Me: Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away....
Xeros: ^_^** Um, Alyson-chan? That's Star Wars.
Me: ^^* Whoops! Sorry.
Zel: This is stupid.
Me: ignoring him Ok. Once upon a time, there lived a man named Rezo. Now Rezo was a widower with only one son of a son, named Zelgadis. So, with a lack of genie pigs, he tried out all sorts of new magic on his one and only grandson/great-grandson, resulting in an accident that gave Zel blue rocks for skin.
Zel: Thanks a lot, granddad/great-grandad.
Me: Before Rezo could undo the damage that had been done, he keeled over from a massive power influx.
Rezo: croak
Me: Now, it just so happened that Rezo had remarried that very day to a young woman named, um..... thinking
Xeros: ^_^
Me: Xerana! Xerana also had two children from her first marriage, named Filia and Valgarv.
Xeros: You mean my new husband died before we even got a honeymoon?! Damn, and I was so looking forward to a week in the Bahamas.
Zel: Fruitcake.
Val: I don't wanna be &*%^$#@ here! This is *&%^%# stupid!
Xeros: Now now, Val-chan. Is that any way to talk?
Val: *&^&$%^%$^%$#$%#$#@$@$#!!
Filia: So, what should we do with the chimera? We can't just let him claim all of Rezo-san's legacy.... Wait! Wait! Wait! I sound evil! I'm not evil!
Me: For this fic, you are. Now, shut up unless you're given a cue. Anyway.... In order to keep Zelgadis from claiming the magical legacy that was handed down by Rezo, the newbies put the chimera to work.
Xeros: Mop the floor, sweep the kitchen, clean out the stables, wash the dishes.....
Filia: Polish my mace, clean my head ornament, fix me tea, mend my dresses...
Val: *&^^$#$%^*&(*&((&*%$%^$%&^%&(*^&*^&**.
Zel: Do you want that done this afternoon?
Val: &*^%^$.
Me: Over a period of several years, the chimera soon gained the nickname Cinderchimera due to the fact that he always came away covered in cinders from cleaning out the chimnies.
Zel: Are you aware that you can't spell?
Me: That's why I have proofreaders.
Zel: Oh.
Me: Meanwhile, in the royal castle, the Crown Prince was not happy.
Phil: I tell you, my daughter is growing up to be such a lovely young lady! It's high time she met a man, got married, and settled down!
Syl: I personally think you're trying to rush something that can't be rushed.
Phil: Geez, Sylphiel, Amelia is 15 years old, and all she does is go out riding on her horse to hunt down bandits. It's time she took up some responsibility!
Syl: Well, she is furthering your cause of justice, you know.
Phil: ignoring her The question is, how can we arrange it so she meets lots of eligible young men? Ah-hah! I've got it! We'll throw a royal ball!!
Syl: A what?
Phil: A royal ball, a week from today! We'll send out invitations to all the houses that have eligible young men tonight!
Syl: TONIGHT???!!!
Phil: I trust you can handle this.
Syl: sigh Yes, your highness. bows out
Me: Back at Cinderchimera's house.....
Zel: I can't believe I have to &^%$ do this ^&^$#*&*(&&^%&^%.
Xeros: Tsk tsk, language!
Me: At that time, the doorbell rang. Valgarv, seeing the royal livery of the messenger outside, answered the door before Zel could get to it.
Val: taking the message, reading it, then giving Alyson an imploring look I don't have to do this, do I?
Me: folding arms Yep.
Val: &^%^%$#$%! takes a deep breath, and starts to jump around with his hands fisted under his chin Mommy! Mommy! It's a royal ball! May go? Please, please, please!
Xeros: patting Val on the head, being wary of the horn You're so cute! Of course you can, Val-chan!
Val: Oh, thank you, mommy! giving Alyson a Look
Filia: walking down the stairs Oh, a royal ball? May I go too, choke Mommy?
Xeros: I don't see why not. After all, it's addressed to all the houses that have eligible men. We just might find a husband for you, my dear!
Filia: looking at Val, then looking away Sure.
Zel: to Alyson Wait a minute! That's incest, right?
Me: Nope. They're adopted from two different families. They just don't know it yet.
Xeros: I knew you would find a way to work around that.
Me: Thanks. Now say your lines, Zel.
Zel: siiiigh Then that means I can go, too.
Me: More enthusiasm, please!
Zel: glare
Me: You want to finish, this, don't you?
Zel: jumping around Then, that means I can go, too!!
Xeros, Val, and Filia: YOU? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Xeros: Cinderchimera, have you even looked in a mirror recently? You're covered in soot, you have nothing to wear, and you have no legacy.
Zel: *&%^%#!
Xeros: Now now, none of that. I want you to help Filia-chan and Val-chan get ready for the ball.
Zel: Damn.
Me: The days flew by as Zel helped his two evil step siblings get themselves ready for the ball. Filia and Val's hair was brushed until it shone, brand new clothes were made up for them, and new shoes were broken in. By the time the ball rolled around, Filia and Val looked like a million dollars.
Val: in standard black tuxedo, minus the headband ^&%^%##@ Filia! You look &^%%$#%#%^&%&*^ nice!
Filia: in blue dress that matches her eyes perfectly Thank you, Valgarv.
Xeros: Children, no flirting now!
Filia and Val: blush
Xeros: Cinderchimera, be sure to turn off the lights after we've gone.
Zel: Yeah, yeah.
Me: And with that, the step people left, leaving poor Cinderchimera alone in the house, with no one to talk to, and no ball to go to.
Zel: Thank L-sama!
Me: Zeeeellllll.......
Zel: grumble grumble All I wanted was to go to the ball, and now I'm stuck here by myself with nothing and no one for company! Not even the rats!
Me: And with that, we will go to a commercial break.
Gourry's sitting on an old, fallen log, next to a crystal clear blue lake. He looks like he's just relaxing and enjoying the scenery, a peaceful look on his face. Lina soon joins him, sitting down next to him on the log.
"Gourry?" Lina asks.
"Hmmm?" Gourry replies, turning to look at her.
"It's just that, well, we've really been through a lot together, and I just wanted to say, well, I love you man!"
Gourry blinks at Lina for a few minutes, before calmly turning his attention back to the view, saying, "I'm sorry, Lina, but you're not getting my Sword of Light."
"Damn," Lina says, and turns her attention to the view, as well.
Me: We're back! When we left, Cinderchimera was bemoaning the fact that he had been left behind....
Zel: Why, oh why couldn't I have gone to the ball?!!
Me: Cinderchimera wandered around the large, empty house, making sure to cut off all the lights so that the house didn't burn down. When he was finished, he found himself standing outside next to the large goldfish pond that his grandfather/great-grandfather had tossed him into one day to see if he could swim. There, he collapsed to his knees in misery.
Zel: I am not going to cry.
Me: Since Cinderchimera was so miserable, he failed to notice the two golden lights that were dancing around, trying to get his attention. Finally, the smaller of the two got annoyed, and vanished, only to reappear as a red headed sorceress with iridescent wings on her back.
Lina: You forgot the lovely, all powerful part.
Me: sweat drop The fiery redhead tried to get Cinderchimera's attention, but it still wasn't doing any good.
Lina: Hey, you!
Zel: Oh woe is me!
Lina: raises an eyebrow, and smacks Zel over the head with her wand HEY!
Zel: rubbing his head What? blink blink Who are you?
Lina: I'm your fairy... pauses as the other golden light comes to hover by her ear What? YOU JELLYFISH!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FORGOT HOW TO TURN INTO YOUR HUMAN FORM!
Me: In a fit of temper, Lina grabs the golden light, and throws it into the trunk of a tree, where it makes a rather loud thudding noise. A few seconds later a large blond man with wings like Lina's appeared sitting at the base of the tree, rubbing his head.
Gourry: Owww!
Lina: I can't BELIEVE that you're the holder of the Wand of Light! Wait, WAND OF LIGHT?!?!
Me: Just continue already!
Lina: All right! All right! Greetings, Cinderchimera! I'm your fairy sorceress, Lina Inverse!
Gourry: And I'm Gourry, her bodyguard!
Lina: hitting him on the head You're my assistant, remember?!
Gourry: rubbing head again Oh yeah.
Lina: Anyway, I'm here to give you what you desire!
Zel: You'll cure me?!
Lina: sweatdrop Um, no. I'll help you get to the ball.
Zel: *&^$^##$^%*&^%*&^&.
Lina: Ok, Gourry! Do your stuff!
Zel: I thought YOU were going to do this!
Lina: He's learning, so I have to let him get in some practice.
Zel: I'm doomed.
Gourry: Uh, how does this go, Bitty boppy bang? waves the Wand of Light, which looks like the Sword of Light only it has a star as the blade instead of a true blade. POOOF! Zel is clad in that cute blue dress from NEXT
Zel: AHHHH!
Gourry: Oops. Ummm, Bappy Wappy Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? POOF! Zel's now in that white rabbit costume
Zel: very calmly This is not funny.
Lina: Geez, Gourry. Let me handle this.
Gourry: scratching the back of his head Ok, Lina.
Lina: waving wand Alakazam!!! POOF! Zel is now in a black tux, and man, does he look good!
Zel: inspecting outfit Hey, not bad!
Lina: Now you may go to the ball, but remember, the spell wears off at midnight.
Zel: Ok, but how am I supposed to get there?
Lina: blinks, and looks around, spotting Gourry gazing in awe at a large Luna Moth that was sitting on his finger GOURRY!!!
Gourry: jumping What???
Lina: You were supposed to be getting transportation for Zel, you jellyfish!
Gourry: Oh, um, oops. Here. hands Lina the moth
Lina: It's a moth.
Gourry: No no, use it for Zel's transportation!
Me: Lina sighed, but decided that it was worth a shot. Casting another of her powerful spells, she changed the moth into a beautiful white horse with a flowing golden mane and tail.
Gourry: Can Zel even ride?
Me: He's about to get a, um, crash course.
Zel: Very funny. climbs up on the horse, and gushes Oh, thank you, fairy sorceress!!! Now my dreams can come true! to Alyson That was pathetic.
Me: snicker I thought it was funny. Anyway, Cinderchimera set off for the castle, while behind him Lina and Gourry clasped hands and vanished. Meanwhile, at the ball, Princess Amelia isn't very thrilled.
Amelia: leaning her chin on her hand and gazing around the ballroom, bored I can't believe Daddy would do something like this! It's so unjust, trying to force me to choose the person I want to marry before I even get a chance to say hello to them.
Sylphiel: in royal announcer mode Announcing Xerana Metallium and her two children, Filia and Valgarv Metallium.
Phil: whispers in Sylphiel's ear I thought this was supposed to be an eligible man ball only.
Sylphiel: whispers back Well, like the Metalliums, a lot of the houses had eligible daughters, too, and thought this would be a good chance to find suitable husbands for them.
Phil: Oh.
Xeros: approaching the throne and bowing It's an honor to meet your majesties. May I present my son, Valgarv who's currently giving Filia looks and my daughter, Filia who's blushing and trying to ignore Val's looks.
Phil: I must commend you on your family, Mrs. Metallium. Your daughter in particular looks like you.
Filia: gag I DO NOT LOOK LIKE THAT RAW GARBAGE!!
Xeros: twitch
Me: grabbing Filia, and hissing Filia, it's part of the story! Now shut up. Got it?
Filia: grumble
Xeros: still twitching slightly, but not missing a beat Really? I'm surprised, your highness, because both my children were adopted from separate families.
Filia and Val: jump, and stare at each other with wide eyes What?
Phil: Ahh, you did an excellent job raising them.
Xeros: bowing out Thank you, your majesty.
Me: Just when it seemed that everyone had been introduced, a new figure appeared, standing at the head of the stairs. You guessed it, it was Cinderchimera.
Sylphiel: running up to him Quick, sir, what is your name?
Zel: figuring he has nothing to lose Zelgadis Greywyrs.
Sylphiel: Announcing Zelgadis Grewyrs.
Amelia: standing up Oh wow, he's so elegant and mysterious looking! walks up to Zel and holds out her hand Hello, I'm Amelia.
Zel: blinks and takes her hand, bowing over it Pleasure to meet you, m'lady. thinking to himself Wow, Amelia looks pretty cute dressed up like this.....
Amelia: shy smile Would you like to dance?
Zel: It would be an honor.
Me: Once the Princess and the late comer began to dance, the rest of the people paired up and began dancing as well.
Val: dancing with Filia You know, Filia, I'm glad that we're not related.
Filia: Why is that, Val? I'm just glad we're not related to that fruitcake.
Val: downcast But, Filia... I've, well, loved you for several years now. I always had a feeling we weren't related, and now that I find out we're not, well.....
Filia: blushing You...you love me?
Val: nodding
Filia: hugging Val I love you too! Let's get out of here!
Val: Ok!
Me: Everyone continued dancing, ignoring the flashing golden and red lights that quickly disappeared to reveal two dragons flying away from the castle.
Xeros: Well, guess my family has been split up now. Oh, pooh. watches as Zel dances by with Amelia You know, he looks an awful lot like Cinderchimera. ... Nah.
Me: Cinderchimera and the Princess continued to dance all night, stopping occasionally to talk or, in the Princess's case, to get something to eat. They eventually found themselves outside on one of the many balconies of the palace.
Amelia: shyly I've really enjoyed our time together, Zelgadis-san.
Zel: Yeah, me too, princess.
Amelia: Would you ... consider staying at the palace for a while? Please?
Zel: turning to look at her I ... looks startled as the bell begins to toll the midnight hour I have to go!!!
Amelia: Zelgadis-san, wait!!
Me: Cinderchimera ran through the ballroom, out the front door, down the stairs, and to his horse. He was halfway home when he realized that he only had one boot on his foot, and he didn't have time to go back to get his other boot, either.
Zel: Damn! They were a good pair, too.
Me: Ahem. Cinderchimera had just reached the courtyard of his home when the bell tolled the final stroke of midnight. His horse turned back into a moth, which he promptly squashed when he fall down on top of it.
Zel: grumble, grump This is still stupid.
Me: At the palace, Amelia searched for Zelgadis, but to no avail. The only thing of his that she found was his missing boot, which had been laying on the front staircase.
Amelia: holding the boot Oh, Zelgadis-san, I'll find you again.
Me: The next day, Princess Amelia let it be known that whoever could fit into the lone boot that had been left, literally, on her doorstep would be allowed to come and live in the castle.
Amelia: dreamy And hopefully get married someday......
Me: Prince Phil, overjoyed that his daughter had possibly, finally, chosen whom she wanted to marry, sent Sylphiel out with the boot to go from door to door of every house in the land. Many men tried on the boot, but none could fit it perfectly. It was either too small or too large, give or take a few.
Xeros: A few what? Inches?
Me: That's a secret. Finally, Sylphiel came to the house of Cinderchimera and his step-mother.
Sylphiel: Open up in the name of the Crown Prince!
Xeros: opening door Why, hello there! What can I do for you?
Sylphiel: By order of his Majesty, the Crown Prince Philionel de Saillune, I am to allow every available man in your house to try on this boot and see if it fits.
Xeros: sitting down and sticking out his foot I'm ready to try it on!
Sylphiel: sweatdrop But you're a woman. The order says every man.
Xeros: standing up and removing his dress But I'm a man!
Me: And indeed he was, as he stood there clad only in boxers.....
Xeros: pout But I usually go bum to the breeze!
Me: Look, this is a, er, sort of a family friendly fic, and there is no nudity, got it?
Xeros: grumble
Me: sigh Sylphiel, quite flustered by these events, allowed Xeros to try on the boot, and....
Xeros: It fits!!!
Sylphiel: Does not. It's too large.
Xeros: Damn.
Me: At this point, Cinderchimera came into the room, carrying a tea tray. When he noticed that his step mother had become his step father, he was very surprised.
Zel: I won't do this!!!
Me: Oh yes you will.
Zel: Nope, nope, nope!!!
Me: I learned that Barnacle spell from Lina, you know......
Zel: Okay, okay!!! taking a deep breath and throwing the tea tray into the air EEEEEKKKK!!!!
Xeros: Ouch! Never knew you had lungs like that, Cinderchimera!
Sylphiel: Oh, an eligible man!! Sir, if you will, please try this boot on.. yanks boot off Xeros's foot, and holds it out to Zel
Zel: Hey, where did you find that? I thought I had lost it.
Sylphiel: You mean it's YOUR boot? Oh joy!!!
Zel: putting boot on Yeah.
Me: Cinderchimera put the boot on and, as everyone knows, it fit perfectly. As soon as the boot touched his skin, he was surrounded by golden light, and when the light disappeared, he was clad in a very pink dress....
Zel: AHHHHH!!!
Lina's voice: GOURRY!! I TOLD YOU THAT WAS THE WRONG SPELL!!!
Gourry's voice: Whoops.
Me: A few seconds and more lights later, Zel was once again clad in that hot black tuxedo number. He returned to the palace with Sylphiel, where he was reunited with the princess. They became the best of friends, and a year later got married, much to the enjoyment of the kingdom. Val and Filia explored the world together, collecting various types of maces and vases, while Xeros turned the old mansion into an oddity shop, which became very popular. Lina became one of the most powerful fairy sorceresses around, with Gourry there to help keep her on her toes. I hear he was responsible for the shrinking of seven men who eventually became known as the seven dwarves. And they all lived happily every after.
Zel: Thank L-sama that's over with!
Amelia: I thought it was fun!
Lina: chasing Gourry Come on, Gourry!! Please give me the Wand of Light!
Gourry: No!! It's a family treasure!!
Filia: I can't believe you had me related to that Raw Garbage!!
Xeros: Well, I didn't want to be related to two violent dragons, either!
Val: *&^&^$^%$&*^^%%$#^&*^%@!!!!!!!
Filia: Yeah! starts to chase Xeros around, with Val close behind her
Me: And thus the Slayers Gang remains the same. winces at the sound of an explosion Anyone have any Excedrin?