Zelgadis tossed in his sleep, fragments of a memory slipping into his subconscious.
He was training, training so hard. His sword skills would make up for his lack of magic, if only he was just a little better. He had to be a little better. Always could be a little better. Rezo said he would make him better. He would be better. He would be strong. He'd never be scared again. He accepted. He wanted to be better!
He regained consciousness and felt detached. Felt so far away. This body wasn't his. It was wrong. All wrong. Desperately wrong. So cold, so lifeless, he wasn't alive. He was blue. He was blue and he wanted to cry. But then he wouldn't be better, he couldn't cry. Mustn't. No, no, no tears!
He wanted to go home. He wanted his mother. His mother would protect him; he wouldn't want to cry anymore. It wasn't fair. Rezo said he couldn't go home. It wasn't right! He wanted to go home! Would they be afraid of him like Rezo said? He wouldn't go home. He didn't want his mother being afraid. No, no. Mustn't go home. He would be better this way. Rezo nodded. Agreement...
"It's for your own good, Zelgadis."
He never went home. Why, oh why?
Zel's eyes snapped open. Biting back tears, he decided he needed to talk to someone. But he couldn't go home. Why couldn't he go home? Gasping as though something hit him, he grabbed his shirt and ran to Lina's door.
"Lina, can I come in?"
Lina opened a tried eye towards the door. "What is it Zelgadis? It's the middle of the night."
"You're right. I'm sorry."
Lina sat up and threw the covers off. "Geez, well I'm up now. Come on in." Lina watched with mild annoyance as Zelgadis turned the door knob and cam in. "Sit, get comfy. What do you want?"
Zelgadis shook his head. "It's just... never mind. I guess it wasn't important."
Lina tossed her pillow at him. "Yes it was. You wouldn't wake me up for nothing. The others would, but not you. What is it? I'm not mad."
Half-expecting to be fireballed, Zelgadis sat down beside her on the bed. "It's just... well. I've been thinking. When you create a chimera, you don't need the original body to the mind in it. That means unless Rezo destroyed my old body, it's still out there."
"Zel! That's great! Where do you think your body is?"
"That's if it's out there Lina. I'm not sure."
Lina whacked him with the pillow again. "Zel! Stop with the negativity!"
"Fine. But if it's is anywhere, it would probably be in Deirdra."
Lina blinked, not knowing the town. "Why there?"
"It's where I grew up. I was there when Rezo changed me. It probably would have been most to convenient to just dump the body there. It would also explain why Rezo didn't want me to go back there. He said I would scare everyone and everyone would hate me, and I believed him. But know... doesn't it make sense?"
Lina grinned and had to stop herself from hugging Zelgadis. "That's great! I'm really happy for you! We'll set off with you first thing in the morning to go and get it!"
"You don't have to come!"
"Pshaw. 'Course we do. Now, I'm going to sleep, and then... we're off! ....After we eat breakfast of course.
Zelgadis sighed and stood. "Of course."
Amelia giggled as she gazelle leaped down the path. "We're going to meet Zel's mommy and daddy and siblings... and do you have siblings, Mr. Zelgadis? I'm so happy you wanted me to meet them! You're going to announce to them that you love me, aren't you? That's why you're taking me to meet them. I'm so happy."
"You didn't have to come, Lina."
"Sorry. I forget if I came, she would too."
"Forgiven."
Zelgadis walked slower, even as the urgency to get to his cure pushed him on. He hadn't been home since the accident. That was seven years ago. Would they still love him? Would his mother ever forgive? Did they think he was dead? He had been too afraid to go home. Damn Rezo. Saying it was for his own good that he didn't return back to town!
"Zel? Are we almost there?"
Zelgadis smiled at Lina. It felt good to be home. "Yeah. Actually, it's just through these bushes..."
Lina stared at Zelgadis, wondering why he had stopped as soon as he had pushed the bushes back. "What is it Zel?"
Zelgadis turned back to her, visibly shaking. He voice was barely above a whisper. "Lina... that man there... is me!!! Rezo didn't want me coming back here because... because...." Zelgadis fell to his knees; not wanting to believe what he already knew was true. He didn't even bother to hide the tears. "He didn't want me to come become I... I... am nothing more... then a copy! I'm a copy! I have no cure! I'm not real!" Zelgadis fell into Lina's open arms, crying into her hair. "I have no soul... I'm not a person.. just a pathetic... copy... A hideously ugly copy!"
Lina ran her fingers across his back, trying to think of a way to calm him. Poor Zelgadis. It wasn't fair. "I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. I'm just a copy." Zelgadis tried to wipe away the tears, but more just came. "Rezo was right though. It was for my own good."
Lina watched Zelgadis intently. After realizing he was a copy, Zelgadis had just wanted to leave. He didn't want to disrupt his parent's lives by telling them about himself. He thought it was better that way. That left Lina and the others to take care of him. Gourry was an idiot, so he was no help. Xelloss had teased Zelgadis so bad he had cried again, and Lina told him that if she ever saw his smiling face again she would Giga Slave him. Xelloss had taken it seriously she guessed, because he hadn't shown u since. Amelia was a bit of good though. Her unchanging affection even after she found out had kept Zelgadis from tears a couple of times. But she didn't understand why Zelgadis was so upset about being a copy. So only Lina was really left to make sure he was okay. He hadn't cried in about six months though, so she assumed he was getting better.
The only that worried her was that Zelgadis insisted on being called Kopii Zelgadis. She had refused and decided she would call him Grey instead. Amelia couldn't understand why she wouldn't let him use his real name at first. 'I'm not Zelgadis, Amelia. I have no right to call myself that.' Lina sighed. That was when she had begun to realize that Zelgadis no longer thought of himself as a person at all.
'Hey! Come on Grey! Treasuring hunting! Maybe we'll find a cure amongst the ruins!' Zelgadis had looked at her so confused.
'What cure? I don't have a cure Lina. I'm just a copy. I don't deserve to be human. I never was.'
Lina bit back tears. Zelgadis had changed a lot. It was what she had always wanted for him. She had wanted to him to be able to get over his body. Oh, but at what a price. Before it was only his body he couldn't think of without disgust, now it was just the fact that he had ever existed.
If only they hadn't gone. If only Zelgadis had believed Rezo about it being for his own good...