I fiddle with my bracelets, watching the rest of them eat. Well, Lina and Gourry are
eating, Zel is just sipping whatever it is he sits around and sips. I can never figure out
what it is. Lina says it's coffee. Gourry agrees with Lina. I make a face, of course he
agrees with Lina, he has jellyfish for brains. I sigh, that was an uncharitable thought.
Gourry can't help it if he was a bit, okay a lot, slower than the rest of us. Firia and
Shilfiel both agreed it's tea. Xellos says it's liquor. I grin, the concept is pretty
amusing. Zel just drinking away and us not knowing a thing. 'Course, it's probably not
liquor, just tea or coffee. But it's still amusing. I smile again, Zel had had
the funniest face when he caught us discussing whatever it is he drinks.
I glance over at Zel again. He really is adorable under that stone skin. That's what
freaked me out in the beginning, his skin, but after the first unexpected shock I got over
it. His sharp icy eyes glance over at me before going back to their contemplation of Lina.
That's my problem. Or more accurately, It was my problem. I liked him, but he likes Lina.
I'm pretty sure that Lina doesn't even know he likes her. I wouldn't have figured it out if I
hadn't been watching him all the time. It had hurt. Hurt to find out he was just my friend
and couldn't possibly be more. I was so jealous of Lina then. I wanted to yell and scream at
Zel for choosing her over me. Wanted to know why. But it doesn't matter now, I've
found someone much better. I know I have that dreamy far off look but I don't
I don't think I even realized I liked him till I saw the way he teased Lina and made her
blush. Until I realized I wanted him to tease me like that. I never understood why then.
Now I do. I know he's not the best of people, but that's okay, I'm not the best either. I
bite my lip as the insidious thought slips in. I'm not a true ally of justice like I claim to
be, I'm flawed. Justice doesn't go around beating people up and taking their money or
stealing things. But I still do it. That makes my mission even more important! The light
that I know my friends hate flashes in my eyes, but I don't care anymore. I'll fight for it
because it needs to be fought for! Because it's people like me, people that
aren't perfect but try anyway, that makes justice worth it! I feel a sort of depression slip
in. I know I'm not good at it. That I screw up and fall on my face more than I stop evil.
But ... but ... if no one else will bother with it ... then I'll do it. Everyone needs a
purpose. This is mine.
He never teases me. He sweatdrops and gets that cute little "ano ... " look, but he
never teases me or yells. That's one of the reasons I like him. He's ... nice. Even if he
Xellos does his oh so subtle pop in. I never noticed how often he does that. Or how
often he does it behind Zel. I smile to myself. I was the only one who noticed him. I
suppress a grin when I see what he's up to and try to warn Zel. It's only fair after all. I
almost smile when I'm too late. Of course, now Zel is trying to kill Xellos for yanking his
hood down. I frown. I know Xellos likes to be hurt, but I want to be the one
who makes him smile like that, not Zelgadis or Firia. Lina stops Zel by her usual blunt
methods. Yelling at him and then yanking him back into his seat. He takes it of course, he
takes a lot from Lina. But I know he loves her so it's really not that unexpected. I rivet
my attention to Xellos even though it looks like I'm staring at Zel. And even if Xellos is
being beaten into the floor by Firia.
He's cute when he's being smacked around. Mainly 'cause I know he likes it a lot. Which
is why he keeps annoying them and annoying them and annoying them ... I suppress a giggle.
He must have done something scary for Firia to back up like that. He's cute doing that, too.
I'm not afraid of him, I don't know why everyone else is. Well ... not everyone. I know
Zelgadis is wary of him, but never afraid per se. I glance down at my hands. If Xellos knew
I liked him, what would he do? Smile and laugh? Look scary? Maybe ... maybe ... like me
back? Probably not. I'm too "good" for him. Too justice. I could give it up though, join
him, let him make me a Mazoku like Garv made Valgarv ... he could become my purpose ... but
would he want me?
Xellos smiled and pressed his nose to the staff, making a funny looking squashed face.
Amelia is very interesting to watch when she ponders. I never know what she could be