Harukami waves New ficcie guys!
Xelloss: Is it foes? Harukami: No.
Xelloss: WE WANT FOES! attempts to start up a chant We want foes! We want foes! We want -
Harukami: And I think now is a good time to introduce my new Chibi! pulls out a jr. Police officer with silver hair, who blinks and looks around ChibiJJ from FAKE!
JJ: leaps at Xelloss Have you seen Dee-sempai?!
Xelloss: blinkblink Um....
JJ: YOU HAVE, HAVEN"T YOU?! kisses Xelloss in delight, then starts shaking him, hard WHERE IS MY DEE-SEMPAI?! I WANT MY DEE-SEMPAIIIII!!!
Harukami: While he's busy, here's the fic.
Warning: This parodies Waiting for Godot, my fics, other people's fics, and the Slayers Fanatics Mailing List. If you recognize your work in here it is NOT MEANT AS AN INSULT! Rather, it is a complement that I like your work enough to remember it, and also believe that you can take a joke. So, without further preamble...
The sun shone down on a garden. Birds sang and the scent of honeysuckle filled the air. It was a romantic time of day. But the lone figure, sitting on a bench, seemed not to notice, instead idly flipping a coin and observing the result. "Heads." Another flip. "Heads again."
Amelia wandered up from between two bushes. "Zelgadis-san! Hello!"
Zelgadis nodded his head at her, not missing a beat in his coin-tossing. "Heads. Good morning, Amelia."
"Is it?" Amelia wondered, peering upward. "I've never found morning a particularly romantic time of day."
"How odd. Heads. I do."
"Mmm... isn't sunset more so?"
"Heads. Yes, I agree. Very well then. Good evening, Amelia."
"Good evening, Zelgadis-san. Mind if I ask what you're doing?"
Zelgadis shrugged, still flipping his coin. "I'm waiting for a plot."
"A plot?"
"Yes. Heads."
"May I join you?"
"Certainly."
Amelia sat beside Zelgadis on the bench, leaving half a foot's space between him and her. She watched Zelgadis flip the coin. "Heads," she observed.
"Yes. It seems to only come up heads. Heads."
"Yes." Suddenly, Amelia turned to face Zelgadis, hands clasped, heart in her eyes. "Zelgadis-san! I love you!"
Zelgadis shrugged. "That's nice. Heads."
She frowned. "Zelgadis-san, you were supposed to grasp my hands and declare your own love back, or something equally sappy."
"I am?"
"Heads... I think so."
"I'm fairly certain I'm only suppossed to act that way with Lina, and then only at the end of a plot. Heads."
"Are you sure?"
"No."
"Ah." Amelia nodded. "A plot, eh? Like the kind we are waiting for?"
"Maybe. I don't know."
"Mm. Heads." Amelia shook her head, sighing. "It's okay, though. I don't believe I'm in love with you any more."
"You aren't?"
Amelia shrugged. "No, Xelloss kidnapped me and kept me as his slave, and it forced me to examine my feelings for him. Heads." She frowned. "No, that isn't right. Actually, you dumped me, and I went to cry under a tree - "
"What kind of tree?"
"Eh? I don't know."
"Heads. It's just that sakura trees are romantic."
"Yes. It must have been a sakura tree, then. So I went to cry under a sakura tree, and Xelloss found me and kissed me, and our relationship bloomed, and he ended up taking my virginity in a night of wild, passionate sex."
"Xelloss, mm?"
"Yes. Heads. Why?"
Zelgadis shrugged. "It's just that Xelloss is having a relationship with me."
"Is he?"
"Heads. Yes. He kissed me out of the blue one day, and I thought he'd died, but it was all just one big joke yet it forced me to examine my true feelings for him and then I kissed him, and then he kidnapped me..." Zelgadis's brows creased. "No, that isn't right. He raped me when I was human, then turned me into a chimera and planted false memories of Rezo doing the deed. Later, I uncovered the deed, and confronted him. He let me kill him but the act devistated me, and I forced the Beastmaster to bring him back." His frown deepened. "That's not right either. He disguised himself as Lina and we had sex. Or maybe..."
"Sounds to me like you don't really remember."
Zelgadis resumed flipping the coin. "Heads. No. It must never have happened. Maybe I'm with Lina."
"Are you?"
"Heads. I seem to have a lot of memories of that. Someone cast a love spell on her, but when it was removed, she still loved me. Or perhaps... yes, that's right. I walked in on her and Xelloss having sex and then she talked to me and we had the painful revalation that we loved each other. No, that isn't right either. We got really drunk and woke up to find ourselves married, and through the long process of attempting to get divorced, we realized that we loved each other."
"Ah. Heads." Amelia paused delicately. "But Zelgadis-san... doesn't Lina-san love Gourry-san?"
"Heads. Yes. You're right. My mistake... oops." Zelgadis dropped the coin, which rolled under the bench. "Amelia, would you get that for me?"
"Sure." Amelia crawled under the bench. "Heads," she reported, crawling out from under the bench again, then sat, examining the coing. "Funny, it's a normal coing, but it's only coming up heads. What do you suppose the chances of that are?"
"About the same as a plot coming along soon."
"Oh?" She handed the coin back.
"Fairly low." He began idly flipping it again. "Heads."
Amelia pursed her lips, watching. "You know, when I consider it more, I don't believe I'm in love with Xelloss either. I mean, Xelloss and Filia are awfully close."
"Yes. Heads. They are."
"I think I probably end up with some unnamed, unknown character so I don't ruin the lives of the other characters. Heads."
"I don't think that you would ruin anyone's life by loving them, Amelia."
"Don't you?"
"Heads. No. I believe that anyone you love is a very lucky man indeed."
"That's nice of you..." Amelia looked down, blushing. "But... don't I glomp too many people? And everyone hates the way I always break into tears."
Zelgadis blinked. "Um... Amelia, you've only ever glomped your father, and, I think, Lina... once. Plus the only time I remember you actually seriously crying for more than a brief second of frustration was when you thought your father had died... which seemed to me a very real reason to cry."
She blinked as well. "Really?"
"Yes. Heads."
"Wow. I wonder why I remember otherwise." Amelia shrugged. "So... who DO you love?"
"I'm not sure. I distinctly recall making out with Filia on the beach, but we just clarified that Filia and Xelloss are in love. Heads. Maybe Valgarv. I think we got drunk and did things together once. But he's just a child now. Never mind. I don't know. Heads."
"Heads."
"Heads."
A long pause. "I wish it wouldn't keep doing that. Some variety might be nice."
"Yes." Pause. "I forget... who do we love?"
"I think neither of us really knew. Heads again."
"Do you suppose it's because... you and I...?"
"It could be..."
"I mean, I remember meeting you, thinking of you as just some energetic little girl. Combining powers. You saving me from the Copy, at your own risk. Separation. Seeing you again, fighting you, taking the first chance not to. Travelling with you. Learning who you really were, not just the face you show the world. Learning that there was something important to protect, even though you were perfectly capable of protecting yourself..." Zelgadis trailed off.
"Yes," Amelia agreed. "And I remember meeting you, being scared by your looks and your cold attitude, then slowly beginning to see the real you, not who you pretended to be. Combining powers. Seeing you give a shield to a wounded girl at your own risk. Separation. Meeting again as opponants. Learning together. Growing together. Seeing you take a hit meant for me and fearing the loneliness..." she, as well, trailed off.
Zelgadis shrugged and resumed tossing the coin. "Probably our imaginations. I mean, all our other memories are."
"Yes. Heads. Silly to think it might be the truth, ne, Zelgadis-san?" Amelia laughed.
"Yes. Heads. Proposterous idea."
"Yes. I suppose."
"Heads."
"Even if it wasn't tails but landed on its side or something! Just to break the monotony."
"Heads. I agree."
A long silence. Bird calls had quieted as the birds prepared for the night, and flowers slowly began to close around them.
"It's getting dark, Zelgadis-san. Heads. Do you want to come back to the others for the night?"
"No. You go ahead. Heads. No point really. I'll stay here."
"Waiting for a plot?"
"Heads. Yes."
"Then, if it's all the same - heads - I'll stay here with you, waiting for that plot."
"Go ahead."
The sun began to sink below the horizon, casting long shadows behind the two figures on the bench, one tossing a coin idly, the other watching, half a foot's space between them.
"Heads."
OWARI!
The result of a deranged brain at 3 am in the morning as I wondered idly what exactly the characters felt about being slashed with pretty much everybody but the one the series intended them for.
Like it? Hated it? Want to kick my ass for writing this piece of $#!+? email me at harukami@magicalgirls.net