Chapter 6: The Rotten Cherry War

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And so dawns another day at Steph's grandmother's house in Germany. Bang

Val: Gimme that! You two are evil or somethin'!

Duo: Xel's got that covered --

Suboshi: -- don't blame us!

Xel: Yeah! I'm offended! ^_^

Zel: Offend this, ya nutbag!

Steph: Ow! What the -- ?

Val: What're ya doin'!?

Duo: Painting.

Val: Well, why're ya paintin' that!?

Suboshi: Don't know.

Val: Morons! I'm surrounded by morons!

Xel: Watch where you're throwing that, Zel-kun. You might hit Steph. ^_^

Steph: He already did!

Zel: As if you care!

Steph: He may not, but I do!

ThwackThwackThwackBangShriekCrash The harem runs out of the house, holding their heads, while Steph chases 'em out with a book. She gets distracted by the ripe cherries on the tree, disposes of the book, and picks the fruit, leaving the harem struggling to regain their composure and their breath.

Steph: These are good. Come have some.

Zel: First she beats us, then she feeds us.

Xel: The miko is truly twisted. ^_^

Val: You should know.

Xel: That's why I'm here. ^_^

Duo: We know why you're here --

Suboshi: -- you're insane.

Xel: ::significant look at Duo and Suboshi:: But I blend in here, with the rest of the lunatics. ^_^

Duo and Suboshi grit teeth, roll up sleeves, and prepare to pound the self-pronounced nutbag. Xel appears unconcerned and floats into the top of the tree.

Xel: ::bland voice:: Oh look, cherries. ^_^

Zel: ::bland voice:: Oh look, a fruitcake.

Val: ::playing along:: What type is he?

Zel: Crazy as they come.

Val: Pity, really.

Xel ignores the heathens and picks the fruit avidly before pitching them all around, well, not pitching, per se, more like carefully estimated drops. Drops that end with a cherry hitting Val. Splat There went a nice ripe (rotten) juicy one. Val looks up, and gets another (rotten) one in the face.

Val: @#)(*$!!!!

Xel: ::innocently:: Oops! ^_~

Val: You %&$#$%@!!!

Xel: Language ... ^_^

Val does not respond to this. Instead he sprouts wings and flies up to deal with the cherry dropping Xel himself. The fruit in question (not cherries) perches on a tree limb, just out of reach. Val lands on the branch and prepares to punt the Mazoku into (hopefully) permanent orbit. Unfortunately for Val, the tree branch breaks. And takes Val down with it.

Xel: ^_^

Val lands. On Zel. Smack Squish

Val: Owwwwwww ......

Zel: ::mutter mutter MUTTER::

Val: What?

Zel: MUTTER -- OFF!!!!!!

Steph pulls (or pries, depends on view point) Val off Zel. Zel is squished level into the ground. Suboshi pulls the crowbar they used on the airplane from no where and hands it to Steph. Steph pries Zel out of the ground.

Zel: Thanks.

Steph: No problem.

Zel: Xel is dead.

Val: Tell me about it.

Xel pops in next to Duo and Suboshi, throws his arms around them and smiles.

Xel: Group hug! ^_^

Duo & Suboshi: ::in unison:: Huh???????????

Smack Duo and Suboshi are covered in cherry goo thrown by Val and Zel trying to wreak vengeance on Xel. Big mistake guys. Duo and Suboshi know all about vengeance. The two wipe cherry junk off their faces, grab Xel by the neck, and make a dash for the apple tree. Faster than you can say "building an fort", the duo have pulled stuff from no where (courtesy of Suboshi), mainly a table and such, have built a primitive fort, used Xel's cape to make a flag, and are ready to have it all out.

Duo: Prepare to eat rotten --

Suboshi: -- fruit losers!

Xel: We'll wipe the floor with you! ^_^

Duo & Suboshi: ::in unison:: You tell 'em!

They then barrage the three still next to the cherry tree with nappy looking apples and cherries. Steph dodges the first couple of throws before taking up the gauntlet, so to speak, and issuing a challenge.

Steph: Oh yeah!?

Duo, Suboshi, & Xel: ::in unison:: Yeah!

Steph: Well then kiss this!

Steph throws a couple of handfuls of rotten cherries at the renegade harem boys, before staking out the cherry tree as her fort ground, building a blockade and fort in a cloud of dust, pulling Val and Zel inside, using Zel's cape as a flag, and returning the volley of fruit. All this in under three seconds. Gotta love it. The return volley hits Xel, who was looking out. He falls back, blinking and looking startled.

Zel: You nailed the fruit! Go Steph!

Steph: Thank you, thank you.

She bows. And gets smacked by a well placed, well aged apple thrown by a catapult constructed by Duo and Suboshi. Zel takes offense to this and retaliates in kind. Behind the apple tree fort the two are plotting and scheming as the duo are wont to do, only this time they have a co-conspirator: Xellos (How appropriate).

Duo: What we need --

Suboshi: -- is some bait.

Xellos: Lively bait. ^_^

Suboshi: Bait that'll survive long enough --

Duo: -- for us to steal their ammo.

Xellos: In short, bait that's real good at dodging. ^_^

Duo & Suboshi: ::in unison:: Yes.

Xellos: So who's gonna be bait? ^_^

They look at each other while fruit splatters on the tree over their heads. Then Duo and Suboshi look at each other, then they look at Xel, and then they smile that smile. That boy-we-know-exactly-how-to-getcha-and-how-we're-gonna-getcha-and-boy-are-you-gonna-get-it smile. Xel smiles a slightly distressed smile.

Xel: ^_^;;

Duo punts Xel out of the fort and into the line of fire (heavy incessant fire).

Duo: Go be bait, fruitcake!

Xel: Wha -- ^_^;;

Smack Xel is now bait in the line of fire. And the cherry tree fort occupants fire at him with a vengeance. Xel considers his options as about a thousand rotten cherries streak towards him, ready to splat their rotten little selves all over his person, and decides that moving bait is a clean, living bait. So he moves with a will. And has fun while doing it.

Xel: Missed! ^_^

Dodge.

Xel: Hah! Missed again! ^_^

Pop out. Pop in.

Xel: Can't hit me! ^_^

Jump.

Xel: Horny Boy can't aim! ^_^

Dive out of the way. Val cusses.

Xel: Nya-nya-nya-nya. ^_^

Dodge a bunch.

Xel: Losers! ^_^

Pop out. Pop in.

Xel: Hah! The man! ^_^

Steph: More like the fruitcake!

During all this, Duo sneaks (more like slinks) out of his fort, oozes along the ground toward the cherry tree fort, and then gets jumped by Val, who was on route to the apple tree fort. Fighting ensues. Zel gets tired of the fruitcake-dodging-insulting-bait that is Xel and jumps the nut the next time he materializes. Yet more fighting. Suboshi and Steph just kinda watch this with big eyes before Suboshi launches a major fruit offensive on Steph. Val wins his fight and puts one foot on the prone Duo while raising his hand over his head and copping an Amelia. Zel throws an apple at his head.

Zel: Weirdo!

The apple smacks Val, knocking him over and burying his face in the grass.

Xel: ::from chokehold:: Don't hurt my Val-chan! ^_~

Zel: Your Val-chan?! He's my -- ::stops when he realizes what he was going to say::

Suboshi: Don't hurt my Duo-kun!

Steph takes advantage of this conversation to use several really cool sneaky maneuvers to creep into the apple tree fort and steal all their ammo. Victory is sweet.

Steph: And you're all mine! Wahahahahahahahaha!

She pelts them all with the fruit before doing a quick victory dance and then running full throttle into the house before the harem and catch her, laughing.

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