There are some who believe that I owe them something
But they're wrong, I owe nothing to no one but myself
And there are some who say they created me
But only my parents will have that acclaim
I took it from there, I am to blame
Lina Inverse sat on a rock overlooking an ancient city. For once she wasn't thinking of food or treasure, she was thinking of more troubling things.
It seems that everyone believes that I owe them something. Gourry thinks I owe him love and respect for him being my bodyguard. Amelia wants things from me to, she still wnats me to teach her Dragon Slave. Xellos....well I know Xellos wants something, I am not sure yet what. Shyphiel thinks I owe her Gourry, doesn't she understand he isn't mine to give???
Lina looked back at the campsite, watching her companions fight and laugh, oblivious to her mood. With a heavy sigh Lina let her thoughts go back to their original thought.
Martina thinks I owe her a fight. Luna believes I should owe it all to her for how happy I am, but am I happy? Zelgadis, well I don't know what Zel thinks I owe him, but I am sure he does. The Lord of Nightmares can shove her theories about me up her ass. I owe none of them anything. I only owe myself a little happiness.
Say goodbye to anonymity
I have to [have to, have to] say goodbye
To privacy, but most of all
To innocence
Lina heard Amelia's youthful and heartfelt laughter, and felt herself begin to cry.
That use to be me. I use to believe that the world was good. I used to have crushes, and want to fall in love, but all of that is a distant memory now. I had to leave all of that. I became the Bandit Killer Lina Inverse, and lost my childhood, lost the privacy that I had wanted when I was young. What hurt me the most was losing the innocence I once had about me.
My life is not a game that I play to entertain you
And if you can do it better, then you're welcome to my fame
I'm not gonna waste my time correcting myths and rumors
You believe what you wanna believe
Lina pulled a flask of alcohol out of her backpack and took a swig from it. She once again turned to look at the group around the fire.
They think I am a happy girl. Care free and have nothing to lose. I am just a distraction to them. I see the looks people give me. They all wonder if I am really over three hundred years old. I'm older than that, but they don't have to know that. I am an old woman trapped in a body perpetually going through the awkward teen years. They think I handle the way people treat me poorly. Let them go through it, and see if they can handle it any better.
I don't wanna say goodbye
I don't need a reason to cry
Kinda makes me wanna
Kinda makes me hafta
Unable to help herself Lina felt her body shake and she cried heartfelt tears over all the things she had lost, and the things she will begin to lose in her life.
I don't wanna say goodbye to innocence
I don't need a reason to cry, innocence
Lina mentally scolded herself over her weakness, and stepped to the edge of the cliff, closing her eyes.
I'm tired of lying to people about why I never age. Tired of seeing my friends die of old age. I'm tired of being alone. Most of all I am tired of crying, of losing, of loving....Of losing that love.
Lina edged ever so slower to the very edge and opened her eyes to look down. She looked back one last time at the group.
"Goodbye. I am sorry."
Taking a deep breath Lina took a leap off of the cliff but was caught in mid-air. Opening her eyes she found herself staring into the split pupil eyes of a mazuka.
"Let me die, Xellos."
"I can't do that Lina."
"Why does it matter?"
"I know too many people up there in that camp that love you, in spite of what you think. They know who you are, what you have done, and they still love you. None of them think they owe you anything either."
"You were reading my thoughts, weren't you." She focused betrayed eyes on him.
"Sora wa himitsu desu." He whispered this softly in her ear, then continued, looking down on her face. "I was worried about you. I'm not sorry at all. If you expect me to apologize, I won't."
"I figured you wouldn't apologize. I'll give it another chance. Can you take me back to camp, and not mention it to anyone?"
"You have my word."
"Xellos?" Lina called his name as he put her down on the ground.
"Yes, Lina?"
"Why did you save me?"
"The legends about mazuka are wrong."
"Huh?"
"Read your books, Lina."
Xellos faded out leaving Lina alone again on the cliff, by the light of the moon she pulled out an ancient book of folklore, turning to the page on mazuka.
"Mazuka: Monsters of the demon race. Feed off of the emotions of others. Mazuka have no human feelings, such as compassion or love.....Xellos" Lina closed the book and wiped the tears from her face, putting her smile back, and headed back to camp.
"Miss Lina, where were you? We were worried?" Amelia ran full force into the older woman, locking her in a hug.
"Lina? You were gone?" Gourry said this and Lina was saved the trouble of hitting him, as Zel did it for her.
"Lina......Are you ok?" Zel's compassionate voice nearly caused her to break out into fresh tears as she looked into his caring blue eyes.
"I am....Now."
Hold on to your innocence
Hold on [hold on, hold on], hold on to innocence
Hold on
I thought I would take a different turn with my stories. Not so much romance and more in depth character stuff. I hope you liked it.