This was written for Zoey-san: Happy 2nd Anniversary Dark Roses!
If you've heard of it, this fic assumes that the events of the Abandoned story of Zelgadiss and Xellos did happen. With, of course, a few implied additions ^_^
There was nothing in this area now, though a village had once existed here. Zelgadiss walked slowly through the overgrown field, now and again noticing the almost hidden remains of what had at one time been houses. A fire had occurred between his first visit to this place and his first return on the anniversary of the day he had left. He had never found out what had caused it, or where all the people had gone. To tell the truth, he hadn't cared and still didn't. They were gone, and that made it easier on him during his annual visits. If no one else was here to see him, then there was no one see or to speculate.
Leaving the forlorn field behind, he entered a lush, wild forest and followed the path that now existed only in his memory. The area he stopped at was indistinguishable from the rest of the forest, but he would have known it blinded. There was an air of sorrow here; an impression left on this otherwise unmarked place by the breaking of his heart. It was funny. This was also the place where a young boy had lost his life, but that was not the action that had stained it. Still, the two events were related, so perhaps that was enough of a memorial.
Kneeling, he took a red rose from under his cloak and placed it on the moss covered ground. It was an offering, to the boy he had never known, and to the part of himself that had been lost with the child's death. That done, he sat cross-legged on the ground and allowed himself to cry beneath the comforting concealment of his cloak. This was his ritual, unchanged each year since the boy's death. At least, unchanged until now.
"I wondered who left those." A cheerful voice broke the silence of the sombre forest. "Really Zelgadiss-san, I didn't know you were so sentimental."
A low, familiar ache began in Zelgadiss' chest at the sound of that voice, and fresh tears began to form in his eyes. He didn't try to stop them. On this day only, he would allow himself to feel that pain. Tomorrow he would return to ignoring it. Tomorrow he would return to hating.
"Nothing to say Zelgadiss-san?"
Why was he here anyway? This place, this day, surely he had forgotten their significance. Zelgadiss let his head hang. He couldn't do it. He couldn't take the teasing; he couldn't just sit impassively, not here. Not with the aura of his own suffering lying so thick that it almost choked him.
"You don't look well Zelgadiss-san; are you all right?"
"All right?" he snapped, unable to keep the sound of his tears from his voice. "You come to this place, on this day, and you're asking me if I'm all right? Just go away. I won't play your games today."
There was silence for an age, and Zelgadiss truly believe that he was alone again until he heard a sigh. "Fine then. No games." This was said in a serious tone, one the chimera hadn't heard since leaving this forest the first time. The very sound created fresh pain, but at the same time, he welcomed its return.
"Why are you here?" Zelgadiss whispered, hoping for and fearing the answer.
"For the same reason you are. To experience regret."
"But not remorse?" he asked bitterly.
"I didn't say that." It was an evasive response, one that neither confirmed nor denied his point. He was so tired of receiving non-answers.
"You never say anything of value."
"That's not right. I said many things to you then."
"None of which were true. Lies carry no weight once they are exposed."
"I didn't lie to you."
That denial hurt, more than anything else that day had. He scoffed. "You expect me to believe that? To accept your word for it? Really Xellos, I'm not that much of a fool."
The sound of the trickster's name seemed to intensify the suffering of the area they stood in. That only made sense though, for it was the mysterious priest who had created that pain. Silence stretched out again as the aggravated aura of the forest resettled, and then Xellos answered. "You don't believe me."
It wasn't a question; it didn't have to be. The answer was already known. For the first time since he'd sat, Zelgadiss heard movement. He didn't need to look up to know that the priest was now in front of him.
"There's nothing I can say, is there?" Xellos whispered. "A liar has no words with which to prove himself true."
Zelgadiss chose not to answer again. How could he possibly accept anything the mazoku told him?
"Zelgadiss-san." Xellos whispered quietly, and the chimera heard the soft rustle of fabric. Before he could act, he felt Xellos' hand brushing over his forehead before sliding down and pulling his mask under his chin. Zelgadiss could feel his lip beginning to tremble, and then it was caught between Xellos' as the mazoku kissed him. He felt himself whimper before his body melted into that touch.
"This doesn't prove anything." He murmured, as Xellos' other arm slipped around his waist to pull him forward. There was no response, other than the mazoku's lips caressing his neck as his cloak was stripped away. It was impossible to fight it here; he was too close to what he had once been. He could feel tears on his cheeks as Xellos' lips moved down his now bared chest. There was no stopping them; they marked his chest as surely as Xellos marked his both, and he accepted both without reserve.
The tears still fell as Xellos held him close afterwards, covering their entwined bodies with his discarded cloak. There was silence in the clearing now, and it lasted until Zelgadiss broke it with a quiet statement. "You killed him."
"I did."
"Even though you knew."
"Yes."
"Why?"
"You weren't the same Zelgadiss-san, no matter what you thought. He had some of his human body, but none of his soul."
"So you killed him."
"We've established that."
They settled into silence again, and Zelgadiss let himself sink into his memories. How long had it been since then? "You left." He said, levelling his second charge.
"I did."
"You just left. No explanation, no good-bye, you just left."
"I know."
"And you still claim you didn't lie?"
"I never said I would stay."
"You implied."
"I can't be responsible for your assumptions."
"Even if you foster them?"
Silence met that question.
"How can I trust you when everything you say is designed to manipulate and deceive?"
"Not everything."
"You expect me to try and figure out what is and what isn't?"
"Yes."
"You're impossible." He heard Xellos' chuckle in response to that, and then sighed. Closing his eyes in exhaustion, he listened to Xellos' breathing, felt his warmth, and let the sorrow of the clearing wash over him. It seemed stronger now. He was living this again, wasn't he? Was he doomed to create another shattered location? One more stop on his annual visit? He didn't want that. At the same time, he didn't want to leave the embrace he once more found himself in. It was hopeless. He hadn't learned from the past, and now he was doomed to repeat it.