Act Two-Scene One: The heart of the Daleen Woods. (Enter Xellos, who has a disappointed look on his face.)
Xellos: By L-Sama, is this day ever idle! Is there nothing that can entertain this poor Mazoku?
(Xelloss leans against a tree and sighs. Suddenly, he detects the distinctive sound of explosions in the distance.)
Xellos: Hmm ... that sounds promising!
(Xellos smirks before he teleports himself to the scene of th disturbance. Enter Rezo and Naga who are throwing various spells at one another.)
Naga: How naive you are, my Rezo, to think that you could keep me, Naga-Naga the White Serpent, from going to Zoina!
(Naga tips her head backwards and lets out a hideous laugh. Rezo doubles over and claps his hands over his ears.)
Rezo: Curse you and that sickening chortle of yours! I'm already blind ... I don't need to be deaf as well! I command you to stop this foolishness this instant!
Naga: Ah Hah Hahaa! How can I stop laughing when you are telling me such amusing jokes?
Rezo: Joking, am I? If that is what you are thinking, then you are sorely mistaken!
(Rezo launches a Fireball at Naga, which she dodges quite easily.)
Naga: You can try all you like, my Rezo, but you cannot keep me from attending Lina's Wedding!
(Naga throws an Icicle Lance at Rezo, and he bats it away with his starr. Meanwhile, Xellos is perched in a tree watching the spectacle, unnoticed by the hostile coupld.)
Rezo: I beg to differ with you, Lady Naga! I cannot and will not allow for you to go and advocate the marriage my only grandchild/great-grandchild and that quarrelsome sorceress! Besides, you weren't invited ...
Naga: Such fancy words cannot keep me from the sweet wedding reception that Lina is sure to have planned! I, the Great Naga, the most powerful, beautiful, and talented of all of Lina's rivals will not stand for it!
(Naga casts Zelas Gort on Rezo, and the Red Priest is entangled by the tentacles of a giant jellyfish. Naga exits, laughing all the way.)
Rezo: Zelas Gort? Of all the spells she could use against me, she chooses this? Figures ... (Rezo struggles with the creature briefly before blasting it to oblivion, then shakes his head.) Whatever possessed me to wed that hyena of a woman in the first place?
Xellos: ... Well, that's what happens when you play one of those drinking games! You either end up losing all your cash, or married to some woman you don't even know!
(Xellos somersaults out of the tree and lands square in front of Rezo.)
Rezo: Nice landing, Xellos. How would you like to help me teach my dear Lady Naga a lesson?
Xellos: What exactly do you have in mind?
Rezo: Lend me an ear and I'll tell you ...
(Rezo whispers into Xellos' ear, and the trickster priest instantly dons a devilish grin.)
Xellos: Excellent idea! I'll be back with that herb before you can say "Sore wa himitsu desu"!
(Xellos disappears.)
Rezo: Have fun, Xellos! But who is that I hear coming this way?
(Rezo conceals himself behind a rotted tree trunk. Enter Zelgadis and Amelia.)
Zelgadis: Good grief, Amelia! Didn't I tell you that I didn't want you following me like some lost puppy? I can find Lina and Gourry on my own.
Amelia: Why do you have to be so mean to me, Mr. Zelgadis? I'm only trying to ...
Zelgadis: What? Help me? Trust me, Amelia, your help I can do without! why don't you just turn around and go back to Zoina?
(Zelgadis exits.)
Amelia: Hey! Wait up Mr. Zelgadis!
(Amelia exits. Rezo emerges from his hiding spot and is smiling to himself. Re-enter Xellos.)
Xellos: I'm back and I found that 'Love In Idleness' herb for you! Just give the word that I'll ...
Rezo: Hold still for a moment! (Whacks Xellos over the head with his staff.) You see, I have changed the plan ... You and I will both take some of the magic herbs, but I will tend to Naga!
Xellos: ... And what of me, My Lord?
Rezo: You shall help 'convince' my grandson/great-grandson to break off his engagement to Lina and marry that nice young lady with him!
Xellos: An even better idea, Lord Rezo! I think I shall be off now ... Farewell!
(Xellos exits.)
Rezo: Now to find that imbacile of a wife of mine ...
(Rezo exits.)
Act Two-Scene Two: Another part of the Daleen Woods. (Enter Naga and her pixy assistants: Pippi, Cass, Minii, and Mome.)
Naga: Let's see (holding a poorly drawn map; confused.) ... if the sun rises in the East and sets in the North, than that's gotta be (Points to her left.) West! Just you wait, Lina Inverse! I shall be at your little celebration soon! Haha Ahh Ha Ha!
(Naga's pixies all facefault.)
Pippi: Ummmm .... Lady Naga?
Naga: What is it, Mome?
Pippi: Uh ... I'm Pippi, and I think we're lost ...
Naga: All of you pixies look alike, so what's the difference? Anyway, we are not lost!
Minii: Sure we're not! That's why we've lapped that fallen log ten times already, and everybody knows that the sun sets in the west ...
Mome: ... And you're holding the map that you drew upside down, too!
(Naga crumples up the map and hits the pixies with it.)
Naga: The Mighty Naga is never lost! But I think we shall stop for the night. You pixies set up the campsite and Cass, bring me my flask!
Cass: Right away, Lady Naga!
(The pixies set up camp. Naga empties the flask of mead and she and her assistants are quickly asleep. Enter Rezo.)
Rezo: At last I've found you, my dearest Naga. But I'm afraid you'll be more concerned with the poor unfortunant soul who crosses your path when you wake than you'll be about getting to Zoina! I should hope that who ever it is ... that he will be the most loathsome thing you've ever yet laid eyes on!
(Rezo takes some of the herb and smears it on Naga's eyes, then leaves. Enter Lina and Gourry.)
Lina: Quit struggling, Gourry! (Lina is still towing the tall blonde by the collar.) ... And we could cover alot more ground if you weren't dragging your heels like that!
Gourry: But Lina, don't you think marrying me is a bit extreme? I mean, isn't there some other way of ...
(Lina gets Gourry into a headlock.)
Lina: For the last time, jellyfish-for-brains, this is not a real elopement! We're only preteding to get married so Zel can persuade my sister to break off the engagement! Get it?
Gourry: I think so, but are you saying Zelgadis doesn't really want to marry you?
Lina: Yeah, I guess I am. I mean, if Zel was really interested in me, I'd know ... besides, Luna's the one that set this thing up, so there's gotta be something fishy! Gourry?
(Lina looks over her shoulder to her right and finds Gourry asleep. Lina shrugs her shoulders, and just lies down next to him, and soon she, too, is out like a light. Enter Xellos who has been conveniently eavesdropping on the two.)
Xellos: So, she's trying to fake an elopement with Gourry ... how interesting! Well, I think if she wants her little ruse to succeed, it would probably be alot more convincing to the others if he acted like he was in love with her ... hmm?
(Xellos anoints Gourry's eyes with the enchanted herb and exits. Enter Amelia.)
Amelia: Where are you, Mr. Zelgadis? Why do you always have to run off like that? (Sees Lina and Gourry snoozing.) Miss Lina? Mr. Gourry? (Walks over to Gourry and tries to wake him.) Mr. Gourry, please wake up! I need you to help me find Mr. Zelgadis!
(Gourry wakes and stares at Amelia strangely.)
Gourry: Who is this beautiful angel that awakens me from sleep? Ah! It is the lovely Princess Amelia!
Amelia: (Sweatdrops) Mr. Gourry ... are you ... feeling ... alright?
Gourry: Now that you are here with me, I feel as if I could bear any burden this world could issue!
Amelia: Uhhh... On second thought, I think I can find Mr. Zelgadis by myself after all! Say Hi to Miss Lina for me! Bye!
(Amelia hightailes it out of there.)
Gourry: Run all you like, fair one, but I will pursue you till the ends of the Earth!
(Gourry runs after Amelia. Lina wakes and finds Gourry gone.)
Lina: Gourry? GOURRY? Where the hell did that moron walk off to now?
(Lina wanders off into the woods looking for him.)
The End of Act Two
Act 3 | Fanfiction