Chapter 1: Power Play

_____________________________________________________________
 

Zelgadis is watching TV when he suddenly hears a:

Xel: Fore! ^_^

Whap! A ball flies across the room and hits Zel on the head (bonk) and drops onto the couch beside him. Keeping one eye on the TV, Zel does some quick precise mathematical mumbo jumbo on conveniently located nearby paper before picking up the golf ball. Positioning it carefully, judging correct velocity and force he shoots it at the TV. It hits the channel button (and changes the channel to Mighty Max -- what else?) and ricochets into the perfect tee off position for Xel. Xel positions his staff (globe side down) and whacks the ball towards a cup against the wall (Zel moves his head to the side to watch TV around Xel), it rebounds off the wall and smacks Xel in the head, knocking him down, stunned.

Zel: That's an improvement.

Xel: ::from floor:: Aren't you going to help me up? Whoops! Forgot who I was talking to. ::slyly:: You like to see people helpless at your feet. ^_~

Zel kicks Xel, hard.

Xel: I rest my case. ^_^

Zel: Fruitcake.

Duo drops down from ceiling onto Xellos and pins the priest.

Duo: Ha! Gotcha! Go for it Suboshi!

Xel: I don't think so! ^_^

Xel smacks Duo with staff, but Duo gets Xel in a chokehold as Suboshi snatches the Sega controllers and punches the ON button on the Sega. The music plays, the credits roll, and then ... the screen says: One player.

Suboshi: ::looking at Duo:: Shining Force II is a one player game???

Zel: Yep.

Duo and Suboshi trade looks, then look at game, then at each other, then at a just escaped SD'ing Xel, then at each other (repetitive, aren't they). Duo forgets Xel and pounces on Suboshi.

Duo: I'll play!

Suboshi: No, I will!

Duo: Think again, Bait Boy!

Suboshi: ::peeved:: Oh yeah! Well, take this Drag Driver, FIREBALL!

Duo dodges and retaliates in kind, pretty soon it's World War III in front of the TV. Zel scoots over to get a better view of Mighty Max. Xel floats above the couch next to Zel.

Xel: To think how that could break a friendship. ^_^

Zel: You know you're just eating this up.

Xel: ::sighs:: I love random violence. Almost as much as torturing you! ^_^

Zel smacks the priest into temporary orbit without losing eye contact with the TV. Xel bounces back with a ^_^.

Xel: And being tortured by you. ^_^

Zel: ::bored voice:: Do tell.

Xel gets bored watching Zel watch TV, plus he can't get the chimera to react. Just then he notices that since Duo and Suboshi are still participating in random acts of violence on one another (where did they learn those moves?, oh that's got to hurt!) the Sega is free.

Xel: Yes! ^_^

Xel dives for controller and commandeers the TV. Zel doesn't seem too upset over this considering his television addiction. Xel starts the game as the head player -- Sasin -- with the purpose to gather allies in a quest to stop the Dark Lord (same old, same old -- too bad Xel wants to be the bad guy, but he still has fun wasting all the enemies). Zel turns off the Sega with a remote found wedged between the couch cushions.

Xel: What!!! The Sega doesn't work on a remote! @_@

Zel: ::smugly:: It does now.

Xel: But ... how?! ?_?

Zel: ::brightly:: Sore wa ... himitsu desu!

Xel facefaults. Suboshi and Duo continue to fight. Zel watches TV

_____________________________________________________________
 

A half hour later, Zel is still watching TV, Xel is nowhere to be seen (it's kinda scary when you can't find the fruitcake, but peaceful too), and the fighting bishounen have reached a stalemate and gone to raid the kitchen.

Pushing the door to the TV room open, Suboshi looks furtively inside before casting Dark Mist, sneaking into the room and turning on the Sega. The tactic doesn't work as Xel appears from nowhere and jumps the unfortunate Seiryuu Guardian. Zel banishes the Dark Mist so he can see the TV as the two have it out. Just then, Suboshi gains the upper hand as he smacks a piece of paper on Xel's forehead and shouts:

Suboshi: I Abjure Thee of Evil!

Xel looks at the paper cross-eyed for a second before completely losing it. He jumps for Zel (who seeing this coming, has backed up the back of the couch) and throws his arms around Zel's waist screaming:

Xel: Take it off, take it off, take it OFF!!!!

The force of Xel's jump overbalances Zel and they fall over the back of the couch with a thump. Xel is still screaming "Take it off" as Zel tries to drag himself away from the hysterical Mazoku. Duo chooses that moment to walk in the room. He looks at the two on the floor and sums up the situation.

Duo: Aren't we forward.

Zel: Oh shut up and get him off me!

Duo: ::grinning:: Maybe we should leave you two alone.

Zel: ::growling:: Do and die!

Xel: ::still screaming and sarcastic:: As much as I love this conversation, will you just TAKE IT OFF!!!!!!!!

Duo: ::sweetly innocent:: Gee Xel, I didn't know you wanted Zel that much.

Xel & Zel: ::in unison:: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Zel: Is there no JUSTICE in this Temple??!!

Duo: That's Amelia's line.

Zel: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Amelia makes a cameo appearance, and jumps to the highest point (which just so happens to be Duo's shoulders), before spouting some weird, ear-destroying, nerve-breaking baloney about love and justice (all the while eyeing Zel like a starved person given a seven course meal).

All others: ::in unison:: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! KILL IT!!!!

Two flare arrows and one remote fly at the unfortunate Justice Lover and knock her off Duo's shoulders. The pilot gets as far away as possible as soon as possible before radioing for help.

Duo: HELP!!!! CODE PINK!!! AMELIA SIGHTED IN THE TEMPLE!!! SEEK AND DESTROY!!!

No answer.

Duo: Darnit! We're on our own.

Suboshi takes this in stride.

Suboshi: Ready the Amelia Ejection System, pilot Duo!

Duo readies the Amelia Ejection System (also known as the AES for short).

Duo: Ready, Guardian Suboshi!

Suboshi: Aim!

Duo aims.

Duo & Suboshi: FIRE!

The two launch (eject) Amelia into space, high five each other, and then fight over the videogame. Zel is still dealing with Xel. He picks up one of the many things that just happen to lie around the Temple to deal with the screaming Mazoku fruitcake. Picks up piece of wood. Smack Doesn't work. Uses one of Xel's torture/bondage devices. Smack No luck. Uses crowbar. Pry really hard Drat. Doesn't work. Xel holds stronger than superglue.

Zel: What's it take to get rid of you?!

Xel: TAKE IT OFF!!!!!

Zel listens to the screaming for a few more seconds before deciding he's had enough and takes the paper off Xel's forehead. Xel shuts up immediately. Zel's ears pop in the ensuing silence. Xel grabs Zel and kisses him gratefully.

Xel: Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou...

Zel: Ack! ::makes strangling noises::

Zel punts Xel into orbit, he rebounds right next to the Sega that Suboshi finally managed to wrest from Duo. He pops back into his usual perfection (as he sees it, all others just kinda gag at that) and watches Suboshi play. Vengeance is in the offing. Just then, Suboshi beats the fight he's been trying to beat every time he manages to get ahold of the Sega and flips the "V" for victory sign. Before he can save, however, Xel presses the power button, turning off the Sega. Suboshi sits there stunned. For about three seconds. Then he looks at Xel.

Xel: ^_^ Gotcha. ^_^

Suboshi chases Xel out of the room, intent on his imminent demise.

_____________________________________________________________
 

Later ... Zel still watches TV, only now it's Batman and Robin. Then Xel performs a triple axle dive into the TV room, which at the end of he grabs the Sega controller and turns it on before Suboshi can beat him to it. Only it doesn't turn on. He looks at it, puzzled, until Suboshi walks in. Then he looks behind the TV. The wires to the Sega have been cut. Xel looks at the smirking Suboshi. Suboshi holds up pliers.

Suboshi: ^_^ Gotcha. ^_^

Xel tries to jump Suboshi as he exits, stage left. The chase is on once again.

_____________________________________________________________
 

Later ... Zel, as usual, has the TV, watching the Men in Black. In the back of the Temple however, Xel is planning the most perfect, complete, revenge. Evil, sneaky, little, fruitcake. Then all the power goes out in the Temple. Knocking out the Sega, but most importantly, the TV. Zel does that twitchy thing that people do when they're in a state of shock.

Xel: ::from back of Temple gleefully:: Power Outage!! ^_^

Xel enters holding fuses in his hands. Zel snaps out of that twitchy state. Then he stands up and readies the heavy magic artillery.

Xel: Uh oh! ^_^

Duo: What's Zel doing?

Xel: Dragon Slave. ^_^

Suboshi & Duo: AHHH!!!

Suboshi: How do we stop him?!

Xel: Sore wa ... himitsu desu! ^_^

Suboshi puts Xel in a chokehold yelling:

Suboshi: This is no time for secrets, you weirdo pain lover! If he destroys the Temple ... Steph. Is. Going. To. KILL. Us. Comprende??!!

Xel: Okay! Okay! Lego! *_*

Suboshi drops Xel with a bonk. Duo gets hit by an idea.

Duo: Hey, Suboshi! Why don't you do that thing you did to that fish.

Suboshi: ::yelling:: That was an explosion, not a containment field!

Duo smacks himself on the forehead.

Duo: Of Course!

Xel: ::referring to Duo's self-inflicted smack:: Let me. ^_~

Duo backs away from Xel holding up crossed fingers.

Duo: Oh no. I don't think so. Keep away you priestly torturer.

Xel looks disappointed but backs off. Zel begins to glow red.

Zel: Darkness beyond twilight ...

Suboshi: ::yelling:: Hello!! Angry chimera on our hands here, Steph's wrath, massive destruction, power outage ... Get ON with it!!

Duo: Oh right.

Xel: We could just let him blow us sky high. ^_^

Suboshi: ::yelling:: That is NOT an option!!

Xel: Awwwww ... ^_^

Suboshi: Ya know, suddenly I see why Zel hates you.

Xel: ^_~~~~~~~~~~

Zel: Crimson beyond blood that flows ...

Suboshi suddenly snaps to something.

Suboshi: Wait a minute!

Duo: Better hurry, that seems like all the time we got.

Suboshi smacks Duo before continuing.

Suboshi: Zel doesn't know black magic, he's a shamanist!

Xel: Duh. ^_~

Suboshi: I hate you.

Xel: ^_^

Suboshi: Only one problem, if he can't cast Dragon Slave ... why is he doing it?

Xel: Sore wa ... himitsu desu! ^_^

Suboshi gets Xel in another chokehold and proceeds to shake him violently.

Suboshi: Enough with the secrets ... Spill, and spill now!!

Xel smiles as Zel stops casting the Dragon Slave and does the hokey-pokey. Suboshi drops Xel and begins to back away from Zel.

Suboshi: Never mind. Question answered.

Duo: Ooooooh, he's sneaky!

Suboshi: Tell me about it, that whole Dragon Slave thing was to throw us off!

Xel: We are going to die! ^_^

Suboshi: Oh, shut up.

Duo: Forget dying, I think we should run.

Suboshi: At warp speed.

Duo: Before he finishes.

Suboshi: Yes.

They book at the aforementioned speeds, dragging Xel with them. The minute they're out of sight, Zel stops doing the hokey pokey, powers down, snaps his fingers to restore the electrical power, and smiles. An event that really should be captured on film, if only for it's rarity.

Zel: ^_^ Gotcha. ^_^

Zel sits back down to watch TV.

_____________________________________________________________
 

Chapter 2   |   The Harem Tales   |   Harem   |   Fanfiction