Not long ago, I sent a fic to Darkness Rising. It was a small thing, a piece entitled Zel's Dirty Little Secret. I sent it in, though I expected little response. I thought the matter ended, that I had contirbuted my fic, and that, as they say, was that.
I was pleasantly suprised, though a little disturbed by how well it was recieved. So I decided to send in a second piece, to match the first. Unlike professor Tolkien, however, I cannot truthfully say this tale grew in the telling. More likely, it slipped greasily through my fingers. Here then is a tale I call(since every author needs at least one longwinded stuffy introduction)...
Lina - Red
Amelia - Fuchisa, also known as pink
Zelgadis - Aqua
Xellos - The shade formerly known as purple
Gourry - Blue
Farmer 1 - Lime
Farmer 2 - Silver
"Miss Lina?"
Lina Inverse looked up from where she was competing with Gourry for a rapidly diminishing supply of food. "Mmr ymf wmf Amfmmf?" Lina managed, while attempting to stuff another fried tomato into her mouth.
"Now, now, Lina, you shouldn't try to speak with your mouth full." said Xellos as he wagged his finger at her. "What would people think?"
"Shut up Xellos! And what is it Amelia? Can't you see I'm trying to eat?" she said crossly.
"Well, it's actually about eating. It's just that.... well, I wanted to know something, but I'm not sure how to ask it." replied Amelia uncomfortably.
"What? What do you want to ask me?"
"No, nevermind, Lina. It's not important."
Lina crossed her arms, her attention caught. As Gourry began to devour her portion unnoticed, she said to Amelia, "Dammit, now I wanna hear what it is you wanted to ask. If you don't ask me, it's gonna bug me all night."
"But I don't really wanna..." began Amelia, who was quickly cut off by Lina again.
"Amelia! Question! NOW!"
"Ok, ok, Miss Lina! It's just that, well, we've been traveling a while now, right?" At Lina's nod, Amelia continued, saying, "Well, I've seen you eat over three times your own bodyweight in food in a single day. How exactly do you do that?"
Lina stood a moment in thought, before shrugging, and saying, "I dunno, why?"
"Because! It shouldn't be possible! I mean, where does it all go? And you never get fat! WHY?"
"Jeez, calm down Amelia, it's not that important."
"ActuallyI've always wondered that too. Where DO you suppose it all goes?"
"I don't know, but it bugs me." said Amelia.
"Maybe she has a tapeworm." suggested Xellos.
"I don't know... a tapeworm that makes her eat three times her own bodyweight in food?" Zelgadis mused.
"What the hell are you doing having a coversation about my stomach and leaving me out of it!" said Lina, outraged at the very concept. Unfortunately, she was promptly ignored as Amelia said, "Oh, that's not very nice, we should get it out of Miss Lina!"
"No, I don't think it's a tapeworm. But how could we find out for sure?" asked Zelgadis.
"Well, we could always cut her open, and look for it." suggested Xellos.
"Erk, that's disgusting Xellos!" Zelgadis looked a little green at the suggestion.
"Hey, what are you doing ignoring me?!"
"Ok, that idea's out. But how will we find out?" Xellos, Amelia, and Zelgadis began to study Lina intently. Lina began to backpeddle under their scutiny, and said, "Whoa, whoa, just forget it. Nobody's doing anything to me!"
"I've got it!" crowed Xellos.
Amelia and Zelgadis turned to him expectantly. "What is it Mr Xellos?" asked Amelia excitedly.
"I can't tell you." he said with a smirk as the two facefaulted.
Quickly recovering from a painful face fault, (the floor WAS stone,) Zelgadis massaged his jaw as he he snarled at Xellos. "You moron, if you don't tell us, we'll never be able to solve this mystery!"
"Mystery? What mystery? The only mystery is why you guys are so interested in my intestines!"
"Well, it's quite simple, we simply wait until Lina uses the privy, then we watch and measure the amount of waste. If there is alot of waste, we know it's not a tapeworm."
"Oh god, that's disguting!" said Zel.
"Eww, gross!"
"Watch me use the privy? Not on your life buster! Come on Gourry, we're leaving."
Xellos, continued, oblivious, to the fact that Gourry and Lina had just left the resteraunt they had been eating at. "Well, it's the best way to find out. If you really want to find out, this is how we'll do it."
Zelgadis and Amelia looked at each other. Then they looked back at Xellos. "Ok Mr Xellos, we'll do it your way."
"Excellant. Now then... hey, where's Lina?"
The three looked around. "I guess she went back to the inn." said Zel.
"To the inn!" cried Amelia as they dashed out the door.
"NO YOU CAN'T WATCH ME USE THE PRIVY YOU PERVERT! GET OUT!"
"Erk!" Xellos said as his head impacted the wall.
"ZELGADIS?! NOT YOU TOO?!"
"Aaaaaaaa!" Zelgadis yelled as Lina threw him out of the window.
"AMELIA! GET AWAY FROM ME! I'M NOT INTO YURI!"
"Wait! Come back, Miss Lina! What about your tapeworm?!" Amelia yelled as she chased Lina out of the inn.
Gourry sweatdropped as he sat at the bar. Then he turned to the bartender and said, "Make that two fifth's of Jack Daniels."
Meanwhile, two farmers stood watching as one girl chased another down the street screaming something about tapeworms.
"Did you see that, Dudley?"
"No, and neither did you." said his companion, who realized that the ways of sorceresses are not to be fathomed by common folk.
Btw, I love C+C, good or bad
All flames will be cheerfully edited for content and posted on my website, unless you're not smart enough to write a decent flame, in which case my friends and I will just laugh at you.