All righty, this fic was a response to another one of Kanzeyori's Challenges. It was called the Concubine Challenge ;-) It took me a while and I think it has a billion loose ends, but that's okay because I did end up writing a sequel.
navy = Zelgadis's POV
purple = Xellos' POV
"Argh! That was awful!" Lina complains as we receive our keys
from the innkeeper, "I just want to go to bed, I think I'm going to skip
dinner."
A slow, profound silence fills the small lobby as the three of us
stare at her in shock. Amelia steps forward, clearly concerned.
"Lina-san, are you sure?"
"Well, can any of you eat after seeing that?"
Another profound silence which is finally broken by Gourry. "I
sure can't." A pause. "Lina, that wasn't you, was it?"
"Gourry! How can you ask that!?" She looks really offended, I
guess she should be, it wasn't exactly her style.
"Well..."
"No! It wasn't me okay! I'm bad but I'm not that bad. What
happened today, that was beyond brutal."
"Lina..." he has that look of confusion that is almost his
signature now.
"What?"
"Then who did do it?"
That's the question, isn't it? I wonder if they'll figure it out.
We have another profound silence before Lina manages a hesitant answer,
"Well, Xellos wasn't around after, and he hasn't returned yet, I think it
must've been him."
How amusing, the cocky mazoku has come in handy for once. Their
faces go solemn as they absorb this theory and Amelia shudders,
"Lina-san, after this, is it really safe for us to travel with
him?"
"We don't have any proof that he did it Amelia, besides, the only
way we'll get rid of him is to kill him, and I'm not ready to try that
yet."
A not-quite-so profound silence falls as they head slowly to
their rooms. I watch them leave, smiling behind the security of my mask
and hood. None of them saw me, they don't know.
maybe it would have been better if they had seen
no, it would have caused complications
but if they'd seen
they didn't there is no use in obsessing over what might have
happened, it cannot be changed
exactly, they didn't see so it does not matter
Still smiling, I turn to the innkeeper, "Have a pot of coffee and
a light dinner sent to my room." When he nods I follow the path the
others took and head towards my room.
I sit staring at into the fire, sipping my coffee when a faint
glimmer draws my attention to an unexpected guest. Cigarette smoke begins
to drift through the room as I set my cup aside and bow to my guest.
"Welcome My Lady."
"Please sit." Zellas replies pleasantly, creating a chair out of
nothing and sitting herself. "Your actions today were interesting." I
just look at her.
"You acted quite quickly, and, decisively, it was most
impressive."
"I thank you for the compliment My Lady."
"It is well deserved, you should be commended for hiding that
level of power for so long." Hiding, sure, whatever. "Your actions were
completely unexpected and absolutely required as it so happens. Indeed, I
find that I am now in your debt."
That was unexpected. "My Lady?"
"Had things not worked out this way, it would have been quite
disastrous for me, and all because of a slight miscalculation."
"Really My Lady, I don't -- "
"No. You must allow me to repay you." She holds out her hand and
a fine silver wire appears around it. I follow the path of the thread as
it continues to appear and begin to smile. The other end of the wire is
attached to a beautiful silver choker [3] that is being worn by a very
sullen-looking Xellos. There's something very satisfying about seeing him
looking so defeated.
"My payment?" I ask Zellas in an amused tone, she returns my
smile. "A concubine, [4] you seem to need one."
"Oh really?" At my dry tone her smile turns smug.
"You definitely do, and so I have thoughtfully provided you with
one." She holds out the wire, "If you accept his leash, he will be yours
forever, to do with as you wish."
"A slave more than a concubine then."
"I use that term in the hopes that you will use him as such, but
in the end, the choice is yours. This is your reward, will you accept
it?"
I look at the wire, then at Xellos, he refuses to meet my gaze.
Xellos as my concubine? With a dark smile I reach out and take the wire
from Zellas' hand. "Of course I accept My Lady, with deep gratitude."
Zellas chuckles, "I knew that you would." She rises, I do the
same, "Very well, this repays my debt, I will leave you to enjoy your new
toy."
I bow again, and when I rise she is gone. I move my gaze to
Xellos and let my eyes run over the body of my new possession. He looks
back at me without saying a word, he's still sulking, all traces of his
former arrogance is gone, I like that. I sit, still smiling and begin
pulling lightly on the wire. He balks, I pull harder, and eventually I
have him kneeling in front of my chair. "This wire is useful."
No response.
I look at the shining coil in my hand. "It will get in the way
though, is there anything I can do about that?"
"It will be there when you want it, and not be there when you
don't, that is its nature."
"And this?" I ask, running my hand along the silver choker, just
barely touching the pale skin beneath.
"That will remain as long as you... own me."
"Mmm, I like that." The wire vanishes with a twist of my hand,
Xellos watches me with an unreadable expression. I run my hand down the
side of his cheek, a flicker of emotion crosses his face at my touch and
that pleases me. "You chose an attractive form for yourself, didn't you?"
I brush a finger gently across his soft lips. So tempting, this innocent
looking figure before me, like an angel, a dark one, fallen.
"It comes in handy."
"Care to prove that?"
He blinks, "What?"
"She was right," I catch hold of his chin, bringing him closer,
"I do need a concubine." I press my mouth against his, invading it, and
the taste of him sweeps into my mouth, and he tastes of heaven, [5] I
want to
drown in
devour
ignore
that taste. I want that piece of heaven, I pull him closer and
claim my fallen angel.
I lay on the bed, listening to the sound of his breathing and
contemplate my punishment. It is worse that I had imagined, belonging to
Zelgadiss, but not in the way I want to. That's the point though, isn't
it? My hand strays upwards, running along the silver collar I now wear.
He called me a slave, but I'm really more of an inmate. I have been
tired, convicted, and sentenced. His presence is my prison, his
indifference my true punishment, and all because I love him.
It happens sometimes, every mazoku knows this is true, and we
accept it, but we aren't supposed to let it affect our duties. That was
my mistake, and it almost had disastrous results. Because I loved him, I
left my position and was still away at the critical moment. Had my
chimera not proven to be more than he appears, years of meticulous
planning would have been lost.
And so, here I am, bound to the one I love, playing the role of a
sex toy while silently cursing my own stupidity. I shouldn't have... But
if I hadn't... And now...
A tear [6] slides down my cheek and I wipe it away quickly. None
of that matters now. I made my choice and I must now deal with the
results. So long as Zelgadiss never learns the real reason why I was
chosen as his reward then I can survive in this new role. It will not be
easy, but it is not supposed to be.
He takes me again in the morning, I wonder if he is making up for
lost time, for so many years of keeping everyone away from him. I am
lucky my body recovers quickly, it appears as if I will be very busy in
my new occupation. The sun is high in the sky by the time we finally get
dressed. I find him watching me as I tie my sash, maybe it was a waste of
time to put my clothes on.
"You outfit has changed." He says in an impassive tone, "And your
staff is not here."
I shrug, "They were both symbols of my position, I lost them when
I lost it."
"And your power?"
I can't resist a smirk, "Power granted to a mazoku cannot be
revoked, only, 'contained.' I am as strong now as I was before."
"Hn, only now you're mine."
The smirk fades, he walks towards me, brushing his fingers along
the collar. I find myself missing the high neck of my old shirt, though I
suppose it really wouldn't have mattered.
"I find it highly unusual that you are the one they gave me." He
says in a low, coaxing tone.
"You know me, that made me the best choice." I reply, trying to
keep my tone as neutral as possible. Please don't let him keep up this
line of questioning.
"Such a simple explanation, don't you think?"
I shrug again. Please, don't ask anything else, please don't! He
opens his mouth to say something more but is interrupted by a knock on
the door.
"Zelgadiss-san? Lina-san sent me to get you, we'll be leaving
soon and you're going to miss breakfast. He answers her curtly, moving
away from me as he puts on his cloak. I have to smile, I was saved by
Amelia of all people, who would've thought.
Zelgadiss adjusts his sword belt, then turns to look at me
sternly, "What happened yesterday, they all think you did it. Do not
confirm or deny their suspicions, keep then uncertain."
I nod, it will not be hard, they don't know what to think of me.
It's funny, they don't trust me when I am honest now about what I am, but
they do trust him, and he is still hiding. I wonder how Lina missed it.
We leave the room together, I find myself consciously aware of the
absence of my staff and cloak. They were more comforting than I thought,
mere props for projecting my image, but important ones. This is
definitely going to take some getting used to.
I smile, as always, as I approach the table, their uncertain
looks actually please me, I haven't lost everything after all. He must
have been telling the truth though, there is blame in their looks. "Good
morning everyone." I say cheerfully, and forced smiles appear on their faces.
"Morning Xellos," Lina replies just as cheerfully, her tone just
as false. "Long time no see. I like the new clothes."
"The choker is quite beautiful Xellos-san." Amelia says
pleasantly. I see Zelgadiss smirk at the comment and cannot stop myself
from glowering, Amelia looks confused at my reaction so I reply as
politely as I can,
"Thank you Amelia-san." It wasn't very polite after all, I have
to fix that. I sit at the table and ask for water, ignoring them all. I
need to get past this! I am going to act normal no matter what my
feelings are, I am not going to let this beat me!
He is walking beside Lina, chatting cheerfully, the way he always
has. He doesn't look any different, that is annoying, he is mine, it
should show somehow. Lina says something and his laughter drifts back to
me as he spreads his arms in a gesture of phony innocence, he is the
fallen angel again. I will
comfort
consume
disregard
him. He is mine, I will prove it to him. I will show him that I
can, that I can
i can be gentle
i can break him
i can resist this
I want
i want to be with him
i want to control him
i want to be removed from this
I want to control him completely, I can break him, I will prove
to him that he is mine whether he likes it or not!
I wait until night falls, then leave the camp. He's talking with
Lina still, almost flirting now. What is he doing? This isn't normal
behaviour. I walk through the trees in the darkness, letting my anger
over take me.
don't do this, please!
shut up, don't be weak
it serves no purpose
it will show him my control
please don't, i'm not like this, i'm not!
I am
I find a suitable area and sit down, raising my hand and call the
wire into existence. I watch the moonlight glint on the slender thread
for a brief moment, then smile and pull my fallen angel to me with a
sharp tug.
The pull comes unexpectedly, I am yanked from the campsite so
quickly that I almost miss the look of surprise that passes over Lina's
face. I hit the ground roughly and look up at him in annoyance, only to
freeze. There's something wrong with his eyes and he is furious, what did
I do?
He rips my clothes away and holds me face down as he rips into my
body without mercy. I feel the pain because he wishes me to, and receive
no pleasure from it because his intention is to make me suffer. He
succeeds.
When he's finished he just leaves me there, he never spoke a
single word. I can't move. I never thought pain could be like this. A
strange numbness comes over me and I finally sit up, repair my tattered
clothes and put them back on. The collar feels cold against my skin, he
hurt me deliberately. I belong to him, that's his right, but... I still
love him. I don't want to consider what that says about me.
"Xellos-san?"
I turn at the hesitant voice and see Amelia there, she looks
upset and uncertain. I can't smile, "Amelia-san, are you all right?"
"I... well, Zelgadiss-san just yelled at me, for no reason. He
isn't himself."
No kidding. I look away and sit carefully on the ground, wincing
despite my caution.
"Are you all right Xellos-san?"
"Yes, thank you for asking." I want her to leave but she sits
down beside me instead.
"Something is happening to him." She says and I nod, she's right,
but I don't know what it is. She rests her head in her arms, "I feel
helpless, it makes me want to cry until I can't stop."
"That's useless."
"Sometimes it makes you feel better."
"Psychosomatic."
"Mazoku don't cry?"
"Not exactly." Why am I talking? Probably for the same reason she
wants to cry, to make myself feel better. "We're allowed one tear for
ever situation we can't change."
Some of her spirit revives, "With a heart of justice there is no
situation that cannot be changed."
I look up at the night sky, "You cannot make someone love you."
"Xellos-san?"
I look back to find her staring at me with pity, after a second I
feel the teardrop [7] hit my hand.
I didn't just do that, no, I did, like before, I just acted, it
was so
Horrible
Beautiful
Excessive
I can't believe I did that. I think I am loosing control. What do
I do? How can I stop it?
Why stop it? I want to run with it
This behaviour is far too unstable
I don't want to hurt anyone
I want pain
I don't want to hurt him, why did I do that? He's never going to
forgive me, I wouldn't. I pull my blanket tighter around me and look
around the campsite. Everyone's asleep, even Amelia, who looks like she's
worried about me. I shouldn't have snapped at her.
So many things I shouldn't have done tonight.
He comes back to the campsite finally, he doesn't look good, I
want to
See if he's broken
No! I want to take away the pain I caused. I don't know if I can though. He
won't even look at me, I don't blame him. I pull lightly on the wire that
connects us, he resists,
Good, he isn't broken yet.
and it hurts. I need him to come to me, eventually he does. I
hold him lightly, wrapping him in the blanket and brushing my hand
through his hair. It takes a while, but he does finally relax, falling
asleep in my arms.
Good, he won't be on his guard anymore
No! I don't want to hurt him, I don't
There is no stopping this now
I am an idiot. This is the conclusion I have drawn from my
behaviour lately. He hurts me, then consoles me, then ignores me. I want
to believe that he cares, what is wrong with me?
What is wrong with him?
There is that. Amelia is no longer the only one to notice now,
his behaviour is definitely odd. Still, I wonder if I see that only to
provide an explanation for my behaviour, an explanation other than that I
am simply a fool.
But if I'm not, if there is something wrong...
This is insane, and it doesn't matter anyway since I can't get
out of it. I wonder if Zellas-sama knew this would happen, she certainly
chose the best punishment possible.
"Xellos?"
I'm actually pleased at this interruption of my thoughts. "Yes
Lina-san?"
"You and Zel, you're, um, involved right?" They've all noticed
that we tend to share blankets at night.
"I suppose so."
"Do you know what's wrong with him?"
"No. I'm not sure he does, if there is anything wrong with him."
"There is, you've seen his behaviour lately."
"I know."
"Xellos?"
"Yes?"
"How did he bind you?"
"What?" She knows?
"That choker, I've seen the wire it connects to, and I know that
Zel holds it. How did he do it? He doesn't have enough power."
Yes he does, still, she can't know that. I actually manage a
smile when I answer, "Sore was himtsu desu."
"Xellos! This isn't a joke!"
"I know Lina-san, but do you actually think I could tell you? I
couldn't, even if I wanted to."
"Right, I should've guessed."
We laps into silence for a little while, it's an uncomfortable
silence.
"He's in the library you know."
"Still?" He's been in there for almost a week now, he hasn't come
out, and he hasn't spoken to anyone. He's been ignoring me.
"Yes, even for him this is getting unhealthy. Do you think you
can get him out?"
"I can try." Sure, he's got me bound and I'll get him to do
something he doesn't want to do, right.
Still, he can't stay in there for this long, it's not good for
him.
And I still care.
I am an idiot.
There has to be a cure somewhere. It is the only hope I have. I
am loosing control, there is no balance, I slip into extremes. I need to
regain my isolation, I am too attached.
I want Chaos not balance
I just want my life back
I need stability
Weak. Pathetic. Whiney.
Stop it, stop it, stop it!
I close my eyes and rest my head against the wood of the table, I
think I'm loosing hope.
"Zelgadiss-san?"
My fallen angel, why is he here? Please go away.
I want him to stay, I'm sick of looking at books
I must find a cure, I must regain stability
"Zelgadiss-san, you've been in here for a very long time, you
need to come out, even if it is just for a little while."
"I need to find a cure."
"You can come back, please come out, your friends are worried."
"And what about you Xellos? Are you worried?"
Please don't do this to him, please don't
Weak, whiney, pathetic. I want to play
Stop!
"Yes, I am worried."
"Why?"
"Because I am your friend as well."
"Are you? I don't treat you very well."
He shrugs, I can't stand his indifference. I stand and walk
around the table until I am standing in front of him.
"I hurt you and you're still my friend?"
"Yes."
"Then you're an idiot." I backhand him sharply, he falls to the
ground without a sound. I look down at him, waiting for a response, for
anything, but he just kneels there, waiting, peering at me from between
the strands of his hair. Without reproach, without one single word. [8]
He just waits, as always.
I feel guilty.
Guilt is an unnecessary emotion
What I am doing to him is wrong
The barriers are breaking
I cannot bear his unaccusing gaze, somehow it is worse than any
blame could be. I begin to turn away, only to be stopped by the sight of
a single tear [9] running down his cheek.
"Xellos, I -- "
I didn't want to do it
I did
This is pointless
I can't hurt you anymore.
I will own you completely.
I have lost, the barriers are gone.
It is too much, I flee from the library, from his eyes, from
myself, but I know it is no use.
I cannot escape, from any of it.
1: See, no PWP, it's not even a LEMON so there ;-Þ
2: That 1500 was the minimum, right?
3: The silver choker (took me long enough to get to something else eh?)
4: Ta da, Xel gets to play the concubine ;-)
5: Now, this is actually from her earlier "quote" challenge, modified for POV. Two for one, not bad eh?
6: That's one tear.
7: That's two.
8: This is the only one of the three optional things I managed to work in, slightly modified again.
9: And here's the third, no more, no less.
10: And there were no Dark Lords.
I think that was everything.