"I'm hungry when is it going to be done?" Death whined at Relm from afar. Suddenly a knife goes flying towards Death and just barely misses him. "Eeeep!"
Relm emerges from the RSBI test kitchen.
(Carbunkle: Why do we have a test kitchen? And why is it a test kitchen?
Relm: ... Go away or I'll feed you to the dogs.
[Carbunkle looks over and sees Floppy, Rocky and Bleu; Relm's stuffed animal dogs, who were staring at him.])
Carbunkle walks into the room holding a really big big pan with a lid. "Where do you want me to put this?" Suddenly a knife goes flying towards Carbunkle and just barely misses him. "Hmmm... not having a good afternoon?" Carbunkle says as he pull ten knives out of the wall. "You know you shouldn't be throwing these, you might kill someone."
Relm grins an evil but crazy grin.
"I'm going to leave now. Here." Carbunkle hands the pan to Relm.
Relm grabs it and throws it over her shoulder and it lands on the kitchen floor.
"Hey that hurts!" Noonsa emerges from the pan.
"Damnit I thought you were dead!" Carbunkle starts to throw each of the knives that Relm had thrown earlier.
While dodging all the knives a flyin' Relm walks over to Noonsa.
Feeling the evil aura of doom looming over him Noonsa looks up fearfully.
"GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!!!!!!" Relm screams before kicking the pan with Noonsa in it into the wall (where all her knives had ended up) and smashes through the wall ending up in the dining room.
Amelia looks through the new doorway from the dining room to the kitchen curiously and then turns her attention to Relm.
"Miss Relm, um not to bother you -- "
Suddenly a knife goes flying and just barely misses Amelia's head.
"Amelia how about I take care of this one. Relm is a little busy." Carbunkle interjected. Suddenly a knife goes flying and jus barely misses Carbunkle's head. "Amelia how about we walk and talk."
Amelia nods and they quickly zip out the Noonsa shaped hole. Carbunkle and Amelia enter the dining room where Filia is beating Xellos viciously with Noonsa, Lina is yelling at Gourry, Naga is drunk again and hitting on Zelgadis, Phil is preaching truth and justice to Deep Sea whose not listening because she's asleep, Gaav and Fibrizo are arguing on who stole the chocolate Easter bunnies, Zellas was decorating with the walls with raw painted Easter eggs, and Dynast had been knocked unconscious by Jeffery's mother.
Carbunkle just looked on with dissatisfaction. "Hmm... okaaay... Mental note, next Easter hire a babysitter."
Everyone stops what they are doing and gives Carbunkle a death glare. Suddenly a knife goes flying from the kitchen and just barely misses Carbunkle's head.
"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!!" Carbunkle yelled to Relm.
"She didn't throw that, I did." Death grinned before disappearing back into the safety [???] of the kitchen.
Meanwhile back in the kitchen...
Perhaps we should explain what's going on here. Okay if you hadn't already guessed it, this is our Easter fic special. And since we're almost at our two year anniversary mark, Relm has decided (or rather was forced) to make everyone a nice roasted chicken dinner even though she cannot eat anything besides magic essence.
Unfortunately Relm was not having too much fun preparing the festive meal. She had her little brother whom was hungry bugging her about the food and Story kept adding strange spices to everything. Oh and despite the whining Death was helping with the cooking.
Relm goes into the dinning room through the Noonsa shaped doorway and grabs the pan that she had kicked in there. On the way back to the kitchen Relm smashes Carbunkle on the head for no particular reason.
Back in the kitchen Relm places the pan in the sink and gives it a good wash. Well Noonsa was sitting in so it has to be contaminated to some extent.
Once washed Relm placed the pan on the counter and threw in some assorted veggies with some oil, garlic and fresh herbs. Then she placed the chicken that she had already stuffed and rubbed down with butter and other things. Then she threw the bird in an already preheated oven. Frankly at this point Relm was so annoyed that she really didn't give a damn on how the chicken turned out. She wasn't going to eat it anyway.
In fact Relm was secretly thinking of doing something naughty to the food as payback for forcing her to do this. She hadn't done anything... yet but the idea was still in her mind.
With the chicken in the oven Relm went back to the gravy she was making and her veggies and mashed potatoes. While Relm's back was turned Story quickly pulled the chicken out of the oven and adds one of his strange spices to it. This one was called headless chicken spice. Then he placed the chicken back into the oven.
Now of course for Relm not to notice this she'd have to be a complete idiot. Yes she was very aware that he had put something weird on the chicken. But as you know she didn't give a damn, she wasn't eating it.
Carbunkle ventures into the kitchen with a shield in hand and takes a look at all the sauces on the stove. He takes a sample of each and pulls out a chemistry set.
"What are you doing?" Relm says asking in a oddly calm voice standing behind Carbunkle with knife in hand.
"I'm um.... Well... making sure you ain't trying to poison us." Carbunkle says sheepishly with a sweatdrop trailing down the back of his head.
"Get out of my kitchen."
"Oh don't pretend you haven't considered it!"
"I said get out of my kitchen. Unless you want certain painfully death. And very painfully at that."
"Nevermind I'll just leave."
Hours later...
Everyone gathered at the dining room table. (including Noonsa might I add)
"Hey he was supposed to be the main course not a guest!" Carbunkle protested.
"Shut up or you'll be the main course next time." Relm's eyes flared with an evil red glow.
"Eeeep!"
Relm threw a knife at Carbunkle. It didn't hit him but then she didn't exactly want to ruin her nice knives on Carbunkle's carcass. All she wanted to do was to remind him that she could easily kill him.
The lid to the pan with the chicken is lifted and everyone oohs and ahhs at the sight and smell of the roasted chicken. It looked wonderful much to Relm's dismay. She was hoping that it was going to look horrid and everyone would be unhappy to eat it. But no it looked really good and now she was fending off people from swiping the chicken off the table whole.
Relm pulls out her carving knifes.
(Carbunkle: Finally she gets to cut something! Maybe that will take out some of her aggression.
Relm: Oh but I could have cut something a long time ago. I just chose to scare it instead.
Carbunkle: It?
Relm: Well I do on some occasions consider you an it.
Carbunkle: O.@)
She pulls the bird out of the pan and onto a wooden board and would have started carving the chicken only for some strange reason it got up and ran off the table.
The more hunger members of the group took this a cue to chase down the cooked headless chicken which was leaking out stuffing as it ran.
Thus the chase begins...
Carbunkle glares at Relm. "I knew you were going to do something to the food..."
Relm shrugs. "Wish I had but instead..."
"Well if it wasn't you, who would be so evil, twisted and maniacal to do such a thing?" Carbunkle muses in thought.
"So you're saying I'm evil, twisted and maniacal? You know you really shouldn't piss off someone holding carving knives." Relm glares holding the knives just inches from Carbunkle's face.
"I see your point, literally."
Relm looks over to the table which is now a mess of chicken stuffing and mentally declared she wasn't going to clean it up. There's a sudden rumble and all the glass with water in it vibrate.
It is now that millions and millions of miniature one eyed two eared stomping giant chocolate people eaters come rushing into the dining room creating chaos in their wake.
"So that's what happened to the chocolate Easter bunnies!" Gaav exclaimed.
Relm just blinked with a bored look. "Carbunkle why is there mini Easter 2000 holiday fic things, reeking havoc in RSBI?"
"I wish I could tell ya. Do what I do on these occasions?"
"Blame Relm and insult her?"
"No, no blame Story and insult him." Carbunkle nods his head while stating his point.
"You know you really gotta stop with the scapegoats."
"But chances are it really is Story! Think back, did he do anything to the chicken?"
"I know he's responsible for the chicken, it's the chocolate things I'm talking about."
"Well if it's not Story then who would it be?"
Dr. Evil Relm's evil theme music plays in the background.
"Thought so. I'm going to take a shower and go to bed I'm tired and I feel dirty from the that stuff you call, food."
"You mean you are going to leave this up to me?!" Carbunkle squeaked.
"No I'm going to leave it up to Lina, Gourry and everyone else. They should have this all eaten up within an hour or two. I'm leaving the cleanup duty to you. Goodnight." Relm walked off.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Carbunkle's scream echoes throughout the heavens.
HAPPY EASTER!!!!