Random OOCness


(scene opens on a sunny, flower-filled meadow)

Chaos Dragon Gaav hears a voice behind him. It sounded a lot like -- "My beloved Phibrizzo!" he exclaimed! He whirled and sweeps Hellmaster into his arms.

"Aishiteriu!" replies Phibrizzo. "My heart sings in your fair presence!"

Just then, Sylphiel runs up to Gaav and begins whapping him furiously with her freaky crystal-wand-thingy. "HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY BOYFRIEND!?!" she screeches at him. "YOU FILTHY POACHER! HE'S MINE, YOU HEAR!?! MINE!!! ALL MINE!"

Lina jumps in and strikes a pose. "Miss Sylphiel, you can't just go around hitting people for saying they love your boyfriend! You should always try to talk rationally with them first! Give peace a chan -- "

"Shut up, bitch," snaps Sylphiel. "Annoying, stuck up, flat-chested do-gooder."

Lina looks scandalized. "Miss Sylphiel, you shouldn't use nasty words like that. You hurt my feelings! That wasn't very nice of y -- "

"FLARE CARROT!" yells Sylphiel. A powerful Flare Arrow burnt Lina to a crisp. Sylphiel turns to the Phibster. "And you," she growls. "How DARE you cheat on me! ME!" She starts whacking him with the wand. "DIE!"

Phibrizzo holds up his arms in a vain attempt to ward her off. "Wait," he protests. "You can't kill me yet! I have to stop the evil villain Filia ul Copt from turning the world into a Sea of Chaos!"

"I DOn't CARE!" Having said her piece, Sylphiel raises the wand again. Phibby squeaks and runs off, his wounded lover hot on his tail.

"Wait!" calls the Daemon Dragon King. "Phib-kun, wait for me!" He took off in hot pursuit of the fleeing pair.

(scene closes on a shot of three figures speeding off into the distance)


(scene opens on a parking lot)

In the bed in the middle of the parking lot, Xellos Metallium is sleeping with the covers pulled up to his chin. His staff is leaning on one side of the bed, and his clothes -- all of 'em -- are flung over the foot of it.

End of normalcy.

Zel floats down out of the sky, landing beside the bed. He bends over and pulls back the covers. Then he kisses Xellos on -- and presumably in -- the mouth. Xellos wakes up rather abruptly. He slaps Zel away, screaming. "What do you thing you're doing!?!"

Zel smirks. "Well, at the moment, I'm enjoying the view," he drawls.

Xellos looks down and realizes that the only thing he's wearing is his birthday suit. He squeaks and pulls the blankets up to his neck again to cover himself. "HENTA -- " He cuts off abruptly and his eyes bulge. This probably has somehing to do with the fact that Zel is clad in a silver and white version of Princess Leia's slave-girl costume.

Zel snickers. "Don't you like my outfit, Xel-kun?" he asks coyly.

After putting his eyes back into his head, Xellos shouts "NO!"

"Aww?" Zel pouts. "And I spent so much time choosing it, too."

"I DOn't CARE!" shrieks Xellos. "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"

Zel makes a big show of looking around. "You sleep in a parking lot, Xel-kun?" he inquires mock-innocently. "My, how delightfully ... kinky."

"I'm NOT KINKY, AND DOn't CALL ME XEL-KU -- " Xellos stops, blinking. "We're in a parking lot?" he asks stupidly.

Zel nods. "Wasn't it obvious?"

"But ... why?"

"Crazy fanfic author," replies Zel, shrugging.

A long silence ensues, partially filled with Zel's smirks and Xelloss confused blinks. Finally, Xellos gives himself a little shake and focuses on Zel. "GO AWA -- " Yet again, he cuts off. Zel is now kneeling on the bed, pressed up very close to Xellos' back, with his hands sliding around under the blanket.

Understandably, dear Xelly-poo is just the tiniest bit distracted by this.

"Do you want me, Xel-kun?" Zel whispers in his ear.

Xellos shrieks something incomprehensible and uses his staff to whack Zel into the stratosphere. "And good riddance!"

(scene closes on a shot of Rock Boy sailing through the wild blue yonder, skirt flapping uncontrollably)


(scene opens on a graveyard)

Gourry Gabriev, the Swordsman of Light, is balanced rather precariously on a tomstone, making a long 'n' lengthy Justice speech filled with long 'n' lengthy words like 'scalawags' and 'disruptions of the peace'.

Near the end of this little rant on the evils of the unjust, he loses his balance and topples onto Amelia. The little princess respods with a steady stream of comments about the idiocy of Gourry, the unfairness of the world, and the overall stupidity of Justice. Most of the above is probably not Webster's English.

Valgaav matierializes. He is dressed in a pinstriped business suit, with his hair pulled very neatly back into a ponytail. He is carrying a large banner proclaiming 'Gold Dragons 4-ever!' in bright green on powder pink. He wags a finger at Amelia Xellos-fashion and winks. "Profanity is the result of a weak mind trying to express itself forcefully."

Amelia and Gourry look at each other. Then they look at Val. Then they look at each other again, nod, and run screaming away from the obviously deranged anorexic halfbreed.

(scene closes on a shot of Val drooling over a picture of Milgazia)