Not mine. This is in response to Libby-chan's challenge. I had fun writing this, one of my weirder, and more disjointed, moments. ^_^
The Slayers gang was tired. Very tired, and also incredibly cranky and ill tempered. Well, a certain red haired sorceress was ill tempered and cranky, the others just tried to ignore her or head off her temper with badly timed questions.
"FOR THE LAST TIME, GOURRY, WE CAN'T HAVE STEAK FOR DINNER TONIGHT!"
"Why not?" the swordsman asked.
"Because every town that has any form of steak is over three hours from here, and it's already getting dark! We're just going to have to have something like fish for dinner," Lina replied, looking very cross.
Unbeknownst to the group, two small creatures were watching their argument underneath a pile of leaves.
"I hope they don't decide on turtle soup," said the tortoise to the snail.
"I just hope they don't find out that we're here, period," the snail murmered back.
"Let's see, I wonder where the river is," Lina muttered as she began to walk around the clearing where the group had decided to settle in for the night. She had just passed a rather strange looking bolder when a deep voice said, "Don't ask me, I'm stone, remember?"
"Huh?" Lina spun around to see if Zel had somehow sneaked up on her, but she didn't see him. Turning her head, she spotted him standing next to Amelia, discussing something. Furrowing her brow, she walked over to the two and asked, "Zel, did you just sneak up on me, tell me that you were made of stone, and then sneak back over here?"
"No," Zel replied, giving Lina a funny look.
Amelia gazed at Lina and put her hand on her forehead to see if she had a fever. "Zelgadis-san has been here the whole time, Lina-san. Are you feeling all right?"
"I'm fine," Lina said irritably, and stalked back over to where she had heard the voice. She was going to get to the bottom of this, damnit! Once she reached the exact spot where she had heard the voice, she said aloud, "Now, I wonder where the river is."
"I told you not to ask me that," the voice said again, and this time Lina spun in it's direction and found herself gazing at .... the strangly shaped boulder.
Lina eyed the boulder closely, and slowly began to make out the fact that the bolder appeared to have eyes, a nose, and a mouth, and was gazing at her with a very cross expression on its face.
"Nani?!" Lina gaped.
"Don't tell me," the "bolder" said, "But you've ever seen a stone spirit before, have you?"
"Um, no, I haven't," Lina replied, staring at the "boulder," noticing a couple of small, prefectly round rocks laying near by. Her curiosity was caught because a strong power was radiating from the stones.
"Well then, I'm not going to waste my time explaining my existance to you ...," the boulder trailed off when he noticed that Lina was holding the two round rocks, examining them closely. "GIVE ME BACK MY BALLS, YOU DAMN VIRGIN!" he roared.
Lina screeched and flung the stones at the boulder, then, realizing that she was acting like a ninny, she pointed her hands at the spirit, yelled "DAMU BRAS!" and calmly walked away from the newly formed pile of rubble.
"Lina, why did you blow that boulder up?" Gourry asked as she walked back into the campsite. She noticed that he was holding a long pole out to her, and she took it from him.
"It was getting on my nerves," she said dismissively. Zel and Amelia gave her yet another funny look, and she smiled cutely at them.
"I made this pole for you," Gourry said, pointing to the fishing pole. "I found the river not to far from here. I thought maybe if both of us fished, we could catch dinner faster."
"Good idea, Gourry, let's go," Lina smiled and followed Gourry to the river, leaving Zel and Amelia behind to keep an eye on the campsite.
"Lina-san's acting awfully strange," Amelia commented as she walked over to sit on a fallen log.
"What do you mean?" Zel asked, leaning against a tree and folding his arms across his chest.
"Well, this is the first time I've seen both her and Gourry-san fishing. Usually only Lina-san does the fishing."
"Well, why should Gourry fish with Lina? They did it in Blazing Saddles!" Zel responded.
"What? What's Blazing Saddles?" Amelia asked, looking confused.
"I don't know, I just felt like saying that," Zel replied, then got a funny look on his face and began to look around suspiciously.
"What is it, Zelgadis-san?" Amelia asked.
"I'm not sure, but I feel like there's a fanfic author out there somewhere, and they're watching us. We usually don't say or act strangely unless we're being manipulated by one of those horrors," Zel replied.
"You're right! We better tell Lina-san and Gourry-san when they get back!" Amelia exclaimed.
Shortly there after, Lina and Gourry returned to the clearing with a HUGE pile of fish, which they proceeded to set up on the small fire and let them cook, while Zelgadis told them about his fanfic author suspicion.
"Oh, come on, Zel, don't you think you're being a little paranoid?" Lina asked while watching the fish.
"I can't help it," Zel replied. "I mean, whenever one of those .... things .... starts to write, I begin to act like either Xelloss, or Volun."
"How do you know about Volun?" Lina asked, while Gourry suddenly paled.
"Amelia told me about it."
"Oh."
"Say, Lina," Amelia began, remembering something, "Can I ask a question?"
"What's that, Amelia?"
"Well, why did we leave the inn in such a hurry?"
Zelgadis suddenly turned a bright shade of purple as Lina shot him a heat filled look of anger. "It's because Zel here broke his bed, and in order to keep from getting slapped with having to pay for it, I figured it was best to leave as early as possible."
"Zel, you broke the bed??" Amelia asked, surprise causing her to use his nick name with the honorary "san."
"It's not my fault I weigh half a ton!" Zel protested.
"What were you DOING?!" Amelia asked.
"Um ...," Zel said, and mumbled something that was barely audible.
"What?" Amelia asked.
"I said I was trying to kill a fly that was on the ceiling," Zel said louder.
"A fly?!"
"Yeah, I hate it when I'm trying to sleep and I hear one buzzing around my head or anywhere in the room. I do have super sensitve hearing, you know," Zel explained.
"And you were jumping on your bed trying to read it. Nice going, Zel," Lina said grumpily.
Gourry, on the other hand, was paying no attention to the conversation going on around him. He was staring intently at the hilt of his sword, when he suddenly said, "Pika Pika."
"What?!" everyone asked, face faulting.
"Look, it's written here on my sword," Gourry said, pointing. Sure enough, the words pika pika were scibbled across the hilt of his sword in childish scrawl.
"Maybe you wrote it when you were younger," Amelia said.
"I don't know, I don't remember," Gourry replied.
"You never remember anything!" Lina yelled, smacking Gourry upside the head.
Zel sighed, and said, "Well, I for one plan on eating dinner and going to bed."
"Me too," Amelia agreed. "This night has just been way weird."
The other two members of the group all nodded, and turned their attention to their food, not noticing the tortios and the snail that slowly moved out from under the leaves and away from the campfire, intent on finishing the race that had been so rudely interrupted.