I'm sorry. x.x;; Really. x.x Some sick part of me wanted to place someone in the same situation I was once in, and what better characters to do it with?
Shounen-ai. Angst. First person, present tense, Youji's POV.
"Youji... I think I'm in love with Aya."
It's funny, how eight words can totally shatter a person, isn't it? Out of everyone he could have told, Ken had to come to me for advice. And now he looks at me with wide green eyes, expecting me to say something.
"Really?" I manage to get out.
He nods. "I'm not sure... how it happened or anything, but I... damn. I like him more than I should. I should leave for awhile... to see if I can get myself under control. What do you think?"
I'm unable to meet his gaze. It hurts. It hurts so -damn- much, and there's nothing I can do but sit here and try to act like I'm happy for him. I feel like I'm going to throw up. "I... don't know," I say.
Ken bites his lip and leans back in his chair. "I know Aya... probably doesn't feel the same way about me. But Youji, I want him."
I curl my legs under me and grip my ankles, needing something to hold on to. I gaze at the ground, letting my hair hide my face. "He won't have you," I say hoarsely. "He doesn't want love."
"I know!" he cries. "But Youji, this is tearing me apart!"
Gritting my teeth, I shake my head. KEN is ripping ME apart. "I don't know what to tell you," I say through clenched teeth. "I'm sorry. You're asking the wrong person."
He gets up slowly. "Yeah, I guess," he mutters. "What's with you?"
I shake my head. "Nothing." I reply. "Get back to work, Ken, there are customers waiting for you."
He's offended. I know he is. He leaves the room in a huff and I just sit there, my head bent, my eyes closed. Tears start to stream from my eyes, and I start to tremble. Oh God, it hurts. It hurts so much. I can barely breathe around the ice in my chest.
To watch him look at Aya as he does... those green eyes full of love and admiration... and to see his face fall when Aya scolds him. Damn. Why AYA?! That heartless bastard wouldn't know love if it bit him on the ass! And Ken's throwing himself away on him. He's giving his heart to someone who'll just break it.
And there's not a damn thing I can do to stop him. I love Ken. More than anything in the world, I love him, I want to be with him! But I can't, because he loves Aya. I know he'll hate me if I try to interfere. I can just watch as Aya breaks his heart, and try to repair the damage. If he'll let me.
When I look up again, Ken is gone. I want to cry. I stand up, wishing I could just die. Well, it wouldn't be that hard, would it? Just go on a mission and fuck up purpousely.
But no, I can't do that. That'd hurt him, and that's the last thing I want to do. At least, if Aya rejects him, I can still be there for him. If he'll have me.
And I pray to every God that exists that he will. Someday.