Orestes was written by A Perfect Circle and is one their first cd - Mer Der Noms. I don't own the slayers and this is my first attempt at a lina/val fic, so be gentle ^^; I tried to find a way to keep in the story line, but there's no facts supporting this lil tale - just my own imagination and a little bit o' inspiration from Kanzeyori's wonderful fic - All That Matters.
In one, deafening, defining moment that I never even witnessed, my life (as it could feasibly be called now) is over.
(It ended a long time ago.)
I've been betrayed. (But I was truly the original betrayer.)
I'm dying... but I already walked that path.
metaphor for a missing moment...
Perhaps it is just a mistake, but I can remember Before. My master thinks that he erased all of my memories, but even the Chaos Dragon King isn't perfect.
Well, maybe that isn't quite right. While I can remember events and the like from Before, I much prefer to reminisce on the way things felt. Conversion to the Mazoku leaves a very precise numbing over senses you used to take for granted. I remember the gentle heat of the warm sun on my large back as I would glide through the cool air in my Trueshape. I remember the exhilarating sensation of wind in my wings, in my ears, in my lungs. I remember the general happiness of my people, our celebrations, our learnings, our lives...
But I remember her best of all.
On a particularly nondescript summer's day, I had been lolling about in the air, when a reddish blur all but knocked me out of the sky. Furious, I chased after the smaller Ancient that had dared shove me as she flew past in her haste. How fast she was! My wings never beat so quickly...
But of course I eventually caught her, corralling her by a mountain side and forcing her to take a human shape to confront me. And as soon as I got a good look, I somehow knew that she was perfect... for me.
Even in her human guise, she was a beauty to be recognized. Small, frail only in appearance, long scarlet hair reminiscent of her Dragon Shape's red-black wings, glittering ruby eyes that shined in any light, a bright smile that lit up her features, I was taken.
And by some bless of fate or chance, despite our initial meeting, a courtship soon followed, and I knew bliss.
I remember how it felt. The brisk night air when we rested on the cliffs, away from our clan's Lunar celebration. The surges that only come from challenging and fresh conversation till dawn - talking of life, the rising Golds, the fledging Mazoku, the Chaos theory and the possibility of the Lord of Nightmares.
It is all these things, or rather the sensation of each that I remember most.
Why couldn't one moment stretch into eternity?
pull me into your perfect circle
The feeling of the cause and effect that led to our people's downfall. The feeling of a painful, sharp fear as an unbearably 'righteous' Gold death rained from the sky, sprung from the very earth. The feeling of loss and the hopelessness and lonliness that follows the slaughter of your entire race - all killed in a shining mass.
The feeling of selfishness, of preservation, of instinct in its purest.
All of our family, and friends were lost on that night, but on some miracle (or on reflection - curse) we were able to escape.
Wounded and ragged, we managed to flee to the mountains, leaving our blood as an obvious trail for hypocritical hunters.
Or power lusting monsters.
one womb
one shape
one resolve
We huddled in a secret cave, far away from the burning ruins of our once proud civilization. To think something to ground could be shaken asunder in only a matter of hours... But we lay there, slowly healing, hidden from our conspirators -
But not safe.
Just as we were about to lull into a needed bout of sleep, the cavern walls rumbled and the ground separated. No longer able to switch to our Dragon forms (for our wounds would be that much larger) we tried to keep hold of one another, using ourselves as an unsteady anchor. Alas, the limits of the human form proved too much and we were separated.
I was sent to the floor, the jagged pieces of rock piercing my flesh and moving ground throwing me further and further away from my beloved. Right then, above the racket of cracking old stone, through the breaking of rockbed, a clear laughter chimed throughout the ruined area.
A full out laugh of dark glee and unhidden malice, delighting in our fear and hopelessness as well as betraying its dark intent - Mazoku.
And when the world finally stood still I was deposited on the ground with all the grace of a falling tree. I knew fear in its purest and most selfless form -
The laugh wasn't meant for me.
A red haze of fury filled my vision as the purple haired demon knelt beside my lover. One hand was almost gently playing with her filthy red locks while the other glowed with black power, keeping her wounds open. To close for anyone's comfort save his own, he whispered cruel nothings as he slowly tore out her soul, killing her...
Changing her.
In a pitifully heroic manner I attacked him right then, tackling him off of her, but only succeeding in sending myself crashing into the wall. He had teleported away upon our impact. Before I had time to register any new pain, he picked me up by my neck, smiling a smile that just screamed 'smash my face in, please!'. She lay to the side of us, crying in concern for me, for wounds that wouldn't heal, but he would not abide. Instead he leaned in to my face, far, far, FAR too close and whispered promises in my ear - of what good care he would take of her, of what a novelty she would be among his people, how valuable.
She was mine damn you.
After I responded by spitting in his sickly perfect face, his eyes slowly, languidly slid open, and he truly looked at me.
I have never forgotten those eyes.
liberate this will to release us all
After beating me to a mere sliver of my life, he carefully propped me up against a wall as if I were a delicate china doll. As he returned to his original prey I concluded that he wanted a meal from me - as well as someone to show off his new property to when he finished.
My vision was only clear enough to see him straddle her prone form, sending me in distress all over again. I know not if I cried, my cheeks were far too bruised and swollen for me to feel any tears. I had truly lost.
As my body faded away, my Astral Presence grew ever stronger, and the gruesome act before me was presented in a revoltingly crisp clarity, though I could do nothing to intervene. If it hadn't been for her situation, I would have been ecstatic when the Nightmarish vision was replaced by the white light of the dying.
But within the beacon...
A shadow.
A hulk of a man, or rather, a man in appearance.
Salvation from an angel or temptation from a devil I do not know, nor did I care then, nor do I care now. He offered me life, power to punish the bastard torturing and assaulting my lover.
It was all I needed.
In exchange for her soul, I traded mine. Upon the Pact, my psyche was ravaged by black winds, the deadly power becoming one with my soul, my body merging with my Astral Presence. My body trembled and shook as I was forced back into the shell, but now, now I was one. One with my power, one with my body and from then on I was doomed to walk the path of darkness forever.
The lack of blood and new capabilities instantly sealed my wounds, the Dark Life flowed through my veins and the need to fight, the laugh of my master danced enchantingly through my head. I opened my new eyes and was given a new name.
Valgarv.
Instinct, Fire, a thirst for blood, a need to hurt all pounded through my skull in a frenzied rhythm. Catching the culprit unaware, I easily blasted him away with power that was nearly his own.
During our heated battle, she finally breathed her last, without the demon hovering over her. I quickly rendered her body to dust, a quick but respectful act. He wouldn't have her. In his fury, he let out what I can only call the blind rage of a spoiled child, he lashed out with such power that I've hardly seen since, save my own master.
My face still bears the scars.
gotta cut away....
It wouldn't be for many more years that I'd learn his name. I hate the Trickster Priest as much as the murderous clan of the Fire Dragon King. He drove me to the monster I am today...
To what my duty mandates I must now do.
clear away....
When Garv-sama told me that he wanted me to have no part in this mission, I was miffed. He had never, in all my years of service, not trusted me with anything no matter how large or small. I simply couldn't understand why he would send incompetent lesser demons after his prey rather than me. And when he went off to do it himself...
Well, this couldn't stand.
I snuck into his divining room to catch a glimpse of the human girl he was so desperately trying to kill. He never said I couldn't know more about it...
No wonder he didn't want me involved.
What I wanted was an understanding of his orders, what I got was a reflection, a ghost,
A reincarnation.
Lina Inverse.
My koibito.
snip away....
After that discovery... well, Garv-sama never said I couldn't watch.
She was very amusing, as Lina Inverse. Happily, she had found a close band of friends, though I must admit to wanting to rip the swordsman apart on occasion... but oh, her travels. I never laughed so hard, never flushed with as much anger as when that stupid Priest kissed her.
But even through the cycle of rebirth, the number of changes within her were small. Same prideful manner, the same deceitfully small form..
"Jellyfish brains!" Same mouth.
SMACK Same temper.
"Yare, yare, Lina-san." Same f@$&ing namagomi.
Often I wondered if she subconciously remembered her past. Like when her unwhitting male companions found themselves in drag in the kingdom of Femile, she had once convinced me to go to a costumed party as a prince and princess. Only catch, she was the prince, I was the princess. Perhaps forcing males into dresses is a talent of her charm.. or at least a fetish?
Like then, like now, perfect.
and sever this umbilical residue that's keeping me from killing you
But I can no longer harbor these feelings, these memories, these thoughts anymore. All recolations and feelings are void.
When she lept at Garv-sama with the Laguna Blade, I couldn't bear to watch the battle's outcome - a lose lose situation for me. If only she had accepted his offer...
All I know is, about twenty minutes later, Garv-sama's life was taken from this world.
Power surely capable through the power of the Lord of Nightmares and Her Chosen.
and from pulling you down with me here
My master killed, my lover reborn - two conflicting emotions and events eating and tearing at the the seams of my soul's remaints.
To avenge or to celebrate.
To crush or to embrace.
To stab or to kiss.
To hate or to love.
i can almost hear you scream
But I am no longer the Dragon I was, my free will is limited, absolved the moment I swore myself into servitude. I am bound to the Chaos Dragon King, pledged to him with every fiber of my being - it is to him I am now irrevocably loyal.
She is just an intangible memory.
It was the Oath that saved her, and it shall be the Oath that ultimately kills her.
Perhaps in another lifetime...
It isn't fair. I think I hate everything that has the potential to be happy where I do not.
give me one more medicated peaceful moment
One thing is certain, I cannot go on living with these two extreams rampaging through my mind. I have to avenge my master, but can I?
Not as long as I remember.
"Are you sure this is what you want, Valgarv-sama?"
Startled, I look down at the small farie in my palm. I had saved her once long ago, forging a life debt between us... how perfect, for now it can be completed. She can go free and I can forget. Fae are the only ones who can truly eleminate memory afterall.
"Is this what you want, Valgarv-sama?" she askes again, in her tiny voice. Her whole body glows a pale blue as she gathers Words of Power necessary to completing her end of the bargain.
Well, of course it isn't what I want! But it's what needs to be done, otherwise I'll never be able to go through with my task.
because i don't want to feel this overwhelming hostility
To hand out retribution, I must seal my memory, forget her.
Forgive me, angel, forgive me, Lys -
No, she no longer exists, just Lina Inverse.
Tears flow down the small being's face as she strips me of my most precious treasure. Stupid girl, she's going to be free, why is she crying? You don't see me -
But, wait.. I'm crying too?
Unbound loyalty, there is no way around it, it would rip me apart otherwise. And mazoku are all selfish creatures, intent on our own survival. After all, we are all part fo the same energy... I am no better than Xelloss.
"I'm so sorry, Valgarv-sama," the small faerie whisperes, drawing out what is left of my heart.
My voice catches in my throat and I have to choke out my words. "Please, before it's all gone, call me by my real name." Such weak and pitiful words from a mazoku of my standing, but at this moment, I am very much a child.
"Hai... goodbye, Valteria-sama."
Goodbye. Goodbye my love. Goodbye all.
Moments later, a soft groan rolled out of cracked lips. An aqua haired youth gingerly pushed himself into a sitting position, gingerly holding his head in his hands. What happened? Golden amber eyes widened in shock Garv-sama?!
Fists clentched in rage, Valgarv shot to his feet, ignoring the throbbing pain in his skull. "I will kill you for this, Lina Inverse."
gotta cut away...
clear away...
snip away and sever this umbilical residue that's keeping me from killing you