Amelia was facing a crisis. Evil had put a proverbial snag in her valiant quest.
She couldn't find the bathroom.
It was around here somewhere. She knew it. You couldn't have a luxury river boat without a bathroom. The results would be really icky. Not to mention it would be very ... err unjust but the ickyness was definitely a contributing factor.
She walked through corridor after corridor of plush carpet and paneled hallways. People passed her asking if she was "Ok". She was tempted to use some of the new words Lina had taught her but thought better of it. Her poor mother would roll over in her grave.
Bathroom ... bathroom ... got to find the bathroom. She spotted a maid outside on the deck and walked up to her.
"Excuse me mam?"
The lady looked up from her moping. She put her hands on her black and white aproned hips, and wrinkled her nose at Amelia.
"Yeah whatta ya want?"
"Sorry to bother you, but do you know where the bathroom is?"
"Uh --
"I've been looking for ages for it! They really should be some signs, or directions, or something! This place is huge! It seems more like a ocean liner than a riverboat. I would appretiate it a lot if you could tell me where it is.
"Its over there." The lady pointed to a door right next to Amelia. In big bold letters it read:
"B-A-T-H-R-O-O-M".
"Oh heh heh sorry." Amelia blushed, opened the door, and quickly and went in.
The maid rolled her eyes and began to dust again. Stupid rich people. They couldn't seem to do anything with their servants around. If she had a nickel for everytime she had to tell some other rich snob or another needed to be led by the hand she'd be one of them.
Cold wet hands grabbed her by the throat from behind. The maid froze in terror. The hand snacked around the front and the maid felt sharp cold metal pressing into her skin.
"Don't scream and don't struggle." The male voice whispered into her ear, his hot breath sending cold chills down her spine.
"Take us to the engine room. " The poor maid nodded silently and winced as the cold blade grazed her skin from the gesture. The hand spun her around to face him.
A half dozen dark skinned faces looked back at her. River Slime dripped off their well muscled bodies and landed in pools on the deck's surface. War paint covered their faces. Some held knives and axes but most were armed with shotguns and pistols.
Their leader stepped back from his captive and motioned to her to lead the way. His eyes were cold and unfeeling as he brushed a strand of light green hair out of his eyes. The maid hesitated with fear.
"Go." His voice rang in her ears like ice. "Now."
The maid ran forward jumped forward quickly and started off toward the engine room. As she disapeared around the cornor she could feel the mutilple gun barrels pointed at her.
As soon as the last of the indians were out of sight, Amelia stepped out of the bathroom.
"Wow! I feel so much better." She looked down at the slimy footprints on the deck and wrinkled her nose. "That maid really doesn't seem to be doing her job very well. I hope she doesn't get fired." She turned and walked back to the dining hall. She thought she knew how to get back ... just take a right. Or was it left? Err ...
"Naga? What are you doing here?" Lina rubbed her temples. Of all the people she could run into she had to run into HER. Coudn't she have met back up with some kind of crazy bandit hungering for revenge? It would have been a lot less painful.
"Finally, we meet again my once and still diminutive junior partner!"
"Go away." Lina clinched her teeth and grimaced. She turned around facing Goury, who was busy staring at Naga wide eyed striaght at her --
Lina smacked Goury.
"I-wasn't-lookin-at-anything-I-swear!" He laughed nervoulsy and ran a hand through his hair.
"Oh ho -- " Naga stopped laughing abruptly and covered her mouth. Part of her contract was that she was not supposed to laugh. The manager had said something about people's ears bleeding and shattering glass ... WHAT A SILLY MAN!
"Lina, I never knew you had it in you." Naga smirked.
Lina blinked mutliple times. "Huh?"
"And to be so greedy too! Keeping two male concubines at once!" Multiple facefaults insued. Goury fell backwards in his seat while Zel took the opportunity to bang his head against the table. Luckily, Lina had managed to fall flat on her face on the floor. Naga pushed back her long dark hair and continued, oblvious.
"But your such a small girl! Not nearly enough for two strong handsome men such as these!"
Lina put her hands behind her back and brought herself instantly to her feet, and giving the entire crowd a really obviously flash of her panties. Dresses were so hard to fight in. But embarrassment later, killing now.
"How dare you say I'm not feminine enough for two men!" Lina raised her fork in the air for dramatic emphasis. If she coudln't think of anything more creative she could always stab Naga with it ...
"Yeah!" Goury stood up from his position on the floor. "Lina could have us as concubines if she wanted to!"
Lina facefaulted again. Zelgadiss could be heard making loud protesting sounds from his position with his head on the table.
"G-Goury..." Lina blushed.
"Sure you could Lina! Your pretty! Even if you are kind of scary and evil and all ... but I just got one question." Goury paused a moment as a dramatic wind that came out of nowhere for no reason blew two strands of blond hair across his face. "What's a concubine?"
" ..."
"YOU IDIOT! SO I'M EVIL AM I?! I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S EVIL!"
"OH HO HO! A LOVER'S QUARELL!"
"THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GOING DOWN TOO!"
"Ouch! LINA YOUR SO MEAN!"
Zel glanced up at Lina as she twisted Goury and Naga into shapes people just really shouldn't be twisted into and also quite possibley created new ones. He gripped the edge of the smooth table and pushed himself to his feet. Why did he always run into the freaks?
He turned and walked away from the scene of lunancy. Its like he couldn't escape them. The pychotic people seem to follow him. He was started to thank it was a mistake to tag along with Lina. Maybe he should have just stole her peice of the map and went on his own. Then again ... having Lina as an ally wasn't as near as bad as having her has an enemy.
He passed out of the room and into a deserted hallway. The laterns were turned off and shadows crept along the wall and ceiling like phantasms. The collar of his jacket felt tight around his neck.
"Why did I ever left them convince me to go? I should have stayed in the room. I should have known better. Shouldn't I?" Zelgadiss stopped and glared at a particular painting depicting Custard's last stand, wiling it to burst into flames. When it didn't accommodate him he settled for turning it around.
On impulse, he took a right and headed for the engine room. Machine's had always fasinated him and he had a few hours to kill. He was not going back to where that insane opera singer was with her obnoxious obsession with concubines and her ...err ... insanity. Yeah, that's what he was thinking about.
The engine room was large, dark, dirty, and not that interesting. It wasn't really worth the hour and a half it took him to find it, but at least it wasted some time. He was about to leave when he heard voices coming from the other end of the room. He quickly hid in a crevice between a pipe and a wall.
"Please, let me go!"
Footsteps entered the room, at least half a dozen Zelgadiss concluded from the sound of it. The sound mixed with the soft sobbing of a woman.
"Be quiet girl." There was a soft cry and a thud as they women was thrown to the ground. Zelgadiss narrowed his eyes and slowly slid a hand toward his tomahawk (it's surprising what you can fit under a tux if your determined).
"Is this it?"
"Yes, can I go now please? I promise I'll just leave the boat." The woman's voice sounded small and scared. Zelgadiss felt red hot rage boil in his heart. He hated people who bullied the weak.
"Destroy it." The shadows moved away from their leader. Zel readied himself to step forward. He only needed the right moment.
"I'm sorry I have to do this." The leader stepped toward the figure of the girl hunched over on the floor. "Sacrafices must be made for the greater good." He raised his hand and a jagged knife came into view.
This was the right moment.
An ax cut through the air and cut down the gun in mid air, slicing a large gash open in the assaliants hand. Zelgadiss leaped forward and slid, knocking the leader off his feet. He rolled back to his feet and elbowed another man to the right of him. He then jumped back, barily avoiding a knife jab from his left. A swift kick at his attackers wrist sent the knife flying across the room. He stepped forward and took him out with punch to the throat.
A war cry was his only warning as one of the last remaining men tackled him from behind. He hit the floor painfully and quickly rolled with the fall to end up on top. He dimly recalled the lady running away as he got the other man in a arm lock and pulled up, popping his shoulder of out joint.
Zelgadiss stood up slowly and surveyed the damage.
"Go on a boat with us Zel it'll be 'fun'." He grumbled and stood up. It had been a tough battle but he was the victor. He --
Something exploded inside the engine room sending Zelgadiss flying across the room and into a wall.
Lina stopped in her maiming and looked over her shoulder. She then turned to Goury whom she held in an arm lock.
"Did you hear something?"
Goury looked thoughtful for a moment. Although the expression was more likely do to the lack of oxygen then to any actual thinking.
"Sounded like the engine exploding!" He appeared to be a bit too cheerful for a person in a head lock.
Lina rolled her eyes.
"Ha ha, funny Goury." She dropped him to the floor with a loud thud. Upon landing, he took large gulps of sweet fresh air.
"Oh jeez Goury stop being so overdramatic." Lina rolled her eyes as her companion's pallor switched from dark blue to a more flesh skin tone.
"Lina your mean!" Naga staggered back to her feet. Her world did a somersault and a triple axle before stabilizing.
Lina shuddered. She sounded almost like Amelia when she said that. Hey! Maybe they're long lost sisters ...Nah, that would be just too weird. She started to giggle receiving odd looks from her companions.
"Don't do that it's scary!" Lina glared at Goury.
"OH HO HO! I KNOW THAT LOOK! LINA! YOUR PLANNING SOMETHING WITHOUT ME!" Naga put her hands on her hips and pointed a gloved finger in accusation.
"My diminutive former partner! I'm aware of your surprise attack!"
Goury leaned in toward Lina.
"Are we planning to have a surprise attack?"
"Not the last time I looked." Lina shrugged. Realization hit Goury like a two by four.
"OH! So she's just crazy then?"
Naga blinked a few moments in confusion. She quickly covered it up with another hauty laugh.
"Oh HO! And now I see you're whispering conspiratorially with your lover!"
Lina did a surprisingly accurate impression of a cow with its head stuck in a fence.
"DAMN IT! WE ARE NOT --
"Why do you persist in denying it?" Naga flipped her hair over her shoulders. "It's soooo obvious. And to think -- " She paused and looked down as a wind came out of nowhere to ripple her hair in that cool dramatic way. Her head shot up. "YOU'VE SHUNNED YOUR OTHER LOVER!"
Lina blinked. Where DID Zel go?
An arrow whizzed through the air and imbedded itself an inch from Lina's foot. On instinct, she threw herself to the ground using Goury as a shield. Luckily, he reacted just as quickly. He ducked and knocked a table down as a shield. Several arrows hit the wooden with a loud "thud".
Lina pushed her human shield down and looked out from under the table.
Naga stood in the middle of a valley of arrows, unharmed. Either they had miraculously missed her, or the arrows had bounced off. She wasn't sure. She ducked back under the table, muttering about the cruelty of the world, where innocent young maidens are shot at and old psychotic banshees go unharmed. It was a cruel world indeed.
"Oh man! We're under Indian attack! All the people will be captured!" Goury looked slightly alarmed. If only he was still a Us. Marshall he'd --
"Uh, no one else is here. I think Naga scared them off."
She looked up and saw the rest of the passengers sitting on boats in the river. They waved cheerfully to her as if nothing was wrong.
"Hey why didn't you save us a lifeboat?!"
"RICH PEOPLE FIRST!" A little boy stuck his tongue out at her.
"You better pray I don't catch up with you kid!" She gave the kid the Inverse glare of death, passed down from generation after generation. Her sister was a master at it. The little boy jumped back in fear and hid behind his mother.
"That'll teach you, ya little ..." She felt Goury nudge her arm. She glared at him with the Inverse glare of annoyance.
"What?"
"We've got a problem." He pointed behind them. She turned around to come face to face with more than twenty sharp implements of pain. The Indians that held the sharp pieces of metal sneered. She looked up further into the distance and winced as she saw several gun barrels pointed directly at her head. There was no chance of escape. Even Goury, never the sharpest arrow head in the war party, noticed this too.
"Lina ... this is bad."
"I know ..." Her voice was grave. "WE HAVEN'T EVEN HAD DINNER YET!"
Episode 8 | Fanfiction