Vile: ::struts on to stage, then poses, cackling:: I'm baaaaaaaaaack! Can you believe it!? Three episodes! THREE! You love me! You really love me!
Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Vile: So! Welcome to the THIRD episode of Vile-kun's Love Connection! I am your host... um, well. Vile. I mean, if it's my show and I'm the host, that'd make me Vile, right?
Roll: ::off stage with her clipboard:: Shut up and get on with it.
Vile: ... Riiiiight. Anyway! Our guest today is... QUICK MAN! Give him a round of applause, folks!
::The audience cheers and claps as Vile turns about and sits down in his desk. As he does so, Quick Man walks on to stage. He pauses, then smiles and waves::
Quick Man: Yo.
::Then, Quick Man proceeds to sit down on the couch by Vile::
Vile: Yesss... so! WELCOME, Quick Man!
Quick Man: Glad to be here.
Vile: ... you know, I noticed you have a really fine ass.
Quick Man: ...?!
Vile: But don't worry, I'm not interested... X has MY heart. ^_^
Audience: Awwwww...
Vile: Yessss... X is in possession of that gooey, lumpy, bleeding mass of sticky tissue that is my heart! If I were human, that is. ... Which I'm not. But I was thinking metaphorically... so it's OKAY!
Audience: ... eeeewwww...
Roll: ... ::sighs::
Quick Man: .... um... why DO you like X, anyway? I mean, he keeps killing you.
Vile: ... I'm glad you asked! ::jumps on to the desk:: YES! I ADMIT IT! I hated X at first! I hated him for beating me... for humiliating me... for destroying my mechs and ruining everything! But then... as I stalked him... trying to find his weakness... taking pictures of him training... sleeping... SHOWERING... ::pauses to drool a bit:: I began to realize that I wanted him, not just for revenge but for... other things! Other... NAUGHTY... things! IT WAS LOVE!
Roll: ... actually, I believe that's lust. ... You perverted freak.
Quick Man: ... I'm sorry I asked.
Vile: ::jumps down:: But anyway, silly guest, I'm supposed to ask YOU questions!
Quick Man: ...
Vile: SO! Your name's Quick Man... right?
Quick Man: ... ::warily:: Yeah.
Vile: ... so, is... EVERYTHING quick? ^_-
Quick Man: ... huh?
Vile: Do you even have enough time to enjoy it or is it like... you're in... you're out... it's all done and you barely notice?
Quick Man: ... ...
Vile: ... I guess it's not that good, huh?
Quick Man: ::blushes:: ... I'm not quick in THAT way, dumbass.
Vile: Suuuuuure. ::winks at the audience:: I hear you.
Quick Man: ::still blushing:: ... I'm not!
Vile: So what's it like living under Wily?
Quick Man: I'm not quick like that, damn it!
Vile: Why follow a human, anyway? He's old, wrinkly, and smells like... well... old people!
Quick Man: I'M NOT!
Vile: Old people, like Wily, always smell funny. Why haven't the Robot Masters ever tried to just bury him somewhere? Or maybe put him in an old people's home?
Quick Man: STOP TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT!
Vile: I once came across an old person... I hit him with a stick. It was fun. Why don't you try hitting Wily with a stick?
Quick Man: ... ...
Vile: I think you'd enjoy it.
Quick Man: ... ::GROWLS, then stands up and storms off stage::
Vile: ... Don't forget! The stick needs to be sharp and pointy! ::Vile blinks as Quick Man disappears offstage::
Vile: ... wow! He's really sensitive, isn't he? I guess I would be too, if I was so fast that no one noticed they ever had sex with me or not.
Quick Man: ::off stage:: I AM NOT QUICK LIKE THAT, YOU LITTLE SH --
Vile: SO! ANYWAY! Who shall be my guest next time? Call in and vote, won't you? Or write! ... Unless you're an old person. Then we don't want your feedback. I don't like the thought of old people having sex.
Roll: ... ::whimpers:: So much for politically correct...
Vile: Old people should not have sex.
Roll: ... but then, this is Vile. I don't think he KNOWS what politically correct means... maybe HE should be the one poked with a stick. Through the brain.
Vile: ::waves, cackling, as he poses:: See you next time!
Episode 4 | Fanfiction