Beauty and grace is what touches me most
Good times can put me in fear
I always feel safe when things are bad
So I cannot let you come near
"I love this song."
For the most part, Snake was ignored. He generally always was, what with his being rather spastic and randomly childish. In part, he had too much energy and hyperactivity going. But he was a good part to the team, his malicious humor a delicious tribute to our name.
Hn. The song seemed nothing like his usual type. He went for the more, heavy metal, rap genre, the regular skater type. Much too poppy for him, very early 1990's. Surprised he even knew the song to begin with.
Apparently I wasn't the only one that was curious about it. Plant, from where he was curled under Flash's arm, asked in mild interest, "Why? Don't tell me you like this band."
"Yeah, they're more Plant's type." Flash grinned. Plant retaliated by twist pinching his arm. Honestly, those two were so hopeless, always fighting, but always together. Mildly one would wonder just why they bother going through it day after day. Inadvertently, at the thought, my eyes slipped to Oushi. He just sat at the bar, back to us all. Must be an interesting paper today, he's getting too good at faking the funk, recently.
Snake pulled at his long shorts, kicking out gangly legs. "Hate the band, love the song. Because it describes me."
My brow furrowed as I sat up straighter. He was such a child. "What do you mean by that?"
"Listen." He said simply, pointing a finger up, as if I could see the music and words in the air, understanding just what it was he knew.
Everyone else had quieted as well, paying close attention to the song. They all, in time, shook their heads with chuckles and exasperated grins. But not me. I didn't understand it and I didn't understand why. What was it?
Flash gave Snake a bit of a sneer over his sunglasses. "You're whipped, boy." From a padded leather couch that was much too frail for his large frame, Hard followed with the appropriate sound effect.
I, of course, still didn't understand, paying closer attention to the lyrics.
So what? It was a rather dumb song, clichι. The singer was in love with someone who apparently wouldn't give him the time of day, who seemed to know everything that went through his head and he couldn't do or say anything every time he saw their eyes. Over and over again, saying the same thing about those eyes, calling them 'electric blue'. What does that have to do with anything?
"If you're so hung up on Freeze," Oushi said, talking for the first time since he sat down. I could see Min swinging through the ruby reflection of his daiquiri, like a symbolic pendulum. "Why don't you do something about it? He's too much of a wuss to turn you down, regardless of you being an Enforcer or not." A dark little smirk twisted his sharp lips. "But getting around Slash would be a bit of a problem... He's too protective of his brother, no matter your intentions."
My eyes narrowed. Where were they getting this from? What were they talking about?
Expectantly, as if I would disagree just to spite Pharaoh, Snake turned to me. "Magnet? What do you think?"
I turned away. His back was to me, but I could feel Oushi's golden eyes on me. What was wrong with all of them today? With a derisive snort, I said, "Don't be stupid. How could a song describe anyone?"
It seems that I thrive on the dark side of things
I always feel alive when the death bell rings
Now you have come and bring out the tears in me
In one of the outer compounds in Skull Fortress, Wily-sama had constructed a miniaturized atom-smashing ring, no less potent than its larger and out-dated counterpart.
I knew and understood its purpose, but personally didn't know what exactly it was for. Wily-sama had created it to the check the affects and energy releases of different molecules and atoms under varied elements. Only I, and a handful of other trusted Robot Masters who specialized in computers, biotechnology and other high level science, had authorization to be there.
The machine had begun to overload. Wily-sama had seen an odd reading in one of the reaction analysis, something that could have lead to something promising. He ordered us to do a series of rapid fire testing, to see if he could get a stronger, more solid reading. Freeze had warned that it would only lead to disaster, he was on edge during the entire time we were testing, keeping an eye on the readout panel, as sensitive and complex as those he dealt with at the Med Lab.
We lost Freeze that day. It was the start of my own end, as well.
Pain never makes me cry
But happiness does
The reactions must have been absorbed, at least in part, into the machine, the build up slow and hidden. Then the scanners, as the machine began to boil, odd popping noises from within, picked up the intensive heat.
Oushi, as clever a metallurgist as his father -- if he could be called that - before him, heard and recognized the danger first, began evacuating the staff.
But I refused to go.
"Maggie, we have to get out of here!"
"I can't let it explode!" I shouted at him. This was, after all, Wily-sama's creation. He charged me with its welfare. I couldn't just let it destroy itself, his hard work and trust.
Pharaoh cursed as electricity hissed teasingly at him. "Don't be stupid! You'll be killed!"
Freeze, who also hadn't left with the others, ran up to my side. "It's too dangerous! We have to get out!"
"Then get out!" I snarled, pushing him away. "This is my job, I won't let Wily-sama down for no reason. For no one!"
That hurt him, I could see. It made me smile before I turned back to the machine. There was something about hurting dear Oushi that made me oddly giddy. More so than with the other Robot Masters. It was a beautiful sight.
I almost had it. I was certain I almost had it contained.
And then...
I was shot.
It came as a complete shock, something I would never had guessed to happen in a thousand years. I felt it pierce a lung, chipping and breaking at my spinal column. It hurt like nothing I had ever felt before, until my brain turned off the pathways from my pain receptors. Grabbing the hole that drilled out my chest from behind, I let out a hacking spit of blood.
And saw the melted hole in the machine before me.
Before it exploded.
I heard Oushi scream my name. I heard the metal combust, twisting and flying. At least, I believe I did. It was hard to hear anything passed my own screaming.
It's so strange to watch my life walk by
Wishing it was
I don't know how long it had been until I woke up next. Could've been hours, days. Maybe even a week. But I was in pain. It was an odd feeling for me. Not an all-together entirely new experience, but one that made me more aggravated than hurt. When I was first created, Wily-sama made a mistake in my construction, crossing up some wires so when I felt pain, it felt, to put it simply, pleasurable. Not to say I was totally immune to it, but because my mind was so unused to feeling pain, after it reaches my threshold level, my mind simply shuts down the pathways, not allowing me to feel any at all. And, unlike my brethren Robot Masters, when the receptors open back up again -- because of the flawed wiring - I don't feel the echoing pains.
But this... was a surprise. Not a very happy surprise at that.
I couldn't help but to let out a pained groan. God, but it hurt so much.
Groaning, I looked around me, trying to run a diagnostic check. That is, if a couple of vital systems weren't either busted or shut down. My back hurt the most. All the way down my spine, my feet tingled and felt heavy. I suppose that was a good sign. At least I still had full functioning. But the pain was too much. I've felt how nanites moved and knitted the body back together and it was never as bad as this before. I tried to run a scan, see if maybe the explosion caused them to become sluggish or if being drugged up on whatever it was they gave that wasn't working was causing some sort of chemical imbalance inside of me.
Instead, all I got back from it was a warped report, everything twisted around, making no sense.
What was wrong with me?
I struggled to sit upright. Apparently my legs were heavier than they felt, they were so difficult to move and the tingling sensation only worsened, making the hurt worse. I wonder if this was what humans called 'falling asleep'...?
When I finally managed to swing my legs over the edge of the lab table, I very nearly fell to my knees trying to stand on them. Had I not caught the next table, I would've fallen to the floor.
I looked up at what lay before me.
Freeze's burnt face -- what wasn't blown away to cracked endoskeleton and leaking wires and fluids - stared listlessly at the ceiling.
The poor kid, I frowned. I suppose it was, in a way, my fault he died, trying to get me to leave. Snake wouldn't be too happy about it. Really, neither would Wily-sama. Freeze was a good kid, even by my standards, someone likeable. Always doing what he was told, no complaints, no arguments. His only downfall was, no matter what anyone did to him, he'd never say anything. Not scream, not cry, not struggle.
I pushed myself away. He really was a good kid...
Wishing it was more like a fantasy
Where everyday surprises me
Wishing it was
I moved out of the Med Lab, limping and struggling all the while. I needed to find out what happened. Who caused the errant shot? Why didn't the sensors pick up the temperature rise?
I could hear voices talking in the overview room that looked down upon the Med Lab. They'd give me answers, who ever they were.
I didn't notice at the time, that is, until I got closer, that they were discussing me.
It only then occurred, only as a slight tickling in the back of mind...
I should have been on the table next to Freeze, lifeless, ashy....
Dead.
This feeling won't last
'Cause I cannot survive
"His EMP conductor is out of whack, according to the results. It's reversed the polarization of the molecules in his system." Ring sighed and placed down the data pad. "In layman's terms, he's slowly being crushed to death, inside out."
Pharaoh clenched his fists against the tabletop.
"Is there anyway to stop it?"
"No." I could hear the rustling as the other robot got up from his seat. "The conductor was built directly into the main core. The only way to get it fixed, we'd have to take apart the central mainframe. If we give it a try or not, we'd be killing him either way, no way around it."
I die? No matter what, I was going to die?
That couldn't be possible. Who held the most power and fear in the fortress? How could I fight this hard to attain this position and yet fall so easily? It was a mistake, surely. It couldn't be right.
"There has to be a way!" I felt cold at the desperateness in Pharaoh's voice. Oh, Oushi... a safety net in the darkness. Unseen, unnoticed, but always in the back of your mind. "We have to find a way to save him!"
Ring's voice seemed worn. He had tried, just as frantically, to find a solution, he and several others. But what could be done when every answer pointed to the same denial?
I couldn't listen to this, listening to Oushi fighting for a different direction, fighting against the tides of fate like a salmon trying to find its way home. The thought made me even colder, making my aching limbs shiver. They ached even more. I thought I could feel myself caving in on -- Stop! - just stop it. Listening to this was just making me feel even worse.
My legs, like a languid mix of rubber and glue, could barely support myself as I made my way back down the corridor. I could still hear the two arguing, Oushi's voice getting louder and angrier, shrilling his determination that I would live.
Of course I would. I would.
Funny... As I struggled away from the deteriorating conversation, my chest hurt more than my legs...
I tell you I've been here before
When it's movin' this fast
It's a matter of time
One of us walks out that door
It's been a couple days since the accident, everything's changed around here since then.
No, I take it back. Things have been changing since Crash died and Wily-sama sealing himself away in his underground lab, working on... whatever it was. Things just only got worse.
Slash took his brother's death hard, lashing out at everyone mercilessly, staying in his quarters whenever he wasn't needed elsewhere. Snake also got it rather harshly. The first two days, he simply disappeared. Then, when he returned to the fold, he seemed like his usual self, but there were times when he'd suddenly, without warning, become sober, so silent and his face so sad it made me nervous. One time, right in the middle of playing a game, he just suddenly burst out into tears. No one saw him for the rest of the day, but I can still hear his crying.
My own ailment worsened rather quickly. A few systems experienced rapid failures, backup power was at a minimal and the fluids had trouble reaching some parts of my body, causing dry-outs and more systems failures. The paralysis that afflicted my feet crawled up my legs. It followed up my spine, snapping and stabbing at me every time I tried to move my feet. It bite at my knees, clawed at my thighs... Soon I couldn't even move everything from the knees down and from there to my waist it was a chore of painful undertaking.
Everything just kept getting worse and worse. And, the biggest insult to my disability was that Pharaoh had made it his job to take care of me. Take me to where ever I wished, get me whatever I needed, treating me like a baby or like a rapidly failing creature.
I'm not dead, Oushi, not yet. I'll hurt you anyway possible to keep you away from me. You'll never hear what you want, not truth, not lies, nothing.
For so long as I breathe, I'll never say it to you.
It seems that I thrive on the dark side of things
I always feel alive when the death bell rings
"Leave me alone!" I cried. "Go away! I don't need you, I don't need anyone!"
He stood, a robotic statue in the dim shine. His golden eyes a glowing shield, blocking his thoughts and emotions from my scrutiny. Not like it would have mattered at that moment. I was too furious with everything to bother thinking about second-guessing his arguments.
"Why are you still here? Get away from me! I don't need you! Goddammit, just let me die in peace! Just leave me alone!"
I flipped onto my side, turning my back to him as best I could. The lower half of my body struggled to move with my mind and I became frustrated, thrashing until it cooperated. I felt a soft wool settle over my body. I hadn't even realized, that in my mindless tantrum, I had thrown off the blanket and pillow from the bunk until Oushi tucked it around my shoulders.
It was a gentleness to the touch I hadn't felt before. Not felt and acknowledged, in retrospect, I suppose it had always been there when he had touched me. Even when he hated me, forced himself upon me, wanted to hurt me as badly as I tortured him each day.
Now you have come and bring out the tears in me
He just rested a hand against my back. I wanted it off, I wanted him away from me. But it hurt too much, tearing me apart and crushing me back together. Inside out. Always inside out. I curled my face against my forearm, trying to keep in tears that suddenly felt the need to slip down my stained cheeks.
"Why are you doing this to me?" It fell from my numb lips, I was too tired to stop them from being mumbled out.
I could feel him kneeling against the side of the bed, hand running down my side. As much as I could tell. I tried to follow the touch all the way down, but lost its sense soon after it began. Oh, Oushi... why do you have to be like this? Why can't you just do what I say?
"I'm not going to give up on you." He said, I could feel his breath upon the back of my neck like sweet spice. "When everyone else does, when you do, I won't give up. I won't lose you to this."
Don't do this to me. It hurts even more.
"Go away, I don't want you."
"I won't leave you alone."
I sighed, tears continuing to fall in soft patters. Why did he have to always be like this?
He moved from the bed to the chair that set against the wide, shallow desk.
I suppose it didn't matter. In a few days, nothing would matter anymore.
Pain never makes me cry
But happiness does
Just like everyone else, I always did feel a tinge of annoyance and jealousy whenever Wily-sama devoted his time to creating a new army or creation. It took his attention away from me, something I would never put up with.
Oushi thought he could top me, but I put him in his place. Freeze grabbed Wily-sama's attention for a while, but I showed him who was the master. Clown was Wily-sama's personal jester, until I brought him down.
Now there was this new thing that he was working on, that he was devoting his life to creating before he no longer had even that. He seemed far more obsessed with it than when he created Forte. Most likely because there wouldn't much left of his time after this. If he was lucky enough to finish it before he collapsed.
No way for me to prove I was something much more important to pay attention to. That I was the most useful, most faithful of the Robot Masters.
After Crash died, he threw himself into his work. He did have some sort of attachment to the drill bomber, I don't know why. Crystal had once said because Crash was so much like Wily, minus the genius and drive.
If so, then why didn't he revive him? It would've been so simple just to supply Crash with a new body, a new positronic brain and download everything into another neruonet.
The same could've been done for Freeze.
I guess he just didn't care enough about them.
I wonder if Wily-sama knew about what happened. About what happened to me.
I wonder if he cared...
It's so strange to watch my life walk by
Wishing it was
Wishing it was more like a fantasy
Where everyday surprises me
Wishing it was
It was getting to the point that it was hard to breathe. I couldn't move my fingers or hands, my arms would barely tremble when I clenched the muscles. Everything from my lower abdomen down was completely useless. All I could do, really, was move my head and speak.
I hated this. The waiting, the inevitable.
And I hated him.
Pharaoh, Oushi. Waiting on me, hand and foot. What little I could move them, anyway. I couldn't stand the way he looked at my deteriorating body like that. Like he was upset, like he couldn't bare the thought of losing me.
Though I did like the idea that I still possessed him so simply, so little effort on my part, I despised the idea of him believing that I was for him. That he could own me.
Long ago I might have thought something special could happen between us.
But then, it was so much more fun just to toy with him. Tease him and break him.
Gave me elation I couldn't find anywhere else.
But I wasn't in the mood for the memories, for him.
Just get it over with. Just let me die.
I don't want to have him near me anymore. He'll ruin everything for me, more so than it already was.
He knelt by my bed, hands gripping mine, already flaccid and stiff, like I was already dead.
Oh God... he's going to say it, I know he is. The thought made me shiver, or think of shivering, throat clenching around something thick.
Don't do this to me, Oushi...
Give this some thought
And I'm sure you will know
"I still love you, Maggie..."
I should've laughed in his face. I should've told him to screw off with that smirk I know he hates so much. I should've said I don't care just to see him close up in pain.
Instead, I just burrowed deeper in the blanket.
"....go away, Oushi."
This is the way it must be
It was finally coming to an end. No more of this helplessness, no more of this pain. No more having him killing me quietly. I suppose I hated him more at this moment than ever before. But, like he had told me, he was still there. Always there. Always.
It suddenly hurt even more, a dark pressure squeezing the life from me, suddenly becoming a force that sucked my very thoughts into its void. I hated it for the fact that such a boring situation would be my end, to finish my reign of terror -- as the case may be - in such an unspectacular fashion. I hated it even more because it kept Oushi at my side. Partner as he may have been, his presence have never frustrated me to the point of tears so many times in my rather long life span. Honestly, I could barely remember a time that I had ever been moved to tears before.
But, looking up at his desperate face, blurred and slowly deteriorating before my eyes -- or was it my eyes that were destroying him before me? - my thoughts, perhaps in the morbidity of the moment, touched upon several subjects. None of which helped to ease my passing, all of which made me want to scream and fight. If only I had the strength. I might have.
For -- no, no. Not for anyone, not him. Fatalist I am not, but I can accept things. Something he never could. Our paths crossed and parted for a reason, one he would never acknowledge. But I understood. I broke us up because it was an inevitable parting, because it wouldn't work and because I didn't want us to work. But he kept fighting for it. Fighting for me.
Until the bitter end, as the case may be.
Emotions will rise
Emotions will flow
Oh God, Oushi. Why are you always doing this to me? Why couldn't you just leave everything well enough alone?
He stood above me, watching as I die before him. In his eyes -- so beautifully clouded in pain, I loved to see them furiously hurt - was a determination I had never before seen. He held tightly to my hand, trying to anchor me to his world though I could no longer feel his grip.
Perhaps in another time and place, another life, perhaps if I had fought as hard as he did, something could have become of us. Perhaps something wonderful, were I not filled with cold terror at the thought.
But, in my final moments, I was content at seeing his pain. The greatest hurt to be given to him, I wanted to watch him fall apart in front of me once more. Such a wonderful memory, such a delicious moment I wanted to consume over and over again. A part of him was dying with me, I could tell. I could see him breaking every second a part of me died off, and it made me happy. I knew, even after I was gone, I'd take part of him with me, forever missing from the whole, never to see the light of another's eyes again. I'd leave him broken, begging for me to return. Oushi would be the greatest testament to my life and I wanted him all the more at that moment.
He was silent the entire time, and I felt it drawing to a final close. I smiled, turning my head, listening to the final strands of the world around me, like music on the radio, fading away as the song slowed to its final end.
You bring out the tears in me
"I love this song..."