"Why, praytell, have you called me to this place?" Ayeka demanded. Kiyone glanced over at her and arched an eyebrow. "This place" was the apartment she shared with Mihoshi.
"You and I have to have a talk," Kiyone said, collecting a tray of snacks and heading out to join her friend in the living room.
"About what?" Ayeka demanded. "Make yourself plain?"
"You and Ryoko have come to an arrangement, soon," Kiyone said.
"What sort of arrangement should I come to with that..." Ayeka paused, flicking her dress with unnecessary force and straightening her back. "...monster woman."
"Just mention her name and you get excited," Kiyone said, shaking her head.
"Excuse me!?!!" Ayeka gasped, standing straight up. "Are you suggesting that I...and that....thing...have...a RELATIONSHIP?!!!"
"For goodness sake, I just said 'excited!'" Kiyone said irritably. "Sit down and hear me out."
"You had better begin to make sense, Officer Makibi," Ayeka said harshly.
"Let me give you a rundown of a rather common sequence of events," Kiyone said. "Ryoko teases you, you overreact and insult her, she insults you, there's a fight, lots of fireworks. I...I...I..." each repeat of the word was more emphatic. "Have to..." Kiyone held up her hand and started ticking off fingers. "Clean up the mess, deal with the locals, deal with the MIB," she paused and started a small side rant. "Are you aware that aliens and supernatural beings have been in Japan long enough that more than NINETY percent of the population is IMMUNE to neuralization? This is a statistic that I am given roughly THREE TIMES A WEEK!!! It's almost as bad as San Francisco!! Or even ATLANTA!!! Which brings up the trigger happy cat-girl and her sisters that came by yesteday. Anyway...THEN I have to deal with my superiors, and FINALLY deal with your parents! This has been happening nearly twice a week in the two or three years since we came here. To top it all off, your fights attract more galatic criminals than I anything else I can imagine, and that's when TENCHI gets involved."
Kiyone's voice started to raise to levels she usually reserved for Mihoshi, and Ayeka blinked as she leaned back, slightly nervous.
"I swear, being stationed near the three of you would make being partnered with Mihoshi look like the assignment from heaven if it weren't for the fact that SHE'S here too!!!"
"And what about Washu?" Ayeka asked faintly.
"She works in a sub-dimension," Kiyone says. "Barring Mihoshi incidents she has less impact on the world at large than a salami sandwich." Actually that made her nervous, she was certain Washu would eventually get bored and try something big.
"And why," Ayeka asked. "Isn't Ryoko here?"
"Because the problem isn't with her," Kiyone said. "The problem is with you."
"And how is that?" Ayeka asked. "Should I just abandon my claim on Lord Tenchi and give her an open passage?"
"Tenchi," Kiyone said. "Will have two wives once he takes the throne, assuming he takes the throne. So there is no need to abandon your claim on him. Tenchi can't decide between you because he loves you both. Ryoko wouldn't mind sharing, would actually appreciate it, but isn't about to give up."
"How would Ryoko appreciate, 'sharing' as you put it?" Ayeka asked.
"You have her wrapped around your finger as surely as Tenchi does," Kiyone said. "And are just as aware of it."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Ayeka said, putting her nose in the air.
"Exactly," Kiyone said. "I can't count the number of times I could swear you made a pass at her. Then you shoot her down when she responds. And it's worse when you're both drunk. She gets emotional and you get mean. Do you even remember how many times you've brought her to tears during those drinking binges in the baths?"
"Binge?" Ayeka protested, not answering the question. "I don't binge."
"Right," Kiyone said. "Now the way I see it, you either truly have desire toward her at all," Kiyone thought that doubtful. "Or else you are so uncomfortable with the thought that you'd rather sabotage any conversation you have Ryoko than risk proving it to yourself."
"I am not attracted to Ryoko," Ayeka snapped. "Or any woman! It is untoward in a Jurain princess." At that Kiyone fixed her with a look.
"Your mother and Lady Funaho," Kiyone said simply.
"How dare you suggest such a thing," Kiyone gasped.
"Since they admitted it, and told me you walked in on them once," Kiyone said.
"It is a dreadful lie," Ayeka said. "I'll hear no more of it."
"Fine, fine," Kiyone said. "Whatever. In any case, straight, bi, lesbian, whatever. You don't have to have sex with Ryoko for her to be the other wife." Ayeka blinked as if she had never considered that before. "But telling her you have no interest would at least be fair. Not to mention stop leading her on."
"I am not leading her on," Ayeka protested again.
"Whatever," Kiyone said waving that off. "Incidentally, I'd say she'd be a better First Empress than Second."
"And why is that?" Ayeka decided.
"Take a moment to consider Ryoko's idea of covert," Kiyone said. The image of a sevveral large explosions came to mind. "Do you really think she'd make a good Head of Security? Head of the Military should suit her fine."
"True," Ayeka admitted. "She is much better at brute force, isn't she." Kiyone leaned forward.
"That is at least concession in the right direction," Kiyone said. "Now, on to my plan for the night."
"Your plan?" Ayeka repeated.
"Right," Kiyone said. "Mihoshi is out on patrols, I'm off duty, and Minagi is coming down to visit..."
"Yes, two days from now," Ayeka said. Kiyone smirked and raised a finger.
"That, is what she told everybody else," Kiyone said. Ayeka's mouth dropped open.
"You said you weren't interested in women!" Ayeka accused.
"Did I?" Kiyone asked. "I don't remember that."
"You," Ayeka growled. "But Minagi...?" She looked confused.
"Looks like Ryoko, and isn't in love with you and Tenchi," Kiyone said. "And as easy as it is to play with Ryoko's heart strings...I don't feel like becoming the fourth of a quartet."
"You're with Minagi because she looks like Ryoko?" Ayeka said, narrowing her eyes.
"Well, at first yeah," Kiyone admitted. "But she's got a lot of other great....and that's really not your business so, now, on to my plan..."
"I'm not interested," Ayeka said, putting her nose in the air, and failing to push the vulnerability Kiyone had displayed."
"Then why aren't you leaving?" Kiyone asked. Ayeka flashed her eyes in Kiyone's direction. "So, anyway, I'm taking Minagi dancing tonight, in about thirty minutes. We're going to a club, and you're coming with us. At the very least, you can learn how to turn down offers without insulting smeone's age, species, intelligence, personality, parentage, strengths, weaknesses, social status, children (not a favorite one of mine either of late) or hair-color." As Kiyone ticked off points Ayeka winced. "Did I catch them all?"
"Finances?" Ayeka said weakly.
"Oh yes," Kiyone said. "Financial status, another no-no when politely turning someone down so that they don't feel quite hurt and confused and decide to retaliate starting a fight that destroys Tokyo Tower."
"That was only our fault three times," Ayeka protested. She took a moment to catch her breath. "So you hope to teach me to treat that...." Kiyone gave her a look. "Treat Ryoko a little more politely."
"At least," Kiyone said. If I'm really lucky you'll get laid, but how lucky am I ever. Speaking of which, there was a flaw in her master plan here, she knew it, but she couldn't quite lay hold of it. Then the doorbell rang, and Kiyone walked over to the door and opened it to let Minagi in.
The youngest Hakubi greeted Kiyone with a passionate kiss driving her back into the apartment and shutting the door behind them. Until she caught sight of Ayeka's disapproving face.
"Oh don't stop now," Kiyone muttered as Minagi broke off.
"Uh, Kiyo-chan," Minagi asked faintly.
"Hmmm?" Kiyone asked dreaminly, kissing at Minagi's neck.
"What's Aunty Ayeka doing here?" Minagi asked.
"She's going dancing with us," Kiyone answered. "Sort of a lesson in tolerance for her."
"Won't she tell Ryoko?" Minagi whispered, hopefully low enough that Ayeka couldn't hear. Kiyone froze. Yep, there was that flaw in the plan. Kiyone glanced over to Ayeka, where the princess was sitting with her eyes averted.
Jsut have to make sure she stays too busy, Kiyone thought, breaking fully away from Minagi who took a sort of attention stance. "Okay, we have to get ready now. Ayeka, you need to change clothes. Something more normal to Earth, I have some stuff that should fit you in my room."
"Obviously it has been your plan all along to see me in revealing clothing," Ayeka accused the both of them. So saying she strolled defiantly into Kiyone's room to change clothes.
As soon as Ayeka was gone Minagi hit Kiyone upside the head. Kiyone flashed a what shrug in her direction, and Minagi gestured irritably toward the room Ayeka had just walked into. This was followed by the patented, "seemed like a good idea at the time" shrug and the "great, now what" eye rolling.
At the Club Luna, a green haired woman approached the bar and asked for the phone. The bartender politely pointed to the end of the bar and the young woman strode for it purposefully. She was a rather small, elf-like woman with an odd, almost masculine stride. As if that stride were her true habit and it the feminine glide she'd been using was an act that was falling apart as she grew more irritated. She was dressed in a green mini-skirt and a tight green-leather blouse with no sleeves and thin shoulderstraps. It reminded the wearer of a less expansive version of that Xina chick's armor on TV. She was actually fairly glad there were no guys around to look at her, because the outfit left little to imagine about her assetts.
She was wearing a pair of high heels, a form of footware she had long ago decided was the bane of her existance. And above them a pair of lower-leg wrappings, in green, with cute little cloth balls hanging from small white ropes on the side. The woman grabbed the phone and dialed a number.
Across town, in a rather large home for the area, a phone rang.
"Tendo residence," a woman said, picking up the phone. "Nabiki speaking."
"There's nothing but women here, Nabiki," the green-haired woman said, almost growlling.
"What was that?" Nabiki asked with a smirk. "I couldn't hear you."
"I SAID," the woman on the phone shouted. "There's NOTHING but WOMEN here!!" She glanced around at the eyes staring at her. "Sorry..."
"Ranma," Nabiki said with a mock question. "Is that you?"
"Of course it's me," Ranma muttered. "Who'd you think it was, Amaterasu's grand child?"
"For all we know you could be," Nabiki said. "Oh don't start Ranma, in the past two years, we've heard of ancestors of yours that were dragons, vampires, succubi, demons, angels, gods, aliens, werecreatures and I think even the snow-woman once. You are quite possibly the most crossed being on the planet. We've gotten to the point that we don't know what you are, so please don't make statements like that again, we really don't want to invite trouble."
"Right, right," Ranma said. "But what's goin' on here, Nabiki. You didn't think I had enough women trouble so you sent me to a place with no guys?" A couple of her carefully not listening listeners perked up on hearing this.
"Would you rather I sent you to place with ALL guys the way YOU'RE dressed?" Nabiki asked.
"If you sent him to a place with all guys," Kasumi said as she passed by. "He'd probably have no problem at all the way he's dressed." Nabiki covered the phone and shushed her sister with an amused, if rather strained, look on her face.
"You are under orders to spend the night relaxing, Saotome," Nabiki said. "So relax. Talk to some of the women, go dancing, eat some ice cream, drink some beer. Blow off some steam before you blow up...again."
"Ahh, he had it coming!" Ranma said.
"Ranma," Nabiki said. "It was a rat, not a wererat, not a rat demon, not even a jusenkyo cursed martial artist, just a rat. And you hit it with a chi blast large enough to dig a new tunnel in that hill."
Ranma grumbled silently as she pondered that. "You might have a point," Ranma muttered. "You're sure, Akane's not going to hear about this? Before I thought you meant, nobody is going to find out where you are. Not nobody is going to find out you spent three days at a club-hotel full of women!!!! Are you CRAZY sending me here?"
"Nobody is going to hear about this," Nabiki assured him. "I set it up after all, and if this gets out my head's on the platter right next to yours. Though I could probably talk my way out of any repercussions, the point is I'd rather not need to, so...no one will find out."
"Your concern for my safety is overwhelming," Ranma muttered.
"Have you been reading the dictionary Ranma?" Nabiki asked. "I wasn't aware you knew words like 'overwhelming.'"
"Ha, ha," Ranma muttered. "So just why is there nothing but women here?"
"It's a specialized club. I'm sure someone there can explain it to you," Nabiki said. Then she continued in a sing-song voice. "I'm hanging up now Ranma."
"Wait, Nabiki!" Ranma shouted. "Don't...don't hang up...you're absolutely sure...That Akane won't hear about this."
"Ranma, just forget about Akane for three days," Nabiki said soberly. "Just...forget about her...alright?"
"But if she..." Ranma started.
"Forget about her for now," Nabiki said. "That's an order." She quickly hung up the phone before Ranma could answer.
"You couldn't think of anything better than sending him uninformed into a lesbian dance club?" Kasumi asked wearily.
"It's also a hotel," Nabiki said smiling.
"Nabiki," Kasumi tsked at her older sister.
"Kasumi," Nabiki said, seriously. "I could have sent him to the most obscure and tiny tropical island, and at least one of the lot would have followed him. I don't think any of them would look for him there."
"The potential consequences," Kasumi said.
"He promised he wouldn't try anything until he saw me again," Nabiki said. "As for the other, he could laid. He could run away. He could even fall in love and never come back here. Hell, with Ranma there's always the chance he could come back bearing the child of an alien princess. But I could care less about that, I want him to forget about Akane. At least until she acts her age."
"She wasn't herself when that happened, Nabiki," Kasumi said.
"It's not the stuff she did while possessed that I'm angry about," Nabiki said. "It's the fact that she refuses to admit that any of it was a 'big deal.' She acts like she doesn't care about what did or could've happened."
"It's an act," Kasumi started. "She's scared."
"There's more people involved than just her," Nabiki snapped. "So she can take her act and stuff it.
After Ranma finally gets rid of Happosai's fetish demon, her first act of free will is to hit Ranma up side the head and berate the lot of us for not telling her about her little pet pig being Ryouga. And not one word on the matter since. Akane is NOT high on my list of people right now."
Nabiki stalked off, leaving Kasumi behind shaking her head. She supposed it was lucky that nothing truly permanent had happened all the physical changes had been reversed when the demon had been banished, and Akane hadn't gotten around to doing more than changing people yet. No worse hentai behavior, but it had been close.
Got bored...so, yes, did something stupid and started another idea...mostly comedic but starting on a slightly dark note...as for Kiyone...she may be a highly intelligent tactician, strategist and investigator, but if something has been bothering for a long time she has tendency to get hasty, slipshod, and downright stupid in her attempts to fix it...hence that "Get Ayeka laid." plan...and the relationship...I just think it's fun to put Kiyone in such awkward situations...oh yeah...even if I go with the implied prediction in Nabiki's rant, most likely this will not be a Ranma/Ayeka match up beyond a one or two night stand...I really don't know where I'll end up with this one...if I follow it at all...as for my imaginings of Akane as possessed by a fetish demon...check out www.bastianmage.com and go to Sebestians adult galleries...lots of furry, rubber, bondage and other strange fetishes....what can I say....I was running on fumes when I wrote this idea....