Forty-Six and Two was written by the amazingly talented Tool and is on their AEnma cd.
No matter what anyone says, what anyone might think, there is no such thing as a two dimensional person. No matter how strong the appearance of shallowness may be, a two dimensional person does not exist. Even if a person has one thought, one obsession over which their entire life revolves - the lack of depth simply fails to be. Every emotion felt, every person met, everything gained or lost continuously adds the layers and scars that make someone themselves.
But given at the heart of it all, what is a person's true self? Is it their appearance or attitude to others? Is it so flexible as to vary in perception of an individual? Or is it something deeper, hidden under multitudes of falsity?
And what if you could find out? If you could take one dear to you and peel away the layers until you found the real person inside; would you do it? Destroy all you thought you knew for a noble illusion of truth?
Would you?
Or would you be too scared?
Would it be worth it?
These are the games souls play...
My shadow's
Zelgadiss stared at the ceiling, arms crossed and not even trying to sleep. Why bother, his nightmare was just bothering him again. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't escape it in the end.
If Rezo had a grave he'd gladly spit upon it, smash the tombstone to pebbles......
But he'd never even get that chance.
shedding skin
"Would you like to play?" Elegant hands motioned to a gameboard to the side of the lavish room.
"I thought you tired of games," pondered an equally Elegant voice.
"Anything to pass the time."
"I hope you don't anger Mother."
"Why would I?"
I've been picking
Cheap ceiling with its cracks and alabaster scars.
Everything is scarred.
And everything is ugly.
Zelgadiss rolled to one side, disgusted.
Scabs again
"After all," pale fingers carefully moved the sapphire piece. "This is a game of realization."
"Of evolution," agreed the other.
"And isn't that what mortals strive for?"
Digging through
Failure, he was always met with failure. Surely every cure has its reversal... So why couldn't he find anything?
His luck or the lack there of. It was apparently his fate to be the object of cosmic jokes.
He envied lucky people.
My old muscles
"This is a sad one."
"I prefer to think of it as potential. After all, true brilliance is acquired through suffering- the ultimate teacher of knowledge."
Sensual lips curled to reveal marble teeth. "You are truly wicked."
"As are you."
Looking for a clue
Maybe you've been searching for the wrong things purred an unknown voice.
Azure eyes shot open. Who!? With the instinct from years on the road, Zelgadiss rolled out of bed, grabbed his sword and readied it for attack all in the same movement. "Who's there!?"
Poor little thing. Your arrogance got you in trouble, your pride keeps others at bay and there is apparently no cure for your 'condition'.
No one was in the room... just him and.. "Shut. Up." he growled softly. Damn you get out of my head!!! A cure has to exist, it has to!! It.....it.......
A cure itself, does not likely exist.
Don't preach what he already knew.
But if I could offer true help?
I've been crawling on my belly
Help.....
If you could find one like you, forever stuck within themselves, or if you could take something precious you don't have, would a cure be so important?
That's ridiculous....
But he was so desperate.
Clearing out what could have been
That's right. He felt gentle tendrils move across his face. Shadows....
If you could take what you truly desire, hold it next to your heart, would a cure seem so important in hind sight?
Something he didn't have....
I've been wallowing in my own confused
He sighed as he embraced the slippery shadows, letting them run around, about and through him; teasing his senses and covering his pupils.
Could he really find something to out do his very cure?
But that was his desire....
Surely.
And insecure delusions
"That's a different move."
"But a good one."
"Are you serious about what you said?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Because you're you."
"As you are yourself."
"True."
For a piece to cross me over
Yes, if he could find something that would outshine his very cure he'd gladly accept it. If it was better than the fictional cure, it would make him ultimately happier, right?
But what could it possibly be?
Who was like him, forever stuck within themselves?
Who had something he didn't posses?
Or a word to guide me in
Xelloss, the purple haired trickster. The mazoku General-Priest had nothing he wanted. Yeah, Xelloss had lots of power, but so did he.... just not nearly as much. Besides, it was power lust that had gotten him in trouble to begin with. Sure Xelloss looked human, but he was merely a demon in human skin. If he was to be cured, he wanted a cure, not simply turn the monster inside instead of out. It defeated the entire purpose.
Amelia, the young justice loving princess. Amelia's life had been rocked with scandal and murder, but she still had a loving family despite it all. Love... no, he had love. He knew that his friends cared about him a great deal. Still, he felt a large amount of affection for the sweet girl, but she wasn't lost, just idealistic.
Gourry, the supposedly dimwitted swordsman. He had his doubts at times- after all, was it not Gourry who first figured out what Xelloss was? But Gourry didn't have anything he wanted, although his skill with a sword was enviable. He did have the damnest luck though, didn't he? Or maybe not, seeing as he was often on the wrong end of a Fireball or fist -
Luck?
Something he wanted....
Did Gourry....
I wanna feel the change coming down
Something he didn't have; Lina was the very epitome of luck. From the trivial bandit's treasure to the battles she managed to survive. The small sorceress was nothing if not lucky.
And she was the only one who could really make him laugh, the first to see past his appearance...
And the only one to call him by nickname.
I wanna know what I've been hiding in
Someone who out shined him.
She did so in leaps and bounds, right?
More power than anyone...
And she didn't even have to beg for it.
Lucky.
No, favored.
My shadow
"You continue to surprise me."
"Mother would be furious otherwise."
"You mean She already isn't?"
"What are you doing?" ventured a younger, obviously inferior voice.
"Nothing concerning you."
Change is coming through my shadow
He always admired her, came so close to envying her. Her power and skill where awe inspiring...
And then he learned of its toll.
Like then...
The rage and hopelessness he felt when the Mother of All Things, the Lord of Nightmares possessed her. Gone was the child-like beauty, all replaced by divine liquid gold, the beauty of someone eternal.
It made him sick.
My shadow's changing skin
Young appearing eyes narrowed hatefully at the latest game piece. "That's..."
Fingers idly traced the carved gold. "Mother's treasured Pawn."
"Again unexpected."
"Chaotic," the former corrected.
"Why her!?" cried the impatient child. "Why is she favored!?"
"Why not?"
"Mother surely has Her reasons."
I've been picking
Price, all power comes with a price.
He knew that too well.
So what price did Lina pay? Perhaps she would lose her soul for all the power she's drawn. Maybe -
Child like.
Lina, despite her vehement (and often violent) protests, and obvious beauty, still looked like a child. Was that her price? Was she forever a child?
Lost inside herself, just like him?
My scabs again
Dimming the need for his cure by acquiring that which shined brighter.
You know what it is.
Holding a desire to his heart, not hiding it.
You've always known.
But he never -
Always.
Shadows abound, and he felt sick for all his wasted efforts. He wanted nothing more than for the pain to disappear, to be burned away.
And so it shall.
I've been crawling on my belly
Lina leaned her head back, allowing the warm water to cascade down her long hair. These where cheap alternatives to bath houses, but she rather liked them these... what where they called.... showers?
Steam rose everywhere, warm, thick and comforting. Lina lazily cracked open a crimson eye. It was so hard to see....
But that's alright.
Clearing out what could have been
"I hope something horrible happens to her!! I hope you make her suffer the seven hells, I - "
" - Oh, you're just bitter Phibrizzo ."
"You lost to her too, Shabranigdo," reminded the third voice.
"As did you Darkstar."
"Yes... but we aren't in the same rut as your little servant."
"Are you gonna kill her?" sick green eyes looked hopeful. "Then we could really play."
"Are you insane? Didn't learn your lesson, did you?"
"You really are ruining our game."
I've been wallowing in my own chaotic
She hugged her bare shoulders. Gourry, you jerk. He didn't mean anything by it, she knew that... but she was sensitive about her figure dammit!! Still....
He was right.
And insecure delusions
She knew damn well that she looked like a kid.
But he didn't have to always point it out.
Her head slumped forward, wet bangs shielding her eyes from view. She knew, but....
Why did it hurt so much?
I wanna feel the change consume me
"Lina," whispered a soft voice from behind.
She immediately turned to smack the pervert, only to have her hand catch stone. "Zel!!" She covered herself (although, given all the steam, he had no chance in hell of seeing anything) the best she could, ignoring the pain in her right hand. Before she could so much as open her mouth to yell at him, a soft cloth fluttered onto her head. A robe? She wrapped the clothing tightly around her small frame, mentally calculating her chances of hitting him with a few Flare Arrows, given the steam and his speed.
feel the outside turning in
"What do you want!?" she finally snapped, ignoring the rising blush on her cheeks.
He didn't know how to answer, so he didn't.
"Zel?"
He looked to her, the steam was thinning....no, just separating.
He wanted it to.
I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
"Do you know that everything in the world is scarred, Lina?" he asked abruptly.
"Wh-what do you mean?" Yes, we all have scars.
"And everything is ugly."
What was he getting at? And why was her stomach knotting? "No Zel, not everything is ugly." Could someone please explain why they where having this conversation?
"I don't know if I believe in beauty any more," he confessed.
She found herself backing away. "Why are you acting like this?"
He turned his pupiless eyes to her. "Do you?"
"Do I what?"
"Believe in beauty?"
That was the dumbest question... why was he asking such a - why did she have to search so hard for an answer? Drawn into her soul for the answer to a dumb question. "Yes."
Cleansing I've endured within
"Maybe you're right... you normally are." He placed both hands on her small shoulders. "Can you prove it to me?"
"Prove it?" How do you prove a notion?
"Lina," he caressed her cheek. "I think I've figured something out about my cure."
She brightened. If it was his cure, of course he'd come barging in to tell her.
"I had a revelation," he said in a voice so soft she barely heard him "that if could find something that shined brighter than my fictional cure, the driving obsession would fade into dullness in comparison."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning I need something beyond myself."
He always was a greedy bastard.
My shadow
She suddenly shoved him away, not really knowing why. Or maybe she did know why, subconsciously... you never know whats hiding down there. Quickly, she ran for the exit.
Steam rose and supported him before he could fall.
Change is coming
Don't run, you're just like me.
Scarred.
Burned.
Prove it.
Prove a beautiful person could really exist.
Greedy, greedy bastard.
Now is my time
All exits slammed shut.
He wanted them too, simple as that.
Panic rising - doors not budging - blast it open!! "Diem - "
Listen to the muscle memory
He cut off her spell by tightly wrapping his arms around her, careful not to cause her any pain. "Don't run, Lina," he begged. "So many have ran..."
"Let go Zel!"
"It's not me you're running from, is it?"
She stopped struggling. No it's not.
"You're scared aren't you?"
"..."
"But it isn't of me, is it?"
Contemplate what I've been digging to
"...no," she finally admitted.
"The truth is scary, isn't it?"
"Why are you acting like this?" she all but panicked as her heart rose to her throat.
"I've been tricked and lied to far too many times."
"I know but - "
"I need to know?"
"Know?"
"That you really do shine brighter."
Forty-six and Two ahead of me
"Zel...." Not like this, don't be like this.
"Don't you want to know too? Who you are inside?"
"I already do."
"Then show me," he said simply, as if it was an easy, irrelevant request.
Greedy, greedy, greedy, both are so greedy.
I choose to live and to
What was happening!? He didn't have - wasn't supposed to have this kind of power!! Where did it - how did she know what it was? She screamed as the shadows dove into her, tearing through her flesh, mind and spirit, exposing all she was inside - so much pain without physical feeling........
Some things are best left buried.
Grow, take and give and to
Since she had begun her travels, she was a different person. She had a deeper appreciation for people, was more open with others...
Just like him.
Move, learn and love and to
Her strait forward manner, firey temper, outgoing personality...
Appearance.
He would weep if it was a facade.
Please be someone beautiful, Lina.
Cry, kill and die and to
Past the bravado: the scared girl who was ashamed of what she's done and will do. A scared girl who cries at the enemies she's made and uses her friends as her lifelines.
Please be a stronger person than he.
Be paranoid and to
Her whole life she excelled at everything she put her mind to. She was always a naturally competitive person. Only one thing she openly feared - her sister.
The
Beatings and
Poisons gave way to
Immunity and eventually you
Toughened, which made you
Stronger.
Are you secretly thankful?
Do, what it takes to step through
Scarred, Lina had scars at every level. Just like him, scarred everywhere imaginable.
But still beautiful.
The shadows caressed the smooth tissue imprinted on her soul in awe. Beautiful scars?
Did the scars make you beautiful?
I choose to live and to
So many layers. Impossible layers.
"Who are you, Lina?" He and the shadows asked as one. Just realize that many layers isn't natural?
"Zel," she placed a hand on his chest, trying to reach through to him. She was so weak, felt so helpless. She could feel it, the comfortable world around her was unwinding, unravelling before her. If he severed the thread then... "Don't look any further."
"I have to know Lina."
You know what they say about curiosity.
She looked at him sadly, memorizing his face and what she felt now. Finally, she closed ruby eyes for the final time. "You stubborn idiot."
I choose to live and to
The final layer...
The heart.
Are you a beautiful person Lina?
Lie, kill and give and to
Her eyes shot open in the burst of power not his own. He saw her true self.
Beautiful.
Lucky.
Eternal.
Not Lina.
The shadows left him completely, abandoning his body and returning his pupils. As they raced away, he could feel himself riding back to the physical plane on the wings of a bruising kiss.
Greed, greedy bastard.
Die, learn and love and to
"L-lina!" he cried pushing her away. When did he -
No...
Beautiful.
Always wanting more, aren't you?
"What's wrong?" she cooed. "I thought this was what you wanted."
No, it wasn't.
What had he wanted?
Her eyes, now far more maroon than red, glared down at him. "Some things are best left buried, Zel." When had she gotten taller than him? When did the simple robe melt into elaborate blue and gold clothes of many layers?
When did...
How did he do this? Did he do this? More importantly...
Why did it happen?
Do, what it takes to step through
She slapped him again, but this time he felt all of the intended pain. "Is your cure so important that you'd ruin other's lives?!" she demanded.
But he didn't mean...
"Couldn't take anything on faith, could you?" Why did her voice sound so betrayed?
"But I..."
"Wanted to know?" She laughed bitterly. "That, my dear friend, was not the proper way to go about it. Don't look for what you don't understand, Zel. You may find yourself in a whole lot of trouble."
That was why. He knew now and his heart was breaking. He knew why he... "I...I love..."
Her eyes softened immediately. "And that is why I'll grant you what you must truly desire."
Why did you have to be so greedy?
See my shadow changing
"What Are You Doing?"
"L-sama!!" The two Demon Kings and former Hellmaster scrambled to bow before the true perfect being - Chaos Incarnate.
Said Mother of All Things pouted. "Awww, Look What You Did To My Pawn."
The three of them stared agape at the ruined gold. "B-but..."
She wagged a finger at them. "For Shame."
Stretching out and over me
Long fingers ran through slick metal until it relented to her touch. Gripping, caressing, bending until the hair was once again a pliable silky indigo.
A mere caress of the cheek and the stone began to crack and break away, revealing the smooth flesh underneath.
Another kiss and the rest of his rock prison melted away - giving air to pale skin.
Soften this old armor
He stared at his hands in shock. Since when could Lina do this? Why didn't he ever think to ask? ...Come to think of it, when did he get into the showers? And why did Lina seemed so different? All thoughts where pushed to irrelevancy by his dizzily happy brain. "Lina!!" He reached out to her...
Greedy.
She calmly stepped from his reach.
"Lina?"
She opened her different colored eyes. "The one called Lina Inverse... no longer exists."
Hoping I can clear the way
All of the spontaneous joy deflated and his arms fell limp to his side. "Lina?" Dread, dread, why was he feeling like this.. he hadn't done anything had he?
"Lina Inverse does not exist, she never existed, only I exist.... she... was just a game." Her darker eyes fixed on him. "And you where one of the pieces."
"but...."
"Game over. Good bye, Zel. It's been a privilege traveling with all of you. I'm glad you finally got what you wanted." Then she was gone. Just like that... gone.
This wasn't what was supposed to happen... what was supposed to happen? He didn't know. Maybe this was all a dream, maybe he was crazy, maybe...
He just wanted to see something beautiful.
By stepping through my shadow
"But how?" Shabranigdo eyed the ruined pawn carefully. "Nothing should have happened, we where just using the Chimera as our main Pawn."
"The soul is incomprehensible to anything conscious," said an unfamiliar voice. "You shouldn't mess with what you don't understand."
All eyes turned to the figure in the door. L-sama grinned, the Demon Kings where confused and Phibrizzo glowered. He'd recognize that little bitch anywhere... although she wasn't as little any more.
Ruby Red eyes narrowed. "Who are you?"
"You don't know me? After L-sama created you with me in mind too!!"
The Golden Lord Herself stepped forward. "It's Been Awhile Laksmi."
"...Yes it has."
Coming out the otherside
"Zelgadiss-san!!" Amelia nearly choked on her drink. "You're cured?!??!?!"
Yeah he was, but..
So what?
That wasn't what he... he did't even know.
"Zelgadiss?" Gourry watched, concerned as the former Chimera brushed past the young princess.
"I... think - I need to lay down."
Events getting fuzzy.
Never existed.
Lies, had to be,
Why didn't he belive that?
Because he saw.
He saw the true soul of a person.
Something beautiful.
Luck was not with him.
Step into the shadow
The being once known as Lina Inverse intently watched the beautiful blue and green ball floating in the void. The other three where completely ignored. She smiled bitterly. Zel, what did you do? I didn't want any of this again. I was happy, all of us where having fun, I... I................ was with you. Hearing the silent movement behind her, she lowered her head and smiled. "Don't hide, Nirrti."
The Golden Lord stepped out into the 'open'. "Are You Still Surveying That World?"
"Of course."
L-sama allowed herself a grin. "Are You Enjoying Your Original Form?" Actually, it wasn't that much different from before.... just taller and a little more defined. The only real change besides her hair and eyes was the level of elegance and composure her mortal counterpart lacked.
The only thing she really enjoyed was again having the power to slam Phibrizzo into the ground. "I suppose." She cradled a small object in her palm.
"It's Been Lonely."
"I guessed as much when you tried to forcibly take me back." If you had told her yesterday that she'd be having casual conversation with L-sama...
"Are You Still Upset Over That? It Didn't Work Did It?"
"No." She closed wine eyes.
"Laksmi, Is That A Stone From The Chimera's Face?"
"Yes... and Zelgadiss, his name is Zelgadiss."
"I Thought It Was Zel."
"I'm the only one that calls him that."
"I See... You Could Have Stayed You Know. I Certainly Thought You Where."
"No I couldn't. He couldn't take a person on faith, he betrayed me. By forcing open my eyes and by knowing what I tried to hide. How do you find out who a person is? You find out in a long, long period of time, not just bursting in and tearing through old wounds. I can't be with someone like that."
"But You Cured Him."
Her eyes filled with tears. "I didn't say that I didn't love him."
"Do You Regret Being Back?"
"...no. Lina Inverse was just an illusion. I had too much fun being her, after awhile, I did want to be her and eventually I was her. It was the greatest learning experience I've ever had but... it wasn't real. Illusions are never healthy."
"No, They're Not. Still," She turned to walk away. "It's Good To Have You Back Where You Belong Imouto-chan."
Forty-Six and two are just ahead of me
It's over, breath, it's all gone. It was fun, but it wasn't who you really where, no matter how much you wish, it wasn't.....
Don't mess with what you don't understand.
She didn't understand did she? She didn't understand until she looked through a mortal's eyes and even then had to later figure it out as an immortal. She was as ignorant as he...
Aye, a naive child.
I loved you, you jerk. She pressed the perfect stone to her eternal and broken heart.
But know you're just another scar.