Two Cabins, Five Harem Boys, and a World Ruler

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WHAM!

Duo: Got you too, huh?

Suboshi blinked as he pried himself from the floorboards, leaving splintered chaos in his wake.

Suboshi: Yeah. One minute --

Duo: -- you're walking along --

Suboshi: -- minding my own business --

Duo: -- then, BAM, we're here --

Suboshi: -- right in the -- hey, where are we?

Duo: ... a cabin?

They paused, looked around, shrugged, and got down to playing Parcheesi which Suboshi pulled from no where without another thought. Then a blanket fell on them. This followed with much thrashing and screaming.

Duo & Suboshi: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! IT'S GONNA EAT ME!

The blanket was pounded into the floorboards. Poor blanket. Duo, who finally got a good look at it, gasped.

Duo: ::gasp::

You already did that.

Duo: .... So? ::gasp!::

sigh

Duo: Anyway. ::gasp:: It's a blanket.

Suboshi: Duh.

Duo: And this is a cabin.

Suboshi: Once again: Duh.

Duo: Do you know what this means?

Suboshi: No. What?

Duo: ... I forgot.

Although smacking Duo into infinity would've been ::very:: stress relieving, Suboshi refrained through sheer will power and pulled out the BOOK OF ALL ANIME KNOWLEDGE, otherwise known as BOAAK.

Suboshi: ::flipping through pages:: Right ... here we go ... bingo ... ahem The Blanket Scenario: In which two characters are trapped inside a freezing cabin in a snowstorm with only a blanket to share between them. This is hoped to lead the characters into deep meaningful exploration of the other's psyche, survive their worst enemy by gaining patience or strength, or simply to get 'em where they can screw each other silly.

Duo: Not for the faint of heart, I see.

Suboshi: Or the weak of stomach.

Duo: Or for anyone under 18.

Suboshi: It's a sick world, I tell you, sick!

WHAM!

Duo sweatdropped as a purple meteor squished Suboshi. The meteor grew arms, legs, a staff, and a lecherous grin. Then it tried to grope the prone bishounen.

Suboshi: HENTAI!

Sadly, the meteor was plastered to the wall, where it peeled off and drifted to the floor. Popping a staff out of the purple of it's presence, Xellos bounced back into perfect shape, still smiling.

Duo: Now it's a sick, sick world.

Suboshi: Isn't there only supposed to be two people in a Blanket Scenario.

Duo: I wouldn't call him a person.

Suboshi: True.

Xellos: ::pout:: I'm hurt! I think myself to be a fine specimen of the -- ^_^

Suboshi: Hentais of the World Organization for Beings Older Than Time and Haven't Had a Date or Gotten Any Since the Kouma War Where They Seduced Their Enemy?

Duo: ::sweatdrop::

Xellos: Ma, ma, that was a long time ago! ^_^

Suboshi: Lies.

Xellos: I've reformed, turned over a new leaf! ^_^

Duo: More lies.

Xellos: Begged forgiveness on the alter for my sins! ^_^

Suboshi: Shameless lies.

Xellos: Became a monk! I'm celibate! ^_^

Duo: What do you take us for? Stupid?

Xellos: Well, I was hoping for naïve .... ^_^

Duo & Suboshi: -.-;;; Get out of here.

Xellos: What? And miss all the fun of seeing you two reveal your feelings for each other and get it on? I don't think so! ^_^

Duo: Just leave.

Xellos: Fine, fine. I'll take videos! You won't even know I'm there! ^_^

Suboshi: See the door? That is were you must exit through.

Xellos: Surveillance is good, I can do surveillance. ^_^

Duo: Do you need a map or something?

Suboshi: What part of leave don't you understand?

Xellos: Hmmmm ... none of it? ^_^

Duo & Suboshi: -.- .......... That's it.

PUNT!

Xellos: ::flying through the air:: WAH! YOU'RE SO MEAN! ^_^

Duo and Suboshi brush their hands off, looking quite pleased.

Duo: So, where were we?

Suboshi: Parcheesi?

Duo: Right.

Meanwhile, in a cabin much like the one Xellos was sent flying from, Valgarv, well aware of all the dictionary implications of the Blanket Scenario, was instigating a campaign known as 'Get Zel Under the Blanket'. This astounding campaign has been used again and again by fanfic authors and fruity mazoku since time began, though with marginal cooperation from the rock. Unlike aforementioned campaigners, Val was making head way.

Val: ::pathetic puppy eyes:: I'm cold.

Zel: ...

Val: Really, really cold.

Zel: ...

Val: Look, my lips are turning blue.

Zel: ... ::wordlessly hands over blanket::

Val: ::smile:: Thank you!

Zel: ...

Not that the average fool would consider this head way, but we, the anime elect, understand the '...' perfectly. Chibi Rezo (well, it would have been Chibi Davin, but Rozan dragged the blonde chibi into a closet to enact their own Blanket Scenario. But, moving right along ...) will translate. Let's rewind.

Val: ::pathetic puppy eyes:: I'm cold.

Zel: ...

Chibi Rezo: You're beautiful when you look at me that way.

Val: Really, really cold.

Zel: ...

Chibi Rezo: My love will keep you warm.

Val: Look, my lips are turning blue.

Zel: ... ::wordlessly hands over blanket::

Chibi Rezo: Oh, thy lips! Let me brush them oh so tenderly ...

Val: ::smile:: Thank you!

Zel: ...

Chibi Rezo: As long as you are happy, my love.

We of the harem now fully believe that Chibi Rezo is not only on crack but has an unrequited desire for Valgarv. Which would explain the friction in the family. Needless to say, let's move on.

Val: I'm still cold.

Zel: ::cross:: You got the blanket, what else do you want?

Big mistake Zel-kun ...

Val: ::smile:: Why, a heated rock at the foot of the blanket would be nice.

Zel: ::choke::

Valgarv moved over to slap Zel on the back, obviously conciliatory of his breathing problem. ^.~ By the time he had finished, he was firmly ensconced in Zel's lap.

Val: Ahhhhhh ... much better.

Zel: ...

Val: ::wandering hands::

Zel: Um ... stop?

Val: Um ... no?

Zel: You sound like Xellos.

Val: And you're so cute when you're denied.

Zel: ::simmer::

Val: ::snugglesnuggle since he knows he's won and isn't feeling threatened:: Don't you want me to keep you warm instead of the blanket? Hmmm? ::seduceseduce::

Zel, being a typical male and hormonal teenage at that, though the most mature of a group of psychos, made a valiant effort to deny his hormones. Val, on the other hand, was making the valiant effort to get the rock in bed, or as the case may be, under the blanket.

Zel: ::flush!::

Val: ::smirk and seduceseduce::

Zel finally gave up and decided the dragon, who was so happily ensconced in his lap and was not to be denied, might as well get what he wanted. Groping on both sides ensued. Xellos, ever the man of the entrance, chose this particularly delicate moment of heavy breathing to drop smack dab into the middle of the cabin.

Xel: Ooooo! Can I play too!? ^_^

Val: NO! MINE! ::clutch at Zel and glare at priest::

Xel: Really now, there's no point in being possessive, there's enough rock for everyone ... ^_^

Zel punted the fruitcake into infinity --

Xel: I was always one for a repeat performance. ^_^

-- and got back to groping.

Zel: Yours huh?

Val: Mine ...

Zel: ::::choke::

Let's leave the lovebirds and follow Xellos, whose trajectory decided to swing past Jupiter, jump through Saturn, play Meteor, and then crash-landed on earth, where the wildly native otaku females welcomed him into their lives and unwittingly sealed their doom.

Xel: ::now king of world:: Ah ... much better. ^_^

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