wait, one more. Kai-o Nerissa!
DEEP SEA: (pops in) (waves fishing pole around) (spots Milgazia) Oh, it's you!
MILGAZIA: (sotto voce) Somebody please hide me...
DEEP SEA: (giggles/laughs) Luke, I am your father.
RAYA: And now we're all here, so we can start!
VAL: Start what?
RAYA: The MST of Untitled.
VAL: Lemme guess. She (indicates Xaxres) wrote it, right?
RAYA: Mm-hmm!
VAL: Figures.
MINNA: (finds seats. Filia is on one couch, beside her is Xaxres, beside her is Xellas. Val and Zel are in the loveseat. The pink, frilly loveseat. On the other couch, Milgazia has been sandwiched between Xellos and Deep Sea Dolphin. Poor little, er, pardon, big dragon elder. And Raya is in the armchair)
PROJECTOR: (turns on by itself and starts projecting the text onto the screen with nobody operating it)
MINNA: (looks at screen)
Untitled, by Xaxres
ZEL: Gee, real creative.
XAXRES; Shut up.
DEEP SEA: I wonder what it's like to get hit on by someone who's not a career criminal?
MILGAZIA: (scoots away)
Xaxres: YEAH! I GET TO BABYSIT VAL TODAY! YEAH!
VAL: O.O Somebody please help...
XAXRES: (evil laugh)
Xelloss:
XELLOS: Aren't I kawaii?
FILIA: NO!
RAYA: Of course you are. ^_^
XELLOS: (preens)
But shouldn't you get out of the bath first?
ZEL: Xa-san, we do not need to see you bathing.
XELLOS: Sure we do!
XAXRES: (whacks Xellos)
Xaxres: GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
Xelloss: (phazing
ZEL: (sigh) P-H-A-S-I-N-G
out) Just warning you...
DEEP SEA: And you should always stand in the middle of the road.
Xaxres: (grumbles and gets dressed)
ZEL: Thanks be to L-sama.
L-SAMA: (from up in the sky somewhere) You're welcome!
ZEL: O.O
(phazes
ZEL: P-H-A-S-E-S
out)
Into Filia's room...
FILIA: (to Xaxres) WHAT!?! HOW DARE YOU INVADE MY PRIVACY!?! (hits Xaxres with mace. Repeatedly)
MILGAZIA: (sotto voce) It is at times like this that I am ashamed to be a dragon.
VAL: (nods in agreement)
FILIA: (stops hitting Xaxres, panting)
XAXRES: (twitch, twitch) Itai... (pause) And I'd just recovered from what Ruby-Eye-sama did to me, too...
Filia: Okay, Val-chan, I have to go...
VAL: Good riddance.
Val: WAAAAAAH!!
XELLAS: Good healthy lungs. (takes a swig)
Filia: Shhh...quiet...
RAYA: Just gag him and be done with it.
VAL: (mutter mutter mutter)
Xaxres: (phazes
ZEL: P-H-A-S-E-S
in) Hello! (sees Val) Ohh! Hi Valsie!
VAL: (incredulously) Valsie?
XELLOS: What's wrong, Valsie-chan? I like it!
VAL: That's exactly what's wrong. Stupid fruit.
Val: (shuts up) Piku piku piku.
VAL: (shuts up) Piku piku piku.
Xaxres: (picks him up) (spins him around)
VAL: I'm getting dizzy...
Val: (gurgles)
VAL: I DON'T GURGLE!
Filia: Oh! Miss Xaxres! You seem to love children so much! Why don't you have some of your own?
FILIA: What was that!?! I sounded GUSHY! I DON'T GUSH!
XELLOS: (as Filia) If only we had some cookies then this would be perfect!
FILIA: SHUT UP!
XELLOS: Touchy, touchy!
Scene: (freezes)
Sound: (none)
Xaxres: (chokes and falls over)
MILGAZIA: How can she choke and fall over if the scene is frozen and there's no sound?
XAXRES: I am not going to dignify that with a response.
RAYA: You just did.
XAXRES: Shut up!
Zel: (comes out of closet)
VAL: (growls) And exactly what were you doing in there?
ZEL: Well...um...ah...(blushes)
RAYA: (to nobody in particular) I have a Zel/Val bias. You can't tell, can you?
XELLOS: (sarcastically) No, Raya, what you said just now was a complete shock to us.
RAYA: Shut up.
Yeah, no kidding, the way you and your "Maryu-o-sama" go at it, it's a wonder you're not knocked up already!
XELLOS: (as Gaav) We use condoms, of course!
XAXRES: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABO -- did I just say that out loud?
ZEL: That's a tad more than we need to know about your love life, Xa-san...
XAXRES: (blushes) Oops...
Xaxres: (from floor) Shut the hell up! Nobody asked you!
XAXRES: EXACTLY!
Zel: Although, you might want to control that temper...
Xaxres: SHUT UP!
MILGAZIA: She says that a lot, doesn't she?
XAXRES: Shut up! (hits Milgazia with her metallic, blue battleaxe)
MILGAZIA: ...itai...
XELLOS: Pain is pleasure!
MILGAZIA: ...fruitcake...
Filia: Maybe we should go. (grabs Zel
XELLOS: Grabs him where?
FILIA: HENTAI!
and leaves)
RAYA: To do what?
ZEL: (growls) Shut up.
XELLAS: (airily) Is 'shut up' the phrase of the day?
VAL: Did Filia just leave?
ZEL: Hai.
VAL: So...I'm alone...with her? (indicates Xaxres) Help me...
XAXRES: (evil laugh)
Xaxres: So, what do YOU want to do, Val?
VAL: I WANT OUT!!!
RAYA: (singsong-y) Too la-ate!
Val: Bread.
MINNA: O.O
Xaxres: Wha?
Val: Bread.
MILGAZIA: You said that already.
Xaxres: Bread.
Val: (smiles and claps hands) Bread!
MILGAZIA: (to Xaxres) You're a very repetitive author.
XAXRES: That's it, you're a dead man. (stomps over to Milgazia) (raises battleaxe)
MILGAZIA: Piku piku piku. (does the freaky sonic fang thingy)
TOASTY XA: (twitch, twitch)
MILGAZIA: (incredulously, to Raya) The freaky sonic fang thingy?
RAYA: Well...yeah...
MILGAZIA: (condescendingly) I believe it's called "Laser Breath".
RAYA: (raises eyebrows) Laser Breath?
MILGAZIA: (nods sarcastically)
RAYA: Laser Breath. (pause) What did you eat today?
MILGAZIA: (facefaults)
Xaxres: To eat?
XELLOS: (as Val) No, to build forts with.
XAXRES: (regenerates) Shut the hell up. (returns to seat)
Val: Yeah!
Xaxres: Okay! (reaches in cloak, pulls out bread)
FILIA: A pocket dimension is a wonderful thing...
XELLOS: You would know, wouldn't you?
Val: No crusts.
Xaxres: Fine. (cuts off crusts)
MILGAZIA: (gets up) With what?
XAXRES: My battleaxe, of course!
Val: Seven.
Xaxres: Seven what?
Val: Seven bread.
Xaxres: (cuts bread into seven pieces)
SHABBY: (from up in the sky somewhere) I RESENT THAT!
XAXRES: (cringes) G-gomen nasai, Ruby-Eye sama! It didn't mean anything! Honestly!
Val: (gurgles
VAL: WHY AM I GURGLING!?!
XAXRES: You're not gurgling, your reincarnation's gurgling.
RAYA: Yeah, idiot who summoned Darkstar and then got eaten by him!
VAL: SHUT UP!!!
then stuffs it in his mouth)
Xaxres: You know, I'm hungry too. (pulls out large cup of Black
Current
ZEL: B-L-A-C-K-C-U-R-R-A-N-T
Tea) (sluuuuurp)
Val: Finish!
Xaxres: Now what?
Val: Play!
Xaxres: -_-;; Play what?
Val: Play Gaav!
DEEP SEA: Pacifism for the sake of pacifism is the height of arrogant selfishness when that belief prevents you from acting to save others from harm.
Xaxres: O.O;; Gaav?
Val: Yeah! Play Gaav! Play Gaav!
XELLOS: Play, hmm?
RAYA: A tad young for that, ain't he?
VAL: Stupid fruitcakes...
Xaxres: Okay...
Val: Yeah!
Xaxres: MAAAARYU-OOO-SAAAMAAA!
XELLAS: Loud enough...
Gaav: (phases in)
XA & VAL: Yay! Maryuo-sama! (happy sigh)
RAYA: It's ugly.
XA & VAL: HE IS NOT!!!
Yes, Xa-chan?
VAL: (glaaare)
Xaxres: (points to Baby Val) He wants to play with you.
XEL & RAYA: "Play". ^_^
Val: Nya-nya-nya-nya. Nya-nya-nya-nya. HE-EY! Bread!
MINNA: O.O Piku piku piku.
XELLOS: Most original pick-up line I've ever heard.
FILIA: HENTAI!!!
Gaav: Sure. Val, wings.
RAYA: Very...kinky...
VAL: SHUT YOUR BIGASS MOUTH!!!
RAYA: ^_^
Val: Play! ^.^ (sprouts wings)
Xaxres: (sits down and drinks tea)
Gaav: (chases after Val)
XEL & RAYA: (smirk)
Xaxres: (falls asleep)
XEL & RAYA: (SMIRK)
XAXRES: SHUT UP!
RAYA: (innocently) But I didn't say anything...
DEEP SEA: (singing) Sometimes the silence can seem so-o lo-ou-oud!
MILGAZIA: O.O (scoots away) (bumps into Xellos) (scoots the other way) (bumps into Deep Sea) (gets up) (dumps Raya out of her chair) (sits down in her chair) ^_^
RAYA: (glaaare) (points at Milgazia) As soon as I finish this MST, you are so dead.
MILGAZIA: (continues smiling)
RAYA: (glares some more) (gives up) (sits down in Xellos' lap) ^_^
XELLOS: ^_^
One hour later...
ZEL: A bomb fell.
FILIA: NOT IN MY HOUSE!
ZEL: Gomen.
Xaxres: (is asleep on Gaav)
XEL & RAYA: (smirk smirk smirk)
XAXRES: (love rays) (happy sigh)
VAL: (glare)
ZEL: (glares at Val)
Val: (is asleep, sucking
XELLOS: Ga --
FILIA: Don't say it!
XELLOS: Okay Fi-chan!
FILIA: (growls)
his thumb,
RAYA: (sotto voce) Phallic objects...
XAXRES: Hentai!
curled up in Xaxres' arms)
VAL: HELP!!!
XAXRES: ^_^
Gaav: (is also asleep, arms wrapped around his "family")
RAYA: (raises eyebrows) Family?
XAXRES: Mm-hmm!
RAYA: (sweatdrops)
Door: (opens)
ZEL: By itself?
RAYA: If my projector can operate independently, there's no reason why a door can't, too.
ZEL: ~_~;;
X., G., and V: (sleeping) (snore)
Filia: (looks in) (whispers) Ahh...that's so cute.
FILIA: IT IS NOT!
XELLOS: (winks) Watch it, Fi-chan, you're contradicting yourself...
FILIA: (screeches)
Zel: Yeah...you wanna wake them up?
FILIA: What, do I look stupid?
XELLOS: No comment.
FILIA: Namagomi!
XELLOS: ^_^
Filia: Hell no!
XELLOS: (singsong-y) Filia is a 'fraidy-cat!
FILIA: ...
RAYA: Real mature, Xellos.
XELLOS: ^_^
Zel: Fine. (picks up carrot,
MINNA: O.O
RAYA: ...phallic objects...
XELLOS: ^_^
throws it, casts protection spell)
Carrot: (sees who it's about to hit. Cringes)
ZEL: Since when are carrots sentient?
DEEP SEA: (singing) Carrot juice constitutes murder!
Hits Gaav)
RAYA: And the world is returned to a sea of chaos...
VAL: Fruitcake.
Gaav: Gaav Flare.
XA & VAL: (love rays) He's so powerful! (happy sigh)
MINNA SANS XA & VAL: (sweatdrops)
Xaxres: I'm up! I'm up!
Val: (is still asleep)
Filia: (picks Val up) To bed with you.
XELLOS: Why, Filia, I never knew you were into children...
FILIA: SHUT UP, YOU STUPID HENTAI MAZOKU!
RAYA: (turns around) (shoves a Flare Arrow down Xellos' throat)
XELLOS: (strangly noises) (Flare Arrow dissipates) (raspy noises)
Zel: (watches Xaxres' many methods of waking Gaav up. Finally she whispers something in his ear and he gets up)
VAL: What did she say?
XELLOS: (rasp, rasp) Ahem! There. (as Xaxres) If you wake up, I'll whip you tonight!
XAXRES: (blush) How did you know what I sai -- oops...
RAYA: Xa-chan, we don't need to know that much about your nocturnal activities...
XAXRES: SHUT UP!
Filia: Okay here's your pay. (hands Xaxres money)
X. & G.: (take it and leave)
Tent...
ZEL: Tent?
XAXRES: Yes, Gaav lives in a tent.
RAYA: In the middle of a forest.
XAXRES: In the middle of nowhere.
ZEL: Figures...
Gaav: Snore...
VAL: (love rays)
Xaxres: Dear Author...
XELLAS: She talks to herself?
Please don't take what she said seriously!
MINNA SANS XA: Nani?
XAXRES: ^_^
Computer: Baka. You are the author.
XELLAS: EXACTLY! (takes a swig)
Xaxres: NO I'M NOT!
MINNA SANS XA: O.O Nani?
RAYA: Piku piku piku. (pause) Oh, the multiple personality thing, right?
XAXRES: ^_~ Sore wa...himitsu desu!
XELLOS: Hey! That's my line!
XAXRES: (blows him a raspberry)
C.:
MILGAZIA: Do you have something against writing names out in full?
XAXRES: I'm lazy. Sue me.
DEEP SEA: Search your soul...find your inner child...then give it a good smack.
MILGAZIA: O.O (scoots away)
Fine.
The End.
VAL, ZEL, & FILIA: Finally!
XAXRES: Well?
MINNA SANS XA: Well, what?
XAXRES: Did you like it?
FILIA: (smile, nod)
VAL: Sort of...
ZEL: NO!
MILGAZIA: It sucked.
XAXRES: Don't you have enough problems already?
RAYA: Yeah, no kidding. Speaking of which...(goes over to the really big freestanding bookcase)
MILGAZIA: Should I be worried?
VAL & ZEL: YES!
RAYA: (selects a sketchbook) (comes back) (shows Milgazia a sketch) (smirks) Remember that face, dear.
MINNA SANS RAYA: Nani?
RAYA: You'll see... ^_~
MILGAZIA: I don't like that look on your face...
RAYA: (smirk smirk smirk)
XAXRES: Anyway... (to Xellas) Did you like it?
XELLAS: (shrugs) It was okay. (takes a swig)
XAXRES: (mutter mutter mutter) (to Xellos) And you?
XELLOS: Sore wa...himitsu desu! ^_~
XAXRES: You have issues with showing emotion, don't you? Don't answer that.
XELLOS: ^_^
XAXRES: Fruit. (to Deep Sea) What about you?
DEEP SEA: You'll never get me angry...at least not more than once.
VAL: This is our cue to get out, fast.
XAXRES: (to Raya) And you?
RAYA: Cool.
XAXRES: So I have two likes, two maybes, two dislikes, and one no-show. I think I'll go home and cry.
RAYA: Have fun!
XAXRES: (phases out)
MILGAZIA: I'm leaving before she does anything else. (transforms into dragon form, flies out)
XELLAS: We have tea with Dynast, Xel. Let's go. (dematierializes)
XELLOS: Until we meet again! (dematierializes)
DEEP SEA: (does the giggle/laugh, pops out in the middle)
RAYA: (looks at Val, Zel, and Filia) (laughs evilly)
FILIA: (nervously) Ah...I just remembered that I was baking cookies...ah...I have to go now...
VAL & ZEL: We'll come with you!
VAL, ZEL, & FILIA: (disappear)
RAYA: (snicker, snicker) Enjoy yourselves!
(fade to black)