"...and so now I need a way to get the prince to have a ball. This wasn't part of the original job!" Zelgadis complained to his boss. He was sitting in a leather suede chair, and was watching his fat, cheerful boss laugh. That in itself is not that bad. However, the man had tiny little fairy wings sticking out of his back, and a little pen with a star on the end. The entire room was decorated in purple and pink, with gold chiffon and silver glitter on everything. Including the purple leather seat he was currently occupying. "I should be paid extra! A lot extra!" he snarled, gripping the armrest and nearly smashing it into tiny little pieces.
"Naru, naru, don't worry, it'll be fine, I'll raise your pay!" ^_^ The fat man smiled cheerfully, bouncing a bit in his seat as he said it. He was always cheerful. He was supposed to be, he was the head of the fairy godmothers. But he was always inanely happy. Zelgadis guessed it had something to do with the multiple godmothers in training in tiny, short, low cut versions of the standard uniform running around doing chores for him. It would probably make anyone around him inanely happy, seeing as how they tended to...bounce as they pranced. But Zelgadis was too grumpy for that. "And I know exactly how to get the prince to have a ball!"
Zelgadis looked at him warily. "How?"
The man grinned from ear to ear and clapped his hands. "Girls!!!"
Three giggling teenaged fairies in tiny little dresses held up something on a hanger.
Zelgadis stared at it in shock. "No!" He whispered. "No! HELL no!!!"
Zelgadis stalked through the palace halls. Damn these shoes. How did girls walk in them? He stared at his reflection in the polished marble walls and snarled. Did he see the form was used to wearing? The regal, if not notably tall, hero? No. You know what he saw? Well, if you looked past the diva dress and spangled tights, he saw a rundown youth, barely 25 thousand. He was out of his main acting career at the beginning of his prime. Goddammit, he shouldn't have taken this job, he really shouldn't. But it was the only one he could get. All because of that stupid mistake. One stupid little mistake, and you're out forever. And now he was stuck in drag looking like a teenaged version of Glenda the good witch. Needless to say, his face was dark as a storm cloud as he stalked through the palace halls, escaping breaking his ankles in the spike heels by very diminutive margins.
He turned a corner, and nearly ran into a guard with long, black hair dressed in Chinese clothes. The man took one look at him, and...
"SHAMPOO!!!" GLOMP!
"AAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!" Zelgadis kicked him through the roof. "Get yer god damn hands OFF me!!!" The other guards stared.
Zelgadis turned to them. "What the hell are YOU staring at!?"
They immediately turned their heads. "Nothing miss." They chorused.
Zelgadis ground his teeth and controlled his fist of death. He stalked silently to the throne room and slammed the door open. Okay, time to earn that nice fat bonus, He thought, putting on his most coquettish smile and sauntering into the room.
"Oh, princy!!"
Prince Gourry was not, as many had noticed but never said aloud, terribly bright. But he was prince. And he was rich. And he was certainly handsome. And if you're a blonde ditz anyway, I suppose he'd be charming. He was the type who would tend to be hypnotized by sparkles. Such as the one the girl who had opened the door was wearing.
"Oh, princy!" She called in a slightly deep voice, smiling sweetly at him. He stared. She looked as if she was ready to hurl, but he didn't notice. For three very good reasons.
One, she was wearing sparkles. Two, she was GORGEOUS! I mean Gorgeous. She had the walk, the turn of hip, the beautiful face and the big blue eyes. She had the hips, she had the hands, and when her legs flashed from beneath the sequined dress they caught the eye of every male in the room. Three, she had the biggest tits he'd ever seen. Of course they were well covered up by her high neckline, but still! He drooled.
"Why hello!" She smiled at him and leaned over, showing down the front of her dress for only a second so he never really got a good glimpse.
"I was wondering if you would do me a teensy tiny favor?" She asked piteously, sidling up beside him and batting her long eyelashes. "Just one?"
"Pardon me, madam," Came a voice from behind the throne, and the woman turned and glared. Dammit, I thought I had them all drooling. "But who are you?"
She smiled sweetly. "Me? Why, I'm the Countess de Rouge, I thought I might come visit this fine country." She giggled. "And what a nice country, to be full of so many charming men!" I'm gonna gag, I'm gonna gag, I'm gonna gag...
A rather old but regal woman stepped out from behind the throne and stared at the girl. "You look a trollop." She muttered. The girl forced a smile.
"I just wanted to ask the prince one teensy tiny favor..." She pouted.
The prince smiled winningly at her and said, in his manliest voice, "Why, of course I'll do you a favor."
What is with his voice? Was he the FROG prince in a past life? "I merely wanted, before I went back to my country, which is very far away, to go to one of the balls I hear were hosted here." There is no possible way they are buying this. There is no WAY there is someone stupid enough to actually take this at face value...
"Well of course! We can have a ball! Can't we momm -- I mean mother?"
The queen sighed. "If you clean your room."
The girl's jaw nearly shattered as it crashed to the floor. Bu she recovered quickly. "Why thank you, my dear, dear prince, I'll be so certain to attend," She murmured. "But now I have to find a dress to wear to it! Ta ta!" She ran off as fast as she could in spiked heels.
As soon as Zelgadis turned the corner, he leaned against the wall and tried to regulate his breathing. Oh. My god. Oh. My god. That was the most detestable thing I have ever done in my entire existence. He banged his head against the wall. "Never again! Never again! Never again!" He saw a white duck with glasses staring at him oddly. He glared at it.
"What are you staring at?" He muttered, turned on a heel (and nearly fell over backwards) and stalked off, hiking up his skirts to get better mileage.
A few guards on the way had nosebleeds.
" -- HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHA -- "
"You can stop laughing now."
" -- HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA -- "
"I really would appreciate it if you'd stop laughing now."
" -- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH -- "
"Look, would you please stop it?"
" -- HAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH -- "
"DammitwouldyoustoplaughingrightNOWbeforeIripyourheadoff????"
" -- Ha."
"Thank you."