Italic text is the questioner.
Normal text is Xellos's answer
Do YOU have a question to ask Mr. Metallium? Send it to him here!
Mr. Metallium;
Ya've got a lotta nerve, startin' up an advice column! 'F I thought it'd get me anywhere in life, I'd have done that long ago... but guess what, ya goddamned idiot Mazoku? It doesn't! Enjoy and rot like the stupid asshole ya are!
- Horn Boy
Dear Horny;
Thank you for your wonderful words! I'm so glad you care about how my business does. And your willingness to put aside your own desire to start something like this merely so I have no competition... so sweet!
- Mr. Metallium
Dear Mr. Metallium;
I am so surprised to hear you're a mister! I always thought that the Beastmaster was a woman! Was I so mistaken?
- confused Otaku
Dear Confused;
You were, in fact, correct. The Beastmaster is a woman. I am the OTHER Metallium, Xelloss as opposed to Xelas. Our relationship for our same last names? That's a secret.
- Mr. Metallium
Namagomi Mazoku;
I am shocked. SHOCKED! How DARE a stupid namagomi like you open up an advice column?! Readers, don't fall into this trap, he's obviously just looking for publicity to gain control over the public hearts! He is actually a twisted, genocidal maniac! I should know! Do not -
- Gold Priestess
Dear Gold;
I'm so very sorry, but your letter had to be edited out due to current space constraints. Your accusations are, of course, unfounded, and I insist that I am doing this only to give something back to the community. If you wish to say anything else, letters are always welcome, but you must remember that we do not always have the space to print the entire thing!
- Mr. Metallium
Dear Mr. Metallium;
You are so CUTE! I think you are absolutely adorable! Of course you had a reason for killing those nasty dragons... and it WAS a war, after all! And your black silk pants are so sexy!!! Ooh, I shiver every time I look at your pictures. Can I get together with you in person? I found your address!
- Obsessed Fangirl
Dear Obsessed,
Thank you for your words. Unfortunatly for our prospective date, I moved just after you discovered that address. Bad luck?
- Mr. Metallium
Dear Mr. Metallium;
I've got a bit of a problem... I keep trying, but I can't keep any secrets. I want to, but I just find the words spilling out. Nobody trusts me any more! What can I do?
- friendless in Atlas City
Dear Friendless;
Stay silent for a long time and just listen. When people ask you questions, don't actually tell them anything or make up lies... tell a different truth. It is, after all, a secret. Regrettably, this won't make people trust you more.
- Mr. Metallium
Dear Mr. Metallium;
It's okay you moved, just give me the new address! I'll give you mine... oh, I've always wanted a demon lover! Please, please, please!!!
- Obsessed Fangirl
Dear Obsessed;
No.
- Mr. Metallium.
Dear Mr. Metallium;
In drama class we recently had to use a personality and I used yours. The trouble is, my mouth hurts from smiling that often. What can I do?
- Pained Smile in Drama
Dear Pained;
Learn to like pain. I do. Masochism has many uses. ^_^
- Mr. Metallium.
Dear Mr. Metallium;
OH PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!
- Obsessed Fangirl
To the Parents of Obsessed;
It breaks my heart to hear of the demise of your daughter, especially so soon after she sent me her letters. It is horrible the way accidents like being strangled to death by jellyfish just happen. I hope that my sympathetic bouquet of belladonna reaches you soon.
- Mr. Metallium
Dear Mr. Metallium;
Just something I have been wondering for a while. Wolves have six breasts. Human females have two breasts. I've heard that your master has a wolf-like form, a human-like form, and a half form. In the half form, how many breasts does she have?
- Hentai Fan
Dear Hentai;
Much as I'd like to, I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to discuss that. Sorry.
- Mr. Metallium
Hey Xel!
So this is where you got to! How's it been?! I just wanted to let you know that Gourry and I are getting married and would you like to come?! I was going to let you be ringbearer but then I figured you'd lose it or something, so we're letting young Val-kun do that. Still, I'm sure we'd like you there.
- The Enemy of All Who Live
Lina-chan;
You're getting married? Would I like to come? Of course I would! Would an old friend like me desert you? Excuse me while I go slit my wrists.
- Mr. Metallium
Dear Mr. Metallium
Oh, come on! The inquiring public wants to know!
- Hentai Fan
Dear Hentai;
The inquiring public also clearly wishes to get eaten.
- Mr. Metallium
Dear ye olde psychopath-type...
What is your opinion on 'peace'?
- Nyan
Dear Nyan;
Peace? Why, I'm always in favour of peace. It's less demanding than war, and you can have much more fun. Besides, people are that much more surprised when they die.
- Mr. Metallium
Remember! Mr. Metallium needs YOUR comments! You can reach him here! Please ask him anything you wish!