Mohji Kudou

Takatori Reiji was laughing at me.

At my pain, rather.

Ken and Youji are fighting again, and I'm trying to ignore them. Ken's voice is ringing in my ears, cracking with anger. Youji was late.

I would chastize him as well, of course, but I didn't trust my voice. That has become my primary reason for silence lately.

Because day after day, week after week, month after month - I find myself questioning Her.

Will she ever wake up?
Should I have them turn off the life support?
Is she already dead?
And if she did wake up, would she remember me?

"Just get to work Youji - Ken, if you're so hungry, go eat something."

My voice is gruff.

Youji flashed me his god-awful smirk as Ken huffed and bounded up the stairs. Omi gave me a soft pat on the shoulder. I followed Ken, after giving the blue-eyed boy a small nod of appreciation.

Omi is a good boy. I like him.

Ken is sulking on the couch, babbling about how I "took Youji's side" in the argument. I'm making coffee.

"Shut up, Hidaka," I turned to him, scowling. "I'm not in the mood for this."

And there it was. The soft, betraying crack in my voice.

I kept the lights out, lest someone saw me.

And someone could.

I stare into the mirror, tears leaking down my eyes. I am angry with him.

"Aren't you DEAD yet?" I snarled at him, as he mouthed the words in perfect sync with me.

I hate him. I loathe and despise him. I want him to die.

He smiled at me! How dare he. "Yes," he said, "Yes, I am." His voice was laced with a soft sob.

Aya wants to kill him again. The man in the mirror is Ran. Ran, who couldn't save Her, the one time she really needed him.

Ran and Aya to not get along. And I am watching Aya, who has avenged her - yet brought no change to her sweet, sleeping face.

Such a hollow form of revenge.

I can feel her hatred towards me, every time I see her. It's as if she's mocking me, just by not opening her eyes. I can't even remember what colour they'd been.

I have CRACKED the man in the mirror. Aya and Ran are both useless.

Ken burst into my room, eyes wide.

I had bitten my lip so hard that a tiny bit of blood was trickling down my chin.

The man in the mirror was on his knees, begging for her life. Begging for her to be spared. Begging for AYA.

Aya is staring, eyes cold, at Ran. Telling him to FUCK OFF.

I smile, with shaken relief, and turn to Ken.

Ken is speechless. I've shattered my hand. He's never seen Aya cry.

Ran is crying as well, sobbing so hard he can't breathe.

I am sick of them both.

There are bits of glass in my hand, and I'm bleeding, but it's all right.

I'm too busy watching Aya, with his angry eyes, and Ran with his tears. Proud. I am proud of them. And yet, neither are ME.

"Aya-kun - "

"I'll pay for fore it."

"But - "

"I said, I'll pay for it!"

He nodded.

I hate Ken almost as much as I hate Ran and Aya.

Ken is worried about ME. I hate people who worry about ME. I don't even know who ME is.

And perhaps, he's wondering the same things I have been.

Should we turn off the life support?
Will he ever wake up?

I let Ken see Ran once, a long time ago, when he and Aya were still both a part of ME. And surprisingly enough, Ken had understood when I'd meant.

We pull out the glass TOGETHER.

Onward   |   Fanfiction