Beca n.k.

I sat back and rubbed gingerly at my eye. "What the hell was that for?" I asked.

"I told you never to interfere with my business in Weiss, Schuldich." His voice sounded distant, cold. He'd been taking lessons from Aya again, I could see.

All I wanted to do was go and put my arms around him, drawing him into an embrace and burying my hatred for a while. "Yohji-kun, it was for your own good." I said instead, holding my anger and lust in check.

Prying his hands off my shoulders, he turned to look at me. "Don't pretend to know what's best for me." He still sounded cold, but more open. Perhaps I would get to fuck him today after all.

With that in mind, I replaced my hands upon his shoulder and let them drift slowly downward, brushing across his tense muscles and teasing softly at his nipples. His thin silk shirt was no protection from my onslaught.

When his breathing changed, I knew I had him. If only Aya could see you now! I thought to the world in general. What would our little ice princess think?

"Fuck Aya," he whispered.

How had he caught that thought? Was I getting careless?

"I'd rather fuck you," I whispered in reply. What did it matter? It was the truth. Aya was a little bitch.

I took the opportunity to slip my hands lower. When he didn't bat them away, I became a little bolder. I needed him today... I needed to feel him, panting and screaming, moaning in my arms... I needed to feel him engulf me, and I needed to release my hatred...

He lifted his arms and let them fall around my neck, pushing backwards into my growing erection. I slipped my hand down his khakis.

"Oh God, Shu,"

I'd missed him these last two weeks. We had both been off on missions. Different parts of the country, each busy with our separate duties.

Taking pleasure was nothing new to me, and I knew it wasn't to him. This wasn't a relationship. Neither none of us believed it to be, we both still slept with other people on the side, but Yohji understood me - my needs - better than anyone I've ever met. Something about him kept drawing me back.

Perhaps it was the way he tasted.

He tilted his head upwards and managed to make our lips meet without turning around. Oh, the benefits of experience... I could feel his ass rubbing lightly against my cock, and the response of his manhood to my ministrations.

I needed him, and I needed him now.

He seemed to sense the urgency, for when I lifted my hand away he did not protest but only mumbled something half-intelligible and waited. Yohji is vulnerable to any sort of pleasure, it sends him into an almost catatonic state. I found that odd, at first, but now I realize how wonderfully it serves my purposes. One day, Brad will order his death, and I'll be able to knock off this blonde assassin with ease.

But all that was thought for another day. Right then, I wanted his body, not his life.

I stepped away from him and switched off the bedside lamp. I can't stand taking someone in the light. I don't want to see their faces, if I do, I have to touch their minds. I don't want to do that; sex is supposed to be my release.

He met me halfway to the bed, and fumbled with the button of my jeans while capturing my mouth in an eager embrace. He was as eager as I was, despite the frigid act he had put on earlier. I pushed aside his exploring hands for the moment and slipped out of my pants. With his help, my overcoat and shirt quickly followed.

They were white, supposedly the color of innocence. I just thought they offset my hair nicely.

Free of my restricting clothing, I let his hands return, and relished the feel of their passing. He pressed the flat of his hand against my abdomen and pushed me back towards the hotel bed. I lost my footing, conveniently, and landed on the bed with him pinned beneath me.

I stripped him carefully, treasuring each new inch of pale skin that was revealed to my prying eyes. When my hand brushed against his penis as I was tugging off his khakis, his gasped and thrust his hips forward.

Amused with this reaction, I toyed with him for a while, running a soft finger around his head until it wept. He shuddered against me and looked up with half-lidded eyes. "Schuldich..."

I could sense pleasure radiating in waves off his mind, so acute as to be almost painful. I was high off the stuff myself. "Beg me," I whispered. He was cute when he begged for something, especially sex.

Tonight, he wasn't in the mood to beg. Instead, he ground his erection into my hip and reached around to grab a tube of convieniently located lubricant. It must have slipped out of my pockets when I stripped him.

Distracting, yes, but still not the turn-on begging was. I slid backward out of the embrace of his thighs and nipped at his exposed stomach. "I want to hear you beg, Yohji..."

He made a small noise of frustration that turned the corners of my mouth up into a smile. There was no one in this world like him. He was perfect.

The next morning, I plopped down a plate full of eggs on the long wooden table. This safe house was decent, unlike the last few, but nothing fancy. Brad refused to accept the housing the Takatori family provided.

He said it was because he didn't trust their employers. I believed it was just to please his sadistic nature. My soul craved finery... I NEEDED a nicer place to live. But I knew it was hopeless to try and convince him otherwise. Sadistic, remember?

There were knife grooves crisscrossing all down the table; some of the gouges had to be at least an inch thick. Farfarello had been using his own utensils again...

I sighed. What I wouldn't give to be back in that hotel room with Yohji. At least they had a whirlpool bath and twenty-four hour room service.

Brad looked up at me. "You shouldn't allow yourself to have these feelings for him."

"NANI?!" I looked around quickly, but there was no one else in the room. I was alone with Brad.

"The sex is fine. I don't care what you do with your cock on your off days, but when you work for me... I won't have anything coming between you and your work."

"Brad," I cooed. "Are you JEALOUS?" There are times when one can push Brad Crawford. Times when a little humor will make him immensely easier to deal with.

Unfortunately, this was not one of those times.

Before I even knew he was moving, he reached across the table and slapped me. It nearly knocked me to the floor. My cheek stung - throbbed, really - but my pride was hurt worse. It was the second time in twenty-four hours that someone had hit me. I wasn't used to that sort of treatment.

"Never speak to me like that again."

I spat blood onto the tile floor at his feet. "Fuck you." It seemed to be my favorite expression as of late.

"Really?" He whispered softly into my ear. "Have you ever?"

I raised a hand to my injured face... that was going to leave a bruise, I just knew it. "Leave me alone Brad."

"Farfarello and Nagi won't be back for another couple hours, at least." Brad said. He didn't have to. I knew what he wanted, and I knew he would go after it even if the others were around.



What was the point, really? He always wanted to fuck in the morning. I might as well get it over with, before my breakfast got cold.

With a sigh, I gave in. Reaching out, I pulled him into an embrace. That was all the acceptance he was looking for, to take control. Roughly, he pushed me down onto the table. (Damn it, I wanted to eat my eggs, not lie on them!)

Brad Crawford is not a man to wait for anything. He's not a man for foreplay, it just frustrates him.

In a moment, he escaped from a my kiss and concentrated on my pants - namely, in getting them off. I sighed again... Yohji was so much better at this sort of thing.

I really wasn't in the mood for that. I didn't get much sleep the previous night, romping about with the blonde assassin in that expensive hotel room. I was tired, I was hungry, and I'd had enough sex to last me a week. All of it good, but enough was enough! My employer's cock up my ass was the last thing I wanted right then.

But Brad Crawford doesn't take no for an answer. The best I could do was sidetrack him.

I slapped his hands off my zipper playfully and locked him into another kiss, this time twining one hand through his short, black hair to stop him from weaseling out of it. My other hand deftly unzipped his trousers and freed his manhood.

I toyed with him for as long as I dared, which was not long at all, before dropping to my knees and taking him in my mouth. One of the advantages of being a telepath... I listened to the static of his mind, and adjusted my actions to suit his needs today.

There. Something with Takatori wasn't going as planned; nip a little, roll the head with my tongue. Make him forget.

He couldn't resist me for long. Very few people can. I smiled as he came, deciding to spare the floor by swallowing his seed. Besides, if I spit it out, I'd have to clean it up later.

Brad left me alone, after that. He paused to zip up his pants again and pat me on the head like a good dog.

I hauled one of the dinning room chairs off the floor where it had landed and sat back down at the table. My eggs were cold and tasted of cum.


I'm crazy for feeling so lonely.

I'm crazy... for feeling so blue.

I knew you'd love me as long and long as you wanted, and then someday you'd leave me for somebody new.


Why do I let myself worry?

Wondering, what in the world did I do?

Oh, crazy, for thinking that my love would hold you.

I'm crazy for trying, and crazy for dying... crazy for loving you.

There was a note left on my laptop when I opened it.

It was from Brad.

        Schuldich - I meant what I said this morning. You can't afford these feelings for him. You need to control yourself.

"I know," Schuldich whispered.

"What?" Nagi asked, looking up from his own PC.

"Oh, nothing." I'm just crazy. Totally and completely insane. Crazy for loving you.

Because I do. I'm sure of that now. It's been three days since our last little romp at that nice hotel downtown. I can't seem to get him out of my thoughts. Every bottle blonde I see on the streets reminds me of him. And in the fashionable districts of downtown Tokyo, bleach was nearly as common as natural black.

The note continued:

        I know that you won't heed my advice.

I sighed. "Then why bother giving it to me at all?"

        But this is the only way I can stop you from doing something much, much worse.

"Ask and you shall receive." I muttered. And deleted the little message from my hard disk. "Nagi? How would I go about hacking the Weiss computer network?"

Nagi looked up from his keypad, and cocked his head at me. "Why would you want to do that?"

"Just because."

"Well, the easiest way would be to pluck the password out of one of their minds." Nagi paused for a moment, as if choosing his words carefully. "Omi would be particularly open."

"No," Yohji hated it when he played dirty. "I need to hack in fair and square. Without using any of our 'special abilities'."

"That might take awhile - " I didn't understand half the technical terms Nagi was using, but I understood the thoughts behind them, and knew what buttons to press...

It took half the afternoon. Every time I would get close to the central network, a new user would log on and trigger the automatic defaults that booted me out again. Eventually, with Nagi's help, I tracked down a user - someone from Kritiker - and hacked their system to find a valid password, instead of sneaking in through the back door.

Now, when the automatic defaults were triggered, I was simply Matsumoto Sakura, an official member of Kritiker. If the real Sakura tried to log on, it would blow my cover. This was a race against the clock. Omi logged out, briefly, and I followed him. His trail led straight to a Hotmail account. Curious, I followed, got the address, and used a simple line of code that Nagi gave me to find the password.

The contents nearly knocked me off the couch I was lying on. "Oh, Omi..." Floods of laughter. No way! Omi was so innocent looking...

The entire inbox was filled with porn.

I had to wipe the tears from my eyes. No wonder he was always online so late. Yohji had voiced some suspicions, but THIS...

Boys will be boys, yes. But was it anatomically possible to do THAT with another boy?

I'll have to try that out someday...

The big question: why was Omi stockpiling gay porn?

I didn't want to know the reason why, and wished I'd never known of the fact at all. I doubted I could face him in battle ever again without keeling over laughing.

Weiss was on the move again. My evening of acting the hacker had told me that.

That chick, Manx, must be with them again. If I looked into Yohji's mind, I could see the details. Computers... I don't understand them. Manx is smart, for a woman; although the technology is horrible out of date, she puts all of Weiss' missions on a VHS tape. There is no possible way to upload it onto a computer.

So I learned nothing from my evening's excursion except for that something was going on.

I was tired, my eyes were sore, and I was tense beyond belief. It was a dirty thing to do, I knew. But I needed to see him, at least to watch him, even if he was on a mission...

He was beautiful out on those missions; running wildly in that dark coat, eyes flashing death, burning with an inner light of their own... that feral half smile pinned on his oh-so-kissable lips.

I knew Brad was right, in the deepest recesses of my heart, the parts I didn't let myself look into on a daily basis because I was afraid of what I might see. But, God, he was beautiful... the sight of him was worth its cost.

Just one, tiny little slip into his mind...


The weight of my little laptop was uncomfortable where it rested on my erection. Nagi left about an hour before, giving some excuse about a minor supply run. With a sigh, I slipped my hand from the keys, searching for the only release I knew. A finger rubbing lightly against the tip of my penis was nice; the soft, gentle stimulation was so like HIM, how he acted. It nearly brought tears to my eyes.

Long, even strokes perfected by years of practice made me forget my problems. Even someone like me isn't always in range of willing bodies; sometimes, you have to be resourceful. The feel of my hand was nothing new, and nothing special, compared to the gentle kiss of Yohji's lips, the feather light touch of his fingers on my flesh. In the semi darkness of the computer room, I could almost see his shining emerald eyes, flushed as they always were with some sort of pleasure.

There was movement in the room. I nearly screamed in frustration. Can't a man get five minutes of peace around here?

"I saw you," a voice said out of the darkness. It was Brad. "You were leaving?"

Even to my own ears, the voice that answered him was husky with lust. "Does it look like I'm in a position to go anywhere right now?"

He laughed at my suffering, and came around the back of the couch, sliding his arms down the sides of my body and nuzzling roughly at my neck. His touch ran like fire through my body and straight to my groin. Unwittingly, a moan passed my lips. "Oh, God,"

"I take it you wouldn't mind some company, then?"

My usual, witty remarks failed me and I could only sit there, squirming under his touch as my arousal screamed for release NOW. But I managed a faint sound of protest when he pushed my laptop aside and it clattered to the floor. "Don't worry, Shu, I'll buy you a new one."

His experienced hands made quick work of my tight jeans, which were half undone already. I'd never asked him where that talent had come from, certainly it had nothing to do with clairvoyance. I remembered that he had done a stint in the American army before joining Estet. He'd never explained what had drawn him halfway across the globe to his current position.

His current position...

Without any indication, he swallowed me whole. I gasped, and my hips bucked involuntarily. He seemed to forget that others couldn't see the future the way he could; or else he just got a rush off seeing me completely at his mercy. Neither would have surprised me.

The feeling of his wet, hot mouth against my erection was exquisite. Anyone with half a lick of common sense can give a blowjob, but when in the hands - or, mouth, rather - of a trained professional, it is a work of art. Brad Crawford's simple blow was better than sex with most partners. Whoever taught him his trade did a damned good job.

With a cry, I spilled my load and spent a few moments swimming among the stars. "Yohji..."

He laughed and teased the last few drops of fluid from my rapidly softening member. "You never learn, do you Schuldich? Stay away from him." He removed his lips and I found myself missing the contact. "It's for your own good."

Quietly, I reached around him and zipped my fly, straightening my shirt and smoothing the wrinkles. "I'm going out," I said.

"That's why I came in here," Brad said.

I was surprised. "You want me to see him?"

"I wanted to give you one last chance to stay."

The door to the apartment above the flower shop was not nearly as hard to jimmy open as the Kritiker database. I had it open in a second, with a few elementary lock picks and a twist of a skilled wrist. Inside, the hallway was cluttered, but I managed to pick my way through enough paperwork to find the mission tape. Manx could be as careful as she wants, but four young men are bound to leave things lying around.

Fairview Center; four o'clock Tuesday.

It's all fair, Yohji, I thought. I did everything without using any of my 'special abilities'.

At four o'clock the next evening, I was waiting for him, hidden in the shadows behind a giant sign that read Fairview Center Industrial Park. It took all my patience not to simply pounce on him and pull him into the shadows with me. Instead, I bit my lip and bid my time until Weiss split up for the mission and he was alone.

I crept from the shadows and stood before him in silence.

"Were you watching me?"

I blushed as red as my hair. "Yeah." Reaching out, I could caress the surface thoughts of his mind. Without permission, I would never do more. It was a matter of etiquette, really. But the soft shimmer of rage sliding across the surface of his mind, all a true hunter's instincts awakened in the glory of the hunt... That, it was beyond me to resist.

He drew me like a moth to flame, in these moods. Bloodlust, my ancestors called it. Whatever you want to call it, it made him even more beautiful than usual.

His nostrils were flared, slightly, and he panted with the exertion of the hunt; the wire that circles his wrist was stained with fresh blood. He was eager for the chase, but still wary.

"What are you doing here?" We were all alone in this back corridor, but he still whispered.

"I wanted to watch you," The blush was gone from my features, replaced by a stare of frank honesty and incredible longing.


"Now? Please?"

I could sense, even without trying, the indecision in his mind.

When three shots echoed down the corridor, I nearly jumped. Without a second thought, I pulled Yohji into a side corridor. We landed against the far wall with a force that knocked the breath out of both of us. I felt the soft exhalation of his breath on my cheek, a quick inhalation, and a shuffling of the wires.

"I'm in the middle of a mission right now, Schuldich..."

"I know." But I needed him... I needed him NOW. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and never, ever let go. With him, I could escape myself; with him, I didn't have to live the lies and the hate... I could be free again.

I was in love with him; I was infatuated with him. "Please, Yohji..."

There was nothing to it, really. How could he resist? After all, it wasn't a vital mission, just an excursion to gather data. Omi was best at that; might as well leave him to it...

Three shots were fired from the other side of the complex. I pulled Yohji into a side corridor. We landed against the far wall. "Get off me," he whispered. "I have a mission to complete."

I remember that, even now. I remember the moment I realized that he loved them more than he loved me.

Aya, Ken, Omi...

Life isn't fair.

"Omi's hurt," he whispered hoarsely... in a voice that booked no argument. "Damn you, you bastard! You set that up to get at him!"

[Playing softly in the background of the little coffee shop is X-Japan's 'Last Song' on endless repeat.]

You're leaving me, I whispered to him soundlessly.

Yes, he replied.

I stroked his cheek with one hand, and dared to let my fingers rest against his lips for the barest fraction of a second. The fine strands of his hair brushed against he skin of my palm.

This was too much, really...

I leaned back and took another sip of my coffee. To settle the nerves, you know. "There will never be anyone to take your place, Yohji-kun. I really do love you."


"Is that all you can say today, 'yes'?" I was suddenly angry. Angry with him, or angry at the world? I wasn't really sure; I knew I needed to yell for awhile though. "Sleeping with the enemy." I muttered. It wasn't the volume I longed for, but I didn't want everyone here listening in on my private life. Or the end of my private life, at least.

"We both work the same job, Yohji. That's all it is. We're coworkers. It's just that, during our breaks, we'd rather fuck than stand around the water cooler."

"Not any more, Schuldich." He didn't know how those simple words tore my world to bits, I told myself. Yohji didn't know this pain.

I lied! I longed to scream those words at him. I didn't mean any of that bullshit! I never meant to make you go away... I love you, Yohji. You are perfect, and I can't live without you anymore, if I ever could. Can the existence I led before you really be called life?

But the words froze on my tongue and I let him walk away without saying a word.

I turned up the stereo as loud as I could; another notch would blow the speakers to bits, and then I'd really be screwed. The CD on it was western, and I only understood about half the words, but the heavy guitar and screaming vocals stroked my soul and gave a vent to my rage.

Without it, I would have killed somebody that night. Slowly and painfully picked their minds apart until all that remained were a few bloody scraps that I could scatter on the mental winds. But none of it could bring Yohji back.

I could still taste the mocha on my lips. I wished for some alcohol to erase it, but that was downstairs, and if I went downstairs, someone was going to die. As appealing as the thought was, I knew I would regret it later. So I settled for ignoring it and concentrated on picking apart the lyrics with my limited knowledge of English.

In spite of my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage.

I liked that line. It made me smile, even if that smile was more of a baring of teeth than anything. I was trapped in this mortal cage, a cage that only one person had to key to...and that one person had just thrown it away.

No amount of anger would change that.

Nothing would ever change that. Yohji wasn't the kind of person to renege on a promise. He said he was leaving. I knew he was never coming back.

"I love you," I whispered into the darkness. When had it gotten so dark? How long had I been sitting here? I looked over at the clock on my bedside table and it flashed 8:50 at me in bright, luminescent numerals. The reminded me of the eyes of a demon, ready and willing to steal my soul. If I give it to you, I asked silently, would you take this pain as well?

There was a knock at the door.

"Go away." God, I sounded like a girl! Lying in bed pouting about my relationship troubles.

"Its me," Brad's voice. He was the last person I wanted to talk to right now.

"I told you to go away." He HAD warned me, and I didn't want to hear him rub it in my face. I could imagine what he would say if I let him in the door: Gee, Schuldich, didn't I tell you to leave him alone?

"If you need someone to talk to...?"

Why was he being so nice? What did he care? "Go away."

I heard the sound of footsteps retreating back down the hall and turned the music up again. That line jumped out at me again.

In spite of my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage...

It was past midnight when Brad came back. My mood hadn't lessened. If anything, it had darkened.

"Can I come in?"

"Fuck off!"

"Shu, let me in..."

Something in his voice promised more than a lecture. "Fine. Its unlocked."

He looked so startled when he simply pushed on the door and it opened... I had to laugh. "Do you really think there would be any point in locking it? If you wanted to come in, you would come in. Whether you had to break it down or go find Nagi. I wanted to save my poor door the trouble."

"Schuldich, talk to me." Brad said.

"So what? So you can tell me how right you were all along? So you can make yourself feel better? I'm not listening to that load of bullshit." Even to my own ears, my voice sounded bitter and tear choked.

"Do you remember the first time we made love?" Brad asked. It surprised me.

"Made love?" I repeated. "What, you mean the first time you fucked me?"

He looked uncomfortable. "You were the one who came to me," he said.

"I went to you because I had nowhere else to go." I said. "I don't want to talk about this, Brad. If you don't have anything worthwhile to say, leave."

He pretended not to hear me. "I thought it was me, that first time."

"What?" What the hell was he talking about?

"I thought it was me. I thought it was me you wanted." He ran a slender hand through his hair. It fell perfectly back into place: it didn't look tousled at all. It gave me the sudden urge to play with it; I wanted the feeling of it between my fingers, each individual strand... I wanted to forget.

"I did." I said.

"You didn't want me, Schuldich. You wanted power, you wanted money, you wanted to kill... hell if I know what you wanted that night, but I do know it wasn't me."

I felt genuine remorse. I wasn't used to the sensation. "You aren't that bad, Brad..."

"Have you ever?"

"What?" Why was he doing this, why all the half sentences? What was he afraid to say?

"Have you ever wanted me?"

I pulled a pillow over my head and groaned. "I don't want to talk about this now."

He pulled the pillow away and we were nose to nose, laying on my bed with nothing between us but clothing and a few inches of air.

"I do." He said.

"Yes," I answered grudgingly. "Yes, I've wanted you."

"Thank you, Schuldich."

What the hell was wrong with him today? "What the hell are you talking about, Brad - " He muffled my sounds of protest with a long, deep kiss. Naturally, my lips parted before his onslaught and let him inside.

Eventually, for I lost track of time, he surfaced for air. I looked at him, and my confusion must have shown on my face. Had he ever kissed me before?

"Search me," he said.

Instinct told me the meaning of his words. "Brad, you don't know what your asking." I warned him.

"I have never wished you harm." He said. "I have never done anything to hurt you, Schuldich."

"I don't want to hurt you..." Why did he want this? What was he trying to prove?

"I knew what would happen last night. My clairvoyance is chancy at best, but it showed me that much." He pushed his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose; his hair still looked perfect. "I knew what would happen, I knew everything..."

"You bastard." The CD had died. Silence filled the room. Faintly, from downstairs, I could hear the sounds of a TV sitcom. Nagi was home.

"I had to tell you that," Brad said. "Because I want you. And whatever I have to do to have you, I will do."


"Schuldich, I am a cold hearted bastard. I kill people for a living. I can't imagine doing anything else with my life. This... this death is all I need."

I looked away from him then; I couldn't bear the look in his eyes.

He continued, "And then I met you. I hated you, Shu, hated you with a passion. Your jokes annoyed me; you gave me your body, but not even a sliver of your soul."

"You never wanted it. I thought he wanted it..." He... him... Yohji...

"I did. God, Shu, I do!"

He kissed me again. I couldn't begin to guess at the game he was playing - and for now, I didn't care. I didn't allow myself to care. Yes, I gave myself to him in exchange for a place in Schwartz. That was a long time ago...

"You cried that night," Brad said to me.

"Yes," I answered him. "I didn't know you saw that."

"You can't hide anything from me, Schuldich." I didn't like the way he said my name. He sounded very possessive.

"You were my first." I whispered, staring pointedly at the wall above his head. Only out of the corner of my eye could I see the dark blur that I knew was Brad Crawford.

"I was... I was WHAT?"

"I said that you were my first, OK? I was a virgin."

"Even with women?"

I sighed. "Yes,"

"I'm sorry, Schuldich. I didn't know. You came to me - I thought that..."

I laughed. The sound was husky and bitter. Despite my best effort to ignore it, the hand that was tracing little circles up and down my thigh was turning me on. "I don't want your damned apologies! You said it yourself: I came to you. I didn't have to, no one made me do it."

"I'm sorry, Schuldich. I can't say that if I'd known, it would have changed things, but I would have gone slower, I would have - "

"No!" I shouted at him, looking Brad in the eyes at last. "I don't want an apology! What happened, happened, and I - I'm glad it did."

Neither one of us were virgins, that night. I knew the look in his eyes, I knew what he wanted, and I was willing to give it to him. I was always willing to give it to him. He might be a cold, heartless bastard like he styles himself, but he was a good fuck. And I needed that more than anything, right then.

I was hard, by the time his hand left my thigh. I needed this, I realized. I don't claim to know his motives, but I needed him that night. I needed to feel him in me; I needed to forget myself...

We were naked before I realized it. His mouth crushed against mine. I felt his tongue run across my teeth. He ground his hardness against mine, basically humping my leg. Yet it was a wonderful sensation. I let my mind slip away into darkness, living only for the pleasure he was giving me.

"Schuldich," His voice sounded terribly distant, I didn't know if I could go back that far... it was too difficult. I writhed under him, rubbing all the sensitive bits of my anatomy against his, and moaned softly.

"Schuldich, look at me." I opened my eyes reluctantly. The light was blinding. Why hadn't he flipped the switch?

"God, Brad, shut up and fuck me." I loved to talk dirty with him. It ruffled his poor sensibilities. As much as he HAS sensibilities, that is.

"I want you," he whispered. "And I want all of you."

The weight of him was a welcome heat covering my length. "You don't know that you're asking..."

"Then show me. Open your mind, let me in." He worked a finger inside me. "Let me in."

What could I do? I thrust backwards into that sweet invasion. Both of my hands reached up to frame his gorgeous foreign features, to ruffle that perfect hair, to pull the glasses from his nose.

Wait, when did I start thinking of him as gorgeous?

A second finger joined the first, and he whispered seductively in my ear, "Open for me,"

Refusing him has never been something I have been capable of. I let the waves of pain, fear, hate, and anger... I let my emotions wash over the both of us, and prayed that they didn't kill him. They had before, when I had let my guard down, before I learned not to.

He laughed at me. "God, Schuldich, you are so innocent."

I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders; I longed to scream at him. Instead, I mumbled something unintelligible as his fingers were replaced my something much larger.

He kissed me, yet again. My lips were so numb I could hardly feel his touch.

There was a brief moment of pain, as he shifted inside me and prepared to thrust. I winced, and saw him do the same. The mind-link was holding; I didn't know I had been maintaining it. But the pleasure swelled again, and I was content to lose my grip on reality again. This time, Brad didn't call me back; what I could feel of hid mind was just as garbled with sex and heat.

With every perfectly controlled thrust, he slammed into that sensitive spot and made me want to scream. If Nagi hadn't been downstairs, I think I would have. As it was, I whimpered and scraped my nails down his back. I could sense the reverberations of his shiver, echoing across the dead space between our semi-joined minds.

I could feel the change in Brad, when he came close, in his body as well as his mind. His thrusts were more erratic and - slightly - less controlled.

By eyes flicked open in the last second before I came, regardless of the blinding brightness. "Yohji..." I whispered.

There were tears on his face, this time. Had I caused those?


"Quiet, quiet," Brad wrapped his arms around me, and I sobbed, shuddering. "Are you cold?"

"No. Brad, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... to say..."

He silenced him with a soft finger pressed against my lips. "You did mean it," he said. "But don't be ashamed."

I laid my head flat on his chest; if I listened hard, I could hear the sound of his heart beating. My tears slicked the all ready smooth skin and left a salty tang in my mouth. The sound of his heart lulled me to sleep.

When I woke, I was alone.