The Temple


Notes

The song was I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For by U2.

red = temple's mental voice


It was nearly sunset when they reached the temple overlooking the ancient city, and sunlight slanted orange though the weathered columns. Exhausted from having climbed stairs all day, the other three could only lie in a heap and wish him luck as Zelgadis took the last flight by himself.

I have climbed the highest mountains
I have run through the fields

They knew he had to go in alone; he'd told them earlier. There was a vigil and an ordeal to carry out on his own, but no indications of which came first. The writing had been old and ambiguous, but it was still his best lead: the Panacea Temple.

Only to be with you
Only to be with you

It was a marvel in white marble, nearly untouched by time. There seemed to be no walls, statues, plaques, or shrines of any kind -- just a roof over a dense forest of fluted columns. There was not even a trace of old magic.

His shadow preceded him inside.

I have run I have crawled

The white stone caught light so easily, even after the sun had glimmered away, that it almost seemed to glow, which spurred him to check even more thoroughly for residual magic.

I have scaled these city walls
Only to be with you

He sat with his back against a column and his bare sword across his lap, ready for the ordeal at any moment. The lack of magic in this place was making him edgy and preoccupied at once.

Hmm. I suppose the vigil comes first, then.

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for

As the darkness outside grew more complete, he could see a number of bones scattered between the pillars a few paces away. It was impossible to tell what they had been; they were crumbling to powder from age, anyway. He tried not to think about it.

I have kissed honey lips

Zelgadis leaned his head back against the column and let time pass as he listened, sensed, waited. His mind began to wander.

Felt the healing in her fingertips

There was no telling how long his mind wandered before it met another mind, because they were communicating before he realized that part of him was not alone.

What do you want? Why do you search?

And yet, he was alone.

You know what I want. This is why I'm here.

It burned like fire

It did not speak in words, but in concepts and pictures. It was far too old and vast to be hampered by words.

What is this? Where is it? Zelgadis could not help but wonder to himself, and he reached out further toward the ancient entity.

It seemed to be ... all around him.

This burning desire

It's the temple, he realized calmly. The temple itself is speaking to me.

And it seemed to be a good and proper thing.

I have spoke with the tongue of angels

And what would you do, for what you want? the temple asked him. Would you do this?

He saw himself killing Rezo, obliterating him with the fiery orange blast of a single powerful spell.

I have held the hand of a devil

Yes, he responded with fierce satisfaction. Yes, I would do that! He almost asked to see it again.

Then, would you do this? was the next question.

He saw himself at the end of a harsh battle, swaying to his feet to scrape up one final spell. He limped over to something dark on the ground....

It was warm in the night

The largest piece remaining of Xellos turned over and snarled at him, coughing black ichor as it attempted a feeble defense. He pinned it to the ground with his sword, and Xellos screamed as he was eradicated.

Zelgadis almost paused.

Yes, I would do that.

I was cold as a stone

Finally, would you do this? he was asked, and he saw himself killing again: Lina, Gourry, Amelia, Martina, Filia; everyone he'd ever known, any way he could. Swords for the weak, spells for the strong, poison for the mighty. He saw the myriad glazed, questioning eyes, and the blood on his hands, so much of it... .

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for

He hesitated.

Would you do this?

I ... I might.... he realized sadly.

The entity did not approve or disapprove. It seemed to be turning ... or changing slightly, and very distantly he could feel time passing.

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for

For what you want, what would you sacrifice? it asked him, decades or maybe seconds later. What would you give up?

He saw himself leaning on an altar, heavily drugged, but still highly focused. He managed to draw his sword, and with the spell he cast, it's blade glowed brilliant red as he gritted his teeth and brought it down on his right wrist.

I believe in the Kingdom Come

Yes, I would give that up, he answered.

What would you surrender? he was asked again. Would you give up this?

His powers, his freedom: he saw himself chained and sold off to labor mercilessly until his youth was worn away; to live and die at another's decision; to leave no grave, no heir, no memory.

Then all the colours will bleed into one

Would you suffer that?

.... I don't know. I really don't know.

But yes I'm still running

He could sense a final decision in the balance, somewhere.

What would you give up? it asked a third time. This?

-- Time? No, memories: the first usage of the Giga Slave; a dark lord falling before a small redhead. The sight of Flagoon reviving, new foliage shooting forth like green fireworks with the sharp scent of life.

You broke the bonds

Would you give these up? Memories --

Gourry, pulling him from a life-draining pool

Amelia, healing him from Gaav's assault

Lina, blazing with the cold light of chaos

"C'mon, Zel, you know we only want to help -- "

You loosed the chains

.... No.

I can't give that up. It was almost painful to respond. Even if it damns me, I will not give it up! His defiance flared against the darkness, even as a wave of despair overtook him. And I am damned; I've lost, I've failed again. He hated himself for it, but he loved those shared years so fiercely... .

You carried the cross

His interrogator was silent.

He turned away in misery, utterly wretched.

I don't care. It's all I have. I'd never give that up.

Zelgadis let despair saturate and drag him down into grief and black thoughtlessness.

And my shame
And my shame

The first thing he noticed was the cold. He was lying on his face, on a marble floor.

I fell asleep.... I failed the vigil....

The next thing he realized was that the rising sun shone directly in his face. He shielded his eyes reflexively.

You know I believe it

The dawn light glowed red through the flesh of his left hand. Zelgadis put it down and marveled in dumb astonishment at the pale, translucent skin.

He lay in a small pool of blue stone.

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for

Amelia was awake first; she saw him stumble forth from the columns and descend the steps in a daze.

"Mr. Zelgadis!" and the others were close behind her. He stood mute with amazement while they hugged, congratulated, and slapped him on the back.

But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for

He felt a faint glimmer of assent in the back of his mind, and when he looked over his shoulder at the temple ... there was a moment of brilliant clarity.

I understand.... I understand!

And the light that came to his eyes was not from the sun.


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