"There have been less stable moments with him since he came here three days ago, and now there seems to be long periods of hysteria or fits during most of the day. We fear that the psychological end of the problem is far worse than the physical wound. At this point, Filia, we have no other choice but to advise you to - "
"Listen to me, and listen to me well. No matter what you or any other doctor says, I'm not going to lock him up in a goddamn asylum somewhere! I'm not sending him away! I'm not letting him out of my sight!" Filia shouted back, tears of anger forming at the corners of her eyes. Sobbing, she dropped her face into her trembling hands. "I'm sorry... I don't even know what I'm saying..."
"It's all right. I understand what you must be going through." The doctor sat down beside her on the couch and put a supporting hand on her shoulder. "We'll take of Valteria's wound, but after that it is up to you to help him. Perhaps just letting him see a psychiatrist will do." He advised.
"I just don't understand," Filia sniffled, "I just went out to see his teacher... I just left him for an hour, and..."
"It happens, it happens. You never know what sort of people are out there, even though we Karyuoh seem to have some strange notion that we're all in perfect peace together." The doctor stroked his short beard in thought. "Was Valteria threatened by anyone before this happened?"
"Oh, Kami-sama, I don't know... He's been having a very hard time lately. You see, I had to tell him that I adopted him recently, just before he started school. He's had a very hard time accepting it... He's come home roughed up from being bullied a few times, but nothing like this!"
"Ah, so he has been going through some difficult times then," he paused. "Filia, I hate to ask, but do you think that Valteria might have stabbed himself? Tried to commit suicide by any chance?"
"Oh, fuck you! Sixty doctors here and of all your bullshit, you tell me - " She broke into another violent sob as the doctor pulled her close and rocked her gently from side to side, trying to soothe her in her state of confusion. "I should have just healed him at home with my own magic, but I couldn't help feeling that I should of..."
"We'll investigate the situation the best we can. I promise. In the meantime, I think you need some rest. You ought to go home and get some sleep, my dear. You're a rather sorry sight."
That was true. Her graceful, blonde hair became matted and dirty after many days without bathing, making her body also emit an ill stench as well as her clothes. Blotches of gray had formed beneath her eyes in their strain for sleep during those long nights in the hospital.
But still, she would sit for hours beside Valteria's bed to help calm and comfort her child in his states of hysteria while the doctors examined him. His screaming had nearly deafened her over the last three days. It had caused many painful headaches, and along with it, more worry. She declared that she would never be able to sleep until she was sure he was better and safe. The long periods of consciousness caused dizzy spells and weakened her into a state of pure exhaustion. No matter what she did, it took a sleeping spell or a large dosage of tranquilizer to sedate him, which they often had to do during the intense fits.
"When he goes to sleep and I know he'll be alright for the night, then I will return home to sleep," Filia whispered. "Let me see him now, please."
The doctor drew in a deep breath.
"I didn't want you to see him the way he is right now, but if you insist..." He spoke as he stood up from the couch, quietly leading Filia to the door. She stayed close behind, making sure that he couldn't change his mind and prevent her from seeing Valteria.
He slowly turned the doorknob and stepped into the familiar white hospital room. Filia had spent so many long hours in the dreaded room that it strained her eyes to look at it once again. The curtains were securely shut on the window towards the back of the room, shutting out the light of the drifting sunset that Valteria had loved so much to watch. His bed sat close beside it. It was large and wide, with sheets of pure white silk.
She watched in horror as she saw Valteria struggling madly in the sheets, writhing beneath the strong hold of Grabos's arms, restraining him down. Jiras sat close by, trying to speak to the child in a soothing voice. But to no avail, Valteria was screaming so loudly that he could hear nothing but his own quivering voice, leaving Jiras's words of reasoning unheard.
A nurse stood at the other side of the bed with an empty syringe in hand, face twisted with worry. She hastily exited the room, urgently passing the doctor and Filia to fetch more medicine.
"Stop! Stop! Don't kill me! Keep him away from me! He's come back to kill me! He wants his revenge now! Someone stop him! Garv-sama! Great Garv-sama, help me! Please - " Valteria's eyes widened in unexplainable fear as he arched his back, disclosing a swollen, bulging throat. His vocal cords strained in another violent scream, so loud that it threatened to tear his insides apart. His body tensed as a mass of vomit and blood came pouring from the back of his throat, dribbling at the sides of his mouth down his chin.
"Oh, God..." Filia gasped, placing her white-gloved hand over her lips in disbelief.
The nurse hurried back in with the syringe full of an odd looking liquid. She ignored the foul stench of the vomit on the sheets as she approached the bed, and injected the medicine into his left arm and withdrew when it was completely drained. He struggled and screamed for a minute or two more before he finally collapsed into a state of unconsciousness, muttering something incomprehensible in his sleep.
"What is happening to him?" Grabos demanded as he withdrew his strong hands from Valteria's arms, exposing where his claws had unintentionally scratched them.
"There seems to be some unstable nerves in the brain after this traumatizing incident. I don't think there is much more we can do for him now that the scar on his chest is completely healed." The nurse said gently as she replaced the bedding with clean sheets. "We're having trouble controlling him now. This afternoon we even had to resort to restraining straps until the tranquilizers sedated him." She closed her eyes in thought. "Filia, I regret to say that we must ask you to withdraw Valteria from this hospital. We are not here for psychiatric help, understand?"
"Won't anyone help me?" Filia yelled back as more tears ran wildly down her cheeks.
"I have told you what to do and you are the one who will not face the reality of what must be done. We trust you to make the right decision." With that, the doctor left with the lovely nurse at his side back to the waiting room.
"Something's not right..." Jiras closed his eyes as if in deep concentration.
"What do you mean?" She asked as she wiped her tears away and sat at the chair beside the bedside. She placed a comforting hand on the sleeping Valteria's.
"He said the name Garv-sama," the fox answered. "And Grabos and I found a note on the kitchen table after you took Valteria-kun to the hospital. The note had the word 'die' written on it in large, red letters."
"So it's unlikely that he tried to kill himself. Someone else must have been in there to do it," Grabos concluded after his friend spoke.
"He said Garv-sama..." Filia whispered to herself, ignoring what was last said. Both creatures nodded. She shook her head in complete terror, her eyes ripped between fear and confusion. "Where did he hear that? It can't possibly be that he remembers... Oh, God, what is happening to my baby?" She wept again. Her vision blurred into mosque images from the tears. "I can't deal with all this at once right now... It's too much... I just can't..." Her voice drifted off as her eyes began to pull themselves shut. Even though she fought against her body's will, she fell into a deep sleep over the unconscious Valteria.
"I would like to congratulate you on the completion of your training. You make me proud, Valgarv. Truly," my Master praised me, his head held high with pride. "I cannot believe how quickly you were able to learn Mazoku techniques when you're a half-breed. Well done indeed."
"Thank you, Master. I am honored." I smiled my one true sincere smile. "But there is still so much for me to learn from you."
"Ah yes, so true. We have our work cut out for us." He brushed away a lock of my aquamarine hair away from my eyes. "Though I honestly don't think it will be long with your quick improvement."
"I can't become overconfident," I said as I pulled my black bandanna around my forehead. "Were you not the one who told me that that was the Mazoku's greatest flaw? Always becoming too confident and underestimating their opponents?" I snickered knowingly.
"I did say that didn't I? Reality can be harsh."
"Very."
I sighed as I turned my thoughts back to the past few months of being with my Garv-sama. The winter season had slowly set in just as I completed my Mazoku training in the Mystical Mountains to the west. The training had been long and difficult. It took a great deal of time (even though my Garv-sama repeatedly praised me of my great speed) to learn the many spells and hidden fighting techniques of the Mazoku race. Never once did I imagine them to be so complicated!
I felt lucky to have such a cordial Master. He had always been there to comfort me when I was injured in the course of my lessons (which happened quite often). He also seemed to have changed his mind about putting me through the other part of Mazoku training... That thought made me shiver. I had always known how sadistic and masochistic the species could be, but when I saw Xelloss and his Master, Xellass, pleasuring each other with pain, I became confused.
Garv-sama would have felt completely disgraced with me if he ever found out what I was really doing during those long nights when I claimed I was going out for a walk to gather my thoughts. In truth, I would sneak into the Beastmaster's fortress and gaze at her for hours, enchanted by her unexplainable beauty. I was also hoping to discover more information about Xelloss's most recent assignment of watching over Lina Inverse, but to my dismay, there was none.
But I still feel my sin in watching the two enemies of my Master in secret without order...
My Master and I returned to our fortress, content with my new battle experience after four months of non-stop lessons in training. And yet we were still unsure of all my abilities welded up inside of me, hidden. There was still much for me to learn in the ways of Mazoku culture and their systems of ranking. I had to be well educated in their history if I was ever to even have a small hope of defeating Xelloss...
That was another problem... Garv-sama was far too intent on setting me up for battle with his rival's companion. I had hoped, prayed that he would have forgotten it since the early challenge that was given just as I had been thrown into my state of monstrosity. Xelloss far exceeded me in both magic and combat skills, which was purely obvious. His masochism gave him a way to openly accept pain. When I saw the way Xellass handcuffed him and savagely beat him with her whip, I knew that he could easily deal with any pain I cast upon him.
But I cannot disappoint my Master at the rightful time of our battle. My Master, my savior, my Garv-sama...
He grinned at me in a secret kind of way as he sat beside me at the fireplace, breaking me away from my thoughts. He stroked my hair affectionately, and a strong wave of guilt struck me. How can I be so dishonorable to the once who brought me back from the flames of Hell and gave me another chance at life? I am not worthy as one as great as Garv-sama.
"I feel as though I've gotten my own son, you know?" His voice was soft, caring.
"You have been so kind to me..." I found my voice slightly tearful. "I am of no use, and yet you still disobeyed Mazoku law to make me into one of your world. I do not understand..."
"You will, in time. You will know perfectly why," he replied secretly.
"But I want to know now!" I continued to insist.
"Be patient, my child of darkness. Be patient."
"Garv-sama..." Valteria mumbled softly as the cascade of tears formed in his sleeping eyes, running down his babyflesh cheeks. "Garv-sama..."
Filia lazily lifted her beautiful, blue eyes open. They felt incredibly heavy. From where her head laid, partially on Valteria's chest, she saw Jiras and Grabos at the opposite side of the bed, both lightly napping, their tiny dagger-like fangs sticking out from the sides of their snoring mouths. She longingly shifted her gaze out the window, watching the assortment of colors in the sunrise smear together. The sky looked unusually valiant and proud for the coming of the new day. Morning already? The night of sleep had done her good.
Her body ached as she forced it up from Valteria's sleeping body. She looked down upon his tear-filled eyes with an affectionate expression. Her face glided close to his, gently kissing the tears away.
The red fox snarled threateningly at me.
I stepped through the flames of devastation, trying to ignore the hideous bodies of the dead foxes surrounding me. Because as I first looked down upon the battlegrounds, I found the bodies of the race sprung about, their eyes rolled back into their sockets so that only the whites were exposed, and their mouths were agape with arrows slicing through them. I felt my foot step into a pool of blood. It was undoubtedly the sign or war between the red foxes and an opposing species. So childish and pointless... I understand that about battle now. It reminded me so of the war between my own kind and the Karyuoh so many centuries ago... Before I was confined to loneliness.
A young fox sat before me, badly injured, but living. Blood came down from his right eye socket where it had been torn out, and his fur was matted down with the flow of blood coming from his shoulder. An arrow was stuck squarely there. He screamed in pain, his body tensing against the burning.
I approached him with understanding eyes, knowing all too well what the pain felt like. Although he gave me a menacing look, I cautiously brought my arm forward and removed the arrow from his flesh. He fell over, trembling as more pain befell him, and I merely watched, giving him an assuring look.
"I'll help you. You're going to live," I promised as I softly petted his fur.
He did not know then how much I understood, so unknowing.
My companion to follow, Grabos, was brought to me in the same way. I found him after a horrifying battle between his own people. He looked so helpless sitting there with blood leaking down from his lost eye. I knew then that he and Jiras were the same. And I was the same as them... Born from extinction.
"You don't want to die, do you?" I asked him as I stepped out of the shadows, exposing my form to him.
"It doesn't matter," he whispered with his remaining strength. And I remember saying those exact words. I know now that it does matter...
"Don't you want your revenge?" He looked up at me more curiously. "Join me and I'll help to heal you. You can show them all - show them how foolish they've been to fight each other without cause."
"Who are you?" He queried.
"I am called Valgarv."
They're both foolish servants and they're clumsy beyond belief, messing up even the simplest task I give them. They're hopeless and have more to learn than I can teach them. But when I look into those caring eyes of theirs, I begin to see them in a whole new way. A way that I believe is called friendship. I've never had any friends, not even when I was a full-blood Ancient Dragon. There has always been a part of me that closed me off from any kind of affections handed out to me. In fact, I don't think I even know what love is...
But in them I see a part of me that I never knew existed. A part of me that I don't even think was there when I was still with Garv-sama. After I had been born to the darkness, I destroyed part of myself - the dragon side of me, the real me. And I let myself... become one of them. My personality twisted towards the malicious darkness, to a place that I used to loathe. And I begin to wonder who I am, and if things will ever be the same, or be all right.
Sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror, and I think of every inch and corner of my mind, I can see a hallway filled with paintings. Paintings of children surrounded by blood, covering their eyes with their innocent little hands as they cry into the silence. They scream out to someone, something to save them from the devastation surrounding them, to save them from their state of insanity.
And there are other paintings, too. Ones of monsters and dragons tearing each other apart, killing without real cause. The wind howls against their broken wings like the piercing song of a demon. The twisting hollow of hell awaits them as they fall to the ground, staining it in the blood. Their lifeless eyes have a certain gleam to them, looking somewhat glassy as they look out at me through the shades of paint. Sometimes it's too much for me to take. It reminds me of the betrayal I made to my race, my kin, the very ones who trusted me.
But there is just one other drawing somewhere there inside of me, one that I don't understand. There on the canvas of the last painting of the wall, I see something far different from all the others. It's a girl, an angel. A lovely white silk dress flows around her perfect form, seeming to sparkle with its own light. A pair of long, feathered wings stretched out from her back. She is curled around something, I can't tell what, in such a position that it looks like she's protecting it.
Her face is beautiful too. She smiles at me as though she knows some kind of secret that I don't. Her blonde hair gleams like gold in the light surrounding her. She looks so... fragile, delicate. Sometimes I feel myself reaching out to her, fingering the canvas like it's real. I want to be able to touch this girl. I want her to see me. And I wonder if she's the one who is to save me.
Save me from what exactly? From the Mazoku? Or myself...? I can only wonder as I gaze into that mirror. No answers ever reply to my questions.
As I lie in the darkness here in my room, with Jiras snuggled up against me, his face smiling in his sleep, I feel so calm, so safe; the same way I felt when Garv-sama was still among the living. Grabos is at the other side of the room, snoring loudly in his sleep as usual. Arumeis sleeps in his own quarters separate from mine and has offered to give me a room apart from my two irritating animal companions. But somehow, I always find myself declining his generous offers. Perhaps I find as much comfort in them as they find from me.
But I can't sleep at all tonight. I'm wondering about her - the angel. Who is she? Does she have a name? Is she even real?
"Filia..."
The Karyuoh priestess slowly fluttered her pretty blue eyes open, meeting the childish pair of eyes looking back at her. Jiras and Grabos became still, watching the now awakened boy and adoptive mother with growing interest. Filia lifted her head out of the boy's lap where she had again drifted off to sleep, and watched him. An eerie silence fell over the room, a sudden coldness.
"I - I think I understand now..." Valteria finally whispered, his eyes never parting from hers. "Not all of it, but I think that I understand a little bit..."
"Valteria-chan..." Tears formed at the corners of her eyes as the child sat up in the bed, leaned up, and kissed her.
"I love you, Mother..."
"I love you, too... So, don't do this to me ever again. Let's go home and talk about it, just the four of us. Let's get out of this awful place already. I can't stand it here much longer," she sniffed, wiping her tears away with the back of her glove.
"Even I don't understand enough to tell you about it," Valteria admitted. "But I did learn something..."
"What's that?"
"It's you!" Valteria thought soundly to himself. "The angel in the painting was you!"
Chapter 5 | Fanfiction